The Sky Is Dead (21 page)

Authors: Sue Brown

Jack sniffles and hiccups. “You think I’d forget about the boy who protected me and showed me it was okay to be queer?”

I brush his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb. “I was no one.”

“You were the only one,” he corrects. He leans forward and kisses me. “I’ve spent my life regretting I never got a chance to say good-bye to Danny.”

I give him a wan smile. “Danny doesn’t exist anymore.”

Jack sits back on his haunches. “Yes, he does. You think you left him behind when you became David Miles? Don’t you realize all your actions are affected by that time?”

I frown at him. “What do you mean?”

“Look at the way you volunteer at the homeless shelter. I thought you were just a great guy. I didn’t realize it was personal. What about the way you obsessively make this place a home, or the fact you refuse to have joint bank accounts in case we split up and ‘we need to be financially independent.’ You never celebrate New Year, and when was the last time you stepped into that park?”

All of it is true. Kinda. I still can’t hear Big Ben’s chimes without the cold icy fear of what could happen next. Having separate bank accounts just makes sense, and as for volunteering, well, Jack did that too. That’s how we met. I say as much, and am taken aback by the smile that spreads across his face.

“Of course I did, you idiot. As soon as we flew back, I made the family volunteer at the shelter. I was praying I’d see Danny, only no one would tell me what happened other than he was ‘dead’. I thought my world had come to an end, and then I met you.” He tilts his head, a knowing look in his eyes. “Did they know it was you?”

“One or two of the staff at the shelter,” I admit. “Sylvia and Ben. Greg, as well. But they would never have betrayed my confidence. They thought I was an idiot getting involved with you.”

“Sylvia and Ben?” I hear the hurt still in his voice and I understand it. Sylvia and Ben are two of our closest friends. Now he finds out they’ve been keeping secrets.

“They are the only two. And Doc Roberts. I have no other past friends. Ben is one of Mary’s kids. They would never have told you anything I didn’t want you to hear. We protect our own.”

Jack draws in a shaky breath. It’s a lot for him to take in, and I don’t try to comfort him again. He’s got to process this by himself. I just hope our relationship is strong enough to survive the fact I’ve been lying to him all this time.

“You love me. Is that real?” he demands.

“Yes.”

“And you aren’t about to walk out or do anything as stupid as that?”

“Not going anywhere,” I assure him.

“Who are you really, David?”

“David Miles.”

Jack shakes his head. “Not the name you have now, or when you met me. The name you were born with. What is your real name?”

“Martin Daniel Gibson.” God, I haven’t heard that name for so long. Martin Daniel Gibson, son of Martin Peter Gibson and Maureen Catherine Gibson. They’d called me Danny from the time I was born to distinguish me from my dad.

“You changed your name.”

“New start, new life.”

“Why David Miles?”

I liked Miles. The road traveled and the journey to come. David was an exceptionally good fuck I met once in the park. “I just liked the name.” I’m not
that
stupid.

He fixes me with a direct stare. “How many more secrets am I going to find out?”

I chew on the inside of my mouth. I could lie, but it’ll come back to bite me on the arse—look at this evening. “I have secrets. I’m not going to tell you everything that happened to me in those three years. You don’t need to know that. I didn’t tell Harry, and I won’t tell you.”

“Why not?” he demands. “You’re my partner. I should know those things to share your pain.”

I hold back the derisive snort. Pop Psychology 101. “Do you think knowing about the worst times in my life will help us as a couple?” I ask as gently as I can.

Jack wriggles under my gaze and then sighs. “No. I just can’t bear the thought of you dealing with it all alone.”

“I’m not alone. I have you, and that’s all I need. Martin Daniel Gibson is as dead as Danny now, as Harry is to you. I have a life with you, a roof over my head, and I’m happy. That’s all I need.”

And finally, finally, I see Jack relax, and I let out the breath I’ve been holding.

Jack gets to his feet and holds out his hand. “Come to bed with me?”

“Like I’d ever say no?” I’d never refuse to love my Jack. I place my hand in his and let him take me into the bedroom.

Jack undresses me with shaking hands and murmured endearments. I let him take the lead this time, knowing he needs to reconnect with David, but also that he’s saying hello and good-bye to Danny, his first love.

I don’t mind. In my head, I say good-bye to Danny too. Maybe being that frightened kid on the streets, the kid who traded blow jobs for burgers and a chance to have a wash, is still me. I can’t get away from my past no matter how hard I try. But it didn’t destroy me, and the man who kneels at my feet is proof of that.

One evening, I’ll take Jack into the park and we’ll lie in the short grass and relive our past love. Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll let sleeping dogs lie and the ghosts of two boys blow away in the wind.

About the Author

S
UE
B
ROWN
is owned by her dog and two children. When she isn't following their orders, she can be found plotting at her laptop. In fact, she hides so she can plot, and has gotten expert at ignoring the orders.

Sue discovered M/M erotica at the time she woke up to find two men kissing on her favorite television series. The series was boring; the kissing was not. She may be late to the party, but she's made up for it since, writing fan fiction until she was brave enough to venture out into the world of original fiction.

Sue can be found at her website,

http://www.suebrownstories.com/;

her blog, http://suebrownsstories.blogspot.co.uk/;

Twitter, https://twitter.com/suebrownstories;

and her Facebook,

https://www.facebook.com/suebrownstories.

By
S
UE
B
ROWN

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