thirty-seven
Depleted of energy but filled with peace, Lettie was thankful for Judah’s presence as they waited to be called inside for the common meal of cold cuts. She was aware of a yellow warbler in a tree up the slope, calling a rapid and musical song to its mate:
sweet-sweet-sweet.
Over in the meadow, teeming clusters of pink cup-shaped mountain laurel flourished. The world struck her as incredibly beautiful.
Judah said not a word to her, but his being there was a comfort. Had he not come for her following her confession, she might still be kneeling on the floor. Such a brave gesture; she’d never known any man to assist a wayward wife in such a manner. Thinking of it even now made a lump in her throat.
I am so blessed to have my husband standing by me... despite our past problems.
Preacher Josiah called to Judah. “Mind helpin’ fold down the benches?”
Judah glanced at her, as if to ask whether she’d be all right. She nodded her consent. “I’ll be fine here.”
He seemed reluctant to go, but headed off toward the house to do the preacher’s bidding.
Still hearing the warbler’s pretty song, Lettie wondered where her mother had disappeared to, not having seen her since clasping her hand after the amazing verdict.
Lettie began to walk toward the barnyard, thinking it might help to steady her legs. She felt as if she’d survived a fiery trial, and she raised her face to the sky and thanked God. This was the first day of her new life as a woman cleansed and made whole... and fully accepted.
I will be ever grateful to you, Lord.
Enjoying the sunshine and the summerlike aroma in the noonday air, she noticed her mother coming around the side of the barn with Heather Nelson, the young woman who had made jam with them. “Gracie’s friend,” she whispered, wondering why Mamm was talking with her. “What on earth?”
She caught her mother’s eye just then, and Mamm and Heather hurried toward her. Their eyes were puffy and red, and they both appeared to be somewhat dazed. None of what she saw made one whit of sense.
“Mamm?” she called.
Her mother reached for Heather’s hand, of all things, and led her over the grassy area. “Oh, praise be... you’re here, Lettie.”
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
Mamm and Heather stood there, shoulders nearly touching. “Lettie,” her mother began, the words coming quietly at first. “Years ago, I took something very dear from you – twenty-four years ago, in fact. And now...
now...
I want to...” Adah stopped, her chin quivering uncontrollably. “I want to give... her back.”
Lettie started, her eyes searching Mamm’s. “What are you saying?” She looked into Heather’s face.
Mamm stepped back, folding her hands in front of her. “Heather wants to tell you all about it.” Just that quick, her mother left them alone.
Twenty-four years ago, Mamm took away my firstborn....
Lettie stared in disbelief at the pretty young woman.
Does Mamm mean to say Grace’s friend is
my
daughter? How is that possible?
“Lettie... I don’t know what to say,” Heather stumbled. “It never occurred to me that... I mean, I never thought – ”
It was impossible not to stare at Heather’s face – the way her hairline formed to top off a near perfect heart. She’d never paid much attention to the shape of the girl’s face before now. And there was something about the set of her eyes.
Lettie trembled.
Samuel’s hairline... his eyes
.
Why didn’t I notice before?
Yet, in spite of these resemblances, Lettie felt herself backing away, struggling to acknowledge what was implied here. After the years of yearning and her weeks of searching, had God actually brought her lost daughter into Lettie’s own neighborhood?
Heather’s voice quavered as she shared what she knew about the date and location of her birth – and the fact she had been born of a young Amishwoman. “Initially I thought my biological mother was from Ohio... but it turns out she was only visiting there....”
Lettie soaked in every detail, unable to take her eyes off the girl. Their surroundings seemed to fall away as the two of them became oblivious to anything but each other. “It’s so hard to believe,” she whispered.
“I know what you mean – it’s a little crazy, isn’t it?” Heather broke into a wide smile. “But everything matches up, at least according to what I know... and what your mother says. Right down to the name of the doctor: Joshua Hackman.”
Lettie’s hand flew to her lips as tears sprang to her eyes. She swallowed hard.
“Lettie... I never thought I’d know you,” Heather said, eyes bright. She frowned. “I didn’t think – ”
“How can this be?” Lettie whispered, shaking her head as the truth began to sink in.
“Solid proof is coming by mail,” Heather said. “In a few weeks.”
Lettie barely heard her. Without thinking, she opened her arms to her. “Oh, my darling girl, I’m so sorry.”
Heather stepped into her embrace. “Please, don’t be – ”
“I missed you... all these years.” Lettie was unable to maintain her composure. Then, lest anyone witness their tender exchange, she pulled away. Holding Heather at arm’s length, she looked into her lovely face again.
