Undying (9 page)

They looked at each other and then Jules turned towards me.

“Alright. But it will be difficult, and if he steps out of line once I will not bite my tongue.”

“Thank you, thank you. I am off to watch some of the boys’ sports. Can you please forward the details onto him and I will see you at 6,” I said, without waiting for a reply.

I headed straight for the field at the rear of the college. At least half the students were still here, having not headed home for the weekend. Some of the students were horse riding. Some were playing soccer – which they called football here – and others were just hanging out. I decided to head for the horses. There was a stable at the far end of the field. The stable was big enough to accommodate 12 horses. The first horse I saw was magnificent. Its coat was extremely shiny and smooth, with a neck and poll of amazing length. I started to stroke the horse on its forehead. It was so calm in nature, and its approachability made me feel confident.

“Excuse me Miss, that’s Sugar, she has a great nature, would you like to take her for a ride?” a young voice enquiry.

As I looked around and noticed it was one of my students.

“Thank you, Mathew, but I think I have had enough adventure for today. I may take you up on that offer one day soon though,” I replied with gratitude.

“Just let me know,” he said as he turned away and headed back to his friends on the oval.

I turned back to the horse, which now had a name.

“Sugar, huh? That’s so sweet,” I said aloud, amused at my attempt at a joke. Then I sensed I wasn’t alone, looked around but saw no-one. I felt as if I was being watched, so decided to hastily make my way back to the college. The sky seemed darker than it was minutes ago and the wind stronger. My head began to ache and I seemed to have no strength in my legs. I leaned back on the rails and closed my eyes. A shot of pain went through my body that knocked me off my feet.

“James!” I shouted for help, not caring if anyone heard me. I just needed him next to me. “James!” I yelled out his name again, this time louder. I held onto my head. The pain was becoming unbearable, I could hear voices, I looked around to see if there was anyone who could help me, but there wasn’t anyone around. Voices were inside my head and I couldn’t escape it. I felt faint…

“Catherine…Catherine…”

“Hmmm,” I groaned.

“Catherine… Open your eyes!”

“No…”

“Catherine…?”

I finally opened my eyes and there was James, crouching over me, pale as a ghost.

“She’s awake. Oh, thank God you’re awake,” said Jules who was now over me too. She smelt so nice.

“See, like I said. She will be fine,” Dr Simons hesitantly added. He also smelt good.

I sat up and looked around for James who was now standing furthest away from me, looking away.

“What’s wrong?” I looked to Jules for an answer, but she didn’t know what to say.

“What is it? Why are you all in my room?” This time I looked at Dr Simons.

“Do you not remember?” he asked with a concerned look on his face.

“Remember what?”

“Today? Do you know what day it is today? And what you did?”

“What? Of course, today is… Saturday, and we are going to dinner tonight. Um… I… was… with the horses. My head… That’s right, my head was hurting. And I…” I muttered, knowing that what I had just said was completely incoherent.

“That will do,” James said from across the room, “let her rest now.” His voice was drained.

He then opened the door, signalling Dr Simons to leave.

“Jules, how did I get here? I don’t remember!”

Jules came closer to me.

“Catherine, I came to get you for dinner. But you didn’t answer your door. I got worried so I looked for you, but couldn’t find you. I went to Mr Barclay…”

Jules paused and looked back at James, who was now thanking Dr Simons.

“Mr Barclay and I went looking for you. We had been searching the grounds for over an hour, and when he found you, he carried you back here on his own.”

“Miss Kent,” James interrupted, “you should be getting ready to leave. We don’t want Mr Kemp to start a fuss about you all being late.”

“What? I don’t understand!” I said, looking to Jules for some answers.

“Catherine, it’s just past 7 o’clock and Mr Kemp is supposed to be meeting us in the village for dinner this evening. As much as I hate to abandon you, if we don’t go this evening, Mr Kemp will be furious. Mr Barclay was quite clear that Mr Kemp must not know about this. I don’t understand why, but he suggested that we tell Mr Kemp that you weren’t feeling well. So it’s just the three of us. I really don’t want to leave you, but I have no choice.”

Jules got up and left with Dr Simons. When they finally left, James closed the door and locked it. He paused for a while with his back to me. I felt awful for what I had put him through. I hated myself for it. I wanted to say something but the words wouldn’t come. I felt useless. The room was silent for a few more minutes. James then turned and made his way to me slowly with his head hanging low and his hands in his pockets.

“James, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean for this to happen. I don’t understand what is happening to me. It doesn’t make any sense. Something happened at the stables, I was terrified. I heard voices, but no one was there… I have heard it before… but I can’t… I can’t remember when or where, but I know I have. So many strange things have been happening, and I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.”

“I hate myself for causing so much drama for you; I don’t know what I am doing wrong, I should leave… I’ll just go back.”

I felt sick at the thought of never seeing him again and for even suggesting leaving, I seemed to be always making a bad situation worse these days. Disappointed with myself, I placed my hands over my face and took a deep breath hoping that pressing down on my eyes would stop me from crying.

I didn’t realise how cold my hands were until his warm hands were touching mine. He grabbed them both and gently pulled them away from my face. How can something so amazing feel so terrifying? I kept my focus on my hands, petrified to look up at him.

My heart was now racing, and my breathing was slow and deep. I watched as my hands were slowly pulled away from me. And as my hands reached his chest he held on to them tighter.

