Read The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss & Body Confidence Online
Authors: Jessica Ortner
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Diet & Nutrition, #General, #Women's Health
Surfing the Internet Is a Distraction, Not Self-Care
Many women I work with share that they often spend time at night surfing the Internet and Facebook because they feel like they give so much to everyone else that they need some time to numb out.
Surfing the Internet is not self-care. It’s a way of distracting ourselves that often increases stress and deprives us of quality time with ourselves. If you find yourself overgiving to others all day long, it’s time to create healthy boundaries so you don’t feel a need to numb out at the end of the day.
For some of us, disconnecting from technology can feel uncomfortable. Several years ago I did a social media and technology “detox” while traveling in China. It wasn’t planned, and feeling disconnected from the social media world made me a bit anxious for the first few days—but after those first few days, I didn’t miss it. In fact, I was able to enjoy the simple pleasures of daily life a lot more without constantly checking my phone and connecting to social media.
I now make a habit of occasionally doing a social media detox. When we focus on everyone else’s lives, we have less time to cultivate our own. I sometimes block social media for entire weekends, and I highly recommend trying this periodically.
Being playful and silly doesn’t lower your IQ. Being optimistic doesn’t make you naïve. As women, we are dynamic. Sometimes we need to have serious business conversations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t let ourselves be carried away by positive emotions afterward.
When we use tapping to clear our blocks to self-care and pleasure and begin celebrating ourselves and the magnificence that surrounds us, we can finally notice and embrace the light and love that have always been all around us. That is when the true magic of transformation happens, not just in our hearts, but also in our bodies.
Overcoming Blocks to Self-Care and Pleasure
Karate Chop:
Even though I’ve had all this resistance to seeking pleasure, I love and accept myself and I’m okay. (
Repeat three times.
)
Eyebrow:
It doesn’t feel right to take time for myself.
Side of Eye:
There is too much to do.
Under Eye:
Too many people depend on me.
Under Nose:
I just don’t have the time.
Chin:
All this fear around what might happen …
Collarbone:
If I decide to take a break.
Under Arm:
I care so deeply …
Top of Head:
That I feel the need to worry.
Eyebrow:
I just can’t let go of control …
Side of Eye:
And take a break.
Under Eye:
I must keep going.
Under Nose:
I must keep pushing.
Chin:
That’s what people value about me.
Collarbone:
Is that really true?
Under Arm:
This story I’ve been telling myself …
Top of Head:
About why I can’t take time for myself.
Eyebrow:
I’ve been made to believe …
Side of Eye:
That love means I need to worry …
Under Eye:
That caring means I need to worry.
Under Nose:
I can love and care deeply …
Chin:
While letting go of this worry.
Collarbone:
I have faith things will work out.
Under Arm:
It is safe for me to relax …
Top of Head:
And open my mind to the possibilities.
Eyebrow:
It’s safe to take time for me.
Side of Eye:
As I begin to value my time …
Under Eye:
Others begin to value my time.
Under Nose:
As I say no to others …
Chin:
I say yes to myself …
Collarbone:
Yes to self-care …
Under Arm:
Yes to pleasure …
Top of Head:
Yes to joy.
Eyebrow:
As I do this …
Side of Eye:
Miracles appear in my life.
Under Eye:
I notice all the support around me.
Under Nose:
I begin to trust in life.
Chin:
I begin to trust my inner voice.
Collarbone:
I know what is right for me.
Under Arm:
I choose to feel good for no reason …
Top of Head:
And inspire others to do the same.
Eyebrow:
I make pleasure easy.
Side of Eye:
I don’t need the perfect moment to feel good.
Under Eye:
I choose to feel good now.
Under Nose:
I release the need to make life hard to prove my value.
Chin:
I now find ways to make life easy because I know my value.
Collarbone:
It is safe for me to take time for myself.
Under Arm:
It is safe to be happy for no reason.
Top of Head:
It feels so good to feel good.
“I
finally feel comfortable in my body. I feel beautiful!” Celina shared during a live call in my class. She didn’t feel like she needed to lose any more weight. She was healthy and finally able to appreciate her body.
Just as I was about to respond, she asked, “So I’m wondering … when am I done?”
“Done with what?” I asked.
We both laughed. “I don’t actually know!” she said. “I guess I’ve spent so much time obsessing over my weight, I don’t know what to do now. And I’m wondering when I need to stop doing this kind of work.”
When we wonder,
When am I done?
we need to stop and ask a different question:
How can I make my journey more pleasurable?
This is life, and life is a process. Taking care of our physical and emotional health and wellness never ends. We’re not here to find the finish line—we’re here to enjoy the journey.
When we let go of limiting beliefs and emotions, life becomes even more amazing than we could have ever imagined. Even then, however, we never get to that moment when we don’t have a single doubt or insecurity. The difference is that when we hear those voices, they no longer control us. We realize that emotions like joy, happiness, and gratitude are always within our reach.
Caring for the body and learning to love it even more continues to be a daily practice long after we’ve lost weight. Just as we don’t shower once and say, “Well, that’s it! I’m so clean now, I never need to shower again,” we’re never done with this process. While we’re becoming our best selves and living our best lives, we can’t help but pick up more dirt along the way. It’s part of the human experience.
Using tapping on a regular basis, we’re able to stay grounded in the body. When we hear those voices in our heads saying, “You’re not good enough” or “You’re not pretty enough” or “You can’t do this,” we can remind ourselves that these voices are just little mounds of dirt that we need to clear away; they’re not who we are. When we hear them, we don’t need to panic. Instead, we can regularly use tapping to clear them, the same way we shower regularly.
