The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (9 page)

Conflict resolvers have a different attitude. They say, "I'm sure we can work this out in a way that will be positive for both of us. Let's think about it together." They look for a win-win resolution. They begin by respecting each other's ideas and looking for a solution instead of trying to win an argument.

The Scriptures say that love "does not demand its own way." Love is not proud, either, so it doesn't consider its way best. Actually, love means looking out for the other person's interest. Philippians 2:4 says, "Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." "What would be best for you?" is the question of love.

Father, l want to stop being an arguer and start being a conflict resolver. Help me to think first of my spouse and second of myself. Help me not to demand what) want but to look for a solution that will work for both of us. I need your help to combat my innate selfishness.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

COLOSSIANS 3:23-24

THE CHRISTIAN MESSAGE is that we serve Christ by serving others. As Colossians 3:23 says, we should do everything as if we are doing it for the Lord-in other words, willingly, cheerfully, and enthusiastically.

We all have idealistic visions of our spouse asking, "What could I do to help you tonight?" or "How could I make your life easier this week?" But the fact is, many of us grew up in homes where we had to fight to survive. We did not learn to appreciate the value of serving others. How do you develop an attitude of service if you grew up in a home where it was dog-eat-dog?

Let's start with your family of origin-the family you grew up in. On a scale of zero to ten, how would you rate your father on having an attitude of service toward your mother? Zero means he never lifted a finger to help her; ten means that he was almost Christlike in his servanthood. Next, rate your mother. How well did she demonstrate an attitude of service? Now let's make it personal. How would you rate yourself? Are you more like your father or your mother? Do you have a lot of room for growth? Or are you already serving Christ by serving your spouse?

Father, sometimes 1 don't feel like serving my spouse. Sometimes it doesn't feel as if he or she deserves it, especially if I'm not getting much in return. I know that's the wrong attitude. Please help me to think about serving others as serving you, and let me respond enthusiastically.

Whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. MARK 10:44-45

THE THEME OF THE CHRISTIAN LIFE is serving Christ by serving others. Jesus came to earth to serve others-first by his love, his teaching, and his healings, and ultimately by his death. When we serve others, we are not only serving Christ, but we are being Christlike. So why not begin developing an attitude of service in our closest relationship? The fact is, we do acts of service for each other every day. However, we don't often talk about them, and consequently, we begin to take them for granted.

I want to suggest a little communication exercise that will bring service to the front burner. It's a game called I Really Appreciate That. Here's how you play it: The husband might say to the wife, "One way I served you today was by putting away a load of laundry." The wife might respond, "I really appreciate that." Then she says, "One way I served you today was by cooking dinner." The husband responds, "I really appreciate that." Play the game once a day for a week, and you will become more aware of the acts of service that you are already doing for each other. You will elevate them to a place of importance by talking about them. If you have children, let them hear you playing the game, and they'll want to get in on the fun.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your example of service. Please transform me more each day into your image. Help us as a couple to serve each other with love and to show our appreciation for each other.

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! PSALM 100:1-2 (ESV)

A HEALTHY MARRIAGE will include a positive attitude of service between a husband and wife. She will want to do things for him, and he will want to do things for her. But how do you know what things to do? Simple: You ask questions.

How about asking your spouse, "What is one thing I could do for you this week that would make your life easier?" When he or she tells you, you respond, "I'll try to remember that' All true service must be given freely, so the choice to do what your spouse suggests still rests with you. But now you have a concrete idea of how to invest your time and energy in a way that he or she will appreciate.

When you choose to do what your spouse has requested, you are serving Christ by serving your loved one. The first verses of Psalm 100 remind us that we're called to serve with gladness. Serving God-whether directly or through serving others-can be joyful and energizing, and it can certainly bring blessing. It is the road to greatness, and it will also give you a growing marriage.

Father, I want to serve you with gladness. Help me to approach my spouse to find out how best to serve him or her-and then to do it with joy.

Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD.

PSALM 34:11

IF WE HAVE CHILDREN, how can we leave them a positive legacy? A legacy is an inheritance handed down from one generation to the next. In a legal sense, a legacy is a deposition of personal property that is made by terms of a will. But a real legacy goes beyond material things, and its impact is usually much deeper. Our legacy will have a powerful influence on the lives of those who follow us.

The most important legacies are not monetary but emotional, spiritual, and moral. They center around the character of the person leaving them. Legacies from the past affect a family's future. We all know families with longstanding reputations of good character-kindness, honesty, and decency. On the other hand, we all know families who received a negative legacy of character and behavior-perhaps dishonesty, lack of a strong work ethic, or poor relationship choices. While we like to believe that an individual can overcome any disadvantage, the legacy we receive can be either a blessing or a curse on our lives.