The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (5 page)

One of the best ways to learn about sexual intimacy is to expose yourself to good information. I suggest that you and your spouse read one chapter each week in the book The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner. At the end of the week, discuss the ideas presented in the chapter. This is one way to better understand male and female sexuality and to discover how to give each other sexual pleasure.

Your attitude should always be one of love, looking out for each other's enjoyment. Share your desires with each other, but never force any particular sexual expression on your spouse. Open communication in an atmosphere of love will lead to mutual sexual fulfillment.

Father, thank you for the gift of sex. As we seek to become closer sexually, help us to value each other's enjoyment as much as our own. Guide us in showing love to each other through sex.

Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. SONG OF SOLOMON 4:10

I'D LIKE TO TALK about making sex a mutual joy. Please note the word mutual. When it comes to sex, anything less than a deep sense of fulfillment on the part of both the husband and the wife is less than God intended. What, then, are the guidelines that lead us to such mutual satisfaction?

Number one is a healthy attitude toward sex. For any number of reasons, some people have very negative attitudes toward sexual intimacy, even within marriage. The answer to negative attitudes begins with a Bible study on sex. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul affirms sex as an important part of marriage. If you read through the Song of Solomon, you will see that married sex is celebrated in detail as a gift from God. Let this knowledge free you. After all, Jesus said, "If you remain faithful to my teachings ... you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).

The second step toward changing your attitude is prayer. Ask God to transform your view of sex into a positive one. Positive attitudes lead to positive behavior.

Father, you know that sometimes 1 struggle with a negative attitude toward sex. But I read in your Word that sex is wholesome and good. Help me to believe that wholeheartedly. Guide me as 1 talk with my spouse and try to grow in this part of our marriage.

Now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. ROMANS 8:1-2

ONE OF THE REALITIES of contemporary society is that many couples come to marriage with previous sexual experience, either with each other or with other partners. Our culture would have us believe that sexual experience before marriage better prepares people for marriage. However, all the research indicates otherwise. In fact, the divorce rate among those who have had previous sexual experience is twice as high as those who haven't.

The reality is that previous sexual experience often becomes a barrier to achieving mutual sexual intimacy in marriage. The Christian answer to such barriers is to confess wrongdoing and genuinely forgive each other for past failures. The wonderful verses above from Romans 8 remind us that nothing is beyond God's grace and forgiveness. If you are in Christ and have confessed your sin, you are forgiven and free from the past. The scars of the past may remain forever, but healed scars can serve as reminders of the grace and love of God. Accepting the scars and forgiving each other is a step on the road to mutual sexual fulfillment.

Lord, you know the role that sexual sin has played in our relationship. Please forgive my sins and help me to start anew, forgiven and ready to develop a healthier sexual relationship with my spouse.

[Jesus] looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! MARK 3:5

SOME CHRISTIANS ARE CRITICAL of emotions. Have you ever heard a statement like this? "Don't trust your emotions. Faith, not feelings, is the road to spiritual growth." Why do we so disapprove of our emotions? In Mark 3 we read that Jesus felt anger and sorrow-and for good reason. It was the Sabbath, and when Jesus was in the synagogue, he noticed a man with a shriveled hand. He was compassionate and healed the man, but all the watching Pharisees could think about was that Jesus had broken their Sabbath laws. Jesus' anger and sorrow over their reaction was entirely appropriate and reflected the Father's own heart. Few of us would condemn Jesus for having those emotions. So why do we condemn ourselves?

God gave us emotions for growth, maturity, fulfillment, and enjoyment. Feelings were made to be our friends, and they can serve as important signals. When we experience a negative emotion, it tells us that something needs attention. Think of it like the dashboard light that appears when your car needs oil. We don't curse the light; we address the problem it's alerting us to. Why not do the same with your emotions? When you experience a negative emotion, especially regarding your spouse, stop for a moment and figure out the real problem. If you take constructive action, the emotion will have served its purpose.

Lord, thank you for emotions. You have made us in your image as emotional beings. Help me to look at my feelings as a gift. Please give me the wisdom to see the problem behind the emotion and deal with it before my strong feelings hurt my spouse.

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. 1 praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? PSALM 5 6:3-4

WOULD IT SURPRISE You if I told you that Jesus experienced fear? Fear is an emotion that pushes us away from a person, place, or thing. In Matthew 26:39 we read that Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me." As he approached the time of his death, he saw the physical and emotional suffering ahead, and he was afraid. His emotions pleaded for a different way. But he didn't let his fear cause him to lash out at others or turn away from what he knew was right. Rather, Jesus showed us what we should do with our fear-express it to God.

The psalmist reminds us that God has promised his presence and protection. When we trust in God, we know he's in control, so there is no reason to be afraid. In fact, the Bible records 365 times when God says, "Fear not, for I am with you." Our fear leads us to God, and we rest in his strength to protect us.