Unchosen (Chosen #2) (6 page)

NINE

The show was a-fucking-mazing. Nick and I danced nonstop. We didn’t want to see Drew or Caroline as long as we could so we never went to our seats. It was an unspoken agreement when I asked him to dance on the lawn with me for a while. Dancing with thousands of stunning, free-spirited people was magical and I wondered if Nick had ever been on the lawn. It was the best place to be part of a Phish show. When “Bouncing
Around the Room” began, I bounced up and down along with the rest of the crowd for the entire song.

Nick laughed at me and yelled in my ear, “I am so fucking ecstatic you are here!” I smiled brightly and raised my empty beer bottle. Suddenly, there was a fresh one in my hand. I looked at him perplexed.

“Someone has to drive us home,” he yelled. No way. Nick was cheated on. This is his favorite band and he can’t even let loose. Damn, I should have noticed. “I’ll stop, too!” I yelled back.

He shook his head and gave me
a big thumbs up with the most gorgeous grin. Damn, he was pretty. I could stare at his sexiness all night long.  I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. I looked around us and watched three girls trying to dance with him from all sides. I snorted and backed off. No drama. No old Lizzie. As I continued to peer at him and the girls inconspicuously, I saw he wasn’t dancing with them but trying to keep up with me. A guy in another group grabbed my hands and started twirling me around. I giggled, enjoying the buzz of the music scene. Nick came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me away from my other dancer. “You are mine,” he groaned in my ear. His moves were seductive and so close that if I had been on the outside looking in; I would think we were a couple.   He remained so close I could see the beads of sweat coming off his neck onto his shirt. I welcomed the closeness and let loose. It was exhilarating and incredible.

Occasionally, Nick would come close to my ear and sing lyrics to me. I smiled so bright while all the girls around blatantly watched us. We moved as if we had been dancing together all of our lives. We anticipated each other’s step and hold. Our collective rhythm was magical.  I felt a strong connection to his presence and when the show was over, it was a massive let down. I didn’t want to stop dancing with Nick.
Ever.

We fumbled our way to the car. Okay, I fumbled and he kept his arm around my waist. We yelled about all the great songs and Paige’s solo. I always had a soft spot for piano players. As we approached Drew’s car, I said, “Next time, we are going to sit on…” I stopped short to see Drew and Caroline making out on the hood of the car. He had his hand up her skirt and his shirt was basically up to his shoulders.

“Holy hell,” I muttered as Nick muttered, “God damn.”

I turned to him. “What do we do?” I asked. “Do you want me to beat them both up or should you take Drew and I’ll take Caroline?” He chuckled and gave me a wink.

“No, no. Although, I like your thinking, Lizzie, I think we should just keep the peace and get them home,” he said, still watching them groping each other.

I blew out a big whistle with my fingers and teeth and announced it was time to go. Nick jumped in the driver’s seat and started the car. The two lovebirds nearly fell off the hood and crawled into the back. I took shotgun, for Nick’s sake, of course. After listening to Caroline’s moans for a few minutes and realizing they were going at it again, I started riffling through the CDs in the front seat.

I looked over to Nick who was holding the steering wheel with white knuckles. I softly put my hand over his and said, “It’s okay. It is her loss.” He visibly relaxed at my touch. “I am not worried about Caroline. I feel bad you have to be here to see them,” he replied. Shrugging, I threw in David Gray by habit and as “Babylon” started, I stiffened.
What the fucking hell was I thinking?
Nick started singing along and looked at me with a grin. “Good album,” he said.

“Hmm.
Yes, it is,” I said quietly as I sat back in my seat and looked out the window. I swear the moment I think the past is the past, Teagan’s image slams back into my brain. Nick noticed.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. I shook my head and for appearances sake, I started singing along, too. At least, the music drowned out the sounds of foreplay in the back. This music would never drown out my memories. Music only makes memories, some wonderful and some painful. If I could do it all over again with Teagan, which I probably would, I would have made us listen to obsolete one hit wonders that weren’t sold anywhere and never played on any radio station.

An hour later, we pulled up to my apartment and Nick looked up to see the building. I turned around to see Drew and Caroline basically in a comatose state. “Where are you going to take them?” I asked with alarm. Drew couldn’t drive home, I thought, analyzing the driving situation. Did Nick already have a solution in his head about what to do with these two?

