Authors: Jaime Whitley
“So, I asked Silas how he knew you since neither one of you mentioned it at the signing,” Kristin starts and I immediately feel my face flushing with embarrassment.
I wonder how that conversation went?
“He tells me you guys met when he was in the Army.” Before I can answer her, the charity director taps on the microphone to get everyone’s attention, saving me from this conversation.
“Thank you all for coming out this evening. As you all know, we usually have a guest speaker and a speaker from someone who’s lost someone to cancer. This year we are happy to announce that Adam Levine will be our guest speaker and his band Maroon 5 will be performing as well.” The guests start to clap and she continues, “And our guest speaker will be Joe Mazzola. So, will you please join me in giving Mr. Mazzola a warm welcome.” Again, everyone is clapping and I look over to Declan to ask if he knows anything about this, but the confusion mixed with shock on his face tells me he doesn’t. Immediately I start to panic as I stay rooted in my seat as everyone is clapping.
“Are you okay?” Kristin asks, “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
Silas hands me a glass of water and I take a big sip and place the glass down with my trembling hands. “I had no idea Joe was supposed to give a speech. I have nothing prepared and I don’t know what to say. I can’t go up there in front of all these people!” Silas get’s up and Kristin asks him where he’s going. He doesn’t respond and walks up to the podium. I watch in total confusion as he shakes hands with the announcer and whispers something into her ear. He adjusts the microphone and starts to speak.
“As most of you can tell, I’m not Joe Mazzola. He was unable to make it tonight, and asked me to fill in for him.” As he begins to speak, it sets in what he is doing. He’s totally bailing me out of having to go up there. I am at a complete loss for words as I look to Declan whose mouth is slacking. “I want to thank each and every one of you for coming out and supporting such a meaningful charity. I admire the devotion and hard work that goes into these events, along with the donations made every year. The fact that we can all stand united and say, ‘screw cancer,’ is a great thing. Now, if it’s okay with you I would like to share my story.” Silas tells everyone about his experience with cancer and how he lost his mother. He goes on to tell everyone about people he has met along the way and the friends he has made out of this whole experience. As he continues to talk, I feel like I am zeroed in on him, and the entire room fades away as I hang onto every word he says. He is speaking with such passion; I can’t help but admire him for all he’s been through. My chest tightens as I picture Silas with Erza. If I had any doubts about whether or not he would be a good dad, they just went out the window. My mouth begins to frown as regret sets in. I could have been the one he was here with tonight. I can’t believe I was foolish enough to let this man walk out of my life three years ago. What can I do about it now? Nothing. He has Kristin. I can’t break that up; he looks so happy. Wiping a tear from my eye, I dart my gaze around the room. I am not the only one crying, but I know I’m the only one crying for my own regret, not because of cancer. I feel guilty about it. I’m brought back to reality when Silas finishes up his speech and is met with a standing ovation when he walks off the stage.
“I can’t even thank you enough for what you just did for me.” I stand and give him a hug.
“It was no problem at all. I enjoyed it,” he assures me.
“That was really great of you man,” Declan says, patting Silas on the arm. “That must have been some mind blowing sex you two used to have, because you couldn’t pay me enough to get up there and speak in front of all those people.”
My eyes go wide and my mouth hangs open a little as I clutch tightly onto Declan’s arm. I can’t believe he just said that. And by the look on Kristin’s face, I’m pretty sure when she said Silas told her how we met, he didn’t tell her the whole story. A very shocked Kristin excuses herself from our table and Silas follows her out the door, leaving the ball. I glare at Declan, still trying to convince myself he didn’t just say that.
“What?” he asks, shrugging his shoulders.
“Don’t ‘what’ me. Are you kidding me Declan, why would you even say something like that?” I’m so pissed that the loudness in my voice causes a few heads to turn.
“It’s not like I announced it to the world. Besides, she’s his girlfriend. I figured he told her the truth when she said he told her how you met.”
“Unbelievable.” I shake my head. A server is walking by, so I grab a glass off his tray and down the champagne. There is no reasoning with him, so I drop it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s you will never win an argument with Declan Waterstone.
