Unchosen (Chosen #2) (8 page)

Niall let out a small cry from his crib and the moment froze. We both froze. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. I stood shocked, unable to move away from Nick, unable to move towards Niall. I just told Nick I could or I do have feelings. I told him that I couldn’t get involved. I told him I would never get hurt again.

“Lizzie that was by far the best first kiss I have ever had. I need you, sweetheart. I want you so badly, sometimes it hurts to just be around you,” he whispered. A steely resolve came over me and I felt the ice crawl back up into my heart. Nick would not hurt me as long as I kept him at a distance.

“You should go get ready for your date with Anna,” I said flatly. Nick gaped at me as I pulled away from his embrace. I saw his fists clench at his side as his lips transformed into a tight line. I walked into Niall’s room and pulled my baby boy up into my arms. I felt Nick zeroing his gaze into my back behind me in the doorway. Niall smiled up to Nick and I was crushed.

“Lizzie,” he whispered. I could hear the heartbreak in his whisper. I shook my head and wiped the tears falling down my face. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to see my tears. As I started to change Niall, I felt the moment Nick left the doorway. All the air left the room and I was alone. Minutes later, I heard the front door latch snap closed. I pursed my lips and shook my head. That was the biggest cluster fuck and it changed everything. If only I could rewind time back twenty-four hours.

THIRTEEN

By Monday morning, I hadn’t heard from Nick or Freddie. I didn’t know how to assimilate my feelings about either man. On one hand, I was nervous about Freddie’s impending phone call. On the other hand, I was worried Nick would never call me again.

I submerged myself into work. Mrs. Crayton, a 67-year-old widow, was one of my favorite clients and she had been on the fence to transfer all of her nest egg financials into my management. Our relationship was more personal than business as I listened to her retirement community drama at least once a week. It was entertaining. One neighbor couldn’t stand her black lab; another neighbor had a small crush on her. Her children were very attentive to her well being but they weren’t available to always talk about her day to day drama. I would like to say I was there to listen. My main motive was to transfer her accounts but to be honest, she was a great client. She was easy going about her money and she trusted me already. I just needed to seal the deal.

“Good morning, Lou Anne,” I said after she answered the phone.

“Lizzie! I was going to call you this morning. How is that beautiful baby of yours?” she asked with a warm smile radiating through the phone.

“Oh, he is wonderful, as usual,” I replied.

“Well, I am looking forward to coming into the city soon. I would love to hold that baby. My grandkids are getting so old and oh, how I miss holding the little ones,” she said.

“Hmm… It sure does go fast,” I replied, slightly flat. I felt like a robot.

“Lizzie? Is everything alright? You sound different this morning,” she asked concerned.

“I am good, Lou Anne. Just busy, you know,” I replied.

“Tell me, dear. I always tell you the details of my boring life. What did you do this weekend?” she asked.

I thought about Nick.
That kiss.
I looked at the photo of Niall and his cute baby blue outfit that had dogs all over it. I wondered if Nick liked dogs. Did he plan to call me after we monumentally screwed up our friendship this weekend? Did we screw up our friendship? Should I call him?

“Lizzie?” she asked.

“Oh, I am sorry, Lou Anne. I was calling to see if you have given any more thought to transferring your retirement plans and annuities over to our firm. I know we spoke about it a few weeks ago and I just wanted to get a sense of your concerns,” I said in the most professional voice I could muster.

“Lizzie. You know I am transferring the accounts. Set up the paperwork and it’s yours to handle.
Now, enough about that. Tell me what is going on, honey,” she said in the most grandmotherly voice.

My eyes started to tear up and I held in a choking sob.

“Oh, Mrs. Crayton. I am in a real predicament. I met this guy and he is wonderful and I think I messed up our friendship. I don’t know what to do. He loves hanging out with me and he seeks out any information about me and Niall. He even rubbed his back this weekend, and then he said he has feelings, and oh my God, I can’t believe I am telling you this!” I said in shock.

“Honey, I have been waiting for you to tell me more about your life. Managing my money is one thing but you and I talk more than I do with my own kids,” she said warmly. “Now, tell me about this gentleman.”

For half an hour, I purged everything to Mrs. Crayton. Occasionally, I was excited and sometimes, I whined. She just listened and hummed in the right places. A senior advisor poked in my office and gave me a questioning look. I was spilling my guts to a client and holy shit, I was spilling my guts to a client!

