The World's Loudest Armpit Fart (15 page)

The Gala was a great success. The Penleydale Sports Centre gleamed after being scrubbed of all traces of lemon-puff powder. Whistles blew, as families and friends of the swimmers cheered from the packed stand along one side of the pool.

Danny had worked hard practising his racing-dives. He glanced at his mum and dad as his relay race was about to start. Mum raised her arms and did a little clap, and Dad put his thumbs up. When Danny’s turn came, he dived in, swam confidently up the pool and didn’t even notice when he Crossed The Line. Even better, the team went on to win the race!

At the end, all the swimmers were presented with medals by special guest Fred Flatfoot, the Managing Director of Crumbly Crunch Biscuits.

‘Ladies, gentlemen and children, we have one more
special
award to present today, to a very
special
boy,’ he announced. ‘Danny Baker, I am delighted to present you with the first packet of Crumbly Crunch’s new-and-improved recipe, “Danny Baker Lemon Puffs”, in honour of your heroic actions on Lemon-puff-peril Day.’

Danny stepped forward, shook hands with Fred Flatfoot, and took his tasty prize.

‘Ace,’ said Danny.

‘Cool,’ agreed Matthew, gazing at the packet of lemon-puff biscuits. Danny’s name was emblazoned across it in letters two centimetres high. ‘That’s better than having a stand named after you, any day.’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Danny. ‘You can’t eat a stand!’

He held the packet proudly, high above his head. The crowd rose to their feet to applaud their hero, and the cheer that roared through the building seemed as deafening to Danny as the booming of the wild tornado.

‘DA-NNY! DA-NNY! DA-NNY!’

Steve Hartley is a sensible man. He has a sensible job, a sensible family, lives in a sensible house and drives a sensible car. But underneath it all, he longs to be silly. There have been occasional forays into silliness: Steve has been a football mascot called Desmond Dragon, and has tasted World Record success himself – taking part in both a mass yodel and a mass yo-yo. But he wanted more, and so his alter ego – Danny Baker Record Breaker – was created. Steve lives in Lancashire with his wife and teenage daughter.

You can find out more about Steve
on his extremely silly website:
www.stevehartley.net

For Rosie

This is entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance
to the real world is purely coincidental.

First published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books

This electronic edition published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
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ISBN 978-0-330-53346-1 PDF
ISBN 978-0-330-53342-3 EPUB

Text copyright © Steve Hartley 2010
Illustrations copyright © Kate Pankhurst 2010

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