Unspeakable Truths (28 page)

“Ev, I was just going to buy it for us.”

“What?” I question and shake my head. “No, Luca. No way.”

“Why not?”

“Because, if we’re talking about living a life together, starting a life together, then we need to be a team. I don’t want to live off of you, and I wouldn’t want you to live off of me. If it’s meant to be our house then it should be in both of our names, and we should both be financially responsible for it.”

“You’re serious.”

“Very.”

“All in? No backing out?”

“I’m all in. I love you.”

“I love you too. We’ll go in it together.”

I spent some time visiting with my mom and dad today, I haven’t gone to see them in a long time, and I thought it would be nice to surprise them. Plus I wanted to let them know about my plans for selling the house, though I left out the part where I plan to buy another house with Luca. I think one shock a day is enough for them, but they were so happy with what I did tell them. All they care about is that I’m finally starting to make decisions about my life again, that I’m making plans for a future instead of wilting away. I can’t imagine what they must have felt, what they must have gone through the last four years—having me but not having me all the same. I hate that I put them through that. I hate the thought of having caused them that kind of pain.

After leaving their house I decide to drop by Luca’s apartment with some rented DVDs; a night holed up with him snuggling on the couch is exactly what I need. As I pull up to his street, I catch sight of Michael walking into the apartment. I manage to park, shut the ignition, and rush out of the car and up the sidewalk in just a manner of seconds. If he’s here to give Luca a hard time I want to put an end to it immediately, he needs to understand once and for all that this is my choice. Thankfully the door is unlocked allowing me access inside the apartment quickly and with very little noise. I remain at the bottom of the stairs hoping to get he reason for his visit before I come up.

I lean up against the wall as Luca starts talking. “Can we just stop with the small talk and get to the part about why you dropped by my place unannounced?”

“Well I see your manners haven’t improved over the years.” I never realized just how snide Michael can be. I suppose Tyler kept me as sheltered as he could from his father’s darker side.

“My manners are fine; I just don’t take kindly to people trying to rule everyone around them.”

“Is that how you see it? Well you’re wrong, I’m protecting my family.”

“Just like you protected Tyler?” Luca questions, likely adding fuel to the already raging fire. His words are true, but I’m scared that he’s going to set Michael off. “If you would have had a different kind of relationship with your son, he might have come to you before he got himself in so deep that he got himself killed.”

“And you were better? You waited too long to tell me, it was too late to help him.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you anything, I saw how hard you rode him. You made it impossible for him to come to you. At least I was there for him, at least I tried. I will carry guilt every day for the rest of my life that I couldn’t do more, that I couldn’t save him, but he was
your
son. I paid my penance, four years away from my family, all this time being made out to be a villain when I wasn’t even there, and I took it, I did that for him. I did it because you asked me to.”

“Everly would never believe any of that,” Michael states, pissing me off because he sounds a little too sure of himself. I contemplate making my presence known, knocking him off his high horse. He thinks he has me so far down in my grief that I can’t see straight anymore, that I’m not capable of distinguishing the difference between fact and fiction.

“Oh but she does, she knows.” I catch myself before I make a move, Luca’s words causing me to stay frozen in my spot. “Everly knows everything, she’s known for months, and she’s finally moving on with me.”

“What? You told her?” Michael booms. I can almost hear his carefully guarded patience snapping.

“She knew something was off, she just asked me to verify, and I was done lying to her.”

“You little shit. How you dare say anything to her, you swore.”

“Get your fucking hands off of me,” Luca demands, very slowly, very deliberately, very scarily. “She deserved to know the truth.”

“And you just had to be the one to give it to her? No Luca let’s be honest, you told her so you could make it easier on yourself to get closer to her.”

“I told her because she was dying, she was trapped in a shell of a life that you created, and I couldn’t stand to see her like that. I love her; I want her to be happy, to be free from the past. And if you loved her, if you really considered her family, you would want that for her too.”

Michael doesn’t respond, he says nothing at all. It’s eerily quiet; the only sound I can hear is the sound of my own accelerated heartbeat. I almost move to go upstairs again when Luca finally speaks again.

“If it’s not me it’s going to be someone else. She’ll fall in love again someday, she will not stay alone forever. Even you can’t be that delusional to believe that she’s going to live her entire life alone in remembrance of Tyler, that’s never going to happen.”

“Then let her move on with someone other than you, anyone other than you. You were never good enough to be friends with my boy and you are not good enough for his wife. I will not allow it. Do you know what people would say? It’s outrageous.”

The sound of something, likely a fist slamming down on the table makes me jump. I’m assuming it came from Michael.

“And there you have it, it always comes back to you doesn’t it? Always back to you and your reputation, God forbid your life should seem anything less than perfect. You let your son’s killers get away, paid them off, and tampered with evidence so that it wouldn’t ruin your squeaky clean reputation.”

