Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
“
I need to be careful. When I love, I love
hard. You've seen it. Feeling so much for another person can be very
devastating and I need to protect myself. I don
’
t think I would survive being hurt again.
”
she concluded.
“
So you admit you are in love,
”
I said, standing my ground.
Her
eyes lit up when she said,
“
I
will neither deny nor confirm.
”
“
Always a lawyer
…
but there
’
s no shame, it happens to the best of us
…”
I laughed.
“
Anyhow, I
’
ll be back in the US soon enough, so we
’
ll see where that goes
…
we haven
’
t even had a date!
”
she pouted.
“
Who cares about dating? You did the deed,
and by all accounts it was memorable on both ends
…”
I said sheepishly.
“
Lily
…”
she warned, using my full name.
“
Fine, I quit! For now
…
anyway.
”
I held my hands up, and gently said,
”
The masseuse will be here soon, so get out
of the water, while I go to the restaurant downstairs look at the wondrous treats
we are going to eat.
”
((~~!~~))
When I came back upstairs, she had been
asleep in bed, holding her faithful stuffed koala, Mephisto, against her. I
hadn
’
t
seen Mephisto in years. It was a gift from Kevin on her eighteenth birthday,
and I knew he had travelled with her everywhere from then on, but I thought she
had long lost him. Seeing her holding it tight, was a sign; she wasn
’
t at peace.
I
would leave tomorrow for Boston, and knew I would see her again in two months
for her annual check-up, but I was worried about what lay ahead in between.
Julian
I landed in Dubai and the limo I had
booked took me straight to the
Burj
al Arab. I had a
suite waiting for me on the same floor as hers. No one knew I was there
except Marcus. Even James had no idea.
I
wasn
’
t
sure how to approach her. She had made it abundantly clear, she did not want to
see me, and our last conversation had me decide to confront her in person. If
she was going to dump me, let her try doing it face to face!
There
was something between us. She couldn
’
t deny it. Every time we spoke over the
phone, I could feel it in her voice, and that fuelled my determination even
more.
It
had been exactly 45 days, a bit over six weeks since I last saw her, and being
so close, I realized how much I had missed her. Hearing her voice was not
enough; my need to see her, to touch her, and to have her, was overwhelming.
We
spoke a grand total of 13 times in total since my first call with James. I called
12 of them and she did once. Our last talk had only been less than 36 hours
ago, but after it, I knew if I didn
’
t act immediately, I would lose her, and
since that was an option I couldn
’
t
even contemplate, I called Marcus, and booked a ticket on the first flight out.
Now,
here I was, just a few doors down her room. I needed to chill a bit before
seeing her.
An
hour nap was in order.
((~~!~~))
Our first conversation had been awkward at
first. James had just left me and I rang her back almost immediately. I just
needed to hear her talk to me, even for a short while, even if it was to hear
‘
no
’
once more.
She
picked up on the first ring, as if she had been expecting the call.
“
Vi,
”
I spoke first.
“
Yes, Julian?
”
she replied softly.
“
Please, just hear me out.
”
I pleaded.
She
was silent for a few minutes, and I didn
’
t dare interrupt, as I knew if I did, she
would think I was pressuring her.
“
Julian, I
’
m not sure this is what I meant by soon.
Ten minutes. Really? Why are you doing this? Why can you just let me be?
”
she whispered in a trembling voice.
I
thought she was crying, so I asked in a slight panic,
“
Baby, are you crying?
”
“
What if I am?
”
she broke.
It
was my turn to be silent.
“
Julian
…”
she finally started, and it seemed to
bring my own voice back.
”
I
’
m sorry. I can only hope I
’
m not the cause of your tears. That
’
s the last thing I want. Right now, I just
wish you were here so I could hold you. I miss you something awful. There hasn
’
t been much else I
’
ve been thinking about lately
…”
I exhaled, hoping she would forgive my
interruption.
”
Vi, please, just give us a chance. I know
you felt what I felt that night. I know I
’
m not the only one here
…
I can
’
t be
…”
my voice trailed off, unsure as to what
to say next.