Through tapping, we also stay tuned in to what we need in body, mind, and soul. We can release the need to “fix” ourselves and “finish” the journey, and be present with what is, right now. We then see more clearly how food and movement affect us; we sense the body’s need for more sleep or more fulfillment at work or more open communication in our relationships. The more we learn about how this amazing body of ours works, the more fascinating it is and the easier it is to live in a way that supports the body, so the body can support us in turn.
We find that when we allow ourselves to be present in our own lives, the journey feels much bigger and more rewarding than those so-called “after” pictures could ever be. We transform from the inside out, always loving ourselves and our bodies more and more. While the weight loss and renewed health and vitality feel great, we soon realize that shedding the weight was just a side effect of our commitment to express greater love toward ourselves.
In order to step fully into this larger journey, however, we must first let go of the resistance many of us experience, whether consciously or unconsciously. That’s what we’ll explore in this chapter.
What Should I Do When I Fall Off the Wagon?
One of the most common questions I hear is, “What should I do when I fall off the wagon?” Unless you’re a character from
Little House on the Prairie
, chances are you have rarely, if ever, been on a wagon. And since you’re reading this book, I’ll assume you’re not on one now.
There is no wagon.
This is your life. Just as when we search for a finish line that doesn’t exist, when we worry about falling off some imaginary wagon or believe we’ve already fallen, we rob ourselves of the power of being present in the moment. If we gain some weight or eat in a manner that isn’t ideal, instead of shaming ourselves we can simply choose something better next time: a more loving thought and action.
When you get caught up in the mentality of having fallen off an imaginary wagon, begin by getting clear on what emotions come up: anger, frustration, sadness? Allow those feelings to be your tapping targets. Then tap on your beliefs around the wagon itself. This tapping script may help you to begin integrating this new way of thinking.
Karate Chop:
Even though I feel like I fell off the wagon, I accept myself. (
Repeat three times.
)
Eyebrow:
I fell off the wagon.
Side of Eye:
I was doing so well.
Under Eye:
I was so motivated …
Under Nose:
And then I messed up.
Chin:
I made a mistake …
Collarbone:
And I fell off the wagon.
Under Arm:
I was doing perfectly …
Top of Head:
Then I messed it all up.
Eyebrow:
There is no wagon.
Side of Eye:
This is my life.
Under Eye:
I have this moment …
Under Nose:
To choose a more loving thought and action.
Chin:
Perfection is a myth.
Collarbone:
I find peace in this moment.
Under Arm:
I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
Top of Head:
I take action now to love and care for my body.
Take a deep breath and check in with how you feel. If certain emotions, like frustration or anger, come up, be more specific with your tapping and target those until you experience relief.
Hello, Old Pattern
I still fall into old patterns myself, but when I notice myself going into one I literally say, “Oh, hello, old pattern. I don’t have time for you.” Then I choose a different pattern. I don’t need to panic, call myself a failure, or throw my hands up in the air because I’m “hopeless.” Instead, I feel proud and excited every time I catch myself falling into it, that sneaky little bugger! Then I get curious.
Do I have more tapping to do or have I just slid into the familiar because I haven’t practiced a newer and healthier pattern enough?
The Weight of Perfection
Carolyn’s love affair with dance began in college. Dancing felt like who she was, so when she wasn’t sleeping, she was sure to be dancing. One day as she was leaving dance class, her teacher, who was also a famous modern dance choreographer, stopped her. Looking at Carolyn with disapproval that bordered on disgust, she told Carolyn that she’d never make it as a dancer with “that body.” Carolyn either needed to stop eating or abandon the dream of a professional career in dance, she said. Stunned and heartbroken, Carolyn soon transferred to a major in acting, which still allowed her to dance but less often.
… if you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
–
ROALD DAHL
Now a mother of two, Carolyn has long been dreaming of teaching yoga but has felt too ashamed of her body to try. Since college, not being perfectly skinny has meant that she can’t use or show her body in that way. After expressing her fears to the women in my class, Carolyn was quickly overwhelmed by their support. Over and over again, women wrote in that they wished they could learn yoga from someone who wasn’t perfect, but real. What she had long seen as her biggest flaw—not being “perfectly skinny”—was no longer an obstacle to sharing her talents.
As women, we are taught that having high standards is good and that striving for perfection makes us more valuable. The truth, though, is that the pressure to be the perfect amount of everything is driving us all crazy. From one day to the next, we’re supposed to be thin but not too skinny; beautiful but not too sexy; strong but also feminine; caring but not too emotional; independent but not cold; confident but not self-absorbed; nurturing but not self-sacrificing. When we try to apply these standards to having the perfect weight loss journey, body, nutrition, exercise schedule, or even the perfect tapping experience, we find that “perfect” is never perfect enough.
Then we give up on ourselves because we think,
What’s the point of trying so hard if I can’t ever be good enough?If I can’t be perfectly beautiful, I might as well wear baggy pants and an oversized sweatshirt again.There’s no point in making my hair look nice,
we tell ourselves,
when my thighs look like
this.
I can’t spend time on myself or my self-care because I’m too big,
we say.
I can’t realize my dreams, speak my mind, pursue my ideas, or share what I know until I lose the weight.
The pressure to be perfect and look perfect is never ending and all consuming. Our desperation for perfection makes us feel hopeless and out of control. Then we go from eating one chocolate to eating the entire bag because we believe we’ve already ruined this attempt at the perfect diet. The idea that there is a perfect diet, weight, and “after—weight loss” life where we have perfect thighs, butts, stomachs—and careers, homes, and relationships—is a belief that prevents us from feeling happy now.
We are women. We are emotional human beings, and sometimes we are more graceful than at other times. That’s okay. That’s how we’re supposed to be. We don’t need to be or look perfect, but we do need to allow ourselves to be in the present moment and to love ourselves and feel good in our bodies, regardless of our weight, as often as possible.