The Rancher's Family Wish (12 page)

Tanner made a rude noise.

“It’s common sense. I’m a product of a foster home. Believe me I’m well aware that if Rod and Trent were put in foster care they could be better off. It could also be much worse.”

“You’ve made sure they’re okay with Tige and Lulu, haven’t you?” she guessed and smiled when he shrugged.

“Judging parents isn’t my mission. My mission is to help kids,” he said, his voice unwavering. “That means gaining their trust and trusting them to know when to ask for help. And those two haven’t. I think they’re willing to come to Wranglers because I don’t interfere.”

“But it’s not just those two. You have a gift with most kids, Davy included,” she insisted. “I’ve seen the way you work with them after they fail at something they desperately want to do, like Davy trying to rope that calf the other day.” She joined in his reminiscent chuckle, then sobered. “He was frustrated and ready to blow. You could have made fun of him or told him to practice. Instead you used that opportunity to teach him about patience. That’s a gift.”

Tanner let his sunglasses slide to the end of his nose so he could give her a rolling-eye look. “You’re pushing the definition, Sophie.”

“I don’t think so. I think God is using you at Wranglers far beyond anything Burt could have imagined. God showed him those qualities in you—those gifts that you’re fanning into flame.” She stared into the distance thoughtfully. “I wish I had some kind of gift.”

“You do!” Of course Tanner being Tanner, he raced to enumerate what he considered her gifts and compliment her. She cut him off.

“It’s nice of you to say, but I don’t have any real gifts,” she murmured sadly. “I’m not the type of person God uses.”

“Why do you think that, Sophie?” he asked quietly. “Why do you think God isn’t using you?”

“Because I’m not fit. Because I can’t quite trust Him.” She hung her head, ashamed of the admission. “Not completely. I’m trying but—I’m just not there yet.”

“Listen to me.” He shoved his sunglasses to the top of his head, then took her hand in both of his. “Willingness to be used is what God looks for. Trust me, He is using you. And as He does you will learn to trust Him more and more. It’s a process. Trust grows. The more we use it, the stronger it gets.”

She stared at his hand holding hers and wondered for the hundredth time why Tanner Johns wasn’t involved with someone. Were single women so foolish that they couldn’t see beyond his humble cowboy demeanor and recognize his integrity and compassion?

Maybe he’s hiding something that you can’t or won’t see.

Taken aback by that thought, Sophie immediately wondered if there was something about Tanner that when revealed would cost her. She liked, appreciated and respected him but...

Distrust moved in. Much as she hated breaking contact with him, she slid her hand from his while forcing a smile.

“Thank you for your encouragement.” She watched her children dart from one animal enclosure to the next and admitted, “I know it’s foolish but somehow depending on God seems like I’m abandoning my role as a mother. After all, I’m responsible for them. Leaving things up to Him seems like I’m letting go of the controls He’s given me.”

“You’re not letting go, Sophie. You’re being their mother in the best way you know how, by seeking His will,” he said. “Then you act, trusting that He’s directing you.”

How did Tanner’s explanations about God always make her feel better, as if she wasn’t the failure at Christianity that she always felt?

“Recently I’ve been reading Isaiah. I’ve been struck by how much God yearned for His children to love Him.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t wrap his mind around why it should be so. “They were disobedient, they took other gods, they did exactly what God said not to and He had to discipline them. Yet there’s such a longing in His words, begging them to restore their relationship with Him and to have their love again. Such love amazes me.”

Sophie made a mental note to read Isaiah as Davy and Beth rushed back, finished their drinks and pleaded to move on.

As the afternoon waned, the children’s restlessness gave way to quiet introspection as Tanner frequently commented about God’s painstaking efforts to make His creation perfect. And always the big cowboy emphasized how much God loved His children. Tanner made God the father’s love come alive.

Yet it wasn’t so much Tanner’s comments about family as the way he expressed them, combined with the lingering hugs he’d given Beth and Davy that bothered Sophie later that night when she sat alone in her living room.

She’d watched him as the kids raced away from him, into the house. She’d seen the loneliness wash over his face, felt his yearning to stay, to share her family.

Once more Sophie’s questions about him ratcheted up. Why didn’t he talk about his past? Surely he’d dated, fallen in love at least once?