Together, they fell into step, walking toward the meadow and momentarily abandoning all thoughts of eating or that Heather’s father was waiting to lead her home.
Heather told Lettie about the letter she was expecting from Ohio.
“So, then, all that time I was off lookin’ for you,” Lettie said, “you must’ve been searchin’ for me.”
“Not the entire time.” Heather explained how very sick she’d felt during her lowest point at the lodge. “That was the day I decided to contact the Ohio authorities about my adoption.”
Lettie’s heart dropped. “You’ll be all right, won’t you? You
will
get well?”
“I’m hopeful, but it may take some time. I’ll know better after more tests.”
They talked about Heather’s loving adoptive parents and their interest in Amish country. “We came here together every summer for as long as I can remember. But I never knew until recently that I was of Amish heritage. It’s one of the reasons my dad’s building a house here.”
Lettie was helpless to hold back her tears. “I’ve waited so long for this day.” Deep sobs escaped her chest in waves as she reached again for Heather, closing her eyes as she cradled Heather’s head against her own. “Oh, my dear daughter, I’ve found you at last.”
The Lord giveth and taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord,
she thought, thanking God for His great goodness and mercy.
Grace straightened her long white apron as she watched her mother and Heather make their way through Preacher Josiah’s meadow. She stood near Becky while waiting for the common meal, quite puzzled by what she saw.
Mamma scarcely knows Heather....
She glanced across the yard at Roan Nelson, who was still leaning against his car while talking with Adam and Joe. Unable to dismiss the fact that her mother and Heather seemed surprisingly familiar with each other, Grace shifted her Kapp, helpless to comprehend the scene. It was reassuring to have such a good friend as Becky by her side.
“Your Mamma looks mighty happy,” Becky remarked quietly.
“I’d say she’s joyful, knowin’ she won’t be shunned.
”
Yet Grace wondered if that was the reason for her mother’s blissful expression.
“Will you be at Singing tonight?” Becky asked. “No need being shy ’bout it, ya know.”
Grace knew exactly what Becky meant. “I prob’ly won’t go,” she said, not trusting herself to attend the social gathering. Not after the revelations that had come forth during Mamma’s very public confession. She couldn’t help wondering if Adam and Mandy would attend the Singing tonight, either. The day had been jolting in so many ways.
“Well, I wouldn’t miss it,” Becky told her. “I’ll even come and sit with you, if that’d make ya feel better.”
“It’s best I stay home, considering...”
Becky’s eyes were suddenly downcast. “Whatever you think.”
Priscilla Stahl strolled up to them, a warm smile on her face. “Grace... just wanted to say how glad I am your Mamma’s a member in good standing yet again.”
Well,
this
was unexpected. “Denki,” she said, wondering what more Prissy might say.
“I admire her for owning up to her sins thataway. Sure says a lot ’bout her.” With those words, Prissy looked prettier than Grace had ever noticed before.
“The kind of woman you might want for a mother-in-law, maybe?” Grace teased.
Prissy laughed outright. “I just might... but don’t yous go tellin’ anyone I said so.” With that, Prissy waved and turned back toward the house.
“Ach, what do you make of that?” Grace whispered to Becky.
“Mighty surprising, that one.” Becky poked Grace’s arm and put her hand over her mouth.
The sun peeked out from behind a cloud and shone down on their faces. “Would be a
gut
time for a sun hat, jah?” Grace looked toward the meadow again, bewildered that Heather and Mamma were still out there.
“Gracie,” Mammi Adah called from near the barn, “come... I need to talk to you.”
“I’ll see ya later, Grace – at Singing, I hope.” Becky left to collect her younger sisters.
Mammi Adah’s face beamed as Grace asked about her mother and Heather.
Mammi patted her hand. “Gracie, you may have a hard time believin’ what I have to tell ya....” She explained ever so slowly the mighty convincing connections she had made between Heather and Mamma. “I didn’t dare believe it at first, but the puzzle pieces all fit,” she concluded. “Heather is surely your mother’s first child!”
Goodness!
Grace stared at her grandmother. “What?”
“Are you all right, dear?”
She shook her head. “I honestly don’t... know.” Grace contemplated the many hours she and Heather had shared on their trip – their curious bond from the start: Heather’s willingness to drive her to Ohio, her eagerness to help look for Mamma. The times they’d talked confidentially about their broken engagements, and Heather’s online friend Jim.
Even Yonnie.
As she considered these things, the astounding reality dawned on her, like a daybreak with clouds, diminishing one by one. “Oh, such strange yet happy news!”
Her grandmother’s lips quivered and her head nodded – no longer could she speak.
