Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (4 page)

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE

“A lovestruck German man burned down his house after candles he lit for his girlfriend sparked a fire. The unnamed man had laid out hundreds of candles in the shape of a heart carrying the words ‘You set my heart on fire.’ The 18-year-old had hoped the gesture would impress his girlfriend. Instead the heat was so intense it melted the candle wax onto the floor, where it ignited. Ten firefighters fought the blaze for an hour before getting it under control. No one was hurt but emergency services said damage to the property came to about £33,000 ($60,000). The young man told police: ‘My girlfriend didn’t even see the message, all I have left of it is a photograph...and she was not in the mood to look.’”

—
Ananova

In ancient Greece, sick people slept in medicine temples to dream about how to get better.

MP3, M16—WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

“A Canadian student who ordered an MP3 player over the Internet from the U.S. was shocked to receive a licensed handgun instead. Brandon Buchan, 21, an English student at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, bid for the MP3 player on eBay, the
Star Phoenix
newspaper said. The pawnshop that auctioned the device sent him an unloaded .22-caliber Smith & Wesson gun and a license by mistake. ‘I was mostly confused about it all. I’m not a hit man,’ Buchan insisted. ‘I figured it must just be a mistake.’ The student called the police, who removed the weapon. He also e-mailed the shop, who are arranging for his MP3 player to be sent to him. Mr. Buchan says he is keeping a photocopy of the gun license as a souvenir.”

—BBC News

SORRY, WRONG CAR

“A German woman became so furious after a telephone quarrel with her husband that she stormed out of the house armed with a hammer and smashed up his car—before realizing that the car didn’t belong to her husband. The 43-year-old from Essen told police she shattered the windshield, broke the headlights, and wrenched off the wing mirrors, causing more than $1,200 in damage. After going back indoors she realized she had attacked her neighbor’s blue Opel Corsa and not the blue Ford Fiesta belonging to her spouse.”

—
Reuters

Huh?
“If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be.”

—Washington, D.C., Councilman John Bowman

What crime led to Billy the Kid’s first run-in with the law? Stealing butter.

Check out these real town names
.

Sun
, Mississippi, or
Moon
, Mississippi?

Black
, Alabama, or
White
, Arkansas?

Paradise
, California, or
Hell
, Michigan?

Rock
, Kansas, or
Roll
, Oklahoma?

Devil Town
, Ohio, or
Angel
, Ohio?

Papa
, Hawaii, or
Mummie
, Kentucky?

Cat Creek
, Montana, or
Dog Creek
, Oklahoma?

Smart
, Virginia, or
Dumbell
, Wyoming?

Hungry Horse
, Montana, or
Fuller
, Montana?

Sound Beach
, New York, or
Silent Grove
, Arkansas?

Democrat
, Arkansas, or
Republican
, North Carolina?

Start
, Louisiana, or
Stop
, Georgia?

War
, West Virginia, or
Peace
, Alabama?

Straight
, Oklahoma, or
Gay
, Oklahoma?

Duet
, Virginia, or
Solo
, Tennessee?

Liberty
, Kentucky, or
Justice
, Kentucky?

Can Do
, North Dakota, or
Defeated
, Tennessee?

Chance
, Montana, or
Fate
, Texas?

Boring
, Oregon, or
Rapture
, Indiana?

Rich
, Tennessee, or
Poor
, Tennessee?

Hate Cove
, Massachusetts, or
Love Cove
, Maine?

Darkesville
, West Virginia, or
Lightville
, Ohio?

Push
, Arkansas, or
Pull Tight
, Alabama?

Life
, Tennessee, or
Death Valley
, California?

What does the word “pizza” mean in Italian? Pie.

Where do these familiar terms and phrases come from? The BRI has researched them and come up with some interesting answers
.

G
IVE A DAMN

Meaning:
To assign little or no significance to something

Origin:
“Originally ‘I don’t give a
dam
,’ probably brought back to England from India by military men in the mid-18th century. A
dam
was an Indian coin of little value.” (From
Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins
, by Robert Hendrickson)

LICK INTO SHAPE

Meaning:
Make ready or presentable

Origin:
“Bears are central figures in numerous superstitions. According to one belief, a cub is absolutely shapeless at birth. The mother and father bear were thought to lick their newborn into shape with their tongues. Persistence of the legend is due in part to the fact that few persons saw newborn cubs and lived to describe them.” (From
Why You Say It
, by Webb Garrison)

AT FIRST BLUSH

Meaning:
Without prior knowledge; at first glance

Origin:
“The earliest use of this expression dates from the 16th century, when ‘blush’ meant not a reddening of the cheeks with embarrassment, but ‘glimpse’.” (From
Have a Nice Day: No Problem: A Dictionary of Clichés
, by Christine Ammer)

