The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (28 page)

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. PROVERBS 27:17

Is IT POSSIBLE for two parents who have very different approaches to child rearing to find a meeting of the minds? The answer is an unqualified yes. I've been there. In my marriage, we discovered that I tended to be the quiet, calm, "let's talk about it" parent. My wife, Karolyn, tended to be a "take action now" kind of parent. It took us a while to realize what was happening, analyze our patterns, and admit to each other our basic tendencies.

Eventually, though, we began to concentrate on the question, What is best for our children? We found that we could work together as a team and that, in fact, we must. Our basic tendencies did not change, but we did learn to temper them. I learned how to take responsible action and to blend words and actions. Karolyn learned to think before she moved.

The well-known proverb above is often applied to friendships or accountability groups. But it applies just as well-or better-to marriage. When we recognize that our spouse has different gifts and approaches that can balance ours, we are "sharpened." For those who have children, accepting our differences and learning how to complement each other makes for good parenting and a growing marriage.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the blessing of our children. I pray that you will help us to approach parenting as a couple. We have different approaches and strengths, and that's okay. Please give us the wisdom to blend those approaches in the best way and to work well as a team.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. EPHESIANS 6:4

IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, you know that the two wheels on which the chariot of parenting rolls are teaching and training. Teaching generally uses words to communicate with the child, and training uses actions. It is not uncommon for one parent to emphasize words and the other actions. One will want to talk the child into obedience, while the other will simply make the child obey. Both approaches have value, but when taken to an extreme, each has its problems. One can lead to verbal abuse and the other to physical abuse.

The Bible is clear that good parenting should not "provoke ... children to anger" or, as another translation states, "exasperate" them (NIV ). While this verse from Ephesians is directed to fathers, it certainly applies to both parents, either of whom can anger a child by unfair, disrespectful, or unnecessarily harsh treatment. The better approach is to bring words and actions together. Tell the child exactly what is expected and what the results of disobedience will be. Then if the child does not obey, kindly but firmly apply the consequences. When you are consistent, your child will learn obedience.

Rather than being competitors in parenting, why not team up and combine your skills to make helpful rules and determine consequences? The positive result is that both of you will know what to do if the child disobeys, and you'll be consistent. Of course, all of this works best when the child feels loved by both parents. Parenting is a team sport.

Lord, thank you for the chance to parent with my spouse as part of a team. Help us to work together to come up with the best approach for our children-one that doesn't exasperate them but helps mold them into the people you want them to be. Thank you for the family you have given us.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you maybe healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. JAMES 5:16

MANY COUPLES ARE at a stalemate because they have allowed a wall to develop between them. Walls are erected a block at a time. Each block represents one partner's failure in a particular matter. It may be as small as failing to carry out the garbage or as large as failing to meet sexual needs. The one committing the failure often ignores it instead of dealing with it. Excuses are offered, such as, "After all, what does she expect? I'm doing my part." Or,"Why doesn't he think of my needs?"

Often, one failure after another is ignored until a long, high, thick wall develops between two people who started out "in love." Communication grinds to a halt, and only resentment remains.

Would you like to demolish the wall in your relationship? I can tell you how. You do it by tearing down those blocks of failure, one by one. Admit your failures as specifically as possible and ask your spouse to forgive you. If you begin to tear down the wall from your side, you make it easier for your spouse to begin demolition from the other side.

James 5:16 makes it clear that believers should confess their sins to each other. How much more true that is within the context of marriage, where those sins have directly affected the other person. Be willing to admit when you were wrong. If both of you are willing to tear down the wall of separation, you can clear away the rubble and build a beautiful relationship.

Thank you, Lord, for new beginnings. Please help us to be willing to tear down the old hurts, confess our failures, and begin again with forgiveness. Thank you for your constant forgiveness.

Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. i TIMOTHY 1:19

IN ACTS 24:16, the apostle Paul shared a principle that guided his own life: "I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and all people." In his case, that was in large part because he wanted nothing to hinder his witness as he spread the good news about Christ. That's a great reason for us as well, but keeping a clear conscience is also good for your mental health and your relational health. Unfortunately, all of us are flawed. We sometimes fail to keep God's commands. You don't have to be perfect to have a good marriage, but you do have to deal with your failures.

How do you clear your conscience before God? By confessing your sins to him. How do you get a clear conscience before people? By confessing your sins to the person you sinned against. In marriage, that is your spouse.

I'm often asked, "But what if my spouse isn't willing to forgive me?" That is not your problem. Your responsibility is to admit your mistake and ask forgiveness. You have not taken the first step until you have confessed your own failures. Then your spouse has a choice: to forgive or not to forgive. At any rate, your conscience is clear, and you can now ask God to help you be a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem.

Father, thank you that) can always confess my sins to you. Your forgiveness is an incredible gift. Help me to confess my sins to my spouse as well and keep my conscience clear.