“Okay, let Olivia know I’ll be over at six o’clock sharp for a picnic.”
***
The rest of the day, Julia and Mark worked together at getting the house organized; she put the kitchen together while Mark set up their beds. Things were starting to come together. At least they were able to find the basic necessities. Julia noticed that Mark had been out of sorts since talking with Jessi on the phone. “Hey, little brother, everything is going to be all right. You know that, don’t you?”
She could always read him. “You know me so well, you know that, sis? I just can’t help but think that something is going to come along and ruin everything. I know it’s my old way of thinking, that I’m not trusting God to follow through on his promises, but I can’t seem to help it. I need to spend some serious time in my Bible and prayer before I hit the bed tonight. I haven’t been spending my alone time with God like I had been. I guess I’ve made excuses to myself that I’ve been too busy with everything going on, and I’ve been too tired because of it.”
Julia had known only too well how easy it was to fall into old habits, and she didn’t want to see Mark begin to go down that road. “I hate to be the one to remind you of this, Mark, but God wants our firsts, not our leftovers. We always think of giving our first in our tithes, but he also wants our firsts in other areas of our lives, like our time. I know how busy life gets, and it’s easy to put God on the backburner. It shouldn’t, and doesn’t, have to be that way. I fail in this area too sometimes. I have to continually remind myself that I have to take my time with God to survive my days. Without him I don’t know what I would do. I don’t think I want to know.”
Mark gave his sister a hug. “Thanks, sis. I really don’t know what I would do without you. I appreciate you being honest with me. I need to hear truth, and sometimes that truth might hurt. But it’s worth it. I love you.” He picked up his Bible and smiled at her. “It’s time to spend some time with this. Good night.”
After he headed to bed she found her own box marked “books” and pulled out her well-worn Bible. She rubbed her hand over the cover and traced the words
Holy Bible
with her in index finger. She carried her favorite book to her bed, and she too spent some alone time with her Savior.
Chapter 26
Jessi watched her daughter get her clothes ready for the next day. They were going to see her kindergarten teacher and then go out to lunch and school shopping. It seemed as though she’d grown out of everything when they’d taken the box of fall clothes out of storage. Nothing fit. Not her socks, shoes, pants, shirts, underclothes—you name it, she needed it. It sure was expensive raising kids. It seemed as though she just got caught up and the rollercoaster started over again. “You ready, kiddo? It’s bath time.”
“I’m all ready. Let me get my jammies.” Olivia followed Jessi into the bathroom and jumped into the water her mother had prepared for her.
“You need some help? I can get your hair if you want.”
“I think I can do it. Maybe you could help me rinse it.”
Jessi couldn’t believe how independent her daughter was becoming. She used to have to hold her head out of the water to gently bathe her, and now she barely wanted help to wash her hair. It wasn’t fair. They grew up way too fast.
“Okay, but you have to wash it really good, or else it’ll still be dirty and I’ll have to wash it over again. I’ll just check it over when you have all the soap suds on and make sure you got behind your ears good. Then I’ll help you rinse it.”
Olivia started humming as she was washing. Jessi took the time to straighten up the bathroom a little bit. “You ready for me to check your hair?”
“Yep. I’m all done.”
Jessi knelt beside the tub and looked over Olivia’s head. “You sure did a good job. I don’t have to rewash anything. Let’s get it rinsed. Do you want to lay back, or should I just pour water over your head?”
“I’ll lay back this time.”
When bath time was over, Olivia paddled back into her room. After her mom had brushed her hair, Olivia pulled her Bible off her bookshelf. “Mom, would you read to me?”
Jessi looked at the Bible and wanted with all her being to tell Olivia no. Unfortunately there wasn’t a good excuse she could use to keep from reading the Bible to the child. She had to wonder if Aunt Merry bought her the gift with an ulterior motive. It sure seemed she was reminding herself of lots of Bible stories since they’d been back from Oklahoma.
Jessi took the Bible from her daughter. “What story do you want to read tonight?”
Olivia pondered the question for a moment. She already had her favorites, but she was thinking a new story would be good tonight. “Mommy, how about we read about Jesus dying on the cross. We haven’t read that one yet, and I remember it from Sunday school with Aunt Merry.”
Jessi flipped through the children’s Bible until she reached the story that Olivia wanted read. With each word she read, she felt an emptiness inside of her that just seemed to get bigger. Was this the answer? Were Aunt Merry, Mark, Julia, Olivia, and Ethan right? Did God truly love her and die for her?
“That’s all for tonight. Maybe tomorrow night your dad can finish reading it to you.” Jessi closed the Bible without finishing the story. Olivia looked as though she was about to cry, but Jessi couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to think about the possibilities any more tonight. She gave her daughter a kiss and turned out the overhead light. “I love you, Olivia. Maybe someday Mommy will be able to read you a whole story.”
She tucked her daughter in, knowing full well by the tears shining in Olivia’s eyes that she had hurt her daughter. She didn’t mean to hurt her, truly she didn’t. She’d have to find a way to get through those stories without letting them affect her so. She hated to see her daughter in pain, especially by her own hand.
