Authors: Jaime Whitley
The room starts to come alive with a swooshing sound, relieving me of that fear and in that moment I now see what my father is talking about. I would give my life to protect this little baby growing inside of Kristin. The joy I’m feeling is quickly replaced with guilt. The guilt that I missed out on this with Lilly, and guilt that I haven’t been there for Ezra. I hear a sniffle and look over at Kristin who once again, is crying.
“You really weren’t kidding about the water works, huh,” I joke handing her a tissue.
“Shut up,” she’s laughing through her tears, and it’s nice to see a smile on her face again. “Thank you, Silas. You didn’t have to be here today.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I want to be here and I will be here for every visit after this. I’m not going to let our baby grow up without his father.” Kristin squeezes my hand that is clasped in hers and I don’t even know when I grabbed a hold of it. That one simple squeeze lets me know I am already doing right by my child.
Chapter 23
Lilly
A week has passed since Silas and Kristin had their doctor’s appointment. I’ve seen Silas since then, but he has not mentioned anything about his visit. Every day I’ve seen him, it feels like there’s a big elephant in the room waiting to be addressed. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to ask him about it and he would just open up to me, but he hasn’t. I’ve been second-guessing us since he hasn’t brought it up and I hate that it’s making me doubt us. I feel disappointed in him for not talking to me about it and myself for not having more faith in us. We are meeting tonight after he gets off work to discuss plans for Ezra’s birthday party. I have to keep reining Silas in with the planning. You would think our son is getting married with all the crazy ideas Silas is suggesting. I keep reminding him that he is only three.
“Hey, sugar.” Declan waves, walking into our break room at the office, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Hey, Declan. Got any big plans for this weekend?”
“Well, since you asked, I’m thinking of taking Lane down to the beach house.” He takes his usual seat next to me.
“Who’s Lane? And what happened to Chris?”
“Lane is a trainer at my gym.” He’s grinning from ear to ear. Since when does he work out?
“You don’t belong to a gym.”
“I do now,” he wiggles his eyebrows at me, so I smack his arm and we both let out a laugh.
“But seriously, what happened to Chris? I thought you said you can see yourself settling down with him?” I grab half of his chocolate chip muffin, earning me a smack on my hand.
“Seeing and doing are two different things. That boy is so insecure I can’t even take a leak without him watching me over his shoulder. I seriously think he’s going to ask if he can hold it for me sometimes,” he jokes.
“Be serious, Declan. I like Chris I think he is good for you. Are you sure you’re not just being dramatic?” Questioning him earns me an offended look.
“I am far from dramatic. Look, do I see a future with him? Yeah, sure. But I can’t build a future with someone who is constantly smothering me. He’s worse than my mother.” He rolls his eyes. “Just because his ex cheated on him doesn’t mean I will.”
“Look, I met Chris and I like him. I don’t know who this Lane guy is but I think you need to talk to Chris and let him know he’s ‘smothering’ you. He can’t fix it if he doesn’t know he’s doing it. Just saying,” I get up and return to my desk, hoping Declan takes my advice.
“You’re one to talk,” he mumbles stopping me in my tracks. I turn around and stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “How was Silas’s appointment? Do we know what the happy couple is having? Or, have you still not asked him about it?”
“Point taken.” I stick my tongue out at him like a child because I know he’s right. I walk back to my desk to finish my work for the day.
***
Pulling up to The Bounce House, I park my car and hurry in. I got held up at the office and was there later than I wanted to be. I see Megan right away and give her a wave as I head in her direction.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” I lean in to give her a hug. “This month is busier than normal and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I signed up for more signings than I normally do and I have Ezra’s party to plan. I don’t know how I’m going to get it all done.”
“That’s what you have me for. I am the world’s best assistant after all.”
“And babysitter, speaking of. Why are you still here and where is Silas?” I look around not able to see him anywhere.
“No clue, I haven’t heard from him. I got your text saying you were going to be late and I figured I would just leave when he got here.” I take out my phone and check to see if I missed any calls from him. Nothing. Silas has never been late to anything before, so I’m a little shocked seeing I haven’t heard from him.