Chapter 14
Silas
What in the hell just happened? Here I am thinking I’m doing something good and helping Lilly out, only to have it blow up in my face. And who the hell is this Declan guy? What would possibly make him say something like that? This could very well make or break, not only my relationship with Kristin, but the chance of maintaining a friendship with Lilly. My gut feels rock hard and I lift my hand to wipe a bead of sweat dripping down the side of my temple as panic is setting in. This is bad. I never got around to asking if he was her boyfriend or just a friend, but right now, none of that matters. A very pissed off Kristin is storming away from me and I need to try and fix this.
“Kristin,” I’m yelling out to her as I quicken my pace to catch up with her.
“Not now, Silas,” she yells, storming off away from me.
Catching up to her, I place my hand on her arm to get her to stop. She swings around to face me, snatching her arm from my hold. There might as well be steam coming out of her ears. Her body goes rigid and her ice-cold stare is shooting daggers at me. I know this isn’t going to be easy to explain. Knowing Kristin, she won’t make it any easier. “Look, I know you’re pissed--”
“Pissed? No, Silas, I’m not pissed, I’m hurt.” She punches me in my chest before crossing her arms. I would rather her be pissed at me. I don’t like the fact that she’s in pain because of my actions. I want to shield her from bad things, not be the cause of them. My shoulders sag as the disappointment sets in.
“Can we please talk about this somewhere other than here?” I’m not trying to air our dirty laundry in the parking lot of the hotel.
“Fine, we can talk about it on the way to my place. You can tell me about all the times you fucked Lilly behind my back and maybe we can even share a laugh about how big of a fool I must have looked all that time. That’s what you and Lilly do isn’t it? Laugh at how oblivious I am to the both of you? Tell me something Silas, when we went to the book signing, did you really go for me? Or did you go to see her? Was it her neck you wished you were nibbling on while we were in line?”
“What? No! Believe me, you have it all wrong,” I start, but Kristin heads to the car and doesn’t wait for me to open the door for her like she normally does, slamming it shut behind her. My feet stay rooted to the ground and I pull on my hair, letting out a growl of frustration. My love life is fucking imploding and I’m not sure if I can even fix it. The first few minutes in the car are silent. I’m trying to figure out the best way to approach this situation while treading delicately.
“I know you’re upset and I’m sorry I lied.”
“Why did you do it? And how many times?”
“It was only one time, a one-night-stand, I swear.” I figure at this point complete honesty is the best way to go with this or else I risk losing everything.
“Really, Silas?! I don’t care how many times you slept with her. Everyone has a past and we’re going to run into people we’ve had past relationships with. What I do care about is the fact that you
lied
to me. I wasn’t asking how many times you’ve had sex with Lilly, I was asking how many times you’ve lied to me. I never look at you and see a liar. I was glad I never had to worry about something like that with you. Obviously, I was wrong. God, I must have looked like such an idiot standing there while the two of you ‘introduced’ yourselves to each other,” she says, shaking her head and falling silent. Her words sting my insides and I flinch as she calls me a liar.
“Honestly, I think we were too shocked to see each other and I panicked.”
“Why would you panic? If it was a one-night-stand, there would be no reason to panic, unless it meant more than a one-night-stand.” Kristin turns her head and out of the corner of my eye, I can see her eyeing me with a look of worry on her face, “Did it? Did it mean more to you than a one-night-stand?” Suddenly feeling like I’m choking, I loosen the tie around my neck.
“No, well sex wise, no.” I’m struggling with my answer and feel like I’m just digging my grave deeper. Fuck. I know if I continue I will only crush her more. “I want to be honest with you Kristin, but I don’t want to cause you anymore heartache than I already have. You deserve the truth. If you want me to explain everything about that day, I will. I just have a feeling it’s going to make things worse and that’s not what I want to do.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? I want to know everything. I need to understand why you lied to me about her, because I’m having a real hard time wrapping my head around all this.”
“Okay. When I was in the Army, I was finishing up my R&R and flying back to Afghanistan. I fell asleep waiting to board my flight, and Lilly was nice enough to wake me so I didn’t miss my flight. Our seats happened to be next to each other on the flight, as well, so we talked to pass the time. We both had a layover and figured we would go to the bar and have a couple drinks while we waited. What we didn’t expect was our flights getting grounded due to bad weather. The airline made an announcement and I called the nearest hotel to get a room.” We arrive at her place and I keep the car idle and ask, “Do you want to continue this inside?”
