She wiped her eyes, her face so white. “There’s something else I’ve wanted to apologize for.” She sighed. “I never should’ve withdrawn all that money from the bank. I should’ve asked you first.”
“Shh, love.” He stroked her face.
“Should’ve told you what I had in mind.”
“What’s done is done.”
“But, still, I – ”
“We’ll start fresh from this day forth.” With that, Judah rose and pulled her to her feet, taking her in his arms. “I’ve always loved you, Lettie. Always.”
She nodded slowly and looked up, gently touching his beard. “I’m going to need you, Judah... for what’s comin’.”
He slipped an arm around her waist, knowing she meant the kneeling confession. “We’ll trust the Lord for the outcome.”
“Whatever it may be,” Lettie whispered, leaning her head on his chest.
twenty-three
Heather felt encouraged later that morning, and a visit from Sally Smucker – a true cancer survivor – was a big reason for it. She and Sally walked together along the creek bank and discussed Heather’s daily routine, as well as the various methods of cleansing. Everything from herbal methods to deep tissue massage and hydrotherapy – alternating hot and cold showers to jump-start the immune system. They both had a little laugh over people like the Polar Bear Club enthusiasts, who swam in icy waters in January, claiming it made them stronger.
“But, hey, I’m open to anything natural that’s worked for others,” she said to Sally. “Within reason.”
“An open mind and a cheerful spirit can be mighty helpful,” said Sally. “I needed a plucky attitude to help me get through detox... and beyond. The work of healing needs to continue when you leave this place, too,” Sally added. “The staff here gave me suggestions about further ways to continue healthful eating,” she said. “I was so grateful.”
“I worry about that sometimes,” Heather admitted.
Sally stopped walking and turned to face her. “What would you think of coming to live with me for a while after the lodge stay? I’d be happy to help oversee your diet, if you’d like.” She smiled with understanding. “It’d be too bad if you couldn’t continue, ’specially when you’re already making this kind of commitment.” Here, Sally glanced back toward the lodge.
“You must be my guardian angel,” Heather said, greatly relieved.
“Goodness, I’ve never been called that before.”
“Well, I’m surprised.”
“So, you’ll come?” Sally asked as they walked on toward the road.
“It’s very nice of you, Sally. Maybe for a few days.” Heather wondered what her dad would say to this, since he’d mentioned last evening he was set on their seeing her oncologist as soon as possible to get a
“medical opinion”
of the results of her treatment here. Heather, though, thought she’d possibly seek a second opinion from another doctor.
Dad might dig in his heels again....
But... wait. What if LaVyrle was the one to suggest Heather stay on at Sally’s? She might simply put a bug in Dr. Marshall’s ear and let
her
persuade Dad.
Perfect!
Sally and Heather continued walking, the midmorning sun warm on their faces. The light filtered over them like a happy memory. Soon they came to a flat ledge overlooking the briskly flowing creek. “I came here to pray sometimes,” Sally said in a near whisper. Even to Heather, it seemed the ideal location for someone who felt they had to talk to God.
“On my fifth day here, I actually felt like I might die.” Sally paused to look around. “I experienced a strange sensation over and over, like I was sinking. I can’t describe it really, but it frightened me... and I called out to the Lord that day from this very spot.”
When they began walking again, Heather was glad to get her mind off the dreaded “fifth day.”
“My strawberries are near ripe,” Sally said. “I’m goin’ to make jam next week with Marian Riehl and Adah Esh at Adah’s place.”
“Oh, I’d love to observe your jam making, and I’d really like to see Marian Riehl again. What would you think of that?”
“Comin’ to put up jam... or visiting with Marian?”
Heather laughed at Sally’s delightful teasing.
“You
should
join us, Heather.”
“I certainly will.”
“All right, then. A week from Friday’s the day – come in the morning. We’ll have us a right
gut
time together.”
Lettie sat in their family buggy with Judah by her side, observing the beauty around them. It was the same stretch of road she’d ridden last Sunday night on the way to Preacher Smucker’s place. But now...
now
she was going home.
Lettie suddenly realized she was literally holding her breath. She took in the verdant landscape surrounding Beechdale Road, seeing it with new eyes.
What will life be like for us... now that my family knows the ugly truth about me?
She glanced at Judah, who seemed relaxed, the reins hanging loose in his tan, callused hands.
“Nervous?” He reached for her hand.
