Authors: Daniel Arenson
Neev looked at them, then back at the trembling Romy.
She can't do this to me!
he thought.
I'm a great warlock, or trying to be one. I'm a sorcerer of black magic. I'm powerful, and feared, and strong... always strong. Warlocks don't cry and speak of love and romance.
He sighed. "Romy, I.... Please."
He tried to touch her cheek, but she slapped his hand away. "No, Neev. You're not who I thought you were. When you summoned me from Hell, I knew at once that I loved you. I knew at once that you'd protect me on Earth, be my guide, my defender, my boyfriend. I love you, Neev. Don't you love me too?"
He looked at her mop of flaming hair, her trembling lips, her teary eyes. He did love her, but... how could he say so, like this, in front of everybody? Why did she always put him on the spot? He reached into her hair, plucked out a clump of monkey fur, and showed it to her.
"See?" he said. "Monkey."
She snorted through her tears. "Look who's talking." She pointed at his tail, a byproduct of his last spell. "Baboon."
"Me? You're the one with the big red butt."
She gasped. "You hairy ape!"
"Climb any trees lately?" he asked.
She roared so loudly, the hill shook. "You stinky, poop-slinging, tree-swinging, banana-gorging orangutan!" She hopped with rage. "You hairy, peanut-brained, flea-eating gorilla! Go drag your knuckles toward the nearest tree, find a smelly chimp girl to groom, and she can be your girlfriend. You are living proof man evolved from apes! In a thousand years, I bet they'll send you to space on a rocket. You can't speak, hear,
or
see evil! Do you understand me, or do I need to say ooh-ooh-ah-ah? You, sir, are a simian, red-butt-scratching, seeing-and-doing, stinkbag monkey boy!"
She panted, chest rising and falling. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open, and her cheeks flushed. Neev looked at her, and his chest ached; she was so beautiful. He remembered those nights when they'd cuddle in his sleeping bag, whispering and laughing and kissing. He remembered how happy he was when they'd built their house, with a room just for them, and how he never wanted anything else.
"Oh yeah?" he said.
"Yeah!"
"Are you finished?"
She panted. "Yeah!"
"Good," he said and grabbed her shoulders. "Because you, Romy... you are the most beautiful, funny, and best monkey in the world. I love you, Romy. Now and always. More than anything. And I don't care if anyone hears it. Because you are
my
stinky monkey girl."
She gasped and growled. "How dare you, you— I mean...." She blinked. "Oh. Thank you... I think."
She scrunched her lips, considered his words a moment longer, then grinned. She leaped onto him, wrapped him in a bear hug, and knocked him down. She began kissing him all over his face, countless little pecks.
"Mwa mwa! I love you too, Neev. I love you I love you I love you. Mwa mwa mwa, monkey!"
He struggled beneath her. "Okay, Romy. I get it. We'll have time for this later. For now, let's go kill Madrila. Okay?"
She leaped up, beaming, and wagged her tail. "Okay, monkey Neev!"
Scruff, Jamie, and Cobweb approached them, weapons in hand. The rest of their forces still fought across the hill and in the streets below.
"We enter the fort," Neev said to his fellow Bullies. "The five of us. We'll kill the witch like we killed her father."
They all nodded. Neev faced the fort's gates and cast a lightning bolt, snapping their locks. He pushed the doors open... and the Bullies stepped into shadows.
* * * * *
At first Neev saw nothing. Darkness filled Fort Rosethorn's main hall. He heard nothing but Scruff grunting and Romy mumbling something about buying bananas. He took step by careful step and whispered a spell. A fireball crackled to life in his hands, casting flickering light across the hall.
He gasped. Around him, he heard the other Bullies gasp too.
Fort Rosethorn had been transformed into a nightmare. The tapestries, suits of armor, and candlesticks were gone. Instead, cages hung from the ceilings, and strange monsters filled them—some hairy, some slimy, some round like toads, and others gangly like stick insects. The creatures hissed and snorted in the light.
"Do you like my creations?" came a voice from deep in the shadows, where Neev's light did not reach. "I made them myself from my enemies."
Neev growled and lobbed his fireball.
The flames spun and hurled across the hall, casting light upon dozens of more cages. Soon the fireball reached the end of the hall, and its light fell upon Madrila.
The witch caught the fireball and held it. She gazed at it curiously, an amused look in her eyes. She sat upon a throne of bones, clad in black robes.
