Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Julian
I went to the Oscars with Frances. Why?
Because she is Frances Palmers. That
’
s why. I needed the distraction. And
Frances is
…
well,
Frances is just Frances.
She
is really not a bad sort at all, some would even say she is great or any
superlative available to describe the woman; she
’
s not Vi, that the problem. My problem.
Spending
a few hours with Frances, I tried to delude myself that I could still pretend I
’
m not in love with another woman who
’
s disappeared on me once more. Yes, just
for a few hours, I tried to be my old uncaring self, the Julian everyone knows
and envy. Except, as hours went on, I found myself questioning the purpose of
it all. Who was I trying to fool? And most importantly, why?
Being
an actor, putting on a façade and pretending is like a second skin, except when
you cross your eyes in a mirror, then you know what
’
s real.
And
what is real is: I want
her
, and I can
’
t run away from it.
I
’
ve just gotten back to LA and James
’
s confession only happened 3 days ago, but
the truth about her is irremediably sinking in.
Who
she is and what she
’
s
done. Terrible things, horrible things that should make me run for the hills;
yet, I can
’
t
help but understand. I can
’
t
help but want to speak to her to tell her that I do get it, probably more than
most, and I want her in spite of it all, and I hope she can let me love her.
Because, I do, love her.
Insane
I know.
Don
’
t
even say it
…
I
’
ve come to realize there is a difference
between the idea of loving someone, and loving who they really are, and if what
James said is true, then I do love the real her because we have more things in
common than I ever thought I had with anyone on the planet. I just wish I could
tell her that.
No
Frances Palmers or any other woman, or even work can distract me enough from my
thoughts of her.
I
still call Frances because I do not want nor need her to be an enemy. Plus, I
need a distraction from the abyss Vi
’
s disappearance put me in.
Don
’
t get confused, Frances and I will never
be an item again, - not after this -, but, we both yield a lot of power in this
city; I just don
’
t
need the aggravation of having her alienated. In addition, to be completely
honest, Frances is fun to be around
…
most of the time.
That,
and the fact that James related to me her offer. I have to give it to her,
always hands on.
Finally,
Marcus warned me to keep an eye on her. As a rule, I take Marcus advice
seriously.
I
’
m Julian McCarty. If there is one thing I
’
ve learned with the years, a man in my
position needs to keep his friends close but any potential enemy much closer.
Just
in case.
((~~!~~))
Frances. The pussy of the week that lasted
two years. He smiles, thinking, she would slap him if he called her
that
out loud. To be fair, he wouldn
’
t.
She had been more, but not by much. He realizes that being with those women had
been easy; they were interchangeable, he wasn
’
t vested in any of them, even Frances.
Vi
was different. She affected him at his core and that was just something that he
hadn
’
t
expected to happen so late in the game.
Now,
he needed her.
She
was this bright, luminous, point in his otherwise mundane existence, leading
him to the life he wanted. To the life he didn
’
t even know he longed for.
He
knows that now, as the chauffeur is driving him back home after the Oscars, and
as soon as the Limousine
’
s
door has closed after Frances exits, his thoughts return to
her
.
She
would have been dazzling tonight at his arm, instead she is
…
well, God knows where she is.
She
is under his skin, making him want...things...from her, not just her body,-
even though that is still at the top of his list -, but things like their
talks, their laughs, the possibility of what they may be to each other
…
Things he hasn
’
t dared to want in so long, it takes him
by surprise.
He
feels doomed. He can
’
t
even pretend or wish away what she elicits in him.
In
the back of his mind, he knows these feelings for her are more dangerous than
any sexual attraction to her. It is easy to have sex and move on, Frances is
proof of that.
Vi
is in his head, in his heart, and it is not a good thing for a man who values
the command of his life as much as he does.
As
each day goes by, he realizes, there is nothing he can do. He seeks
distraction, not relief, with Frances. He hopes he can kill two birds with one
stone; regain some sort of control, in order to show he has not completely been
swallowed by his need of
her
, and keep an eye on Frances and whatever it
is she is up to because he knows she
’
s up to something...
He
’
s been walking in sort of a daze for the
past few days between flying to Dubai, seeing Vi, losing her, learning the
truth, - or at least some of it -, the lack of sleep and doubts creeping
up on him; it had been too much at once. It all had gone so fast, he really
hadn't had a chance to take it all in.
Oscars
’
night changed that. Everything has
settled in his head.
The
evening with Frances taught him a lesson: he needs to be with the woman his
hearts desires. Nothing else will do, which only leaves one option.
He
will not rest until he finds her and what has been left unsaid between them is
said aloud.
When
a week later, James confirms that Frances has indeed been investigating Vi,
–
without much success from what he
gathered-, his blood boils and he instinctively become protective of her, once
more.
Even
if he can
’
t
find her, he
’
ll
protect her.
((~~!~~))
"Keep talking, that mouth of yours is
going to get you into deep trouble..." Julian clipped.
