Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (21 page)

In 1981 a cup of coffee cost 75¢, tops. Today a Starbucks Venti Java Chip Frappuccino will taste a lot better than that cup of coffee did back in 1981, but it’ll set you back as much as $4.50.

Now you know who to thank...or to blame.

IT’S A WEIRD, WEIRD WORLD

In 2004 the U.S. Postal Service allowed Internet users to make their own postage stamps featuring pictures of anything they wanted. The program was a success: 2 million stamps were printed in the first six weeks. Then it was terminated. Why? As a joke, some pranksters printed stamps with a picture of Ted Kaczynski (the “Unabomber”), the man who used the Post Office to mail letter bombs in the early 1990s. The USPS didn’t think it was funny.

Eye Opener: The original Starbucks logo featured a mermaid with naked breasts.

Why go all the way to Paris, France, to see the Eiffel Tower when you can visit Paris, Texas, and admire a 50-foot replica...wearing a bright red cowboy hat?

M
ONUMENT:
Statue of Liberty, New York City

REPLICA:
Paris, France

STORY:
France gave the original statue to the United States in 1886 to honor the friendship between the two countries. To show their appreciation, Americans living in Paris built a 35-foot replica in 1889. It stands on the Isle de Grenelle in the middle of the Seine River. But there’s more: Between 1949 and 1951, the Boy Scouts of America donated about 200 eight-foot-tall copper Statue of Liberty replicas to towns across the U.S. (San Juan, Puerto Rico, and Cheyenne, Wyoming, each have one). The French have some as well: one in Barentin, made for a film; one in Colmar, birthplace of the original statue’s designer, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi; and one in Bordeaux.

MONUMENT:
Great Wall of China

REPLICA:
Kissimmee, Florida

STORY:
The original is 4,163 miles long and is considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The one in Florida isn’t. This half-mile recreation is located at the Florida Splendid China Theme Park, built in 1993. It took 6.5 million bricks to construct.

MONUMENT:
Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy

REPLICA:
Niles, Illinois

STORY:
Industrialist Robert Ilg constructed the 94-foot “Leaning Tower of Niles” in 1934 to honor the Italian “Father of Modern Science”—Galileo. Only half the size of the original, it matches the exact angle of the Pisa tower’s distinctive tilt. Do the Italians approve? Yes—Niles and Pisa officially became “sister cities” in 1991.

MONUMENT:
HOLLYWOOD sign, Los Angeles, California

Sacre bleu
! The busiest Pizza Hut in the world is located in Paris, France.

REPLICA:
Palermo, Italy

STORY:
In 2001 Italian “post-studio” artist Maurizio Cattelan over-saw the installation of a giant, oversized replica of the famous Hollywood sign. “I had been working on icons,” Cattelan explained of the piece. “The Pope, Adolf. I wanted to use one that would not be an icon, but a word. A word has more faces.” Each of the nine letters is 75 feet high, and the sign measures 557 feet across (the original is only 450 feet across). It sits on Bellolampo Hill, overlooking Palermo’s garbage dump.

MONUMENT:
Easter Island statues, South Pacific Ocean

REPLICA:
Hunt, Texas

STORY:
Located in a field off Texas State Highway 39, these dimensionally accurate re-creations of the facelike statues of Easter Island were built by local artisans Doug Hill and Al Sheppard. Bonus: If you visit, you’ll get two for one—the statues share their space with a replica of another ancient monument, Stonehenge.

MONUMENT:
Washington Monument, Washington, D.C.

REPLICA:
Pope’s Creek, Virginia

STORY:
It’s less than an hour from the actual Washington Monument, but if you’re tired of the real thing you can always go here. It’s part of the George Washington’s Birthplace National Monument—Pope’s Creek is where George was born—and although it doesn’t have many relics from his childhood, it does have this 56-foot recreation of the monument (the actual one is 555 feet tall).

MONUMENT:
Eiffel Tower, Paris, France

REPLICA:
Paris, Texas

STORY:
Paris, Texas, erected a 55-foot Eiffel Tower in 1993 in honor of its French namesake. When officials in Paris, Tennessee, heard about it, they built one 60 feet tall. Paris, Texas, fought back and made theirs five feet taller. Then, Paris, Tennessee, made
theirs
five feet taller. In 1998 Paris, Texas, put a bright red cowboy hat on their tower, making it a few inches taller. But neither beats the 540-foot replica in Las Vegas (or the 1,052-foot original in Paris, France).

Your heart beats faster during a heated argument than during sex.

It can be quite unsettling when you hear your favorite song being used to sell hemorrhoid medicine. Sometimes artists sell out for a good reason; other times they simply see dollar signs
.

A
rtist:
The Who

Background:
In 1967 they released an album called
The Who Sell Out
, a sarcastic take on commercialization. The album cover featured poses of band members Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey in fake ads for deodorant and baked beans.

Cashing In:
Turns out they were being prophetic. Thirty years later, Townshend allowed his classic rock anthems “Baba O’Riley,” “Bargain,” “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” and “Happy Jack” to be used to sell Nissans and Humvees, while music from the rock opera
Tommy
helped push allergy medicine. And there was more for sale: Their 1978 hit “Who Are You” became the theme for the TV show
CSI
and “Won’t Get Fooled Again” became the theme for
CSI: Miami
.

Artist:
Sir Laurence Olivier

Background:
Actors often appear in commercials, but for someone like Olivier—perhaps the finest actor of his generation—to appear in a commercial was unthinkable.

