Authors: Dee Henderson
“Thanks.”
“Sure.” His eyes narrowed. She’d been lying about what happened before he reached her and Ryan, or at least not telling him all of it. There was too much terror mixed in with her fear. He saw these kinds of shakes in SEALs only after they got so close to death they were practically tasting it. His hands firmed their grip. “The hard step is over.”
She tried to smile; it rapidly disappeared.
“Relax. Just float for a while. With the vest you don’t even have to tread water.”
She closed her eyes and did as he told her. He watched and slowly saw the tension fade away.
“I’m okay.”
Her fingers were no longer digging into his shoulders. She would be fine. She simply needed to get her confidence back. “Ready to go for a swim?” They would do a lot more than just swim before he was satisfied she was ready to go back to work, but they would take it one step at a time. He knew she could handle anything he tossed at her, but that wasn’t the point. She needed to know she could handle it.
“Yes.”
He unbuckled the life jacket and she ducked her head as he lifted it free. Her hair tangled briefly on the straps and he had to pull her close while he freed it. It wasn’t the first time he had made the realization she felt good in his arms, like she belonged. Easing back, he tossed the vest back up on the boat deck, determined not to let his thoughts go there. “Let’s swim.”
His words were more abrupt than he intended, and her face showed brief hurt before she nodded and turned away. She headed north, swimming parallel to the shore.
Annoyed with himself for being curt with her, Joe watched her briefly, seeing the full extension of her reach, the strong kick, the disciplined way she turned her head to breathe, all the hallmarks of the competitive swimmer she had been since high school. He had always enjoyed watching her swim; although he didn’t necessarily enjoy watching her swim away from him. He moved to catch up with her, using his more powerful kick and longer reach to close the distance.
It had probably been good to make her mad. Her hesitation to be out in the open water had been overcome before she looked around and realized where she was. They swam side by side for almost ten minutes. Joe let her set the pace and distance she wanted to travel. She finally turned on her back with a flutter kick, lifting her face to the sky. “That was fun.”
“You’re stopping already?”
The straight edge of her hand plowed water in his face. Caught by surprise, he swallowed some of it. Amused, he considered retaliating but thought better of it. Her grin was back and he had missed it. “Okay, I guess you deserve a lazy day.”
“Thanks, I’m glad you agree.”
He idly treaded water beside her as she caught her breath. “It’s a beautiful day.”
“Yes.”
Her hair had begun to drift in the water, spread out by the movement of the waves. It felt silky smooth as it brushed against his hand. He wondered if she would mind a compliment.
She turned abruptly to tread water rather than float. “Let’s get back. It’s cold and I’m hungry now.”
He had taken care packing lunch, knowing they needed to talk. “Sounds good to me.”
They were close to the boat when he made himself slow and fall behind her. He knew he needed to do this but hated what it could mean. Friendship demanded thinking about what was best for the other person, and sometimes it wasn’t always being kind. He hoped she was going to be in a forgiving spirit after this.
He silently dropped down below the surface of the water, kicked hard, and grabbed her ankles, yanking her deep under water. They called it pool harassment when you trained to be an Air Force pararescueman, lifesaving in the SEALs, water rescue 101 when you trained as a lifeguard. All were designed to test one thing—if could you think clearly under harassment while under water. If you panicked, you failed, and in a real situation you died. Kelly had to be able to cope with this situation.
He expected the violent kick to free herself and he dropped farther below her to avoid it. In a real life rescue, someone panicking at sea would be trying to climb over her to get to the surface, holding her down, but he let her go immediately, hoping she would react as she had been trained to do, not freeze.
He had to admire her form. She didn’t flounder around or panic, even though she had probably swallowed water and her lungs had to be burning. Once free of his hold, she let herself settle for an instant to get her bearings before moving. It took her only three powerful strokes to break back to the surface.