CAKEWALK

Meaning:
Effortless; something easily accomplished

Origin:
“From a contest popular in the African-American community in the 19th century. Couples competed strolling arm in arm, with the prize—a cake—being awarded to the most graceful and stylish team. Cakewalking demanded both skill and grace, so victory was rarely a ‘cakewalk’ in our modern sense. That use came from the boxing ring, where an easy victory over an outclassed opponent was a ‘cakewalk’ compared to the ordinarily brutal and prolonged nature of the matches.” (From
The Word Detective
, by Evan Morris)

Dumb joke: What does an educated owl say? Answer: “Whom.”

Even professional house cleaners draw the line at doing windows, and nobody enjoys cleaning the toilet. Now you don’t have to
.

P
RODUCT:
“Cleartect” self-cleaning glass

BACKGROUND:
Japan’s Nippon Sheet Glass Company began test-marketing the glass for large office buildings and airports, but they were soon overrun with requests from individual customers, so now it’s made for homes, too.

HOW IT WORKS:
The glass is coated with titanium dioxide, which is
photocatalytic
, meaning that it has a chemical reaction to light. When sunlight hits the glass, that reaction breaks down organic material on the window into smaller and smaller particles. The coating is also
hydrophilic
, meaning that rainwater won’t form droplets on the glass—it forms an even sheet that flows down the window, taking dirt away with it. (If it doesn’t rain often enough, you have to hose down the window.)

PRODUCT:
The “CWS Best CleanSeat” self-cleaning toilet seat

BACKGROUND:
Designed for high-traffic public restrooms, these seats have been clinically tested to kill such microorganisms as staph, E. coli, hepatitis A, and strep.

HOW IT WORKS:
After every use, the seat automatically spins in a circle. The sensor-activated rotation takes it through a washing device—located on the back of the seat—that cleans and disinfects the seat in 15 seconds. Not satisfied with the first cleaning? Simply signal the sensor (wave your hand in front of it) for another sanitizing round and you’re good to...er...go.

PRODUCT:
Self-cleaning clothes

BACKGROUND:
Scientists at Hong Kong’s Polytechnic University discovered that titanium dioxide—the same stuff that’s used for self-cleaning windows—can be used for clothes, too.

HOW IT WORKS:
The titanium dioxide, when applied to cotton (no other fabric will work) breaks down dirt and other pollutants into smaller and smaller particles, the same way it does on glass. Sunlight and movement, they hope, will eliminate the dirt.

The Chinese have been painting their fingernails for 5,000 years.

RESEARCH RIVAL:
Alex Fowler of the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth is trying a different approach. He’s working on a technique that impregnates fabric fibers with various bacteria engineered to consume organic materials. If he’s successful, your clothes would eat their own dirt...and even your sweat. The only problem: you have to keep the bacteria alive by wearing the shirt a lot. Or, as Fowler puts it, “You could end up having to feed your shirt instead of washing it.”

PRODUCT:
Self-cleaning house

BACKGROUND:
By 1952 a 37-year-old designer and professional builder named Frances Gabe of Newberg, Oregon, had had enough of the “thankless, unending, and nerve-twangling bore” of housework. So she designed and built a self-cleaning house.

HOW IT WORKS:
The house is built of cinder block to avoid termites and other wood-burrowing insects, and each room is fitted with a ceiling-mounted cleaning, drying, heating, and cooling device. The inside of the house is covered with resin to make it waterproof. The furniture is made entirely from waterproof composites. There are no carpets. The beds are covered automatically with waterproof material that rolls out from the foot of the bed. Easily damaged objects are protected under glass.

At the push of a few buttons, soapy water jets out from the ceiling to power-wash the rooms like an automatic car wash. The same jets then rinse off the water, and a huge built-in blower dries everything. The floors are sloped slightly at the corners so that any excess water can run into a drain. The sink, shower, toilet, and tub clean themselves, too. So do the bookshelves and fireplace. The clothes closet serves as a washer and dryer, and the kitchen cabinets are also dishwashers. The house can be cleaned all at once or one room at a time, as often as needed.

Gabe’s been living in her prototype for the past 50 years (she’s 89) and only cleans the entire house two or three times a year (unless her grandchildren are coming to visit).

“Cleanliness is next to godliness.”
—English proverb

“Cleanliness is next to impossible.”
—Pigpen

Eeww! Eyes change color after death, usually to a greenish-brown.

The old saying that there’s nothing new under the sun is especially true in the auto industry. Ideas that seem new today may have been floating around for years, but for some reason didn’t succeed the first time around. Here are a few examples
.