“He probably just got held up on a case or something. Let me go grab Ezra so he can say bye and you can head out if you want.”
“I’ll go get him. Why don’t you call Silas and see how long he’s going to be. I can stick around and hang out with you till he gets here.” She walks off to go find Ezra to giving me an extra minute.
I take out my phone and dial Silas’s number. It rings a couple times before going to voicemail, so I leave a message. “Hey, it’s me. I’m here at The Bounce House and I was just wondering if you were on your way. I don’t know if I should wait till you get here to talk to the people about Ezra’s party or wait for you. Call me back if you can. Love you.” Hanging up, I turn around and see Ezra running toward me.
“Mommy! I missed you!” He comes crashing into me, giving me a hug. I bend down and wrap my arms around him.
“Hey, buddy, I missed you, too. Did you have fun with Megan today?” I take his hand and walk over to the tables to sit.
“Yeah, she let me eat ice cream for lunch,” I look over at Megan who just shrugs her shoulders and goes back to texting on her phone. “Is Daddy here yet?” Megan’s head snaps up and she looks at me with an eyebrow raised and I turn my attention back to him.
“No, baby, he’s not here yet.”
“Why not?” For the first time I hear disappointment in my son’s voice and it kills me. The worst part is, I don’t know why he isn’t here and the last thing I want to do is lie to my son, so I answer the best I can.
“I’m sure he just got held up at work, sweetie.”
“Is he still going to come to my birthday party?” He’s looking down at the table with a frown on his face.
Putting my finger under his chin I lift his head up. “Ezra, he is your father and he loves you. He wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”
We wait twenty more minutes with no word from Silas. I sent him a couple messages that went unanswered. Worry sets in but I can’t stay here all day. Megan and I decided to just go ahead and book his party and I would fill Silas in on the details later. I’m not sure why I haven’t heard from him, but knowing his job and what it entails, I just pray he is safe and not in any harm. Once I get Ezra home and bathed, I read him a story and put him to bed.
“So, do you want to talk about it?” Megan questions as I bring out a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“What’s there to talk about? He got held up, I’m sure he has a good reason.” I keep my tone chipper, hoping it doesn’t show the worry and agitation I’m really feeling inside. I pour us some wine, taking a seat at the table in the kitchen.
“Do you really expect me to believe that you’re okay with what happened today? That when Ezra was disappointed that his dad didn’t show up today, that it didn’t tear at your heart?” Swirling the wine in her glass she brings it to her mouth and takes a sip.
I put my wine glass down and throw my hands out, “Of course it tore at my heart, Megan. What am I supposed to do? I tried to call and he didn’t answer. I sent him several texts and those went unanswered too. What do you want me to do? File a missing persons report?”
“No, but when he calls, and he will call, just don’t let him off that easy.”
Megan only has one glass of wine with me before she heads home. The rest of the night I keep my phone close to my side in case Silas calls. I try to watch television. but I’m too distracted to pay attention to whatever’s on. I even called the station to see if he was still at work. I felt like I was stalking him, but if something happened I needed to know since not only would it affect me, but Ezra as well. That only pissed me off more since they wouldn’t give me any information, since I’m not immediate family. I’m so tired and my eyelids keep closing on me. No longer being able to keep myself awake, I head to bed with no call from Silas. I send him one more text before turning off my phone for the night.
Me: Hey. Not sure what happened today, but I hope you’re okay. Ezra asked where you were today and I wasn’t really sure how to answer so I said you got held up at work. Call me when you get this. Love you …
Chapter 24
Silas
I wake to someone nudging my shoulder and it takes me a minute to sit up. I rub my eyes and take in my surroundings and see I’m on Kristin’s couch. I stand up to stretch and let out a yawn. I don’t know how long I have been asleep, but I must have been exhausted if I don’t remember falling asleep.
“Morning.” She hands me a cup of coffee.