What he didn’t expect was her almost instantaneous dive back under the water. He was drifting back up to the surface as she made the move. She zeroed in on him. Forced to add a burst of speed to avoid getting caught, he grinned, pleased with her response. Her own speed surprised him—he wasn’t going to be able to make the surface without moving her out of the way. His lungs were beginning to burn. If he didn’t care about the tactics he used, moving her aside would be simple, but he censored most of the moves.
He froze her with a feint to the left and powered to the right.
She still got her hand on his shoulder, delaying him.
He broke through the surface, having to take her with him. He coughed, amused as well as annoyed with himself.
She slapped his back. “Need help?”
“Cute.”
She grinned. “I think I’m fine.” Her hands kneaded his shoulders. “Should I dunk you next?”
“You can try.”
She laughed and turned to swim the last few feet to the sailboat.
He wanted more than friendship with her. Her grin didn’t just make him want to smile back; it made him want more. He wanted exclusivity. He wanted to watch her bloom back to life as she left the past behind.
Lord, I already decided this question.
He had started to talk to her yesterday, to back them
away
from this step. Relationships were fragile things. If anything went wrong, he would be the loser. He thought about it, waiting for logic to overrule the decision, and instead it became more settled. He wanted something more than friendship with Kelly, and he was willing to risk their friendship to see if it could develop. He wanted the right to wrap her in a hug and have her full attention focused on him. She would make his life wonderful, despite all the obstacles that had to be dealt with.
Six dozen roses—he had counted—convinced him that if he didn’t act, someone else would.
If this is a mistake, in about five minutes it’s going to be irreversible.
He swam toward the boat, his jaw set.
She better have meant what she said.
Thirteen
* * *
Life didn’t get much better than this. Kelly stretched out on the side bench cushions and closed her eyes behind the sunglasses, enjoying the gentle rocking of the anchored boat. The chill of the water was fading with the warmth of the sun.
She had done it. She took pleasure in the fact she had beaten her fear. It was a private reason to celebrate and she wasn’t going to let her critical side dismiss it as trivial—swimming at sea, handling getting dunked, had been a big deal. The day had become one to enjoy.
Maybe Joe would let her take the wheel for the sail back down the coast.
“Kelly.” She heard him come up from the galley and take a seat on the opposite bench. He had turned down her offer to help fix lunch, saying something about the galley being equipped for only one. Since she tended to overbake the fish, she hadn’t argued.
“Hmm?” Lunch couldn’t be ready yet, and she didn’t feel like moving.
“We need to talk.”
She didn’t bother to open her eyes. “No, we don’t. Consider it said.” She was too relaxed to tense at the introduction of the subject she had known would eventually get raised. He would just have to forget what she had said.
“I really think we do.”
Something in his voice . . . She turned her head and saw an expression so tender it made her blink.
“I think we ought to start dating.”
She was glad she was wearing his sunglasses—they hid her shock. “You think what?” she asked faintly.
“I think it’s time we started dating.”
His words caused her to swing her feet around so she could sit up. The pit of her stomach dropped. From his tone yesterday, she had dismissed any hope he would respond in this way. “Why?”
His eyes narrowed, and she could see him cover his annoyance. “Didn’t you mean what you said?”
How was she supposed to answer that? She looked away, feeling more vulnerable than she had ever felt in her life. For the last three years she had been doing her best to hide the emotions, protect her heart, and now it was about to be totally exposed.
Don’t be a coward.
She took a deep breath and looked back at Joe. “I meant it. But I didn’t mean to say it.”
“What’s
that
supposed to mean?”
She sighed. “It means I don’t know if I want you to do anything about it.” She reached over for her cold drink and turned the glass in her hands, watching the sweat bead on the outside. “It’s been a hard three years, Joe. I miss Nick, I don’t like being alone, and frankly I’ve been leaning heavily on you as a buffer.”
“You’re lonely.”