"Not bad, not bad," she said. "The flames are hot... but not enough to burn me."
Snarling, she tossed the fireball back at the Bullies.
Neev began uttering the words of a force field. Before he could complete the spell, Jamie whipped around him and held up her shield. The fireball crashed into it, breaking into a million sparks.
"That does it!" Jamie shouted and ran across the hall, boots echoing. "You die now, witch."
Madrila cast a lightning bolt. Jamie ducked, slid under it, and kept running. She parried a second lightning bolt, leaped, and swung her sword down toward Madrila.
The witch cast a beam of blue light. The blast tossed Jamie back, caught her, and lifted her. The girl struggled in midair, kicking and screaming. The magic held her like a giant blue fist.
"You little runt," Madrila said, snarling. She gestured at an empty cage of chicken wire. "You will join my creations."
Before the other Bullies could react, Madrila shot a blast of green magic at Jamie.
Jamie screamed. Her back arched. She fell to the floor, squirming and squeaking.
"Jamie!" Neev shouted. He cast lightning at Madrila, but she only laughed and deflected it with a lazy wand swipe. Scruff, Cobweb, and Romy screamed and charged forward, but Madrila lashed her wand again, and blasts of wind blew them back. They slammed into a wall and grunted.
"Neeeev!" Jamie cried from the floor. Smoke rose from her and her hair billowed. "Neev, squeak! Squeak!"
Black fur covered her body. Claws grew from her fingers. She shrank, and her voice rose to a high pitch. Sparks of light showered. Jamie's armor clanked against a pile of empty clothes.
"She's gone!" Scruff said, leaping to his feet.
Neev sighed. "No. She's still here."
A black mouse crawled out of Jamie's breastplate, squeaking. Madrila laughed, picked up the mouse, and tossed it into the chicken wire cage.
"Anyone else want to taste my wand?" the witch asked, smiling crookedly.
"Me, me!" Romy cried. She jumped up and down. "Can you turn me into a fluff ball again?"
The demon girl ran forward, tail wagging.
Madrila shot her wand.
Blue sparks flowed over Romy. The demon squealed in delight. She spun as in a typhoon, showering sparks.
"Romy, you idiot!" Neev shouted. Horror gripped him. What was Madrila doing to her?
A puff of purple smoke rose. A teddy bear fell to the floor. The tiny, stuffed animal rose to its feet and looked around with button eyes.
"Hey, you turned me into a teddy!" the little bear said, speaking with Romy's voice. "Anyone want to play with me?"
Madrila lifted Romy and tossed her into the cage with the mouse. The cage door slammed shut. The teddy Romy stared through the chicken wire with button eyes.
Neev growled and tossed an arrow of green magic. Cobweb shot an arrow of wood and flint. Madrila only laughed, lashed her wand, and both missiles turned to dust.
"Neev!" Romy cried from her cage. "Neev, I'm a teddy bear! Do you want to play with me?"
"Not now, Romy!" Neev shouted.
Scruff shouted too—a hoarse, wordless cry. He charged down the hall, mace swinging.
"Damn you, witch!" the huge warrior shouted. "Let's see you face a real warrior."
Madrila stared at him, snarling. She raised her wand. Scruff ran toward her. He almost reached her. Neev dared to hope....
But Madrila cast her spell too quickly. Green confetti shot from her wand and covered Scruff.
Scruff howled. His mace hit the floor and clanked. His body bulged, twisted, and spun. Soon he fell to the floor, transformed into a sack of turnips.
"Mmm mmm, turnips," Romy said from her cage. "I know what I'm eating for dinner tonight."
"Nooo!" Cobweb cried, tears in her eyes. "Oh, Scwuff! My Swcuff!"
She shot another arrow at Madrila, but the witch turned it to ash. Neev tossed a fireball, but Madrila knocked it aside with a blast of magic.
Cobweb ran and knelt by the sack of turnips. She hugged it and kissed it.
"Oh, Scwuff," she said. A turnip fell from the sack and rolled. Cobweb stared at it with horror.
Madrila laughed, lifted the turnip, and tossed it into the air. She roasted it with a blast of fire from her wand, caught it, and bit into it.
"Mmm, dee-licious," she said.
Cobweb screamed, drew her dagger, and leaped at Madrila.
