Authors: Vivienne Harris-Scott
Vi
December 2004. Darling Harbour. Sydney Australia.
I have an almost sickening attachment to
my child. He
’
s
just turned four months, and his first Christmas is only days away. I want
everything to be perfect, for him, for us. We
’
ve been settling in a routine for the past
few months and I can safely say, I have the hang of it now, I think.
I
want to be the best mother in the world. Truth is, I am doing the best I can.
At
first, it was a mixture of fear, possessiveness and tentative wonder. Yes,
these were the words I would use to describe my relationship with my son.
From
the first time I held him in my arms and broke in tears; love and
possessiveness towards him gripped me and never left.
Because
of the events surrounding his birth, I think, my attachment to him is somewhat
pathological. Consciously or unconsciously, I am simply afraid to miss a single
moment of his life. As a result, I can
’
t bear not have him with me, at all times.
Day and night.
Ethan
isn
’
t
concerned yet when I insist the baby sleeps with us when I am unable to sleep,
wondering how he is in his own cot.
During
his daily naps, I watch him in his crib, and I simply can
’
t detach my eyes from him, afraid
something is going to happen to him if I do. Ethan smiles and tries to reassure
me that nothing is going to happen to our child, not while he
’
s got such a mama bear watching over him,
and a father who will literally kill before he lets anything happen to his
miracle child.
Luca
Damien McGregor.
He
’
s beautiful. I know all parents say this
about their baby, but our son is truly beautiful. He
’
s inherited Ethan
’
s blue eyes and face bone
’
s structure. He
’
s got my skin, my smile and apparently my
curiosity about the world.
Luca
is a vivacious baby, always looking at objects, things, and people; straight in
the eyes, examining, studying them in silence as if deep in thought. At first,
it was uncanny, even for us, the way our child looked at us. Now, we know; he
’
s just curious. Everything, everyone is a
new discovery, and then when he
’
s
done examining, and he breaks into a smile or a giggle, then you know this baby
is beautiful and will break some hearts some day.
It
’
s been a long road, but we are there,
happy, a family; our dreams have come true.
Yes,
until we realize, God truly laugh while we make plans.
When
disaster strikes, neither of us is prepared.
((~~!~~))
It
’
s Christmas Eve and we are going to
church.
I
insisted we go to the midnight service. With our son. Our miracle baby.
Ethan
didn
’
t
object. In fact, he smiled and concurred, we had a lot to be grateful for this
year considering how it had started for us
…
My
faith has been restored after this year of trials and coming out of it alive,
happy, and with a baby; surely there is a God. We need to pay our dues.
((~~!~~))
Christmas day is beautiful. Kevin, Lily,
and even Deric have all landed on the previous day, and came to the house in
the morning. A complete surprise to me, but not to Ethan, who apparently is the
one who arranged it all and made them promise to keep the secret. He knew I
regretted no seeing them when they all came for Luca
’
s birth and eventually departed when it
became clear time was running its own course and there was nothing their
presence could offer. I had had them on the phone since, but it simply was not
the same as having them present with me.
I
can say with absolute certainty this is the best Christmas day I have lived.
Even Ethan mother
’
s,
Mary, was in attendance with the gentleman she had been involved with for the
past year.
A
real family Christmas. The icing on the cake, Ethan did not have to go
anywhere, nor take any emergency call on state
’
s affairs.
Everything
is just perfect.
I
am watching my husband across the room. He
’
s talking to Lil, and seeing them share a
laugh, I am thinking of our fourth wedding anniversary that is less than a
month away and how a year can make a difference in one
’
s life, in our life.
I
’
m smiling when I meet Ethan
’
s eyes and in thought I am thanking the
Lord, we survived this year together.
I
think, the worst is behind us; we are still standing, defying all odds, happy.
Nothing can harm us. Nothing will destroy us.
I
am wrong.
Julian
and Ethan
I
’
m looking at the phone.
No,
I
’
m
staring at it.
We
are past three weeks now. A few days shy of a month.
The
month from hell, if you ask me.
Still
no news. And, that
’
s
enough.
I
can
’
t
take it anymore. The wondering, the worrying, the extrapolating. Enough.
I
’
m calling him.
Tonight.
Right
now.
Ethan.
Her
husband.
My
brother from another mother.
((~~!~~))
“
H-H-Hello?
”
says a breathless voice.
Julian
looks at his Blancpain watch, and sighs when he starts,
“
Hello, Ethan? I
’
m sorry, I thought it was lunchtime
…”
“
Julian? Is that you?
”
is asked in wonder.
“
Yes. It
’
s me,
”
Julian confirms.
An
awkward silence settles between the two men.
Julian
is the first to break it. E. has always been so much more patient than he ever
was.
“
E. I
’
ve read about
…
huh
…
what happened
…”
he says, clearing his throat.
Ethan
doesn
’
t
respond, so Julian pursues,
“
Ethan.
I
’
m
sorry I wasn
’
t
there. I-I
…”
he
’
s
embarrassed, actually feeling shame, as he senses his cheeks get flushed, and
begins to wonder if making that call wasn
’
t a colossal mistake.