“I am going to take them to my place. Caroline still lives with her family and I am not letting Drew drive,” he said, looking resolved.

“You can’t do that!” I exclaimed. I thought about my apartment. I had a sectional couch and a blow up mattress for camping. The two shit heads in the back could take the sectional and Nick could go home alone.

I relayed my idea to him. “They are not your problem, Lizzie,” he said, shaking his head in earnest.

“Okay, well, you can stay, too. It is not a big place, though. Once you guys get up, you can take them home and then this whole disaster will be over for good. Wash your hands of it, Nick. Seriously, you don’t want this bullshit in your life.” My brilliant confidence was shining through.

I held up a finger. “However, tomorrow will be the first time I have slept past 6:00am in almost five months so you guys have to be super quiet,” I said, tamping down my uneasiness at this new arrangement. Nick sat back and thought about it. I didn’t. I grabbed the keys out of the ignition and climbed out of the car to open the back door.

“Okay, love birds. Time for bed.” I squared my shoulders, ready for battle. How many times in my life had I literally carried people to their sleeping spot? Drew and Caroline both looked up and smiled.

“Lizzie,” they both sang at once. I rolled my eyes.”Where were you? We love you.” I flashed them a quick smile. This was going to go better than I thought.

“Can you walk?” Please, please, say you can walk. Nick was on the other side of the car pulling Caroline out of her seat.

“You were my blind date,” Drew said as he stood up and tried to unsuccessfully nuzzle into my neck. Nick scowled from around the other side of the car. He studied Drew carefully and then let out an audible huff.

“Oh no. Not a date. A misunderstanding. Believe me. Nick was my date tonight and he was a perfect gentleman.” I stole a glance at Nick, who was smiling brightly down at the ground as he took Caroline out of the car. He didn’t want me to see that my words had pleased him.

Caroline came around the back and took Drew by the waist. Nick and I half heartedly helped them upstairs and plopped them down on the couch. For good measure, I didn’t even take the noisy toys from underneath them. I threw one of my baby blankets on them, so small it took up one quarter of their bodies. It was hysterical. I didn’t even have the heart to make sure they were comfortable.
How very unlike Lizzie.

I chuckled all the way into the kitchen, thinking paybacks and hangovers were a bitch. Nick was sitting at my kitchen table, staring at Niall’s high chair.

“It’s kind of a mood killer, huh?” I went to the cupboard and got a glass of water. Silently asking him if he wanted one, he nodded.

“Oh, they killed my mood the moment we got into the car,” he replied, standing up to come closer to me.

“No, I meant that,” I said, pointing at the high chair.

“No, Lizzie, that doesn’t kill any mood. I mean you have a baby, a boy. Niall,” Nick fumbled out his words.

I giggled at him. He turned his face to see me and smiled. As I continue to smile at him, he asked, “Is his father in the picture?” Now, that was a mood killer.
No, Teagan didn’t choose me. I am on the “Unchosen” list.

I shuddered inwardly and closed my eyes. Shitty pants, I didn’t want to talk about this. I shouldn’t have drunk anything. Everyone knows I easily pour my heart out because there was no filter on my drunken mouth. I bit my lower lip and shook my head. He exhaled resignedly and took my hand. We didn’t say anything for a while. I started to get up to get ready for bed and he grabbed my arm.

“Lizzie, I am so in awe of you. You are a working, full time, single mother,” he stated. I nodded. It probably looked commendable to the outside world. All working, single mothers just want to survive through the monotonous schedule until they can take a shower in silence. It’s just a fact of life. “My family is close. They help a lot,” I said with a smile.

“That’s really… great,” he said. “Can I see a picture of Niall?” Knowing this was a really bad idea, I tamped down my apprehension and went to the magnet and picture covered
refrigerator. I took down Niall’s most current photo from JC Penney’s and handed it to him. I tried to act at ease as I put my hands behind my back and clasped them.

Nick gazed down at the picture and drew his finger over Niall’s nose and his chubby cheeks. “He looks like you,” he said, grinning up at me and handing the picture back. I shrugged and returned the photo, secretly smiling about Niall. I spun around to see Nick looking at my backside. His eyes shot up to mine. We studied each other in silence and it was unbelievably comfortable. Nick never made me feel awkward. His presence had the opposite effect on me. There was an unspoken communication between us. He was staying in my apartment tonight and without warning, I was flustered. I held out my hand and crooked my head towards the bedroom. He took it but I saw his eyes had widened. Oh, no. 
He didn’t think I was that easy, did he?