Sophie’s misgivings about Tanner came from concern that the rancher was hiding something she wouldn’t like. She cared a lot about Tanner. But she couldn’t get past the fear that trusting him would cost her dearly.

Chapter Ten

T
anner sat on his patio in the May sunshine, nursing a fragrant cup of perfectly brewed coffee, utterly stunned by the contents of the manila envelope in front of him. As he read everything in his private detective’s update, hope shriveled inside him. Now he could only stare at the small picture that had been clipped to the report, desperately struggling to formulate a prayer for direction, for something to end this despair clawing at him. Nothing came.

All he could think of was that his child was gone. He’d never know that person, never see his potential or hear
Hi, Daddy
.
His insides squeezed tight with pain and loss.

God?

Tanner didn’t know how much time passed before he jerked to awareness at the sound of a vehicle arriving. He rose, stuffed the papers into the envelope and stored it under a plant pot, tucking the picture into his back pocket. Something else to hide.

His heart lifted as he caught a glimpse of a familiar van. Sophie and the kids. But she was catering a Memorial Day dinner today. She wasn’t supposed to be here.

Something must be wrong.

Surprised by how glad he was to see her again, though only last night he’d enjoyed a barbecue dinner at her house, Tanner suddenly realized that they now saw each other almost every day. Which was good and totally fine with him. It couldn’t be too often for Tanner. Sophie and her kids felt like his family, the one he’d always wanted and now would never have. That secret was hardest of all to keep.

“Hey,” he greeted, opening her door. She looked beautiful, as usual, though her lips were pursed in a thin line. “What’s happening?”

“Not that stupid stove of mine.” She frowned. “I hate to keep running to you—”

“Why?” he demanded, surprised by how much he disliked her saying that. He wanted her to need him. He’d have to think about that later. “Aren’t we friends? Don’t friends help each other?”

“Well, you certainly help me an awful lot.” She sighed and slid out of the van.

Oh, Sophie. If only you knew how much I love helping you, being around you, touching you
.
Kissing you?
A kiss wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy his longing to hold her.

“I’m not sure you get as much as you give,” she said, her tone wistful.

“Do you hear me complaining?” Tanner asked.

“Not yet. Guess the treats I’ve been leaving in your fridge must be working.” Sophie laughed when he licked his lips, then sobered. “May I please use your kitchen? Again?”

“Of course. Hi, guys.” He grinned at Beth, high-fived Davy. “What needs carrying in?”

“I brought everything for the meal,” she said, handing him a stack of bins. “I haven’t got time to run back and forth. It’s already eight and I have to serve at one thirty.”

“Okay, you two, lead the way.” He chuckled at Beth’s delicate maneuvers with her bulging bag of salad fixings. Davy, on the other hand, wielded his two plastic tubs with such carefree abandon that Tanner caught his breath when they teetered dangerously, and held it until everything was safely stored on the kitchen countertop.

“This is going to be tight.” A hint of panic laced Sophie’s voice. She who never panicked. With practiced ease she slid a pan that held perfectly sliced roast beef into the oven, covered it and set the temperature to warm the meat.

“It’s going to be as perfect as everything else you make. And we’re going to help you.” He glanced at Davy and waited for his nod. Of course, Beth copied her brother. “What should we do first?”

“Can you peel potatoes?” she asked hesitantly, as if she thought he’d never used a knife on a tuber before.

Tanner gave her a look he meant to say,
You doubt my abilities
?

“Of course you can. You’re Tanner Johns. You do everything well.”

If she only knew. Tanner made no response except to return her smile.

“There’s a bag in that yellow bin. Start peeling. Beth, you can whip the cream for my banana cream pie and Davy, you can chop carrots. Are you sure you don’t mind?” she asked Tanner.

“I might have,” he said, thinking of how desolate he’d felt only ten minutes ago and how her arrival had chased away his gloom. “But since I’ve just finished the most excellent cup of coffee from a wonderful machine someone gave me on my birthday, I’m in a very good mood.”

He winked, relieved that for now the dark clouds had dissipated from his brain though he knew they’d return when Sophie and her family were gone and he was alone. Again.

Unable to constrain his need to touch her, he reached out to caress her cheek and whispered, “Calm down, Sophie. We’re going to help you make this meal amazing. Trust us.”