“
Ok.
”
she sighed, and I felt my heart soar in
my chest.
“
Look, I have to go, I have an appointment
this afternoon
…
but since you
’
re
not going to let this go
…
here
’
s what I can offer you
…
I
’
m going to be away for another five weeks,
maybe six
…
why
don
’
t
you call me once a week? Just to talk, and if you still feel the same way when
I
’
m
finished here, then we
’
ll
see
…”
“
Once a week?
”
I asked, incredulous. I was truly
astounded.
“
Yes, once a week. That is the best I can
commit to right now Julian. I need some time
…
or we can just end it here
…”
she said with a firm voice.
“
No!
”
I cried out. Once a week was better than
none at all, I said to myself.
“
Once a week is fine,
”
I repeated, quickly giving in.
“
Promise me two things, Julian...
”
she said.
“
What?
”
I asked with dread.
“
First you won
’
t push me. Two, you will not lie to me.
”
she said in a low voice.
“
Done and done.
”
I replied, relieved. I had expected
worse.
“
Ok, then I really
…”
she started.
“
Vi?
”
I interrupted her.
“
Can I ask something in return?
”
.
“
You can ask
…
but I
’
m not sure I
’
ll say yes,
”
she said with a smile I could hear.
“
Give me, give us a real chance. I don
’
t mind you taking your time. I don
’
t mind only having one conversation a week
if at the end of it all you come home to me, but can you
…”
“
Julian. Already starting to pressure me
…”
she laughed at me, and I couldn
’
t help but join in.
“…
In all seriousness though, will you let it
go if in six weeks you realize you don
’
t feel as strongly about me
…”
she added in a much cooler voice.
“
No. I
’
m in love with you, that
’
s not going to change tomorrow or in six
weeks.
”
I seriously answered.
There
was a silent pause, each of us thinking of what I had just said.
“
Well, I
’
ll speak to you next week Julian. Good
night and take care.
”
she finally said before disconnecting the call.
I
went to bed that night, and for the first night since her disappearance, I
actually felt at peace and slept through the night without waking up or having
cold sweats.
I
went back to work the very next day. Melissa, Charlie and the girls left three
days later. I was regaining my footing, and by the time the week ended and I
was about to call her for our first official weekly appointment, I knew I would
do anything in my power to make her mine by the end of the five or six weeks. If
that meant having casual conversation until her return to the States, so be it.
The
first three weeks, our first four calls were over three hours each. We talked
and laughed a lot but we carefully avoided the subject of
us
. Like long
lost friends, rediscovering each other, we told anecdotes about everything and
anything, from our careers to our childhood along with the funny things we saw
or heard recently. We were both avid readers and we swapped book titles back
and forth, even though we both shared extremely different tastes. We found we
actually had a lot in common. We both avoided mentioning the personal
stuff like exes, children and so on. She never asked if I had been married or
if I was still involved with another woman, and I understood implicitly she
simply did not want our talks to go there, so I didn
’
t ask either. We talked a lot of all that
brought us closer; the elements that made our lives so different, we skirted
around. These calls were like a drug to me, I worked six days knowing on the seventh,
I would get my fix, I would speak to her, and all would be right in my world.
On
the fourth week, I stepped up the calls to three. She noticed but I didn
’
t revert back to once a week. We both
looked forward to talk and hear each other voice, and we both knew it. This
went on for the last two weeks.
On
my eleventh call, - 36 hours ago-, I made the mistake to frontally broach the
subject of her husband, asking her if we could openly discuss him and if he
were aware of my existence.
All
hell broke loose.
She
instantly snapped,
“
This
is an out of bounds subject. I won
’
t
discuss it with you. Not yet, I
’
m
not ready. And if you can
’
t
respect my wishes, this thing between us
…
it
’
s over.
”
I
was astounded, and I lost my temper. I yelled.
“
Vi! Enough with it! Why can
’
t you tell me what it is that has you so
spooked?
’