“I can’t let you go,” he finally spoke. “Today… can never be repeated. The thought of not finding you safe tore my heart apart. You mean a great deal to me. You have to know that… I have strong feelings for you.”

He then placed one of his arms around me and brought me close to him. I bit my bottom lip trying to contain my joy, but that was impossible: I had never felt so alive and happy. And I wanted him to see how OK I was with this.

He looked into my eyes with an expression of relief and smiled.

“What were you thinking, inviting Mr Kemp for dinner tonight?” he said, looking at me directly.

“Oh that… um… trying to call a truce,” I answered.

“You cannot be left alone with him. He has no intentions of befriending you.”

“You are so beautiful,” he then said shyly. He looked down at me. “You know I have been dreaming of you for as long as I can remember, waiting patiently for you to be here. Now you’re in arm’s reach and I am struggling to resist you.”

“Why are you trying to resist me,” I asked confused.

“It is complicated.”

I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. Just him standing close to me was almost too much to handle. I wish he would just kiss me.

So many things were running through my mind, I didn’t know what to say or do. My heart felt like I had been in love with him all my life, but I know that it’s just been days. I didn’t want to ruin anything but I wanted him so much.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“About today… I was thinking about you just before it happened you know, and I screamed your name out several times. But the more I did, the louder the other voice inside my head became. I just wanted you there…” I said, not believing I just told him that.

James’s smile disappeared and his face became sombre.

“James… What is it? Did I say something to upset you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” I was embarrassed now with what I had just admitted.

There was silence.

Suddenly there was chatter outside my door.

James immediately became rigid and quiet. He turned his head towards his door in a defensive manner while his hands were still holding on to me. I was on a rush, and the thrill was too hard to contain, knowing that James will not resist for fear of being heard, I grabbed onto his shirt with both hands and pulled his chest back towards me. I leapt towards his lips, closed my eyes, and kissed him… hoping he would kiss me back.

And he did, with more passion and intensity than I could have ever hoped. His touch was honest and tender. I was now completely his.

He grabbed my blazer from my neck and slid it off me. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He pushed me backwards until my back was against the wall. One of his hands was on the wall to support his body, the other was on my back, under my blouse, touching and caressing my skin – his touch gave me a shiver. I threw both my hands around his neck loosely, before letting them fall down to his chest. I started to unbutton his shirt. When I got to the last button, I opened his shirt wide, placing both my hands back on his skin and slowly making my way up his chest. His body was incredible and his smell was so alluring. He started kissing and caressing my neck, before suddenly stopping and stepping away. He began to shake his head from side to side.

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now,” he announced breathlessly.

“Tell me again – you said when you called out to me the pain got worse?”

“What?” I didn’t understand why he was thinking about that right now.

“Please… I need to know…”

“Well… yes! But that was purely coincidental.”

James took a step back and started to button up his shirt.

“Tell me, am I going crazy or is there something else going on?”

“You’re not crazy. What’s crazy is me allowing you to be going through this!”

“Go through what James? Today had nothing to do with you.”

“Catherine, I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“It is not what I want to do, I just have to. I need to figure this out. I need to speak to…” James stopped mid-sentence, obviously not wanting to let me know who he needed to speak with. He looked at me again, with the most loving eyes. “I’m sorry.” And then left.

I just stood there, confused. On the one hand I was unbelievably happy that we kissed and on the other hand I wondered if that would be the last time.

Who could James possibly need to speak with about us? Who would he tell?

I spent a good while trying to work it all out in my head. It was useless. I needed a distraction, so decided to continue on with
Victoria
.

Hayworth House seemed every bit as magnificent as I had imagined. I scouted promptly for Jonathon, but from what I could see, he had not arrived. On my scouting I discovered my parents, whose attention I caught immediately. My father was happy that I had made an effort to come, whilst my mother seemed somewhat anxious at how I would conduct myself with Charles Barton
.

“Victoria, there you are! Are you well? Why have I not seen you?” Charles rambled from the base of the stairs with his irritating tone
.

I could not be certain if I had responded to his question or had given a gesture of recognition to his presence. How could I? My eyes were now solely fixed on Jonathon. He stood further away from the bottom of the stairs with a grin of confidence only he could bear. Why would a man so superior in every way imaginable, be connected with Charles Barton? This thought sadly brought back to my attention that we were not alone. I now stood amid the two men, facing the only one that I desired
.

“Victoria, may I have the first dance,” Jonathon asked, already knowing the answer to his question
.

“NO!” interrupted Charles, “she will dance with me, and only me!”

The tone in his voice frightened me and I immediately walked towards Jonathon, who already was moving towards Charles, angry. Jonathon placed his hand on my arm lightly and smiled a comforting smile, reassuring me, before continuing towards Charles. I was not sure of the exchange of words, but I was certain they were unpleasant. Charles then looked at me in disgust and walked away, while Jonathon leisurely turned and returned to me
.

I shook my head, uncertain of what had just taken place
.

“I do not understand that man,” I whispered to Jonathon
.

“I do not think he understands himself either.”

“Jonathon, please – make me understand. What do you and Charles have in common precisely?”

“Nothing,” he replied, frustrated
.

“I am confused” I said, aware now of the audience that we had attracted
.

Jonathon looked around, also alert to the unwelcomed crowd. He immediately directed me onto the balcony
.

His gentle touch on my arm was glorious. Once alone, he explained
.