“I am going to head to bed. I am exhausted but I had a great night. Thank you for setting it up. I know things are a bit crazy in there,” I said, pointing in to the living room. “So, I am going to put on my pajamas and you are going to sleep with me, fully clothed, of course.” His face registered my meaning and he stood woodenly. “No, Lizzie, I don’t need a bed,” he said. “And what do you mean about me setting it up? Did Drew tell you I set you two up?” He shook his head in disgust. An uncomfortable silence fell over us.

“Come on, you stay in my room. It doesn’t matter what happened tonight. Let’s just sleep and all will be well in the morning. Besides, we are friends, right? To be honest, friendship is all I can give to anyone right now. So, friend, come have a sleepover. I promise I won’t write stupid things on your face during sleep.” I giggled. “Well, at least I won’t draw a penis on your face.”

He chuckled but I did see a brief flash of disappointment cross his face. He followed me into my room and looked around at my art, my guitar, and my notebooks. I followed his gaze as he took in everything in my room. Luckily, my parents got me a king sized bed. We won’t even touch each other.
Was that a good thing?
I went into the bathroom, got changed, and went back into my room. Before I turned out the lights, I saw Nick lying on my side of the bed, breathing methodically. I watched him for a few moments and sighed. There was a hot man in my bed and I just told him not to touch me. I must be the stupidest woman alive. I got under the covers and within moments, I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Sometime during the night, I awoke to find Nick’s body was completely enveloping mine. His arms were around my belly and his breath was tucked into my neck. It felt so good. It felt so right. I put my hands over his and sighed. Just as I was nodding off again, I heard him whisper, “You are so beautiful.”  “You are, too,” I replied. He squeezed me tighter and I fell into his warm embrace without reservation.

TEN

The next morning, I woke up and quickly identified the two classic characteristics of “the morning after.” These were precisely the reason why I didn’t drink anymore. My throbbing head, first classic sign, was the basis of that conclusion. I grabbed a plastic water bottle from my stand and then I realized the second thing. No one was in my bed. I jumped up and ran into the living room.
No one was there.

Wow, that was fast. I wondered how their morning went. I barked out in laughter at the outlandish night and did another happy dance for absolutely no reason at all. It just felt so good my life wasn’t mundane that morning. There were love triangles, uncomfortable conversations, and none of it really had anything to do with me.
Thank God!
I absolutely loved that it was just me in my apartment with several hours to privately enjoy before I could go get Niall. My mother said I wasn’t even allowed to call to check up on Niall. God, I loved my parents that morning.

I slipped out of my pajamas, which I never actually wore, unless a hot man I didn’t sleep with was in my bed. Okay, so he cuddled up to me. That was unexpected and I felt a flush run up my neck.  I kept my camisole top and boy shorts on and turned on my stereo system.  “Big Time Sensuality” by Bjork rang through the surround sound Conner set up for me the first weekend I moved in. It was so loud and I loved it. I danced and threw my arms up in the air and giggled. It was fabulous.

“Lizzie!” I heard Nick’s voice barrel through the music. I fumbled for the remote and muted the music.

“Shit, you scared me!” I yelled, still thinking the music was turned all the way up.

Nick held up his hands and stood there like he was waiting for me to attack him. But then he just stayed there and I looked at him with a question in my face.

His eyes moved from my feet up to my face and he broke out into a huge smile. I looked down and quickly grabbed the baby blanket from the couch.

“Oh my God,” I said. “I didn’t know you were coming back. I didn’t hear the doorbell or any knocking at the door.”

“Yeah, I tried to call you but there was no answer and I did stay outside your apartment for about five minutes but I could hear the music,” he replied sheepishly. He shoved his hands in his pockets and it was then I noticed he had showered. His hair was a little damp and definitely spiked with some type of hair product. Why did men using hair products turn me on? He wore a long sleeve black shirt under an old Texas A&M University t-shirt and his jeans were faded black. Worn out Adidas adorned his feet. I took in his obviously put together appearance and then realized I was still in my underwear.
Standing there. Gawking at him. I blinked to get myself out of my trance. I fumbled with a toy in my hand and it dropped to the ground.

“Yes! Okay. Good. That’s great! Just give me a minute to throw on more clothes,” I sputtered as I passed by him on my way to my room. I thought I heard him say something like “not on my account” but I didn’t care. I was practically naked
and Nick, who had called me beautiful in bed last night, was back. But why?