“Prayer surely brought this gift to Mamma. To us all.” Grace looked over to see her mother giving Heather a welcoming hug, and she felt she was witnessing something almost too personal.
Too dear.
Her grandmother’s eyes followed hers and gazed with love at Mamma and her newfound daughter. Then Mammi Adah turned and regarded Grace again. And there, before her, Grace saw a depth of affection in her grandmother’s blue-gray eyes she’d never observed before. It nearly took her breath away.
Grace looked to the meadow once more, joy for her mother and for her English friend –
my sister!
– flowing through her. How long had she yearned for her mother to be this happy... to find a balm for the ache in her too-fragile heart?
The sweet smell of hay wafted out from the Smuckers’ barn as Heather walked past the wide door and toward the farmhouse with Lettie Byler. She could hardly fathom the remarkable things that had transpired here in the past hour. Her mind reeled, but her heart believed – in every way – that Grace’s mother was also her own.
She smiled now at Lettie, who walked with great confidence – this courageous woman who’d shared about having just offered a confession to the church membership, the reason for her weeping earlier. But Heather did not care to contemplate that, because what the Amish required of their members was their business. She was, on the other hand, incredibly touched by Lettie’s contagious excitement at discovering their relationship on the very day of her repentance.
As they walked, Heather looked at the sky, knowing how pleased her adoptive mother would be to hear this if she were alive.
Do you know, Mom? Do you see how overjoyed I am?
“Can ya stay over another day?” Lettie asked, eyes smiling.
She considered it, knowing she’d have to fill her dad in quickly. “I’d like to... but I want to check with my dad first.”
Lettie appeared to be holding her breath. “I’m sure there’s more than a day’s worth of catchin’ up between us,” she added.
Heather smiled. “Remember, I’ll be back to visit my dad here, once his house and my thesis are finished,” she said. “The first of many visits, I hope.”
That seemed to satisfy Lettie. “Wonderful-
gut,
then
.”
Heather searched the backyard for any sign of Grace.
To think we’re half sisters and didn’t know it!
“If you do stay longer, I hope you’ll spend the night with us,” Lettie said, her voice hopeful.
There was something about the way the woman’s face exuded happiness that tugged at Heather’s heart. “You know what? I’m going to stay – I just am. Thanks.” She spotted her father walking toward the barn with Grace’s brothers, well occupied for the moment.
Her eyes continued to scan the yard. It was Grace, after all, whom Heather most wanted to seek out in the throng of Plain young people now.
What will she think of all this?
thirty-eight
Grace never would have considered attending the Singing at Preacher Smucker’s that night – not with Mamma’s staggering confession still lingering in her mind. But Heather had come to stay and visit with Mamma, so Grace decided to go.
Mamma’s heartfelt confession had shaken Grace... and the whole family. But there was a sense of good things ahead, especially with the news of Heather’s belonging to them. Even Dat had offered Heather a warm handshake and a welcoming smile, treating her as if she were his
own
lost daughter when Mamma introduced them during the common meal.
Grace had hugged Heather after her long walk with Mamma and looked into her face, knowing why they’d felt such a companionable – no,
sisterly –
bond, right from the start. Oh, the
miracle
of God –
His ways are
past finding out!
Presently, Grace made space for Heather to spend the night in her room, offering two wooden pegs on the wall to hang her bathrobe and anything else. “Feel free to pick your side of the bed,” Grace told Heather, still getting used to their kinship.
“I’ll be fine wherever.” Heather went to sit on the bed, seemingly cautious. Was she a little uneasy about sharing the room? Although when Mamma appeared in the doorway, Heather’s face lit up bright as a full moon.
“I have something for you, Heather... if you’d like to have it.” Mamma glanced at Grace and held out a book. “It’s poetry – your biological father loved to read and write it. This book was a birthday present from him to me... the year you were born.”
“Really?” Heather’s mouth dropped open and she rose. “You saved it all this time... for me?”
Mamma fell silent for a moment; then she handed the book to Heather. “You’ll see the inscription inside.”
Carefully, Heather opened the book of poems, slowly turning the pages as if they were somehow priceless. “My father liked poetry?” Heather drew Mamma inside the room, and they sat together on the edge of the bed.
Grace moved toward the doorway. “I’ll be goin’ now, Mamma. Adam’s takin’ Mandy and me to the Singing,” she said.
“You won’t be too late, will ya?” Mamma looked up.
“No need to fret,” she replied, fairly certain she’d return as soon as the actual singing portion of the evening was over. Then, to Heather, she waved. “Welcome to our family,” she said. “I’m so glad to have a big sister.”