She nodded, willing to accept the obvious answer. “When you found me in the water, I wanted to wrap my arms around you, to hold on and never let go. Ever.” She smiled ruefully. “My emotions around you are going crazy at the moment, and I’m afraid it’s because I want someone to rescue me from what is going on in my life.”
She could see in his eyes that her answer had disappointed him. “You told me you loved me,” he said gently.
She bit her lip.
“The words are said. They can’t be ignored. If they were prompted because you need me, do you really think that is so bad?”
“Joe, you’ve never talked about getting married, having a family.” She saw him blink. Kids. He hadn’t thought about that, how important it would be to her. “If we start down the road to being more than friends, there is no way back. I spoke out of place, and it’s best if you simply forget I said it.”
He looked at her a very long time. “I don’t want to dismiss it.”
“Do you feel the same way?” It was hard to ask that question. Part of her wanted desperately to hear
I love you
back, yet part of her was petrified at the idea.
He looked at her steadily. “Kelly, I’ve been trying for months not to risk a good friendship by letting myself speculate.” He gave a slow smile. “But it doesn’t take much thought to know I would love to go out with you and find out just what might be possible.”
She blinked and wished he would tone down that smile a notch. She couldn’t think when he was looking at her that way. And she desperately needed to think. There were so many problems inherent in them being more than friends! Not the least of which was the probability she would walk away with a broken heart when it didn’t work out.
She wanted it to work out. She could be dating Joe if she said yes. It was so tempting just to ignore the uncertainty and agree.
Jesus, why do I have to be noble about this right now? I want to say yes, and here I am trying to think of ways to talk Joe out of it! But he has to know what he’s getting into. He’s my friend; I owe him that.
She took a deep breath. “You still think of me as Nick’s wife.”
“You are.”
She dismissed his immediate reply, was annoyed at it. “You know what I mean. It’s the first thing you think about me. You feel more guilt, more pity that I’m a widow, than anything else.” It felt awful to say those words, but she knew it was a factor. And though it pained her, it had to be put on the table.
“Kelly.” He paused as he chose his words. “I’ll always regret the fact Nick died and that you lost him. And yes, I am uncomfortably aware you are my best friend’s widow. But that is our past. I’m interested in what is in our future.”
“I told myself I wouldn’t get involved with an active duty SEAL again.”
“Understandable. There are numerous reasons to say no, to say let’s just stay friends.” He looked at her with an intensity she didn’t know how to handle. “But I don’t want us to do that. I want to find out if we can be more than friends.”
And if it doesn’t work out, do I lose our friendship?
She was afraid to make the decision. “I don’t know, Joe.”
“Think about it. You know where I stand.” He got to his feet. “Lunch should be ready.”
Kelly was grateful for the pause, giving her time to think. He had just gone out on a limb, and she was going to have to be very careful with her answer.
* * *
Kelly stared at the clouds drifting by as Joe moved around in the galley getting their lunch. Anyone else would be leaping to say yes. How many ladies had she seen trying to get Joe’s attention, to convince him to date, through the years? For Joe to have responded as he did . . . He may have surprised her with his answer, but he was serious.
She was ready to move on, but it still felt disloyal to think about replacing Nick in her life.
“Kelly, if I die, are you going to pull back in your shell, make a saint out of me?”
Nick was stretched out on the blanket beside her, watching the night sky. They were looking for meteorites from the Pegasus shower. For a while the meteorites had been streaking across the sky one every twenty seconds. They had begun to thin out, had dwindled to one every ten minutes or so. Conversation in the quiet night had drifted through numerous topics.
Kelly, holding the binoculars in one hand, glanced down at him and grinned. “Don’t worry. You’re no saint. Not when you leave things that smell dead in the clothes hamper.”
Nick chuckled. “Joe’s the one making up the training schedule. Talk to him about his choice of locations.” He tugged her hand. “Seriously, would you let yourself become one of those Navy widows, constantly living in the past? I would hate that.”