Until You Believe Me (21 page)

             
"Yes Ma'am, I am feeling great. I am beyond excited to get this opportunity." I shifted uncomfortably in my suit. I was nervous and bordering on starting to sweat.

             
"I have a few documents I need you to sign and I am going to give you a sheet for you to record your texts for fall semester, other than that we'll be finished here until closer to the beginning of the semester." She laid down documents in front of me and I signed my name to them.

             
"Now I have received word that you will be taking a leave of absence for spring semester. This is really most unusual for our Graduate professors. Even more unusual is the director has signed off on it. I do need you to sign paperwork that states you will be receiving salary for only  fall semester and we will reevaluate after spring semester for next year." Her tone was getting increasingly annoyed. The director had approved it? I hadn't spoken to anybody about my having to take off for the spring. I decided not to question her as she clearly was already annoyed that she had to work more than usual.

             
I thanked her for her time as I walked out of the office. I emerged from the building and had only one destination on my mind.

             
I didn't both to knock, I pulled open the door and marched in.

             
"Yeah, I can get it done by Wednesday next week....I'll give you about half a dozen guys...oh hey let me call you back...yep...bye." Connor hung up the phone and set it down on his desk. "Hey beautiful, how did it go?"

             
"It went great until she told me that my leave of absence for spring semester was approved by the director. It was kind of awkward when I had to stop myself from saying I didn't request a leave of absence, yet my classes had been taken care of, again."

             
"You're mad?" Connor stood and ran a hand through his hair.

             
"Mad is one word you could use. Connor, this job is important to me. Really important. It doesn't look too good when I have to leave early one year and the very next year, which is going to be brand new for me, I can only work part of the year. I know you don't understand this because you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, but you can't fight these battles for me, especially when I don't even know about it."

             
"I've worked extremely close with the director through all of these projects Madison. I explained that in the spring you're going to need some time off and he was fine with it. He loves you, he was impressed with your application. He wants you no matter what time you have to take off."

             
"So that's it then, I'll be staying home for six or seven months while you go on to work every day? Thanks for consulting me on this."

             
"Do you want me to stay home and you work? Fine, bring it on. I'll work from home if that's what you want. I'm sorry that I assumed you'd be interested in staying home with your newborn child. I'm sorry that I fucked it up again. Apparently I can't do anything right by your standards. I thought I was helping, I thought I was making something easier on you. You always have something you need to deal with, you won't depend on me for any of it so I tried to make it easier on you. And here I am, still the asshole." He sat back down and bent over, putting his head in his hands.

             
"Is that what this is about? You think I don't need you?" He looked up at me his face was lined and his eyes were miserable.

             
"No, not at all. I don't think you need me, I know you don't need me. You do everything yourself because you can. And don't get me wrong that's sexy as hell until you're the man who can't do anything for the woman he loves. It's the thing I love the most about you, but that tears me apart. It's my job to protect you, to help you, but dammit if you don't do it all yourself."

             
I felt a tug in my chest. My anger had completely dissipated. I walked over to Connor and gently guided him until he sat up in his chair. I sat gingerly on his lap and moved one hand to his hair.

             
"I need you everyday of my life. I would not be here right now if I didn't have you fighting in my corner. I wouldn't have the strength to make it through the day. I love you with everything I have Connor. The most beautiful thing about this? About us? Is that you don't expect me to get lost in you. You don't expect me to forget who I am for you. I need you, I might just not need you for the everyday things."

             
"The only things I can do for you are over the top. Like go tell your boss you need time off because I can't do anything else. Let me open a damn jar, or kill a big ass spider or something." I tried to hide my smile as he finished.

             
"And now you're laughing at me."

             
"No, no, not at all. I think it's endearing to see you not so perfect. Who would have thought superman Connor was insecure. Do you ever get sick of being perfect?"

             
"You're absolutely insane. Now I'm sure of it. Everything about you makes me insecure. My god, look at you. You're stunning, you could go right out this door and find a replacement in seconds. Well, maybe not this door because all those guys know I'd have their heads for that, but you get it."

             
"I really don't get it at all. You're the one who I can't go out in public with without girls ogling you the whole time. You're the one who has money to spend to buy your own country or something."

             
"My own country isn't a bad idea. I could take you there and neither of us would go to work then I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

             
I grabbed his chin and moved his head until he looked me in the eye. "Country or no country  you have nothing to worry about. Stop being so crazy. You weren't this crazy when I met you."

             
"You weren't my every ounce of happiness back then. Now there's not a moment that I'm not terrified to be without you." His eyes made my heart hurt. The sparkle in them was gone and he didn't look like his young, boyish self.