Tanner didn’t miss the way her forehead furrowed and her eyes narrowed at his choice of words. So she still found it hard to trust. Even him? Tanner was going to have to do something about that.

He’d thought about buying her a new stove. But then it occurred to him that Sophie would stop coming to Wranglers so often if she didn’t need his kitchen. He wasn’t about to end these sweet meetings. He enjoyed having her and the kids here too much.

“Make thinner peelings, please.” Meeting his dour look, Sophie explained, “I know exactly how many potatoes I need. If you keep peeling half away I’ll run out.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He saluted then returned to his work. But he couldn’t stop watching as she moved around the kitchen, checking on Beth’s progress, stirring the pie filling on the stove, encouraging Davy to keep going. “We have to do our best to help your mom make this a fantastic meal, kids.”

“Why?” Davy frowned.

“Because this is a dinner for men and women who have worked to protect our country and keep it free,” Tanner explained. “Some of them have even been injured, lost arms or legs or they have scars that will never get better.”

“Why do they do it if they get hurt?” Beth turned off the mixer and waited for an answer while her mother checked the consistency of the cream.

“They do it so we can live here in peace. They do it so we don’t have to fight people who don’t like freedom.” He watched them process that information.

“I don’t know exactly what freedom means,” Davy said with a frown. “You mean like we’re not slaves or something?”

“Sort of. Freedom means we can live without someone trying to make us do things we don’t want to do,” he clarified.

“You mean like when Bertie wants me to kiss him and I don’t want to?” Beth’s question stopped Sophie in her tracks. She stared at her daughter in shock. Tanner chuckled at Mama Sophie’s dismay. She frowned at him so he cleared his throat and continued.

“Yep, sweetheart, sorta like that.” He couldn’t look at Sophie or he’d start laughing again. “There are some people in the world who don’t want us to be able to go to church, or live without someone telling us what to do. Some people want to take what other people have and keep it for themselves.”

“Like Josh,” Davy said, nodding.

“Who’s Josh?” Sophie’s voice squeaked. Tanner felt a rush of sympathy. She was probably hearing about these particular issues for the first time and beating herself up that she hadn’t known earlier and protected them.

“A kid at school who takes other kids’ lunch treats and eats them,” Davy replied nonchalantly. “That’s why I always ask for two snacks.” He grinned at his mother, obviously delighted with his solution.

“Good thinking, buddy,” Tanner encouraged because Sophie seemed speechless. “Anyway, veterans are men and women who work so other countries can’t take what we have.”

“Like our treats you mean?” Beth frowned in confusion.

Tanner had to laugh out loud at that.

“I’ll explain later. Okay, honey?” Sophie pressed a kiss against her daughter’s hair. “This whipped cream is perfect. Can you chop up some dill for the salad now?”

“Sure.” Beth bent over the task cheerfully, her concentration on the herb.

“I think Tanner is trying to say that we can thank these men and women,” Sophie corrected with a wink at him, “by giving them a nice meal.”

Tanner felt the impact of that wink straight in his midsection. A second later he was swamped by a rush of guilt. She still thought the abandoning father he’d discussed with her was some unknown friend of his. He hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her the truth.

Who was he to preach trust to anyone?

He worked steadily, doing whatever she asked while encouraging the kids in their jobs. Half an hour before the appointed time, Tanner sat in the driver’s seat of the van with Sophie beside him.

“Are you sure this is the right way?” She checked a street sign, then her watch for the fifth time. “I’m going to be so late.”

“No, you’re not. There’s the place over there. We came the back way. You need to trust me, Sophie,” he teased, then inwardly grimaced. There was that word again.

“Yes, I do,” she said. He couldn’t move under her steady scrutiny. Finally she broke that stare. “Now if we can get it inside without spilling.”

“Puhleeze, woman! Have some faith.” Tanner shook his head in mock reproof. He climbed out of the van, took the heavy chafing dish with the beef from her hands and followed her inside the building. He made six more trips with the kids “helping.”

In the kitchen, Sophie worked fast. Her two helpers had already arrived and had the beverages under control. Realizing he and the kids were now in her way, Tanner guided the children into the dining room where veterans were taking their places at the tables. He began taking orders for coffee, iced tea and water, including Davy and Beth as he chatted with each vet. Soon the two children were following Tanner’s lead, ensuring each person had what he or she needed.