“So how come you came back? Did you forget something?” I said, smiling and groaning at the same time at this very untimely and awkward situation. I walked out in a sweater and yoga pants.

He looked me up and down and it felt like I was still in my underwear the way he perused my body. “I just wanted to apologize. I wanted to call you but you said you were going to sleep in so I went home and showered. Then I remembered you weren’t getting Niall until the afternoon. So, I figured I would just come and say I was sorry in person,” he said.

“Nick. What are you sorry about?” I asked perplexed. “I had a ton of fun last night! It was you I was sorry for.”

“Last night was amazing for me. Lizzie, I didn’t set you and Drew up. He called yesterday and asked if he could come along. Yesterday morning, Caroline practically begged me to come. Then there was this thing…”  Nick threw his hands through his hair. “Shit, then the whole Drew and Caroline situation,” he fumbled on his words.

I shook my head and smiled up to him. “The only person that should apologize is Drew. And it should be to you!” I said. “I don’t know very much about Caroline, obviously, but she was certainly not into Phish.” I giggled a little, thinking of her snotty demeanor walking up and down Shakedown Street.

He nodded once and turned to take a look around the room, trying to figure something out in his head. “So, when do you pick up your son?” he asked.

I looked to the clock on the cable box. “I guess I should pick him up in like two or three hours? I haven’t heard from my parents, so I think they are doing just fine without me.”

“Do you want to go get some lunch?” he asked with a spark of hope in his eyes.
Oh, honey, I would go anywhere with you right now.
Just being around Nick was intoxicating.

“Sure! There is a great diner right down the road and they serve breakfast all day on Sundays. I haven’t eaten anything yet,” I said.

Nick waited in the kitchen while I got my red, curled up mess of hair tied back and pulled on some boots. I didn’t care what I looked like. Besides, he had just seen my baby fat come out of my camisole and his hands were on my actual stomach last night. Stretch marks and all. He said I was beautiful. But I would not mention that exchange to him. Ever.

I nodded at the door to let Nick know I was ready to go. He opened the door for me and locked it from the inside as I started down the stairs. We headed out to his car. In my driveway, there was
a silver Mercedes Benz. I whistled. “Wow, you IT geeks make some great cash, huh?” I asked.

Nick snorted. “We do okay,” he said. An uncomfortable look flashed across his face as he opened my door and waited for me to get in before he closed it. Texas men certainly had manners. I don’t remember another time in my life when a man opened doors for me.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting at a corner booth at one of my favorite diners in Watertown. Checkered floors and torn, beat up red pleather booths made that place so unique, although to a first timer, they would probably think it was a dive. Despite its outward appearance, the staff was friendly and the actual diner was very clean. I couldn’t say enough about the food on our drive over. The food wasn’t typical greasy diner food. It was so yummy; you could almost eat the smells when you walked in. We both ordered the breakfast special, pancakes, eggs and sausage. As we started in on preparing our coffee, Nick looked at me pointedly.

“Seriously,” he said. “Thank you and I am sorry for all the drama yesterday. You were a champ.”

“Ha! Believe me, last night was nothing compared to some of the shit I have seen,” I replied, taking a look out at the sunny afternoon. I thought back to the night I had to body slam my friend to keep her from driving drunk. I shook my head, thinking about what happened that night and, well, every night thereafter that summer.
Teagan.

“Do you think so? I thought that was pretty crazy. I felt bad,” he said.

I shrugged one shoulder as I took another sip of my coffee. I darted my eyes away from his face and saw a girl blatantly staring at him. Somehow, after our night together and then sleeping together platonically while thinking of Teagan, I had forgotten how absolutely attractive he was. I looked into his eyes, which were completely fixed on mine. Those eyes were so warm and sincere. Why am I not just gushing over this guy like that girl? He is incredibly good looking and yet, my mask is in the way. The wall is up and it isn’t coming down for anyone. Or maybe it was the fact that he just saw me in my underwear and I already felt close to him in some way. Nonetheless, I wasn’t looking. I never would be looking. I just wanted a friend.

The waitress came with our plates and we ate in comfortable silence. Occasionally, I would peek up to him, more self conscious than only a few minutes earlier. He was always looking at me when I looked up.

“Lizzie, what happened to you?” he asked finally.

