Authors: Jaime Whitley
“So, you got me here.” I trail off as I sit in the booth.
“I did.” His smile and nod are cocky. Is he serious right now? That’s it? If he is waiting for me to start this extremely awkward conversation, he might as well take me home.
The waitress comes, interrupting the awkward silence. Quickly, I order disco fries and a coke. Silas grunts and has a disgusted look on his face. “Gravy and cheese? On your fries?”
“Have you ever tried it?” I bite back. Clearly he hasn’t, because they are delicious.
“No, I can’t say that I have.”
“Well, then you shouldn’t knock it till you try it. He will take the same.” I take the menu from his hand and give it to the waitress as Silas stares at me in shock.
“What?”
“I don’t remember you being so bossy.” He grins at me. “I definitely like it.” A weight that was pressing down on my shoulders disappears as I feel the tension lifting between us, so I allow a laugh to escape me.
“So, I guess I’ll start. Obviously you know I’ve read your book,” I nod for him to continue, “And I think it’s safe to say that we both know who that book is really about.” Staring at him, I wait for him to get to the point. “I guess my main question is, do you feel the same way about me as Delilah does about Miles? Is that why you wrote the book?”
He just went right to the heart of it, didn’t he? I shift in my seat uncomfortably; again the waitress saves the day and comes with our order. I drink some of my Coke and think of the best way to answer. I know honesty is the right way to go, but am I brave enough to do that? My shaky hands holding my drink tell me I’m not, but there’s only one way to find out. Placing my drink down, I clear my throat and let out a deep breath. “Yes, I did.” Okay, so maybe half truth is a good place to start.
“Did?” Silas says, rubbing the back of his neck, looking almost disappointed. “I didn’t know at the time that you were a writer.”
“Well, to be fair, we didn’t really know anything about each other. One-night-stand, no strings attached, remember?” I give him a playful wink, hoping the rest of this conversation goes more smoothly than it is now.
“Can I be totally honest here?” There’s a hopeful look in his eyes, and even though I’m a little hesitant, I allow it.
“Okay.” My heart starts to pick up its pace and I feel my palms starting to get sweaty. Why is this man making me so nervous? It’s just a conversation, not sex.
“I know we said no strings attached, but I didn’t tell you then, and I’d be stupid not to tell you now. When we were together that night, I know we were drunk, but I had a clear enough head to be able to tell me what my heart was feeling. Maybe it was a one-sided attraction, but being with you that night, I felt the deepest connection I have ever felt in my life. It only took one night of being with you to realize I’d never get over you. I don’t know, I just can’t explain it. It’s like since then--”
“No one has ever measured up?” I allow the words to escape my mouth in a low whisper. I don’t know where I found the courage to say that out loud. Maybe it was somewhere between my heart doing somersaults at the fact that he felt or feels the same way I do. Maybe Megan was right, I should tell him about Ezra.
“I know I’m with Kristin.” Just like that, all thoughts of us being a possibility are out the window and they are replaced with a queasy stomach. Of course he’s with Kristin, why or how could I forget that? He continues through my rambling mind, “It’s inappropriate for me to even talk about this, but I feel like you should know. I would regret never telling you, like I did the first time.”
Feeling like a complete moron, and with a slight ache in my heart, I need to put an end to this lunch. That is the best option right now.
Just as he’s about to speak again, I hold my hand up so I can go first. “Don’t worry about it, Silas. It was one night with no strings. It was better that neither one of us said anything. You were in the Army at the time, and I was traveling a lot with my job. It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But I’m glad you got the chance to tell me how you really felt.”
Seeing a cab pull up out front, I take that as my chance to flee. I throw some money down on the table and look at Silas and say, “Now that we know we live in the same area, maybe it’s best if we just try to not run into each other.” I get up and start to walk away.
“Lilly wait, that’s not why I wanted to talk, that’s not what I want.” I hear the desperation in Silas’s voice as he yells that to me, but I don’t turn around. I can’t. The fact is, whatever happens between us when we are together, this connection, it scares the hell out of me. He’s with Kristin and I’m playing with fire allowing myself to be surrounded by his intoxicating smell and irresistible looks. I jump in the vacant cab and give the driver my home address.