“A little hard not to be.” She was thankful for his touch. “And, to be honest, sometimes I worry what might happen if the girl I gave up appears on our front porch one day. How would you feel?”
She couldn’t blame him for not answering right away. It was obvious from his face that Judah was working through the idea now, finding his way through the emotional upheaval she’d caused. A life-altering circumstance, for sure and for certain.
I was awful selfish.
She recalled Minnie’s words:
“What if your daughter doesn’t want to be found?”
She shuddered. She could only imagine what her poor children must be thinking; they’d said so little on the subject when she’d told them. Undoubtedly all the family preferred not to know.
“If your long-lost daughter comes callin’, we’ll be well-mannered,” Judah said quietly.
She turned, surprised. “I’m walkin’ on pins and needles... second-guessing near everything I’ve ever said... and done.”
“Wouldn’t be natural otherwise.” He glanced at her, then back to the road. “Your mother says your child with Samuel wasn’t placed with an Amish couple.”
“What?” She shook her head, aghast.
“Adah has a letter with the doctor’s name and whatnot all.”
“She does?”
He merely nodded.
Why didn’t Mamm tell me this yesterday?
Unsure what to think, Lettie reminded herself to trust in the Lord. Oh, she must.
She watched as the edge of Andy Riehl’s front lawn came into view, even before their grand old house appeared. Her eyes swept the sheep fence to the south and the grazing land closer to her own house. To the left, it looked like someone had come and scalped the little woodshed. She stared at it, taken with the structure, laid bare now for all to see.
Without those miserable vines.
Then, looking the other way, Lettie spotted the familiar front porch and the wooden swing hanging there. The appeal of their home nearly took her breath away. “Oh, Judah...”
“You all right?” He looked at her tenderly.
In a minute or two she would see, once again, her handsome sons and sweet daughters. Yet her neck tightened at the thought of living again under the same roof with her parents.
Will things truly be different between us?
A refrain of birdsong met Grace’s ears as she finished shaking the throw rugs outdoors before the noon meal. She glanced at the bird feeders, filled just so for Mamma’s return.
The sky was nearly cloudless and as blue as she imagined the ocean might be on such a pretty day. A quiver of a breeze rustled her Kapp enough to send the long strings floating up momentarily, then down.
When she heard Dat’s buggy pull into the driveway, she hurried inside and dropped the rugs in a heap on the kitchen floor. “Quick, Mandy... Mamma’s here!” she called up the stairs.
Mandy came running down, past Grace and straight through the kitchen, bursting out the screen door. Going to stand by the door, Grace covered her mouth as Mandy rushed right into the buggy and hugged Mamma. Grace could hear her sister’s endearing welcome mixed with joyful tears.
Show mercy, indeed...
Soon Adam and Joe came running from the barn to the buggy. Adam went to stand directly at the side of the carriage, waiting to assist their mother down. But when Mamma needed no such help, Adam grinned all the same, seeming to enjoy his attempt at chivalry.
Just as quick as Mamma had climbed down from the buggy, she opened her arms to Mandy and Adam and Joe, all of them jabbering in Deitsch.
Dat stood on the perimeter of the huddle and tried to be discreet about mopping his brow. He glanced back at the house – at Grace – and their eyes met.
“Mamma’s finally home,” she whispered, looking at her father, his lined brow ever so soft now.
What he’s been through... bless his dear heart.
Grace pushed open the kitchen door and walked across the yard to join them, letting Mandy keep her place nestled against Mamma. “Willkumm home, Mamma,” she said as Adam stepped back, then slipped his long arm around their mother’s rounded shoulders. “Mandy and I’ll cook whatever you’d like for dinner, won’t we?” Grace said, smiling at her sister.
“What’ll it be?” Mandy asked Mamma.
Their mother reached into her sleeve and pulled out a hankie. When she’d regained her composure, she said, “What if the three of us cook together?”
“Wonderful-
gut
!” Mandy exclaimed.
“Jah, I’d like that.” Mamma exchanged loving glances
with Dat.
Then, here came Dawdi and Mammi, smiling as they strolled outside together. Mamma burst into a smile at the sight of them. “We’re glad you’re home, Lettie,” Dawdi Jakob said, his deep voice ringing out strong as he leaned on his cane.
Mammi Adah’s chin quivered, and the three of them opened their arms to each other. Witnessing this loving embrace, Grace felt her heart might break anew. It was all she could do not to weep right along with them.