Getting up, Heather gave her a hug. “I can’t wait to get acquainted with my entire extended family, too.”
“That could take some doin’!” Grace looked at Mamma, whose eyes brimmed with joyful tears.
“Well, I’m up for it, however long it takes.” Heather gave a quick laugh. “Ain’t so?”
At this, Mamma’s lips spread into a smile. And Grace headed downstairs, her heart torn between Heather – here with Mamma – and seeing Yonnie.
Grace slipped into Preacher Smucker’s big barn unnoticed and went to stand next to the bales of hay. Not seeing Becky yet, she almost wished she’d stayed put at home with her newfound sister.
Across the haymow, Yonnie was talking with several other young men, all of them still wearing their Sunday best – white shirt-sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black trousers, suspenders, and their best straw hats. If she hadn’t known precisely who was who amongst them, she might’ve thought they all looked alike in the dim light of the few lanterns scattered around.
True to her promise, Becky hurried to her side, and they went to sit together on the girls’ side of the long table. Soon the singing began, nearly the same as always, except the songs were a bit faster tonight, with some more “progressive.”
Songs Yonnie’s church youth might’ve sung in Indiana.
She noticed her older brother’s position directly across the table from Priscilla Stahl, like always. But tonight, Grace observed a particular fondness between Adam and Prissy.
Does he know what Prissy thinks of Mamma now?
Much later, when the songs were done, Grace noticed Henry Stahl amble over to Yonnie, and the two of them talked head to head, Henry’s straw hat hiding their faces.
She stiffened as she watched them across the haymow.
What’s Henry telling him?
She could only imagine, given that both fellows and their families had been in attendance at the members’ meeting today.
But the vote was unanimous....
Sighing, she turned to leave, trudging down the grassy barn ramp to the pasture. The moon was scarcely visible now.
Close to the dark side of the month
, she thought. Her friendship with Yonnie was finished – how could it not be? And what about Henry? What concern was it of
his
that Mamma had committed such sin when she was young?
Drawing a long breath, Grace felt nearly too frail to shield herself against the possible ongoing talk.
She walked clear out to the perimeter of Preacher Josiah’s field. The sky had turned completely dark. For a moment, she wished she’d brought along a flashlight.
“Lord, you see me,” she whispered. “You see Mamma, too... and Heather. Thank you for their precious reunion. May it be blessed with understanding and tender mercy.” She still could hardly grasp her family’s new reality.
In the distance, near the barn, she saw a glimmer of light dance back and forth – like a lantern swinging gently. Following the light, she walked in a straight line toward it, keeping her eyes on the mysterious golden glow.
Soon, she realized someone was coming this way, though he or she couldn’t possibly see very far in the pitch-blackness. She wondered if it might be Adam, hoping to find her, worried as he sometimes was.
Now she was within several yards of the light and the person carrying it. Goodness, but she recognized it was Yonnie who carried the lantern.
Looking for me?
Sensing what was surely ahead, she stiffened. Then she heard Yonnie’s voice, pleasant as always. “Gracie... what’re you doin’ out here alone?”
“Just walkin’.”
“Could ya use some light, maybe?” He paused for a moment, then fell into step with her. “Some company, too?”
She laughed a little. He sounded so jovial, but that was Yonnie.
“Your mother’s a mighty brave woman,” he said.
She agreed.
“I wasn’t surprised she was voted back in without a shunning,” he admitted.
A little startled at that, she replied, “Truth be told, I wasn’t sure what would happen.”
“The People here aren’t unreasonable,” he said. “A mighty nice thing.” He added that he had been glad to see her father go to the front to help her mother up. “Somethin’ my own Daed might’ve done.”
His words moved her deeply. “Denki... for that.”
He stopped walking and faced her, the golden circle from his lantern surrounding them. “You know, I wasn’t sure if I should ask you... well, twice.” His subdued laughter carried across the field. “But, Gracie, I’d love to court ya... if you’ll have me.”
Her heart, which had sunk earlier, was beating fine again as her fear began to subside. Yet it was impossible not to recall Henry going out of his way to talk with Yonnie back in the barn.
Still, Yonnie was asking her to be his girl – again!
She pondered his question. They would be a couple, and – fond as she was of him – wouldn’t that be a wonderful-
gut
thing?
As if sensing her uncertainty, he said, “If you’re wonderin’... Henry says you were right to break things off with him. He holds no ill will toward you, Gracie.”
She wanted to cry right there. Her former beau had essentially given his blessing.
Yonnie reached for her hand. “I’m ready to win your heart.”
Tears coursed down her face as Grace looked into his smiling eyes and laced her fingers through his. “Oh, Yonnie... you already have.”