“Lizzie, you need to call Nick. Tell him how you honestly feel about him, and for God sakes, enjoy your youth. Even though you have that baby doesn’t mean you are an old fart like me,” she said. “Now, I have to run off to bridge. You call that man. Then send over the paperwork.”

We hung up and I gave an exasperated sigh. Well, I got her accounts. That was good but that conversation did nothing to ease my worries about my personal life. I needed to get a grip.

At eleven am, my cell phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number. I knew it was Freddie. I let it ring, debating on whether or not I wanted to go down this road. Did I want to
know what was going on with Teagan? Would he even bring him up? On the last ring, I pressed the enter key.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Lizzie, it’s Freddie,” he said in a hushed voice.

“Why are you whispering?” I asked, perplexed.

“I have a cubicle. I don’t want everyone to hear. Can you meet for lunch?” he asked.

No, no, no, no, no.

“Sure, where and when?” I asked, throwing my arm over my eyes. I was going straight to hell.

“Let’s meet at that Irish pub we used to eat at in Downtown Crossing. Is 12:30 okay?” he asked.

“Sure, that sounds good. I will be there,” I said.

“Great. I can’t wait. I am so glad you are meeting me,” Freddie said with a smile in his voice.

“Me too, Freddie,” I said.

I was so nervous I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I started to put the forms together for Mrs. Crayton’s transfers and went over the statements she had given me but none of the financial holdings were making any sense. I finally groaned and called my mother to ask about Niall. She didn’t answer. I wanted to call Nick but I couldn’t bring myself to dump anymore shit on him. I figured, since all I heard was radio silence from him that he didn’t want anything to do with me anyway.

Five minutes before I was to meet Freddie, I headed off the elevator and out into the blustery wind. It was bone chilling cold and I was already dreading the three block hike to the pub. I put my head down into my black pea coat and avoided colliding with people on the sidewalk by focusing on legs. When I got to the door of the pub, I saw Freddie standing up at the hostess station, talking to one of the pretty brunettes there. This was a bad idea. He looked good. His hair was perfectly done and his large black coat hugged his frame in a way that screamed Irish. I was mesmerized by the smiles he gave the hostess and the memories of his smile on me. He looked good during the winter time. I remembered him in hurling clothes and summer attire. This was a whole different Freddie.

I pushed through the door as he looked up to see me. I gave him a small smile and wave and he was instantly drawing me into a huge hug. I recognized his familiar scent and his warm Irish accent on my cheek as he said, “Hey, Lizzie.” He pulled away from me and looked me up and down. “You look different,” he said. I suddenly could feel Teagan’s presence. He was here, too. This thick Irish accent and that familiar scent brought me back to the apartment. I forced it out of my mind and reminded myself I wasn’t that girl anymore.

“So do you. Look at you, all professional,” I said, poking him in the arm.

He grinned at me widely and turned to face the hostess. “My girl is here, so I guess we are ready,” he said. I loved hearing his endearment for me. Freddie always made me feel special.

The hostess looked at me with a whole lot of revulsion. Yes, Freddie was an excellent looking guy and his accent was fucking sexy. His curly jet black hair and green eyes would take any woman’s breath away. Throw his thick Irish accent in the mix and panties probably were dropping all over Boston. While I found him attractive, I learned two years ago he and I didn’t have a romantic connection. Actually, I didn’t have a connection because I was in way too deep with Teagan. Looking around the bustling restaurant, I decided this ranked as one of the top five most awkward lunch dates ever. I would have given anything for any other woman to take my place at that very moment. Another mantra started in my mind. Don’t think about Teagan. Don’t talk about Teagan. Focus on lunch. Was that a big white elephant in the corner over there?

We squeezed into a small booth and both ordered sodas. Freddie pulled off his coat and took me in. His blue button up shirt accentuated his black hair and the freckles on his nose. Deep down, I really did miss Freddie. He had been a good friend even through everything.

“Why do you look so different?” he asked, bewildered. “There is something about you. What has changed?”

“Well, I work here in Boston now so I have to dress professionally every day. I think the last time we hung out, you just saw me in tank tops and sandals.” I giggled.

“No, it isn’t the clothes,” he replied.