Cashing In:
In 1972 the unthinkable happened—the classically trained Olivier became the first TV spokesman for Polaroid cameras. But Olivier had a good reason: he’d just been diagnosed with a serious muscle disorder and was afraid he might die at any time. Result: He took every job offered to him so that his family would be financially secure after he was gone. Olivier even mocked his selling out by appearing in Paul Hardcastle’s 1986 music video “Just for Money.” He also acted in some of the worst movies ever made, including
Clash of the Titans
and
Inchon
.

Artist:
Folk-rock singer Jewel

Background:
She began her career with the image of a sensitive singer-songwriter. She seemed like the real deal; unlike other female pop stars, Jewel wrote her own songs, played an instrument, wrote poetry, and refused to play up her looks. “I’m not slick. I don’t have a big image thing,” Jewel told
People
in 1997.

Michael Jackson owns the rights to South Carolina’s state anthem.

Cashing In:
In 2003 she began wearing provocative clothes, gyrating in music videos, and singing radio-friendly dance music on her album
0304
. The switch was so startling, some thought her new image was a joke. But it wasn’t. And the first single off the album,
Intuition
, was used in an ad for Schick’s razor for women called...Intuition.

Artist:
Jerry Rubin

Background:
Rubin was a different kind of artist—he was one of the most vocal, aggressive, and influential figures of the 1960s counter-culture movement. Along with Abbie Hoffman, he organized street theater, demonstrations, and protests for political causes, most often to oppose the Vietnam War. Rubin and Hoffman formed the Youth International Party (the “Yippies”) and were among the Chicago Seven, indicted for their part in organizing the protest demonstrations at the 1968 Democratic National Convention.

Cashing In:
In the 1970s, Rubin abruptly changed everything. He abandoned activism to become a stock trader and businessman, making a fortune off the ’70s health food craze. Former Yippies lambasted him, labeling Rubin a sellout and coining the term “yuppie” (from “young urban professional”) specifically to mock him.

Artist:
Orson Welles

Background:
In the early 1940s, Welles was considered a creative genius. RKO Studios gave him unprecedented full control over the movies he directed. Critics call his films—
Citizen Kane
(1941),
The Stranger
(1946),
The Lady from Shanghai
(1947) and
A Touch of Evil
(1958)—among the best ever made.

Cashing In:
Welles gave up directing and became an actor-for-hire, appearing in a few classics (
The Third Man, Catch-22
). But as he got older, his lifestyle, not to mention his appetite, got more extravagant...and expensive. “Ask not what you can do for your country,” Welles said. “Ask what’s for lunch.” So he became a voice actor and took any work at all, ranging from TV commercials for California wine (“We will sell no wine before its time”) to forgettable animated movies, including
The Enchanted Journey
(as a chipmunk) and
Transformers: The Movie
(as a giant robot from outer space).

First film to win more than 10 Oscars:
Ben-Hur
.

Some news that will make you go ape
.

L
OCK-JAWS

“A man attacked by a shark while snorkeling had to swim back to shore, walk to his car, and then drive to a surf club for help—with the shark still attached to his leg. Lifeguards at a beach near Sydney, Australia, were stunned when the man walked in with the two-foot carpet shark biting his leg and refusing to let go. Once he reached shore, people tried to help, but couldn’t remove the shark. Lifeguards flushed its gills with fresh water, forcing it to loosen its grip. The man had 70 needle-like punctures; the shark later died.”

—
Edmonton Sun

CHIMP CHANGE

“Police in the Colombian capital of Bogota say they have caught a monkey which had been trained to pick pockets. The monkey was captured following complaints from locals who said it had stolen wallets, mobile phones, and other valuables.

“Officials say that after the creature returned home with the stolen goods, it was rewarded with bananas by its owner. Bogota police say the monkey has now been taken to an animal rehab center.”

—BBC News

BREATHTAKING

“Scientists at the Lawn Hill National Park in Queensland announced in 2003 that they had found a male Lavarack’s turtle, which was thought to be extinct but has apparently survived relatively unchanged for thousands of years. The turtle’s primary distinction is that its sex organs and breathing apparatus are both located in its rear end.”

—
The Australian

SUMO SNORING COMPETITION

“A Romanian man has been sued by his apartment neighbors because his dog snores so loudly that they can’t sleep at night. The dog, named Sumo, is a Neapolitan mastiff. Neighbors say they can’t get any peace when Sumo falls asleep because his snoring can be heard in every apartment. One of the neighbors says the dog snores so loud that it interferes with his alarm system.”

—Ananova

Look out! Snakes can continue to bite after they’re dead.

THE GORILLA CHANNEL

“Gorillas in the Moscow Zoo will soon watch TV programs, says zoo director Vladimir Spitsyn. The animals will be able to watch videos about the life of monkeys in the wilderness. Spitsyn thinks these programs are important for the intellectual progress of anthropoids. ‘We want them to pick their noses less and think more.’”

—
Pravda

WE WOULDN’T SHIH TZU

“National Geographic TV recently reported on designer-breeding of dogs, with emphasis on the not yet officially recognized species of
Labradoodle
. Breeding decisions must be carefully made, say experts, because some interspecies pairings create unhealthy off-spring. For example, mating a pug with a Pekingese might create a dog whose eyes would fairly easily dislodge from their sockets.
Yorkipoos
and
schnoodles
, on the other hand, appear to be safe.”