Walking into my house, I close the door and rest my head against it closing my eyes. I know Megan is here with Ezra, but I just need a minute to process what just happened. He said what I wanted to hear, but then reality set in as he brought up Kristin. What did I expect him to do? Dump her and play house with me and our son? I can’t even believe I let myself think for a minute that any of it could be a possibility.
“Mommy!” A very excited Ezra runs up crashing into my legs, hugging me and pulling me out of my thoughts. I open my eyes and bend down to give my little man a hug. Megan is right behind him, eyeing me. I know she is trying to see if I’m pissed at her. I shake my head back and forth, letting her know now isn’t the time to talk about it.
“Hey, buddy, how was your weekend? Did you have fun with Uncle Joe and Aunt Laura?”
“Yes, Mommy, they got me trains!”
“Did they? Well let’s go play with your new trains.” I thank Megan for picking up Ezra and spend the rest of the afternoon playing with my son and his toys. What else do you really need in life?
Chapter 8
Silas
Here I am, still sitting in the diner after Lilly took off, enjoying the hell out of her disco fries, oddly enough. I will never doubt anything she says regarding food again. That is, if I ever see her again. I know I can be a little intense around her, but she brings it out in me. The last thing I wanted to do was make her run off. I’m just trying to figure all this out. I don’t believe in coincidences, and there has to be a reason why the universe pulled us back together.
When I got out of the Army, I had no plans on where I would live. In fact, I hadn’t planned on getting out at all, until my mom got sick right around my re-enlistment window. After she passed, my dad was a wreck. My sister, Shannon, did the best she could trying to help him cope, but she has a family of her own and couldn’t be there twenty-four-seven; thus making my decision a no-brainer.
Once I was settled, Shannon and I worked out a schedule to check on my dad. We both knew we were coddling him, but he just wasn’t acting the same. He was barely eating or sleeping. He and my mother had been together since they were sixteen. They did everything together, always skipping to the same beat. Shannon brought her son, Oliver, around which always seemed to cheer him up. So I quickly enrolled in the Academy and knew this is where I needed to be. I missed the action that I’d experienced in the Army and knew a desk job wouldn’t cut it. I loved the rush of adrenaline that ran through me every time I was on a mission. I made a career for myself outside of being a soldier without having to settle for a job that would bore me. Never in a million years did I think I would be living so close to Lilly. My phone rings startling me from my thoughts, and I see Kristin flashing across the screen. After wiping the extra gravy off my hands, I answer.
“Hey you, how is your day going?” Although my voice is upbeat, I feel guilty that my thoughts are still of Lilly and not my girlfriend.
“Ugh.”
“That bad, huh?” Popping another fry in my mouth, I chew my food and listen to what’s bothering her.
“You have no idea. I just wanted to call and tell you I miss you. I will be home late tonight, so I’m probably just going to head to bed.” She lets out a yawn and her voice sounds tired.
“Can I get you anything else, darling?” the waitress asks, while I’m still on the phone.
“Oh, are you out?”
“Just the check, please.” The waitress nods and I continue our conversation. “Yeah, I just stopped to grab some lunch at a diner a couple towns over.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you while you’re eating. Are you with someone? I can let you go.”
“No, I’m alone, would you like me to drop you off something to eat?” I put the fry down suddenly feeling guilty. I lost my appetite.
“That’s okay, some of the other teachers and I are going to grab something as soon as our workshop is over. But thank you for the offer. You’re always taking care of me.”
“I try.”
“No, you do. It’s just part of who you are and another reason why I love you so much. I have to go; I’m getting the evil eye from old lady A.” Kristin laughs into the phone, and it never amazes me how she can go from glum to happy in an instant. It’s one of the things that drew me to her.
“You better watch out for that one, I bet she’s one of those old ladies who likes to hit people with her broom,” I joke along with her and am rewarded with her giggling.
“I’ll talk to you later, love you.”
“Love you back,” I hang up and stare at my phone for a moment, wondering how two parts of my life collided so quickly.