“I, uh, grew out my hair?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t mention I had gained weight.

“Maybe that’s it. You just look older.” He shrugged.

“Oh, thanks a lot,” I barked out.

“No, no, I didn’t mean that. You just look more mature, more grown up,” he said thoughtfully. He put his hands up in surrender.

Well, being a full time working mother will add a little maturity to your life, I thought.
Dumb ass.  I decided to change the subject. I needed to change the subject.

“So how do you like Boston in the winter?” I asked, taking the soda from the waitress.

“It’s good. It’s good. I have made a lot of friends through work and have a small apartment near where the lads and I used to live. I tried to get in touch with you through your family, but they said you had moved out,” he said.

So, my family didn’t tell me Freddie had called.
Interesting. Not that I blamed them but a heads up would have been nice. “Yes, I moved into my own apartment outside the city. It’s cozy. I like it,” I said.

We sat there for a long moment, just looking at each other. Freddie shook his head and sighed.

“Lizzie, the way we left things. I just felt so bad. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to make sure everything was alright. God, that night was awful,” he said solemnly. He was right. That was awful. I can clearly remember seeing Teagan kissing his girlfriend, Moira, from Ireland in the bar. I can remember screaming at him for lying to me, for getting me pregnant and making it my choice about what to do with the baby. I remember the emptiness. I remember the dark.

“Yeah, that wasn’t one of my finer moments,” I said, trying to brush off the cringe I felt. “How are the guys? Do you still
keep in touch with them?” I needed to sound light and like nothing about that summer hurt me any longer.

Freddie shook his head. “No, after we left university, we all went our separate ways,” he said.

I nodded and thanked the good lord above he had no idea where Teagan was. I did not want to start picturing him in bed with Moira, making love and whispering his undying love for her.

“I saw Teagan a few months back,” he said. His eyes flicked from mine to the straw on the table. I gasped. My heart started beating so hard I couldn’t breathe. I looked at him in shock and couldn’t say a word. “I guess you didn’t want me to mention him, huh?” he asked.

“Um, no, it’s fine. I just thought that, you know, you weren’t really friends after what happened that night,” I said.

“Oh, we are not friends. Teagan is a piece of shit. I can’t stand him. But I did see him at a local pub in Cork a few months ago and he was drunk. He started talking about Boston and our summer here.” Freddie shook his head.
“Bastard.”

I nodded and gave him a weak smile. “It’s all in the past, Freddie. Things have drastically changed for me and I am enjoying life,” I said.
Bull shit, Lizzie. Bull shit.

“Yeah, well, I mentioned I was coming here and going to look you up. He became out of sorts when I mentioned your name and quickly ended our talk. Then, he left with some other lads and went to another pub,” he said, shrugging.

I hummed and took another drink from my soda. I did not want to hear about Teagan’s drunken nights in Cork. “Well, it was so nice you thought of me, Freddie. Don’t worry about what happened. Everything is just really great now.”

He smiled at me and I smiled back. Feeling the white elephant suddenly make an exit from the room, I started to breathe easily. We talked about the work he was doing and I told him about how I got into financial advising. We ate soup and chuckled about some of the old times we had back when he was living in Boston with the guys. The lunch date effortlessly became enjoyable the more we talked. I had to admit to myself there were good times that summer.

Perhaps, I had been focusing too much on what went wrong. This lunch made me think that it had been a special summer after all. It felt like there was some curtain of closure that fell while I had lunch with Freddie. He didn’t like Teagan and that made me feel super fucking good. Sure, Freddie didn’t know the whole story but just by hanging out with him, I felt a full circle. He was the next best thing to bringing back those moments when I was in love with Teagan, in love with that summer, and perhaps, in love with the person I was then. I was wild and fun and took a chance on having my heart broken. As we finished up lunch, he asked if we could hang out again soon.

“There is this band that is playing on Friday,” he said. “Will you go with me?”

I thought about Niall. One thing for sure, Freddie could never find out about Niall. “Well, actually, I have this family thing. I won’t be able to go out Friday. Saturday, I am playing with my brother’s band in Allston. We have been working on this song and he wants me to sit in on it,” I said. Thank God Mom and Dad had already volunteered to take Niall for the night.

“No way!
So you are still playing the guitar?” he asked. He started to air strum and I laughed at his antics.