Olivia watched her mom go out and close the door behind her. She kept a small light on by the bed so she could see real well. She crept out of bed and got her Bible off the shelf where her mom had put it. She opened the Bible and turned to the story that was left unfinished. She slowly sounded out the words and finished reading the story to herself. She hadn’t told her mom that she could read. For some reason, she felt she wasn’t supposed to tell her mom yet. Each night she was able to finish the story that her mom left unread. Olivia was very proud of herself. She’d tried real hard to learn to read, and the games she and her mom played helped a lot. She didn’t feel like she was lying to her mom, because that would be wrong. So she prayed about it, and she felt like she had to wait to tell her, like a surprise. Just like her birthday party would be surprise. She finished her story and then knelt by her bed.
“Jesus, would you help my mommy love you? I know that sometimes she’s sad, Jesus, and I don’t like her sad. If she loved you, she wouldn’t be sad anymore. I also told Daddy that I was going to pray real hard that Mommy and Daddy would be together so we could be a real family. I hope you don’t mind that I keep asking you the same things over and over again. Sometimes Mommy doesn’t like that either. But I really, really want us to be a family and live in the same house just like families are supposed to. Will you help us be a family, Jesus? Please? That’s all I’m going to ask for right now so you don’t feel like I’m being greedy. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”
Olivia climbed back into bed and covered herself up. She fell asleep thinking about being a real family.
Jessi changed into her nightgown and settled into her rocking chair with Aunt Merry’s journals. It had been a while since she had taken the time to read any of the entries. Tonight seemed like the perfect night to take some time to read. She opened the journal and found where she left off.
Saturday, February 15, 1964
I’m so scared. We have driven back to the lookout several times, and I did things I am so ashamed of. I don’t know what to do. Lester will barely even talk to me now. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t even hear from him. When I called him to tell him I had a gift for him, he said he’d been busy and wouldn’t be able to come over for a few days. He did say he had a gift for me too. That does give me some hope.
I’m late for my period, and I’m afraid. I don’t know who to talk to. I haven’t talked to my friends in so long that they barely even acknowledge me anymore. It’s all my fault. I thought if I had a boyfriend like Lester nothing else would matter. I thought it wouldn’t matter if I still hung out with my childish friends. I’m beginning to think that turning into a woman wasn’t such a good idea. I already miss being a girl. Gotta go; Mom’s calling me for dinner.
Jessi couldn’t believe what she had just read. Aunt Merry, promiscuous? Never. She wouldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it. It went against everything she’d ever thought about her aunt. She had to keep reading.
Thursday, February 20, 1964
I am so relieved. I got my period. Thank you, God. I promise I will be good from now on. I won’t do that again ever, at least until I’m married. The other good news is Lester called and asked me to go to dinner next Friday night. I told him it was so far away, and he said he would explain then. He told me he missed me. I’m so happy things are working out for me. Lester misses me. I love him so much. Maybe he’s going to ask me to marry him. Maybe that is what he wants to talk about. That’s it. He’s been working real hard to save up for a ring, and now he’s saved enough. I can’t wait until next Friday. I called up the girls to see if they wanted to go and see a movie, and they said yes, so I have to go. We’re meeting tonight at seven. Everything’s great, just like it should be.
Jessi closed the journal. She couldn’t take any more for the night. The idea of her aunt, the one she cherished and held up on a pedestal, doing the things this journal suggested just wasn’t sitting well with her. She made her way to the kitchen and drank a hot cup of tea before going to bed. She needed something to calm her mind down before she could attempt going to sleep.
***
The next morning she and Olivia slept in a little bit before having breakfast and dressing for their day out. Olivia would be attending school in Milton, and Jessi taught school in Edgerton, one town away. They made their way to the classroom where Olivia would be spending a good portion of each weekday for the next year. Her teacher, Ms. Benedict, was fairly new to the school system, having only graduated from college two years prior.
Ms. Benedict greeted them warmly when they entered her classroom at their appointed time. “Hello, you must be Olivia. I’m Ms. Benedict, and I am going to be your teacher this year. Would you like to look around the classroom for a few minutes while I talk with your mom?”
Olivia nodded her head and walked around the room, looking at the pictures hanging on the wall. Ms. Benedict had a real bird in a cage. She stood next to the cage for a long time, trying to cajole the bird into speaking to her. She even tried to bribe it with some candy she had in her pocket.
While Olivia was familiarizing herself with the room, Ms. Benedict gave Jessi the list of supplies that would be needed for the school year. “I have some papers for you, but I’m sure you’re already accustomed to all this. What grade is it that you are teaching this year? You’re at Edgerton. right?”
Jessi took the papers from her. “Yes, I’m teaching third at Edgerton. I’ve taught third grade for so long that I’m not sure if I’d remember anything else.”
They discussed the school year and the schedule. Pretty much both school districts tried to follow the same break schedule for Christmas and Easter, although it wasn’t called Easter break anymore. Aunt Merry would throw a fit about that one if she were to find out.
Olivia walked up to join them just as they were discussing transportation. “I just have one more form to discuss with you, and that is the bus schedule for Olivia to get to and from school.”
Jessi looked alarmed. “Oh, she won’t be taking the bus. I will drop her off on my way to school.”
Olivia piped right in. “Mom, I want to take the bus. I’ve waited my whole life to take the bus. Why can’t I?”