Tuning in to Inner Peace: The Surprisingly Fun Way to Transform Your Life (16 page)

Sitting down alone for a few minutes is the last thing we think to do, and the easiest, most powerful thing we can do.

For the first forty years of my life, I never really argued. But, in a post-divorce relationship, I found myself in intense arguments, every week or so. We argued about everything and nothing: economics, politics, rainbows, and relationships. Most times when the arguing subsided, I didn’t know what happened. It was like when you get tossed upside down by a wave. You’re struggling and swimming for air, but don’t know which way is up. When you make it up for air, that world of tumult is a scary dream, that has no relationship to your normal reality as you bob along the surface and breathe.

He suggested, maybe we should try meditation.

“What?! Are you saying that an hour forced saying nothing would be better than being together naturally?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he replied.

For once, I couldn’t argue. (I tried.)

I picked up guided meditation courses from Pema Chodron that advised to watch your thoughts with an amused chuckle, but not attach to them. I loved listening to her and got a taste of the power of meditation. I was curious but I didn’t stick with it long enough to jar me out of my well-worn ways.

I tried a Zen meditation class, but it wasn’t for me. If my thoughts were a sometimes a problem, they definitely were when I was trying to sit motionless for 20 minutes with a slightly itchy nose. When a monk pulled me out of the class to correct my posture, so I could sit longer, again, my thoughts definitely didn’t quiet down or become more compassionate.

A few months later I saw a sign for a Sahaja Yoga Meditation Class at my local YMCA. I like yoga! And if it’s yoga-meditation, maybe I can handle that. So, I put on my yoga pants and showed up.

Just for clarification, Yoga in the title of that class reflected the meaning: yoga = connection to the divine. So, to my surprise, I found myself sitting in a 90-minute meditation class. The class itself was a combination of discussion, guided meditation, silent meditation, and/or meditating to music.

Sitting there doing nothing, things changed. Getting dinged with nuggets like “Thinking is limited” and “thoughtless awareness”, I was changed. From the first week, I knew I had experienced a subtle, but definite shift in my world.

I wasn’t sure what all was happening to me. Primarily, I just liked it. I felt good during and after class. My research-based mind could not deny that on the days I meditated, my behavior was better. That is, at the end of the day, I just had fewer things to beat myself up about.

Meditation is simply taking a break from the arguing in your head, and realizing there’s nothing to argue about anyway.

Slow-mo

When I started meditating, I started watching my thoughts. For the first time ever, I had a way to get out of the argument with myself. I was able to step back and be the audience, chuckling at the antics as you would observe toddlers bickering over a toy.

By that time, I wasn’t dating the original reason I got into the class, but he and I remained friends. I noticed in the relationship with him, my family members and at work, things changed.

If I was at peace, really solidly grounded, before meeting with someone, I wouldn’t slip into arguments. Instead of immediately reacting to something I heard, with an onslaught of thinking, accusations, and analysis, I could stop. I would set thinking aside for a bit and start with the truth of the situation. That is, you and I are more alike than different. We are connected and I admire you. The words you are saying don’t define our relationship.

Family relationships are the hardest to evolve, because like magnets, we keep snapping back into the original pattern. And so it was with me and several family members. I could head out with the best intentions, but within a few minutes of contact, I’d be complaining, gossiping and talking about people who I had no business talking about. I’d leave and feel terrible.

Once, I was on my way out the door. I had my purse over my shoulder and keys in hand. But I’d felt scattered and uneasy and didn’t want to meet anyone in that condition.

So, I ran back in and plopped down on the floor and set down my keys. Sitting there, I did my grounding meditation. Two hands on the floor, letting the earth (or floor of my third-floor apartment) accept all the negativity. I did a kundalini raising motion. I said affirmations, moving my hand to different locations as I’d been taught. I ended with a protective shielding ritual, moving my hand like a rainbow from side, over the top, down to the other side.

I felt better. I walked out the door and had an easy meeting. Things were said, but my slow-mo response would kick in. I’d hear the words, but I wouldn’t accept them as truth. And I would watch the fury going off in my head too, but I wouldn’t accept that as truth either. Instead, I felt the simple, unarguable deeper truth of love.

