Read Until You Believe Me Online
Authors: Lindsey Woods
"Thank you Mom," I replied as I walked slowly into the kitchen.
"Umm, actually uh, Mom. I'll take care of Johnathan. Please go get some rest. Thank you for your help tonight." Connor hugged my mom and opened the front door for her.
"I'll stop by tomorrow and visit. Goodnight, love you guys." She smiled as she walked out the front door. I stayed in the kitchen, not wanting to move and ruin the moment I may have heard. I heard Connor's footsteps disappear down the hallway.
I cut two pieces of lasagna and put it in the microwave. I ate half of one before I felt filled. Connor had still not returned. I quietly tip toed down the hallway and stood outside the nursery door.
"He was a good man and you have quite the name to live up to. I didn't always listen to him the way I was supposed to, but I'm back now. We're not here forever. It seems kind of unfair. I get something like you and your mother brought into my life and I only get to enjoy you both for a limited amount of years. Why should we get to be so happy, knowing that one day it is going to have to end? I already wasted too many precious minutes away from you. I don't have forever with you, and that's how long it would take me to tell you everything I want you to know. First and most important is that your mom is a saint. She loved you from the moment she knew about you, even if she was still unsure. You're a miracle given the circumstances that surrounded you before you were born. She's an incredible woman. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to show her and you how much I love you." Connor looked up and smiled at me as I stood in the door frame to the nursery.
There were no words that could express how I felt, staring at him holding our son. I walked over to the two of them and kissed Johnathan's forehead. Connor handed the baby to me and I hugged him to me before I set him down to sleep. Connor pulled me down to sit on his lap and we rocked for a long while, watching the most beautiful little boy sleep.
"What changed your mind?" I asked Connor in the dark as we lay in bed.
"My father."
I didn't say anything, hoping he would continue.
"Never in a million years did I expect to lose him right now. I'm still in shock that this is real. He's always been there, even when he hasn't been, he's still been here with me. He's gone Madison. I would give another 50 years of him not knowing me if it meant he was still there. If it meant I could see him sitting there in his room." His voice broke and I felt him shaking. There was nothing I could do. I just laid next to him and rubbed his back, whispering how much I loved him.
"It made me realize how little time we have left. I don't mean that in a we're old kind of way. I just mean that anytime can be our time. I don't want to look back and regret that I didn't do everything to give this kid a chance. I don't want to look back and know that I drove the most incredible woman away because she was stronger than me. Madison, I'm here. I'm on your team. Please don't give up on me." His voice was practically begging and he pulled me tighter against him.
"We've always been on the same team Connor, I just think you were studying the wrong playbook." I felt his lips curl into a smile against my neck.
"I can't believe you just used a sports analogy."
I couldn't help but laugh at that. I felt the spark of my husband coming back. I hated that it took such a terrible situation, but I felt like he was the man I needed him to be.
"You know, I always knew it was going to be a boy."
"You did? How?" Connor said softly.
"I'm not sure. I think I knew that you needed a boy, that a boy would help you get through whatever you needed to. I think whatever is bigger than us knew you'd need some help. Sports and horseplay in the future might be enough to get you through the rough patch."
"I think I just needed you to show me that I was capable of loving you both. You've shown me so much Madison. I know I've said this before, but I couldn't be half of who I am without you."
"You don't need to ever know what it's like to be without me, I'm here."
'I'm so lucky." Connor leaned up and kissed my lips, pulling me closer to him.
Chapter 30 - Epilogue
"He looks great Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. He's strong and he's growing. After one week he's gained a good amount of weight. I'm pleased." The doctor said as he jotted down some notes in the chart.
"And how are the new parents doing?" Connor squeezed my hand and smiled.
"We're fantastic doctor. Couldn't be more pleased with our little boy."
"Give it some more time and another week of sleepless nights and we'll see how you feel then." The doctor joked and gave Johnathan one more little squeeze on his foot.
"A doctor from the maternity floor sent these down with the little man's records. She knew you'd be in today and gave me permission to pass them off to you. I'll schedule another appointment for your little man. Good luck." He shook Connor's hand as he left the room.
I handed the envelope to Connor as I stood and started to put Johnathan in his carseat. Connor remained seated and looked at the envelope.
"These are the results?" He asked.
"Seems like it." I shrugged as I set him gently down and buckled him in.
Connor took the carrier and we walked from the building. We were halfway to the car before he stopped and handed the carrier to me.
"I'll be right back." He took off toward the building. I let out a gasp as I watched him tear the envelope several times and throw it in the trash right outside of the office. He jogged back and kissed my lips, taking the carrier from me. I didn't speak as he buckled the car seat in and joined me in the front seat.
"I already know that he's mine, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that," He said as we pulled away.