“You shut your mouth you know nothing. He was my son, my only child—I wanted him to die in peace with his good name intact. What’s so wrong with that?”

“Why don’t you ask Everly what’s wrong with that? Or better yet why don’t you ask your wife what she thinks? Ohhh right,” he draws out sarcastically, “she doesn’t know does she?”

“I came here to tell you to stay away from Everly. Do what you have to do to let her down easily and break it off now.”

My hearts racing a mile a minute now. I’m furious at the nerve of him. How he thinks that he has any power over my life at all is beyond me. I’m angrier at myself for letting the guilt that they made me feel keep me stuck in a place that was so dark I could barely pull myself out.

“Or what?” Luca asks, his tone is menacing, powerful, and I’m thrilled he’s not backing down.

“Or I use all of my pull and resources to ruin your career. When I’m through with you, you will never practice law in this state again.”

Oh my God, I think to myself as the tears start to well up in my eyes. How the hell did this conversation deteriorate so rapidly?

“Go for it, run me out of the state again, but just know this time before I leave, I’ll return the favor, maybe I’ll have a little informational chat with your wife. And if I ever do leave, I’m doing it with Everly, so be my guest, do your worst.”

“You may have been able to convince Everly of your story but you won’t be able to convince my wife, she’ll think you’re crazy. She knows I’d never lie to her. Think about it a day or two but don’t take too long to make a decision. I’m very motivated; I will not hesitate to destroy you.”

“I don’t need any time to think, I’d never chose a job over the woman I love. I’d never choose to have status over a family. The answer is no.”

“I’m giving you the time anyway.”

I can tell that the conversation is over and move quickly, letting myself out of the door as quietly as possible wanting to remain undetected. I run around the side of the building and hide until I’m sure that Michael is gone. I jog to my car, get in and get the hell out of there, driving home as fast as I can. I can’t face Luca right now. I can’t bring myself to see him, not when I’m so torn about what to do. Can I let him give up his career just to be with me? What kind of person would that make me, I’d be no better than Michael. It’s not like I can plead the fifth, not when I know the truth. Being with me means having to sacrifice everything, and I don’t know that I can live with that.

I’ve waited a few days, waited to see if Luca would call things off or break up with me, but the longer I wait, the more evident it is that he’s not ever going to do it. He loves me no matter what, no matter what obstacles arise—above his own career—and that makes me love him even more, more than I ever thought possible. Maybe even more than I loved Tyler, but none of that matters now, none of it helps when I know that us being together is hurting him.

Happily ever after doesn’t exist. It’s a myth, and if it does exist it’s not for me, was never meant to be for me. I thought I had it once, thought I held it in my grasp but just like that, love slipped through my fingers. Now here I am again, with that old familiar pit of emptiness in my stomach, the air thick with sorrow and sadness. I know I’m doing the right thing, I can’t stand the thought of anymore sacrifices being made on my behalf; I can’t stomach the idea that the man I love would give up something that he’s worked so hard for just for me—not after all that he’s been through, all that I put him through over the years.

I place the flowers down at the foot of the gravestone. I don’t know what brought me back here today, but it seemed like a good place to start. My life as I know it has to end today, and it starts with this goodbye.

“I need to tell you how angry I am at you. How hurt I am that you didn’t trust me, that you didn’t love me enough to tell me the truth. I would have stayed by your side, I would have tried to help you, but you kept me in the dark for so long about so many things and it hurts.”

I lower myself down and sit on the grass, wrapping my arms around my legs and hugging them to my body.

“I think I understand though. I get that maybe you didn’t want me to think any less of you, I get that you were scared that you might lose me, and I realize that you were trying to protect me, but shit Tyler, you built our whole relationship on lies. Sometimes I don’t even know which parts were true. Like how you knew how Luca felt about me and you went after me anyway, it was a shitty thing to do. I’m not saying I regret our relationship, I’m not even saying that I’d change it, any of it, but I wish you would have been honest. I wish that the foundation of our relationship was more stable, but I guess I can’t really blame you for lying huh? What kind of hypocrite would that make me? I’m about to lie to Luca, I’m about to break our relationship apart in order to protect him… so I guess in the end I’m no better than you are, am I?”

I rest my head on my knees and let out a breath. I try to keep the tears that threaten at bay, try to tell myself that it’s all for the best.

“I love him you know. I do, and I’m sorry if that means that I’ve betrayed you in some way. It was never my intention, but I think that everything happens for a reason. I think Luca was meant to pull me kicking and screaming out of the dark, he was meant to help me find myself again. I had hoped that he would be a permanent figure in my life, but your father has seen to it that that will never happen. I’m not sure where this need to interfere in everyone’s lives comes from; you’d think he’d have learned his lesson by now, but clearly that’s not the case. What else can I do Ty, I have to leave him right? If I don’t he loses his career, how could I do that to him after he gave up so much because of me already?”