I developed a new response. I would sit silently, smiling. It sounds innocent enough, but it’s actually pretty awkward. If you’ve been a partner in gossip and complaining for decades, to simply leave your cohort hanging without reinforcement is noticeable. They are definitely going to think you didn’t hear, and after they repeat it and get the same response, they are going to think you are rude and probably mentally slow.

The other person is going to feel a bit awkward, but it is indeed the best option. This magical combination of slow-mo, silence and smile let me float about the murky knee-jerk habits that had been ingrained forever.

By trial-and-error, I did the research. I learned that making sure I was totally grounded and at peace before I encountered someone was the key to a successful interaction. Then I could grab that split-second of pause, that allowed me to walk a new, wonderful path in my relationships.

Aha, is that what the smile on the seated Buddha statues is all about? Serenity.

Peaceful, Powerful

When I read a fitness book once, they said, do whatever combination you want, but if you just want immediate results, go running!

Meditation has a similarly powerful effect. You can do all kinds of things, but if you just want to cut to the chase, meditate. Or, as my Buddhist friend says they say jokingly, “Sit Down and Shut Up!”

Meditation changed my life for the better, in a profound way. Simply sitting down with the many sides of yourself and making peace, is a surprisingly powerful act.

When you do this, though, you’ll also feel like you are a bit lost and could use a mentor. That’s where audio books, online podcasts or in-person classes come in. Search and keep trying various types. Little by little, you’ll learn more and find one or more that you like.

What is so scary about sitting down doing absolutely nothing for five minutes? Nothing. Try it!

Meditation Research

Since my childhood, much of the advice about health has evolved. While there are many differences of opinion, most converge with some basic advice: Get regular exercise. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Limit processed foods.

Many now espouse that meditation, or mindfulness, should be a basic part of the recipe for good health. And that within a decade, it will be a commonly accepted fact.

A cursory search shows dozens of applications of meditation for improved health. Meditation has been shown in some cases to improve irritable bowel syndrome, lung cancer, acute respiratory infections, sleep disorders and stress in teenagers.

Are you struggling with an addiction or a chronic health condition? Meditation could help! Certainly, it is less expensive and has no side effects, thus making it an attractive alternative to prescriptions or surgery. If you’ve tried everything else, or aren’t sure what to do next, try meditation.

Eastern philosophy often considers a physical illness to be a manifestation of an emotional or spiritual inner conflict that has festered. Meditation is a way to address these conflicts, thus limiting or healing the physical damage. Skeptical? No problem. You don’t have to believe anything about a mind-body-spirit connection. Just act as a scientist. Try meditating and see how you feel.

Exercises

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First, meditate for a few minutes so you will get over any fear or mystery. Sit down for five minutes with no agenda. Set a timer. Don’t get up until the time is up. Sit eyes open, eyes closed, think whatever thoughts you want. Just let five minutes pass. “Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.” Okay. Good!

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Next, start learning about meditation by doing it. This week, go to the library and check out an audio or go online and find a guided meditation. There are many free resources. Look for a guided meditation specifically for beginner’s. I like authors: Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jack Kornfield, Pema Chodron, and the online course of freemeditation.org from Sahaja Meditation but there are dozens to choose from!

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Okay, so now you know that there are many styles of meditation, just as you’d find variety in yoga or other exercise classes! It’s time to go sit with others. Search for a meditation group in your area. Try meetup.com, Buddhist centers, or yoga centers. You might find a Zen Buddhist Center, a Transcendental Meditation class or a meditative yoga class. Many religions have a meditative practice. You just may have to search a bit to find them. Sitting around with people doing absolutely nothing is a bit wacky to our Western mind. But, it’s a quick way to balance yourself, feel better and simply live better. You owe it to yourself to try it!

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Anytime you’re feeling ‘off’, take a few minutes to become still. Don’t call it meditation if that sounds too serious! Just take a break from what you’re in the middle of. Allow yourself to relax and get centered before you interact with someone or return to your work.

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Meditate for improved health. Is there a physical condition or addiction you are battling? Research online to find out if there is a link between meditation and solving that condition. If so, read about it and allow yourself the option that meditation could help you overcome or lessen that issue in your life.

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As with all changes, use your state of inner peace to guide you. Get still and see how you honestly feel. Do you like the meditation class? Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel better? Do you admire the teachers? Do they ‘have something you want’, as in, do they practice something you want to learn?