He
swallows and continues,
“
I
’
m sorry. I should have at least
…”
Ethan
interrupts him, his voice is as cool and collected as Julian remembers it.
"I
beg your pardon, but can we skip the trip down memory lane Julian? I have other
places to be. I was actually just about to walk out of the house when you rang.
Why don't we just jump to the part where you tell me what you want?"
Ethan
is not bitter at all. He
’
s
actually genuinely curious. Hearing from Julian is a definite surprise, a good
one even; yet, it can only mean one thing: his friend is in trouble and he
needs something. Ethan wonders what happened.
Julian
laughs. A good-hearted laugh, which melts the tension he is feeling. One can
always count on E. to be direct. It
’
s a relief to see some things don
’
t change.
He
says so out loud, now chuckling,
“
E.
Geez you haven
’
t
changed one bit I see! No, how are you Julian? What
’
s been happening in your world Julian?
”
he adds derisively.
It
’
s Ethan
’
s turn to laughs as he retorts,
“
Hmm Jay
…
Do we really need to do this? After five,
no, six years? We didn
’
t
do it the last time you reappeared out of nowhere, so why start now?
”
Always
logical Ethan. Can
’
t
beat him on that one.
“
All right E. you win.
”
Julian capitulates.
A
silent pause returns as Ethan is obviously waiting for him to talk about the
purpose of this odd call.
“
E. I
’
m coming home.
”
Julian says, exhaling loudly as he feels
his throat go dry.
“
Ok. You
’
re coming home,
”
Ethan repeats. He asks, his interest
picked,
“
Evidently,
the trip has something to do with me
…
so Jay, are you going to tell me what
’
s going on?
”
“
I can
’
t get into it over the phone E. This is
one thing we need to discuss face to face, mate.
”
Julian replies feeling his chest
constrict as he thinks of
her
.
“
That
’
s all you
’
re going to say?
“
Ethan demands incredulously, interrupting
his thought.
“
No.
”
Julian replies, and launches an
explanation.
“
It
’
s about you and I. Who and what we are to
each other. For 40 years, we
’
ve
been brothers from different mothers E., with all the complications we both
know that entailed
…“
he says, suddenly feeling utter sadness at the idea of losing his friend, and
adds softly,
“
A
situation has occurred and I have postponed talking to you about it
…
but I no longer can. I
’
m coming home and the conversation we
’
ll have will define the nature of our
relationship
…”
“
Julian, what
…
-
”
Ethan tries to cut in, now puzzled and
somewhat worried by his friend
’
s
ominous tone.
“…
That is, if we still have a relationship
when all is said.
”
Julian punctuates.
The
sentence lingers between them, each man ingesting the seriousness of the words.
Finally,
Ethan asks the only question he knows he
’
ll get a straight answer to.
“
When are you coming?
”
“
Two days. I
’
ll see you in two days.
“
Julian replies and disconnects the call.
((~~!~~))
Julian
and James
“
We
had our differences, but I have to say, I admire your stance on this.
”
James said, not quite believing what the
man had told him.
Julian
smiled.
“
There comes a time in everyone
’
s life when circumstances force you to see
what you are made of. All my life I
’
ve been able to talk a pretty good game.
Now the time has come for me to back that up. I made an ethical decision, a
moral choice. Now I have to be prepared to endure the consequences. I think I
am prepared, and I feel pretty good about that.
”
This
is what Julian had told him when announcing he was flying to Australia to
confront Ethan. James had tried to dissuade him, claiming this could make
things worse for all of them. Especially since as of this very morning he had
received news that one of Vi
’
s
passports had been flashed in Paris and it was now a matter of days, maybe even
hours, before he could locate her for good. But, Julian had turned his mind
around when he explained that not only he was willing to take the chance, but
also even if things turned out for the worst, -the worst being him losing Vi
altogether -, it was still the right thing to do. At the end of the day, she
would be safe. Ethan would never arm her. He would get this promise from him.
The
two men looked at each other and finally James broke into a smile saying,
“
I
’
ll bet she never saw this coming
…”
“
What James?
”
Julian said, knowing exactly whom he was
referencing to.
“
This. Us. Not ripping each other out, but
being friends
…”
James said lightly.
Julian
chuckled, his smile broadening,
“
I
didn
’
t
see it coming either, James...You haven
’
t made it easy for me
…
But I do thank you for all you
’
ve done in the past few weeks. Thank you
for sharing the truth with me. I know breaking her trust is not something that
was simple for you and I am truly grateful
…”
his voice trailed, as a sudden thought
hit him, and he continued, his smile faltering,
“
Let
’
s just hope, it wasn
’
t all in vain and that this trip will get
us answers helping to find her.
”
“
Well good luck! I mean it. Ethan seems to
be quite something
…”
James said, uncertainty lacing his voice.
“
That he is, that he is
…”
Julian replied taping his fingers on his
desk, his eyes getting cloudy as memories of E came to his mind, yet adding
softly,
“
But
so am I, James.
”