Waiting for my check to arrive, I keep thinking about my answer when Kristin asked me if I was alone. Technically, I didn’t lie since I am here by myself, but had Lilly not run out, my answer would have been different. That’s twice now I find myself being deceiving. The waitress comes back with my check and I leave cash for her. Seeing Lilly’s money still sitting on the table, I take it and place it in my pocket. I invited her to lunch and there is no way she’s paying for it. Being a detective comes in handy; I’ll be able to find an address for her and mail it back. I take my phone out and shoot Lucas a quick text before leaving.
Me: Hey man, drinks later? 9 pm? Avoid the curfew issue.
Lucas: Depends asshole, you going 2 leave early 2 make a garden club meeting in the am?
Me: Very funny jackass. Do you want to meet or not?
Lucas: Whoa buddy, what crawled up your ass and died?
Me: See u at 9.
***
Sitting at the bar, waiting for Lucas to show, I’m picking at the label on my beer as the condensation drips down it. There is a game on, but I haven’t been paying much attention to it. All I can think about is Kristin and Lilly. I feel so guilty for going behind Kristin’s back when it comes to Lilly, but I can’t possibly tell her who Lilly is, especially after I pretended not to know her. Hands clamp down on my shoulders, pulling me out of my daydreaming slump.
“What’s up buddy?” Removing his hands from my shoulders, Lucas grabs a seat next to me and orders a drink.
“Not much man, just waiting on you, as usual.” My tone is sharp, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so conflicted; I feel like my mind is in a ping-pong match. Kristin and Lilly are the paddles and I’m the ball being hit back and forth.
“Miss? Can we get two shots of whiskey please? I have a feeling I’m going to need it.” Lucas waits for the bartender to return with our drinks. “So tell me, what has got you in such a shitty mood, my friend?”
I glare at Lucas, which causes him to raise an eyebrow at me in return. Knowing he is right, I drop the attitude and decide just to go ahead and tell him. It’s not like he’s going to run to Kristin or his wife and tell them what we talk about. Letting out a big sigh of frustration, I begin to tell him about the greatest night of my life.
“About three years ago, I was on leave, headed back to finish my tour. I met this girl on my first flight that also had a layover. She was beautiful, with her long brown hair and dark brown eyes, and she couldn’t be more than about five foot.” I pause to take a swig of my beer and look over at Lucas, who is listening intently. I can tell by the way his brows are drawn together that he is confused as to where this is going. I explain the rest of the events that occurred that night, and how I felt after and every day since then. When I am finished, he takes his shot that has been sitting on the bar.
“So, you had great sex three years ago and never forgot about it.” He’s shrugging his shoulders like it’s no big deal. “Haven’t we all had that one-night-stand that stood out more than the rest?”
“But that’s the thing, I never let it hold me back, but she was always there in the back of my mind.”
“Sorry, but I’m not quite following you here, is this about Kristin? Are you having doubts about her?”
“No, yes, maybe. I don’t know.” In my state of confliction, I down my shot and hope it will bring me some clarity. These chicks are fucking with my head.
“Here’s what I don’t get. If you didn’t exchange info and you haven’t seen her since, then why all of a sudden is she becoming a distraction to you?”
“That book signing I went to with Kristin last night, well it turns out that Lilly is the author of said book,” Lucas spits his beer out and I hand him a napkin. His eyes widen as he wipes the beer that’s dripping off his chin and the little bit that got on the bar.
“No shit dude, I would have loved to have seen that.”
“There was nothing to see,” I respond dryly.
“Bullshit. You just went on about her and how no one ever measured up to her, including Kristin I’m assuming, and you’re going to tell me there was nothing to see? I call bullshit.”
“I pretended like I didn’t know her and she did the same.” I shrug, turning my attention to the game on the television.
Lucas lets out a slow whistle, shaking his head. “Wow man, that’s low. Way to make a woman feel
special
.”
“I knew it was a bad idea talking to you about this.” Placing some money on the bar, I get ready to leave.
“Calm down, man, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Lucas pushes me back down into my seat. “If this girl--” He pauses, trying to remember her name.