I smell the aroma leaving the cup as I lift it to my mouth. “Mmm, smells great,” I take a sip as the hot liquid warms the back of my throat. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you.” As the coffee starts to wake me up more, it dawns on me that she said good morning. Shit.
I look at my watch and see that it’s 9:45. Jumping up, I look around for my phone only, to find it in between the couch cushions, dead. This is so not good. Lilly is going to be wondering where I have been all night and wonder why I didn’t call. “Listen, I hate to run out on you, but today is my only day off and I have some things I need to take care of. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” I don’t want to leave her if she truly needs me.
“Silas, I’m pregnant, not terminally ill, although last night it felt like it,” she laughs.
“If you need anything just call and I’ll do my best to get here as fast as I can,” I lean in kissing her cheek.
“Seriously, go, don’t worry about me. Go spend time with your family.” She’s moving her hands in a shooing motion as she practically pushes me out the door.
I hurry home and take a quick shower before hoping back into my car. My phone powers up and I don’t have a full charge yet, but I see a bunch of missed calls and text messages from Lilly. I scroll through the texts and listen to the voicemails, but there’s one in particular that stands out above the rest.
Hey Silas. Not sure why you aren’t answering but I hope you’re okay. Ezra keeps asking for you and I’m not really sure what to tell him. I had a hard time getting him down for bed and he asked if you forgot about him. I didn’t know what to tell him, so I promised him I would wake him when you get here. So when you get these, please call me.
I hear the click ending the voicemail and I throw my phone on the seat and continue to drive to Lilly’s office. For the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to let your child down. I can hear it in Lilly’s voice in her message. I let both of them down. I feel like a real fucking asshole right now. I know I need to talk to her and apologize in person, I just hope she doesn’t mind me showing up unannounced. I know she’s going to be fuming and call me crazy, but I’d rather face her in person. I park and enter the building, taking the elevator to her floor. The ride up in the elevator is the worst. I know I’m so close to her and the fear of rejection fills me. I can handle her being pissed, but if she’s pissed to the point where she doesn’t want to see me, that’s going to be a problem. Once the doors open, I head toward her desk, only to find her not there.
“Well well, look at what the cat dragged in. It’s nice to see you’re alive and not dead in an alley somewhere.” I glare at Declan. If he’s giving me shit, Lilly must be pissed. I guess it’s a good thing I stopped for flowers on the way in.
“So, I take it you talked to Lilly, is she really pissed?” I want to know what I’m about to walk into so I can be prepared.
“If it was me, I’d have you by the balls. But seeing that it’s Lilly and not me, I would say she’s more worried than anything. For someone who works in a field where he puts his life in danger, you would think he would check in with his girlfriend and son. Just saying.” He turns his back to me and walks away.
“Are you going to at least tell me where to find her?” I yell out to him.
“You’re a detective, figure it out.” You can hear the attitude in his tone as he tells me that, without even turning around.
As much as I love how loyal Declan is to Lilly, I have to say being on the receiving end of his attitude isn’t a place I want to be often. I don’t even know where to begin looking for Lilly, so I stand there like a lost puppy at her desk and wait for her. If she’s pissed off at me, I don’t need to make it worse by accidently walking in on a meeting she may be in. I go to take the seat that sits opposite of her desk, when I hear Declan’s voice from behind.
“I wouldn’t get comfortable if I were you,” he chuckles, like he knows something I don’t.
I turn around, “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Not why, who.” He’s pointing in the other direction, so I turn my head and I see a very pissed off looking Joe heading my way. Fuck.
“You, come with me,” he orders as he storms right past me into his office. I look over to Declan and he has a shit eating grin on his face.
“You’d better hurry. Boss man doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing he isn’t my boss, huh?” I get up and make my way into Joe’s office.
“Close the door and sit,” he says, shuffling papers on his desk as he’s barking orders at me, pissing me off.
“Look, I know Lilly is family and you care about her, but I am not your employee and it would be nice if you would show me a little respect,” I say as I close the door. If this was anyone else, this would play out entirely different. But it’s not, and I love Lilly, so I’m not looking to rock the family boat, so to speak.