She
stared at him as she slowly sucked on a strawberry. "Is that a threat or a
promise? I think we both know what my mouth can do Julian
…
don
’
t we?" She lazily licked the tip of
the strawberry noticing how his eyes zoned in on her tongue before taking a
bite.
Julian's
privates twitched in his pants. Damn her. Was she purposely trying to unnerve
him? Typical Frances! Always reverting to proven techniques. He couldn
’
t fault her for trying...Not really.
”
I want you to stop Frances.
”
he said, focusing on the memory of the
woman he really wanted.
“
Are you sure? Because, a certain part of
your body, hmm, wants me to go on
…”
her eyes lowered and focused on the bulge in his pants.
“
I mean investigating, Frances. And, you
know it.
”
he spat, getting irritated.
“
Whatever you say Julian
…”
She got up in one gracious motion and
cheerfully announced,
“
Well
handsome, it
’
s
been fun but I need to go!
”
She
had bent down and kissed his lips saying,
“
Call me. We should do this more often
…
you see I
’
m not a bad sport after all
…
and clearly, you seem to be missing me or
something
…”
she had chuckled, turning around.
She
had walked out of the restaurant under the gaze of awestruck patrons.
The worst part was: she was right.
Bitch!
((~~!~~))
It now has been three full weeks since
Dubai.
Still
no news or trace of her. James isn
’
t
optimistic. He
’
s
currently in DC checking flight manifests from other countries with his hackers
friends but while he hasn
’
t
admitted defeat, he
’
s
telling me, unless he strikes out, out of sheer luck, it could be a while
before he has anything for me. It is not a matter of manpower or throwing more
money at him.
She
knows what she doing, and if she doesn
’
t want to be found, we won
’
t.
Simple
as that.
Damn
her!
Then
you have Frances, taunting me, reminding me every time she calls that from
where she sits, it seems I am single again
…
I
don
’
t
know how much more of this I can take.
I
’
m not going to have a choice. I will have
to do the last thing I want to do when Vi is concerned.
Go
to her husband.
But
,
I really don
’
t
want to
…
Fuck
Vi
I
’
m looking at the parallel blue lines, the
six sets of them and I can
’
t
believe it.
I
am pregnant.
I
am scared.
Strike
that.
I
’
m terrified.
((~~!~~))
Tonight, Deric has taken me out for
dinner.
Ever
since I
’
ve
been here, I
’
ve
either been sleeping, reading or meditating. Yes, between the situation with
Julian, and the memories of Ethan, I needed to regain my bearings.
I
haven
’
t
spoken to anyone except that one phone call with Lily, and one with Kevin. My
two laptops and numerous cell phones have been off, sim cards removed,
rendering their
gps
ineffective in case James or
anyone else is tempted to locate me that way. I truly want to be left alone.
My
brother hasn
’
t
seen much of me. When I arrived, I told him I needed to rest and some peace.
Because he loves me, he hasn
’
t
insisted once, I go down to the beach with him where the real life of the
island is, with its bars, restaurants, shopping stalls and the likes.
We
have shared a few meals togethers during daytime, but I haven
’
t seen much of him, even though he has
been leaving breakfast ready for me every morning before going about his daily
activities. The evenings are his, and he goes out daily, coming back in the wee
hours of the mornings, no doubt, leaving a trail of satisfied damsels behind.
You
see, he comes here to snorkel, fish, and be a beach bum, which is very distant
from his normal daily life where he is focused and the consummate businessman,
ruthless even. Every once in a while he needs to let off some steam, and flies
over to his secret place without a cell phone or a laptop; Langkawi.
Tonight
is different. Deric is leaving for London in the morning, and he has insisted
taking his big sister out, for the sake of good conscience!
We
talk, we laugh, and we eat. We are happy.
When
I stand up to exit the restaurant, I grab my brother
’
s arm, as I feel lightheaded and my
stomach violently heaves. The meal ends on his feet before I can say anything.
He looks at me, caressing my back gently, concern etching his face and says,
“
Are you ok?
”
The
waiter is cleaning up my mess, while my brother pulls out some money from his
wallet.
I
mumble a
“
yes
”
, but doubt creeps into my mind and I feel
a cold shiver on my spine.
Lily
is right, I might as well get this done and over with. I
’
ll buy some tests tomorrow.
I
can
’
t
be pregnant, can I?
((~~!~~))
I bought six tests. All came with the same
results. Six sets of parallel blue lines.
I
’
m expecting a child. Julian
’
s child.
I
guess, I have to talk to him now.
No
more pretending his claim doesn
’
t
hold any truth
…
or
consequences.
No
more running.
A
part of him is growing inside me.
I
remember the last time I was pregnant, and once again, I
’
m forced to think of E. but also of my
son, Luca.
The
one person in this word I can
’
t
think of without fear gripping my stomach.
There
is a reason I have refused to even think of my son for all these years.
Thoughts
of Luca bring up memories. Memories that make my heart swell with love when I
think of him, but also memories I
’
d
rather forget
…
…
Because they terrify me.