A minister Tanner didn’t know said grace, then Sophie and her staff began serving. They worked quickly, Monica and Tiffany emptying the rolling cart as quickly as Sophie filled it. Tanner’s admiration for her well-oiled operation grew as a murmur of approval flickered through the room, which now resonated with the delicious aroma of succulent roast beef. Someone invited him, Beth and Davy to sit at a table and moments later Sophie whisked full plates in front of them.

“Aren’t you eating?” he asked, realizing a moment later that she wouldn’t stop until her job was finished.

She moved through the room like the consummate hostess, refilling plates with a gentle brush to the shoulder, a soft, sweet smile and words he couldn’t hear but knew would bring comfort. No one was left out of Sophie’s generosity, he noticed, when men and women carried take-out containers. A man across the table said the meals would go to those veterans who couldn’t participate in today’s ceremony.

As quickly as a veteran’s empty plate was removed by Tiffany, Monica replaced it with a towering slice of banana cream pie with whipped topping. Davy’s eyes stretched wide when his mother set his pie in front of him though Beth only smiled and said, “Thank you, Mama,” before she lifted her fork to sample hers.

When Sophie leaned over Tanner’s shoulder, he couldn’t help but inhale the fresh citrus scent of her hair as she handed him his pie. She turned her head to look at him and their gazes locked. Her lips were a hairbreadth from his. Tanner had to work hard not to lean slightly to the side and kiss her. As if she knew, she squeezed his shoulder and moved away quickly.

He ate his dessert in a trance, stunned by the depth of his yearning to be close to her, to be the one she turned to every day instead of only during emergencies. Sophie Armstrong was everything he’d ever imagined in a woman: warm, generous, kind, giving.

He was in love with her!

* * *

“You have the best ideas, Tanner.” Sophie shifted a little on her comfy lawn chair under the shade of a mesquite tree and inhaled, letting go of the tension that had built up from the veterans’ dinner and her stupid stove. “Thank you for helping me this morning and then inviting us to spend this afternoon at Wranglers.”

“You’re always invited to Wranglers Ranch, Sophie.” The warm intimacy in his voice made her feel cherished. “You should take a break more often.”

“What about you?” She shook her head. “I saw those three boys show up, heard them ask if they could ride your horses. You seemed to know them.”

“Friends of Rod and Trent,” he said in what Sophie considered a guarded tone.

“Oh.” She pretended to study her pink toenails. “Have you heard any more from Tige?”

“No.” He used Davy’s squeal as he jumped in the creek to change the subject. “We’ve had another week of camp fill up. Two more and we’ll have the summer filled.”

“And you won’t charge for any of them?” she asked curiously.

“No. Not unless we’re asked to rent. Then I’ll request a nominal fee.” He smiled. “Don’t worry, Sophie. Wranglers is well funded. Even if we weren’t, donations have been coming in now that the word is getting out that we’re here for all kids.”

“Is that primarily Pastor Jeff’s doing?” She smiled as Beth dipped one delicate toe in the water. A second later she plunged in, shrieking with delight. Because Tanner didn’t answer she turned to glance at him, found him watching her. “Tanner?”

“Partly Jeff’s. That street mission work he’s doing gives him a lot of contacts with kids who need help. I’m glad he asked me to partner with him on that.” He shrugged, then chewed on a stem of grass for a moment. “It’s also due in part to Rod and Trent. I guess they talk up Wranglers Ranch quite a bit.”

“No wonder. You’ve been great with them,” she praised. “Does that mean you aren’t worried about Tige anymore?”

“Not exactly. I don’t want him to come here, if that’s what you’re asking.” Why didn’t he look at her?

“It isn’t.” Sophie frowned. “A few weeks ago you were seriously worried about him, though I’m still not clear exactly why. Did he threaten you or something?”

“Tige doesn’t threaten.”

“Well, something about him bothered you enough to hire that security outfit that now keeps watch on Wranglers.” Confused and uncertain, Sophie waited for an explanation. “Yet today you seem almost nonchalant.”

“I’m not nonchalant.” Tanner’s voice tightened. “The security guys haven’t seen or heard anything and there haven’t been any other incidents. Since kids are coming here, which is what I wanted, I’m trying to focus on what I’m here to do and leave Tige up to God.”