             
"Get it through your brain, I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I love us, we have a month until our wedding and this is where I want to be. Nowhere else, ever. I wouldn't be marrying you if I was trying to pick up one of your workers."

             
"You'd be pretty smart to I think. Isn't that some cliche fantasy or something? Getting the boss's wife."

             
"You're sick, you know that? And a dirty old man." He smiled and pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head.

             
"I'm sorry Madison. I really thought what I was doing was what you would have liked."

             
"It's ok. Please just talk to me before you decide what is going to happen in my life."

             
"I guess that's fair. I love you."

             
"I love you too Connor. Come on, let's go." I got up and took his hand, pulling him out of the chair.

             
"Madison, it's one o'clock, I can't leave."

             
"You're leaving. I need some jars opened."

             
"Oh that was low," Connor said as he grabbed his keys and phone from his desk.

***

             
"Ok, so mom wasn't a big deal. Crises one averted. Ben is going to be a different story. He'll be here in about an hour. So we need to spring the wedding thing on him and try to slide the baby thing in there without drawing too much attention," I said as I tried on my third outfit.

             
"Yeah, let's just slide in the fact that his best friend is going to pop out a living human being in about 25 weeks. I don't think so sweetheart. Nice try." I could still hear the amusement in his voice as he called from the bathroom as he shaved.

             
"It would be better if I wasn't so damn fat." At this he poked his head out of the bathroom.

             
"You're insane. You look the same as you did three months ago. Nobody can tell anything is different."

             
"I can and that's really all that matters." I slid on my original pair of jeans.

             
"Yes dear." Connor called out from back in the bathroom.

             
I came up behind him and hugged him tight. "Has anyone ever told you that you really are the perfect man?"

             
Connor chuckled low and smiled at me through the mirror. "The funny thing about that is yes, this one girl used to before she went completely insane."

             
"I blame you." I kissed his back as I walked away.

             
The doorbell rang and I smoothed my shirt before I opened it.

             
"Hey, it's good to see you." I hugged Ben.

             
"Mads, you look good. This place looks great. I knew it would. You all settled in?"

             
"Yes, pretty much." I walked with Ben into the kitchen where Connor was putting lunch out on the table.

             
"Ben," Connor nodded in Ben's direction, " it's good to see you again. Can I get you a beer?"

             
"Sounds great. House looks really good man. You did a good job."

             
"Thank you, I appreciate it. You can really thank your friend there. She's the interior decorator extrodanairre." Connor opened two beers and set one down on the table in front of Ben.

             
We sat and ate and talked. Ben regaled us with his newest exploits of the women in his life.

             
"That was awesome. I'm stuffed." Ben sat back in his chair and took a sip of his beer. Connor cleared the plates and gave me a look.

             
"Thanks, uh hey, I have something to run by you." I tried to keep it together but my nerves were starting to catch up to me.

             
"What's up?"

             
"Well I need you to not freak out."

             
"Uh, ok. However that sentence is making me freak out a little bit."

             
"Well Connor and I have decided to have a wedding sooner rather than later.

             
"Ok?" He let the word trail out for a few extra syllables.

             
"It's about four weeks away."

             
"Holy shit Madison, what's the rush? It's like a shot gun, I knocked you up wedding."

             
At Ben's response I couldn't help but look at Connor. His eyes were large and a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. A blush had set up shop on both of his cheeks.

             
"Surprise!" The look on his Connor's face as he spoke that one word was priceless.

             
"Madison, you're pregnant?"

             
I simply nodded. Not sure of what his reaction was going to be.

             
"What the hell, did you do that on purpose? How far are you?"

             
"About 14 and a half weeks. It was definitely a surprise. We've both come to terms with it and we're excited."

             
"Jesus Madison. Four weeks until you're getting married. A baby on the way. Holy shit." Ben's face registered absolute shock.

             
"I want you to be happy for me," I said quietly.

             
"I am happy for you, it's just holy shit, a lot to take in."

             
"I understand, I wanted to tell you though, before it was out in the open."

             
Ben didn't say anything for a minute. "Well, congrats you guys." He got up and hugged me tight. He even walked over to Connor and shook his hand.

             
"Thanks Ben. Madison has been stressing over this, we're so glad to have you on our side."

             
"So this is your handy work huh? Damn. I can't believe you knocked up my best friend."

             
Connor shifted uncomfortably. "I'll take good care of her man, I promise."

             
"I know, she wouldn't have kept you around if that wasn't the case."

             
I smiled and stood with my arm around Connor's waist.

             
"Well I guess you really did bounce back from that whole thing at the office Madison. Shacking up with big poppa here. I'm proud of you."