“No, just keep going.”
Rubbing the back of my neck I go on, “Well, like I was saying, I called the hotel and booked the last room. It was a suite, so I offered to take the couch so Lilly didn’t have to sleep in the airport all night.”
‘That doesn’t surprise me at all. That’s just the kind of guy you are. Always trying to help others out,” Kristin says, showing the smallest smile before turning away and looking straight ahead. “Keep going.”
I take a deep breath in and let it out, knowing the next part isn’t going to be easy for her to hear. She wants honesty though, so that’s what I’m giving her. “Once we got back to the hotel room we had a couple more drinks on top of what we already had. One thing led to another and we both agreed on a one-night-stand with no strings attached. The next day we would part ways without exchanging information. I didn’t know she was an author. Hell, I didn’t even get her last name, which is why I was so shocked she was the author you wanted to meet and I panicked. We were never supposed to see each other again,” I tell her, hoping we can end this conversation here.
Kristin turns her body in her seat to face me. “So why panic?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Why panic? Why didn’t you just speak up and tell me you know her. Why the big secret?” Her eyes are narrowed and her head is tilted to the side, and I know she’s still confused.
Closing my eyes, I bang my head back against the head rest. “This is the part you’re not going to like.”
“Unless you’re about to tell me you had a love child with your one-night-stand, I think I can handle it.”
I open my eyes and throw my hands up. “Whoa … whoa, no love child here. When we were together, I felt something that I never have before. It was an instant connection and so effortless, kind of like we were meant to meet in the airport. Ever since then it’s like no one … ” I trail off not wanting to finish what I’m saying. This part is going to kill her.
“No one what, Silas?” Her tone is firm, demanding an answer.
Hanging my head, unable to look her in the eye, I say the words that are probably going to crush her. Shifting nervously in my seat, I clear the frog in my throat and I deliver the blow. “No one has ever measured up to her.” I don’t dare look at Kristin. A loud smacking noise fills the car as the side of my face stings from the slap she delivered to my cheek. I don’t say anything about the slap, because let’s be honest, I had it coming.
“Wow, I was wrong. Maybe I can’t handle this conversation right now,” she seethes, reaching for the door latch. I grab her arm and she snaps her head in my direction, so I remove it quickly, wishing I had learned my lesson from earlier. Obviously she doesn’t want me touching her in any way right now.
“Kristin, this in no way affects how I feel about you. I need you to know that. I am being truthful when I tell you I love you.”
“Just not as much as you would love her, if given the chance?” Desperation fills her tone in hopes that my answer will be the right one for her.
I remain silent because I know the answer. If Kristin wasn’t in the picture there would be nothing stopping me from pursuing Lilly. Our connection is undeniable, but timing has not been on our side. I hear the car door open and I know better than to follow Kristin. All it will get me is a door slammed in my face. I look up and she is closing the door, when suddenly she stops and leans back in.
“One more thing,” I nod. “Her books, please tell me they aren’t based on you two.” I open my mouth to tell her yes, but the look on my face must have said what she needed to know. She’s pulls away from the car and throws her hands up. “Just fucking great, all this time I’ve been reading about your cheap ass one-night-stand. I’m going to need time with this, Silas. I’m not breaking up with you, but I need time to wrap my head around all of this.” She slams the car door shut, walking up to her house. After unlocking her door, she steps in, not even giving me a second glance.
I sit in front of her house for a good thirty minutes watching her shadow move around the house, hoping she will come back out and talk to me. With no such luck, I drive home in silence as my mind is replaying tonight over and over in my head. There’s so many different ways I could have gone about having a friendship with Lilly, instead I chose to lie about it. Thoughts of Kristin and Lilly swarm my head, giving me a throbbing headache. Now that Kristin knows everything, do I walk away from her, or stay by her side? Do I give up someone I have in hopes Lilly will want to be with me? Before I make any decisions, I need to figure out who this asshole Declan is, and maybe even punch him in his big fucking mouth. My mind must be on autopilot because the next thing I know, I’m pulling into my driveway.