What joy it was, having Mamma working in the kitchen again! Grace kept looking over at their mother’s gentle face as they set to creating a memorable feast.
Mammi Adah had already brought over freshly made bread and apple butter, and the ingredients for two side dishes – crushed corn fritters and sour cream cabbage – she’d planned for her and Dawdi. Grace was delighted her grandparents were still taking the noon meal with them. She certainly did not want to go back to the estrangement between daughter and parents that had existed prior to Mamma’s leaving.
When it was time to call the men, instead of ringing the dinner bell, Grace hurried to the sheep barn. She could hardly wait for all of them to sit down as a family.
Together at last!
Once she’d announced dinner was on the table, Adam and Joe ran ahead of her toward the house. It was Yonnie who fell into step with her while Dat made himself scarce, saying he needed to check on one more lamb. It seemed obvious to Grace that he wanted Yonnie to have a chance to talk with her alone.
“I won’t be stayin’ for the noon meal today,” Yonnie said unexpectedly. “It’s a special time for your family... a reunion, really.”
“That’s up to you.” Her voice was a thin thread. She wanted him to know he was still welcome.
“Also, Daed wants me to start workin’ with him – as his business partner at the buggy shop. I’m starting first thing tomorrow. I just told your father.”
Her hands fell limp at her side. This felt so sudden. “I’m sure Dat will miss your help,” she eked out.
He gave her a brief smile, then looked more serious again. “It must be mighty
gut
havin’ your mother home.”
She nodded, unable to speak.
“Well, I’d better get goin’.”
Her heart pounded as Yonnie headed toward the road, on foot as was his usual way. Hoping he might turn and give her at least an enthusiastic wave, as he sometimes did, she watched... and waited.
Yonnie kept going, never once looking back. And Grace was startled at how quickly her happiness had waned.
Lettie could hardly keep her smile in check, moving about the kitchen as she served her family on this, her first day home. More than ever before she delighted in sitting near Judah, having sorely missed her place at this table. And while Grace and Mandy were clearly accustomed now to getting the meals and redding up the kitchen, she was sure they would gladly surrender the primary responsibility, given time.
It’s my duty, after all.
During the silent blessing, she thanked the Lord for traveling mercies... and for such a compassionate and forgiving family. When she raised her eyes at the amen,
she caught her mother’s warm gaze.
Suddenly, Judah covered her hand with his, just as Hallie’s husband had done at their table. Lettie caught her breath – such open affection between them was entirely new.
“I want to say something before the food is passed.” Judah looked her way, then around the table at each one present. “My wife has returned.” His voice did not waver. “God has forgiven her and we, as a family, offer her our forgiveness, too.”
Tears threatened her vision as Judah squeezed her hand.
“Let’s rejoice together,” he said before reaching for the meat platter.
Lettie dared not look across at her parents, lest she weep openly. She was certain they, too, were moved by Judah’s words. Oh, such love welled up for her husband. Never had she heard him express himself so freely. Never!
Once the leftover food was put away and the dishes and pots and pans were washed and dried, Lettie hurried across the house to find her mother. She fairly bumped into Mamm in the hallway. “Ach, sorry... are you all right?” She steadied her.
Mamm broke into a small smile. “I was just comin’ to find
you
, Lettie.”
Lettie bit her cheek, worried what she might have on her mind: She knew that look on her mother’s face all too well. Somewhat reluctant now, she followed Mamm into the front room.
When they were seated, Mamm fiddled with her apron. Lettie looked into her deeply lined yet sincere face. “I’m awful concerned ’bout something.”
“What is it, Mamm?”
“When you make your confession before the membership... must you reveal everything? I mean
all
the personal details?”
“I want to do the ministers’ bidding... to come clean.”
“’Tis a thorny issue, the confession.”
Lettie replied softly, “It’s up to the bishop what questions are asked of me.”
Mamm’s lips drew into a stiff line, and her cheeks flushed. She sighed and reached into her pocket. “I’ve had this letter since Minnie Keim passed it on to me years ago – information about the doctor and the lawyer who placed your baby.” She stared at it for a moment. “The letter was meant for both of us, but I was worried you might change your mind after the baby’s birth, so I hid it away.” She gave Lettie the envelope. “I did you wrong, Lettie. The information there might’ve kept you from leavin’ your family as you did.”