Read The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss & Body Confidence Online
Authors: Jessica Ortner
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Diet & Nutrition, #General, #Women's Health
As she tapped on a regular basis, she was surprised to realize how much negative self-talk she was experiencing, and she used tapping to quiet it. Since then, Evelyn has made self-care and pleasure a regular part of her days. In addition to tapping and meditating each day, she checks in with herself throughout the day, doing a few rounds of tapping in the bathroom at work whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed. She also makes a point of simply sitting on the front porch to enjoy gazing out at nature. She could never have these serene moments before because of her negative self-talk and guilt.
“I Don’t Have Time and/or Money” Means It’s Time to Increase Self-Care
The more stressed and stretched we feel, the more self-care we need. Cindy realized this after tapping on why she “didn’t have time” to take care of herself anymore. She had gone out of her way to tend to her health, meditate, go to church, and do yoga until she became a mom—and all of that stopped. Suddenly her children were her first priority, and work came second. Self-care had almost completely dropped off her schedule. She just couldn’t find the time.
When she tapped, she realized she needed to find a way to make self-care a priority again. Now when she drops off her daughter at the school bus, she takes a 20-minute walk and then spends some time tapping or meditating before starting work. Since making self-care a priority, she’s been shocked to notice that her business has picked up. “I really think the reason I’m making more money now is that I am
finally
listening to my inner voice and taking care of me,” she shared.
When we focus on pleasure and happiness and make self-care a priority, we often find that we experience our lives differently and new opportunities appear.
As a result of her willingness to incorporate self-care and pleasure into her daily life, Evelyn has developed a new appreciation for her body. “I feel like I’m worthy and much more self-confident,” she shared. “Before, when I had a brief moment of liking me, it was because I had on a new outfit or was having a great hair day—it was all on the surface. Now it’s a more gentle and wholesome feeling of gratitude toward myself. The really cool part is that I see that same gentle kindness coming out in my daughter.”
Not long after she incorporated self-care into her daily life, Evelyn shared that she was able to detach completely from her old cycle of guilt and resentment. As a result, she felt an even closer connection with her daughter and parents. The weight was coming off, too, without her feeling like she had to work at it. She was thrilled and amazed by the difference her new habit of self-care and pleasure was making throughout her life.
Asking for Help
Too many of us have been tricked into believing that being strong, independent women means we need to do everything ourselves. When we take on too much and don’t ask for help, we tell ourselves that we’re doing as we should. If we just push ourselves to give more, surely someone will notice and we’ll finally receive the love we’ve felt deprived of. Instead, because we’re unwilling to ask for the support we need, we start and end our days feeling exhausted and unloved because no one has bothered to notice how much help we need.
The truth is that we won’t receive the support we need until we ask for it. Just because we can do it all doesn’t mean we should. And when we don’t speak up about our needs, we’re asking our loved ones to read our minds—and then we resent them when they fail our test. By not being open and honest about the support we need, we’re selling ourselves short and setting our relationships up for failure.
Being a strong woman is very important to me. But doing it all on my own is not.
–
REBA MCENTIRE
Finally allowing ourselves to practice self-care and feel pleasure enables us to see that in pushing ourselves so hard to be “good enough,” we’ve created blocks to receiving the love that others feel for us and the support they want to give us. Often, we judge ourselves when we even
think
about asking for help. The key isn’t to never help anyone else and always say no. Wanting to help others is a beautiful thing, but we do need to know our boundaries and ask for help when we need it. As much as we give, we need to find balance by being able to ask for and receive the love and support we need in return. If we don’t, we find ourselves helping others and then feeling resentful of them instead of feeling more connected to them.
There’s a brilliant video of Brené Brown speaking to Oprah on
Oprah.com
. In it she says, “When you cannot accept and ask for help without self-judgment, then when you offer other people help you are always doing so with judgment because you have attached judgment with asking for help.” She continued, “When you think
I’m helping you because one day I’ll need help,
that’s connection.”
Let’s do some tapping now to release the judgment so we can experience more balance and connection through giving and receiving help.
Imagine yourself asking for help. Maybe it’s something you need help with right now. When you imagine asking, do you feel any tension in your body? Any strong emotions? Any disempowering thoughts? Take note of them and measure their intensity on a scale of 0 to 10. Begin tapping as you focus on your answers. This tapping script may help you.
Karate Chop:
Even though I have this anxiety around asking for help, I love and accept myself. (
Repeat three times.
)
Eyebrow:
I can’t ask for help.
Side of Eye:
It feels wrong.
Under Eye:
I have to do it all to prove I’m enough.
Under Nose:
To be a strong, intelligent woman …
Chin:
I should be able to do it all myself.
Collarbone:
To ask for help is to admit failure.
Under Arm:
Is this really true?
Top of Head:
These stories I’ve been telling myself …
Eyebrow:
These fears around asking for help …
Side of Eye:
What if they say no?
Under Eye:
What if I’m a burden on them?
Under Nose:
It’s okay if they say no.
Chin:
The same way it’s okay if I say no.
Collarbone:
I am calm and clear.
Under Arm:
It’s safe to receive help …
Top of Head:
The same way I give help.
Take a deep breath and check in with how you feel. Measure the intensity again and continue tapping until you experience relief.
How Self-Care Is Easy and Valuable
When I share self-care tips with students and clients, they’re often hesitant and skeptical at first. “Pleasure is too easy, and self-care is too selfish,” they may say or just think to themselves. Until they do some tapping and try practicing self-care, the benefits of pleasure don’t compute.
I understand that. Many of us, including me, have had the limiting belief that when something isn’t hard, it isn’t valuable. We have spent years mastering the art of feeling overwhelmed, convinced that we have no choice but to feel consumed by stress. Over time feeling overwhelmed has become an ingrained habit. It’s how we live our lives.
Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is selfpreservation.
–
AUDRE LORDE
When we tap and let go of the feeling that supported our habit of always being overwhelmed, the habit may still be in place. Habits are easier to change once we’ve cleared the negative emotion that fueled them, but to break a habit completely, we often need to take action.
When it comes to pleasure and self-care, many of us are simply out of practice. To make it a daily habit, we may need to make a conscious effort to replace our old habit of stress with a new habit of self-care. Lucky for us, practicing pleasure is … well … pleasurable!
Happiness is directly linked to how much pleasure and self-care we allow ourselves to experience. It’s time to stop pretending that other people can give us happiness and instead, give it to ourselves. “Because it makes me happy” is the most valid reason to do almost anything.
That leaves us with one last question: how can we begin practicing self-care and experiencing more pleasure? To answer that question, I’m sharing my favorite self-care tips. You’ll find that these are simple ways to practice self-care. There is no struggle, and many of them are free as well. When it comes to pleasure, easy is often the best.
Note:
If you find your mind resorting to worry, stress, and negative self-talk, take some time to tap on what’s bothering you. By tapping first, you can retrain your mind to understand that it’s okay to relax and enjoy yourself. Here are some of my tips for practicing more self-care and experiencing more pleasure:
Differentiate between personal development and self-care.
First we need to understand that personal development and self-care are not always the same thing. While our desire to develop spiritually, emotionally, and physically is positive, personal development can also be hard work. Self-care is giving ourselves a break from the many different kinds of hard work we do. Learning how to improve ourselves is incredibly important and valuable, but when we practice self-care, we need to allow ourselves to relax the mind and be present in the body.
Do nothing (or at least, very little).
We spend so much time and energy running around tending to our To Do lists that we forget to stop, even when we’re exhausted and overwhelmed. Instead of trying to move faster and do more, take some time to experience nature and let your mind wander. You might cuddle your pet, do some knitting, color in your children’s coloring books, soak your feet in warm water, or stare at your favorite painting. Try anything that feels relaxing—for no reason at all.
Make your living environment more pleasurable.
Sometimes tiny changes, like a flower on your dining room table or desk, can make all the difference in how you feel. I often light a beautiful candle while I’m working. When I make my green juice, I drink it from a wineglass because it feels more pleasurable that way. Just by focusing on how to bring more pleasure into your everyday life, you will find yourself making little but important changes that make you feel good. Look at your living environment and ask yourself,
How can I make this space more pleasurable to be in?
Start a gratitude or pleasure journal.
We can get so busy that we forget to notice what we love about our lives. Make a habit of writing down what you’re grateful for in a journal each night, and what brought you pleasure that day. Nothing is too small or big to write down, so whether it’s a cool breeze or an endearing moment with a loved one, jot it down. It’s a great way to bring more pleasure into your life and to notice how much pleasure and love you already have.
Expand your joy bubble.
This is one of my favorite happiness exercises. Whenever you have a minute, whether you’re walking, waiting somewhere, or doing something else, consciously think of something that brings you joy or makes you laugh or feel grateful. Focus on it and let yourself feel that positive feeling in your body, letting the energy of happiness expand there. For me, it feels almost like a warm bubble in my heart center, and as I focus on things that make me feel good, the bubble expands. Try it as often as you can. The more we’re in that happy energy, the more amazing things tend to happen in our lives. After I began practicing this, I found a quote by Paramahansa Yogananda that explained what I was intuitively doing to feel more joy:
When a little bubble of joy appears in your sea of consciousness, take hold of it and keep expanding it. Meditate on it, and it will grow larger. Keep puffing at the bubble until it breaks its confining walls and becomes a sea of joy.
Put on that lipstick.
Taking time every day to put on clothes and makeup that make us feel good isn’t vanity; it’s an important way to care for ourselves and celebrate our beauty. We need to stop selling ourselves short by hiding under ill-fitting clothes and not taking time to do our hair. Spending five to ten minutes on your hair, makeup, and clothes each morning is often enough to change your energy throughout the entire day. When you see your own beauty, enhancing it is a way of expressing self-love and respect.
Focus on sleep.
Too many of us aren’t getting enough sleep, and it’s time we made it a bigger priority. One thing I’ve found helpful is to figure out how long it actually takes me to get to bed. Between tapping, washing my face, and sometimes doing some yoga to relax, it takes me 75 to 90 minutes to get into bed. (I happily embrace my daily habit of what some people call “dilly dallying.”) Knowing this helps me plan ahead and start early enough to get a good night’s sleep.
It’s also important to look at how you use your time at night. Studies show that the light from computer screens, digital reading devices, and televisions can interfere with sleep, so it’s a good idea to turn off your television and shut down all digital devices at least an hour before you go to sleep. Instead, do some tapping, write in your gratitude and pleasure journal, or read a magazine or book.
Go here to listen to my tapping meditation for getting a restful night’s sleep:
www.TheTappingSolution.com/chapter11
.
Always see the magnificence in the mundane.
Throughout the day, look at what you’re doing and ask,
How can I make this more pleasurable?
For me, cleaning the house is more pleasurable when I listen to an audio book. Standing in line at the grocery store is more pleasurable when I think about things that excite me.
Allow yourself to feel moved by a song on the radio, or look closely at a blade of grass and marvel at its beauty and strength. Be enthusiastic about something—anything! Notice how soothing it feels to hold a warm cup of tea in your hands. Stand outside, close your eyes, and lift your face to the sun and feel the warmth sink into your soul. Instead of just pushing your child on the swing, get on the swing yourself. Slip into the swimming pool and be present with the sensation of the water swishing around your legs.