Lost in Translation
Medium
The Great Wall of Florida
The Search for the “Afghan Girl”
Made in China
Long
Nephew of a Dictator
THAT’S DEATH
Short
Last Words
Where There’s A Will
Medium
That’s Death!
Getting the Last Word
The Zombie Quiz
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Short
The Eternal Twinkie
Food for Thought
One Egg Pop, Please
Medium
Limburger Cheese War
Soy Ya Later
CREATURE FEATURES
Short
A Great Ape
Statue Rats
Animals in the News
Birth Announcement
Medium
Hairy Houdinis
News of the Wild
It’s A Dog’s Life
Lucky Critters
Boneheads
News of the Wild
Animals Famous for 15 Minutes
GOVERN-MENTAL
Short
Dobbyloom Chainpegger
Mr. Potty Mouth
Medium
Your Government At Work
Taking the Low Road
Long
* CIA’s First Coup, Pt. I
CIA’s First Coup, Pt. II
A Spy? Not I!
* CIA’s First Coup, Pt. III
BUSINE$$
Medium
McLibel
Sellouts?
(Bad) Dream Houses
What’d You McSay?
Gobbled Up
Long
The
Other
Mr. Coffee
What’s On eBay
MOUTHING OFF
Short
Love and Marriage
Fighting Words
Kind of Kinky
The Naked Truth
Beg Your Parton
Ancient Wisdom
Muhammad Ali: Poet
Comic Relief
Say Goodnight, Gracie
Tick-Tock
PunditSpeak
Sagan Says
WORDPLAY
Short
Flubbed Headlines
Thumbers & Modocks
This
Is
My Other Car
Amazing Anagrams
Little Willie
Limericks
Uncle John’s Puzzlers
TTFN, Sweater Girl!
Sin Bins & Bucket Bags
Code Brown
A Dummary of Words
Medium
Ol’ Jay’s Brainteasers
Have Fun With
Long
A Day in Palindromia
AMERICANA
Short
Would You Rather Live In
Stagecoaches
Putting Revenge on the Map
The Talented Miss America
Alabama Kleenex
Medium
Odd Museums
Name That Town
POP-POURRI
Short
You’re My Inspiration
Uncle John’s Page of Lists
That’s About the Size of It
Crazy Eights
The Number of...
Medium
Know Your Globe
It’s Art to Someone
ORIGINS
Medium
Founding Fathers
Random Origins
Plastic Money
Long
Stalled Cars
Computer Viruses
FORGOTTEN HISTORY
Medium
The Rise And Demise of Ulysses S. Grant
How the West Was Lost
And Then What Happened?
Long
History of Civilization
Gimli Glider, Pt. I
Women in Space, Pt. I
America’s Forgotten Founding Father
And Then What Happened?
Gimli Glider, Pt. II
* (Bat) Bombs Away!
And Then What Happened?
Women in Space, Pt. II
* Who Was Deep Throat?
* Gimli Glider, Pt. III
MYTHS & LEGENDS
Short
Myth-Conceptions
Myth-Leading
Medium
You’ve Got Mail!
Welcome to the Twilight Zone
Urban Legends
Don’t Eat That!
Long
The Four Dragons
The Great Seattle Windshield Epidemic
* Birthstones
LIFE IS STRANGE
Short
What’s Up, Doc?
Amazing Luck
Medium
The World’s (Un)luckiest Man
Just Plane Weird
Irregular News
Amazing Luck
It Worked...Too Well!
Ironic, Isn’t It?
In the News: The Birds and the Bees
Irregular News
I Can’t Take It Anymore!!!
Role Models
More Irregular News
Abbey-Normal
Long
Unintended Consequences
OH, CANADA
Short
Made in Canada
Medium
Weird Canada
Marathon of Hope
Jellied Moose Nose
WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS
Short
Familiar Phrases
Word Origins
Medium
Word Orgins
Word Orgins
LAW & ORDER
Short
Court Transquips
Nice Crooks
Looney Laws
Medium
Instant Justice
Strange Lawsuits
Dumberer Crooks
Strange Lawsuits
More Nice Crooks
Long
America’s First Private Eye
* How to Fight a Speeding Ticket
The Pinkerton Files
KUNG PHOOEY
Short
I Scare Nothing! Even You Become Napkins!
Kung Fu Wisdom
Medium
Jackie Chan’s Greatest Hits
Long
The King of Kung Fu
The Creepiest Movie Ever Made
* Let’s Watch
Kung Fu
HOAXES
Short
Winston Churchill’s Dirty Bird
Funny Money
Medium
Best Pranks Ever
Living a Lie
Not Who They Seemed To Be
Long
Celebrity Two-Timers
Was It...Murder?
The Nigerian Scam
CUSTOMS & SUPERSTITIONS
Short
No Whistling!
Break a Leg!
Medium
Happy Eostre!
Where’s Your Mecca?
Speak of the Devil
Offenders of the Faith
On the Wart Path
PRINTED WORD
Short
Dog Gives Birth to Kittens!
Medium
The Chaucer of Cheese
Banned Books
The World’s Worst Poet
The Bestselling Books of All Time
The World’s Worst Novelist
Answers
Oops!
A popular British hiking magazine had to apologize to its readers. Its February 2004 issue contained faulty directions for how to get down safely from Ben Nevis, the country’s highest peak. As printed, the route led hikers over the edge of a cliff.
HERE WE GO AGAIN!
A
nother year...another amazing
Bathroom Reader
.
Why do we keep doing this? Two reasons: 1) We love learning new things; and 2) We love sharing what we’ve learned. We just can’t help it. For instance, did you know that the world’s safest mode of transportation is...the elevator? See? The urge is still uncontrollable—even after 16 years!
On our quest for perfect bathroom reading, we tried to shake things up a bit this year: Instead of writing about dumb crooks, we decided to find some smart crooks. We couldn’t find any. So we settled for nice crooks, like the guy who handed a bank teller a robbery note that ended with “Sorry for your inconvenience.”
We also came up with a few new wordplay pages. We have a crazy word game based on Fed chairman Alan Greenspan, and our regular page of palindromes turned into a three-page sci-fi epic of absurd proportions. (Speaking of palindromes, we discovered a town called Adaven, Nevada.)
And why settle for the best when the worst is a lot funnier? We have a bunch of worsts, including the world’s worst novelist and two terrible poets (one of whom only writes about cheese).
This book truly is...slightly irregular.
But wait, there’s more. (Okay, you can stop waiting.) Even with the few new touches, this is still a bona fide classic
Bathroom Reader
. It runs the gamut from the useless (Michael Jackson has a pet llama named Louie) to the useful (how to get out of a speeding ticket) to the sublime (our “Creative Teaching” award to the guy who punishes his students by making them listen to Frank Sinatra) to the very core of what makes us who we are (“The History of Civilization” begins on
page 110
). We also answer some of life’s nagging questions, such as, “How come so much stuff is made in China?” and “How do you kill a zombie?”