Laughing, the witch pointed her wand. Magic flowed over Cobweb, sparkling and humming. With a puff of smoke, Cobweb turned into a small, purple, fuzzy spider. The spider fell to the ground. Madrila lifted it and tossed it into the cage with the mouse and teddy bear.
"Oh hai, Cobweb," the teddy Romy said. "You didn't change too much."
"Squeak!" said Jamie the mouse.
The sack of turnips on the floor said nothing.
Neev stared at Madrila from between strands of sweaty hair. The witch stared back, smiling crookedly. Neev's insides trembled, but he forced himself to stay still, to stare steadily at Madrila.
"Well well, little wizard," she said. "It's just you and me now, isn't it?" She raised her wand slowly and pointed it at him.
"So it'll be a good, old fashioned wizards' duel," he said. He raised his hands. "Just how I like it."
She snarled and cast a blast of lightning.
Neev shot his own lightning. The magics clashed and raised sparks like fireworks.
"Ooh, pretty!" the teddy bear said and clapped.
Growling, Neev cast a magical green fist. It drove toward Madrila and punched her. The witch flew and hit the wall behind her. The bricks cracked. Neev grinned savagely and Madrila screamed.
Neev cast a fireball. Madrila pushed herself off the wall, spun, and shot her own fireball. The comets clashed and blazed, showering sparks. The monsters in the cages howled and slammed against the bars.
Lightning flew.
Magical arrows blazed.
Fireballs clashed.
Smoke, sparks, flames, and comets filled the hall. Stars blazed. Purple, green, and red lights flashed.
Neev had never cast so much magic. He growled, eyes narrowed. He was tired, so tired. Every spell cost more of his strength. But he had never felt so powerful, so in control. He was magic.
I can do this,
he thought.
I can beat her.
He shot a stream of light. The blast knocked Madrila onto her throne. She sat there, dazed and growling, twitching with magic.
"It's over, Madrila," Neev said. He stepped toward her slowly, fingers lit with magic. "You've lost."
He began uttering a lightning spell.
Madrila screamed and pointed her wand at him.
Magic crackled. Lighting flew, crashed, and blazed. Neev grunted. Magic slammed into him. He could see nothing but light. Had he hit Madrila?
"You cannot beat me, boy!" Her voice rose from the inferno. "Taste my magic."
Light flared. Purple bolts flew from the nebula. Neev tried to cast a counter spell, but could not; too much pain filled him. The bolts slammed into his chest. He flew through the air, hit a wall, and fell.
He tried to rise, to utter more magic, but another bolt hit him. He screamed. His body convulsed, and he tasted blood.
Romy's voice rose somewhere in the distance, muffled, miles away. "Neev! Neev! Stand up, monkey boy!"
He could barely hear her, could see nothing but light and sparks and fire. From the lightning, the silhouette of a woman walked toward him. Her hair flowed as if underwater. Soon Madrila stood above him, smiling, staring down upon him. Her cheek was bruised, her nose bled, but she still laughed. She pointed her wand toward him, and all he could do was stare up at her, trembling with lightning.
"And you, Neev," she said. "You I will turn into a doormat. I will leave you here by the gates, so that every day, my grunters and I can wipe our feet on you."
She began uttering a spell.
The doors slammed open behind them.
"Madrila, Madrila!" rose a voice, high pitched. "Look what I brought!"
Neev turned his head weakly, blinking. Just barely, he made out the figure of Willow. Surely he was dreaming; the apprentice seemed to stand before a horde of giant spiders. Then Neev's eyes rolled back, and he saw nothing more.
* * * * *
Cobweb stood in her cage, a small fuzzy spider. She stared through the chicken wire with wide eyes.
"Look, Madrila!" Willow cried, storming into the hall ahead of a diddlywiggle army. "I brought you spiders. Big ones!"
Beside her in the cage, the teddy bear Romy whimpered, and the mouse Jamie squeaked.
"Hey, d-d-diddwywiggwes!" Cobweb shouted. She sighed.
Damn it. Even as a fluffy purple spider, I have the same stuttering voice.
The huge spiders, each the size of a pig, looked up at her. Their many eyes blinked and burned with rage. They opened their mouths, hissing and clicking. Humans ears would not understand them, but Cobweb could.
"They have caged you, fellow spider!" they said. "How dare the humans do this?"
Madrila stood over a groaning, smoking Neev. The young wizard shifted and moaned, hurt but alive. The witch stared up from him and met Willow's gaze.
"You!" she said. "I told you to stay out of this town, girl."