I looked around to see what was happening around me. I looked down at my clothes and saw nothing seemed out of place. I looked up to Nick, totally confused. “Huh?”

“Lizzie, I want to know what happened with Niall,” he said reverently.

“Oh, that. Hmm,” I said with a strained face. “I rarely talk about that. It was a royally messed up situation and it ruined me.”

He dropped his fork on his plate loudly and I startled. “What?” I asked.

“You, Lizzie, are not ruined! You are so much fun to be around and just… so amusing. You obviously work hard and are incredibly intelligent,” he said. “Plus, you are a sexy dancer.” He smirked and took a sip of his coffee. Gah, the guy was really good at flattering a woman.

My blush was bright red. “Last night was pretty fun. I haven’t danced like that in a while. Liquid courage, I guess.” I chuckled, feeling insecure. Had I really been over the top last night?

“I wasn’t talking about last night,” he said with a big grin.

I looked perplexed for a moment until I realized he walked in on me dancing in my underwear this morning. “Oh God,” I groaned. “I never get to pump up the music like that with Niall around. That was… super embarrassing”

Nick snickered. His grin let me know he was amused to be the only one in on my dancing naked secret. He grew serious and pointedly looked at me. “Okay,” he said. “If you aren’t going to tell me now about Niall and what happened with his father, will you eventually?”

I looked at him with a knot in my throat and said, “I honestly don’t know, Nick. I don’t. It is a complicated part of me that is very hard to explain. Let’s just say I don’t want pity from any more people in this world. I have somehow gained enough pride over the last year to know I made mistakes. I learned those mistakes will prevent me from ever falling in love again.”

Nick looked at me. I smiled. He didn’t. His face was unreadable and all of a sudden, I was tired. I just wanted my baby, my couch, and a good television show. This was supposed to be a fun little breakfast with a friend. I didn’t need any more therapy sessions. The one therapist I saw when Teagan left told me I was codependent and needed to work on being alone for a while. After several sessions, I announced I would never fall in love again and I thanked her for being such a great therapist. I never went back to her again. I was cured.

Nick looked down to his plate of food with distaste. Without looking back up at me, he whispered, “You were in love with him.” It wasn’t a question. I was shocked by his statement and looked up to him with trepidation. How did he know? My eyes started to tear up and I replied, “Yes. I was.”

Nick nodded down at his food with a weak smile. A moment later, he looked at me with a questioning look, like I should keep talking.

“His name was Teagan. He hurt me. Or I let him hurt me. I don’t know. Anyway, he is gone. He lives in Ireland,” I said. I shuddered at my admission to him and I raked my fingers through my hair. Why am I telling him this? Nick is beautiful and kind and wonderful. Talking about Teagan always put me in a foul mood and I didn’t want to be pitiful in front of Nick. I wanted him to see the success mask I wore everyday to the city. This personal time with him was something to cherish and it felt awkward to talk about Teagan.

I sighed and sat back into the booth. I crossed my arms over my heart in a protective position. I would not show Nick my broken heart. I did not want pity or sorrow from Nick. I wanted his friendship, his smile and his flawless easiness. And yes, somehow, this lovely man did distract me from the pain I felt when I thought about Teagan. Maybe I was using him but I didn’t care. Whatever could take me away from those painful memories on endless loop was a step in the right direction.

“Can I just ask you a couple of questions? You don’t have to answer me if you get too uncomfortable? I just want to know you, Lizzie,” he pleaded.

I shrugged and put out my hands for him to ask. “Go ahead. Ask.”

“Did you meet him in Ireland?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No, he lived here for a summer. I don’t know where he lives in Ireland. My parents offered to send me on a trip there when Niall gets a little older
but I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right. We are in Boston if he wants to see us, you know? I don’t want to stir up more confusion or unnecessary drama,” I said.

Nick nodded and took a sip from his coffee. He let out a sigh like he was full and sat back in his seat. Before he could ask his next question, the waitress put our check on the table and he snatched it up before I could.

“Ass,” I half sneered half laughed.

“IT geek, remember?” he asked coolly. I smiled at him and the way he could switch gears from unhappy topics to being in the moment.

It occurred to me then that I had just opened up to Nick about Teagan and Niall and he had gotten me to do it easily. Despite my reluctance to talk about my past, he still tricked me into it. I beamed at him and felt a flicker of trust for another man I hadn’t felt in a long time.