Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (33 page)

Jonas and William came running into the house soon after Lillie
and I did, dripping wet, and Ethan arrived moments after that.  We all
gathered in the dining room to eat supper, where thankfully Catherine had
already brought cucumber soup over from the kitchen before the rain
started.  We had been working closely together in planning meals according
to what vegetables were ripe in the garden, and cucumbers were at their
peak.  Jonas had also fished that morning, so we had some flounder to eat,
as well.  I asked Ethan to stay since it was raining so hard, and he
agreed.  I lit candles and oil lamps, for the dark clouds made the house
dim.  We had to close up all the windows and doors in the house.  It
got stuffy quick, but the rain was too hard to have any open without ruining
the wooden floors and furniture. 

Ethan, Jonas, and William had lively conversations that were more
interesting than any I had heard in quite some time.  They reminisced
about amusing times of the war.  It seemed to me that Ethan had brought
life to the dining room table, but perhaps I was the only one who thought
so.  He didn’t sit next to me at the table but rather across from me, and
we exchanged smiles through the meal.  Lillie seemed thrilled at having
both of us at the table together again, and she kept going from my lap to
Ethan’s on the other side of the table, and ate off of both our plates
alternately.  It was rather amusing.  Her walking was getting better
every day, as was her language.  I worked with her some, and Catherine
said she would be glad to help get her started in making sentences, guiding me
to tell her what everything was and let her repeat it.  She was getting
quite good at it.

Jonas complained once that his leg was hurting, that old wound
from the war that bothered him when it rained.  I met his eyes while he
talked about it, as I knew he was thinking about Lucy.  I tried to change
the subject by asking Jonas to tell a funny story about us three growing up, to
try to take his mind off of Lucy so he wouldn’t be sad.

The dark clouds lasted through the evening, and the rain didn’t
let up, nor did the wind.  We were getting a pretty good squall, for
sure.  Ethan wanted to make a run for the carriage with Lillie wrapped up
in a blanket, but I wouldn’t let him.  It had rained so much and so hard
already, I knew the roads had to be muddy.  I couldn’t bear the thought of
him getting the carriage stuck in a muddy ditch and having to spend the night
in the carriage or else get drenched walking to one of the nearby
plantations. 

And so it was decided that they would spend the night.  Ethan
said he didn’t want his mother or Elizabeth to worry about him, but I convinced
him that his and Lillie’s safety and health were more important than whether or
not his family worried about him all night.  After all, they knew where he
was going and where Lillie was.  He finally relented.  He stated he
would sleep over in the bachelor’s quarters if and when the rained died down
enough to walk over there with William and Sambo.  He did go out in the
rain long enough to put Blackfoot in the stables.  When he came back
inside, I made him remove his wet overcoat, frock coat, boots, and socks so he
wouldn’t get chilled.

Catherine, Ginny, Lillie and I sat in the parlor with all the oil
lamps lit and candles scattered about while the men sat in the master study smoking
pipes and drinking brandy.  Later the men came back into the parlor with
us, and we played cards and drank Mint Juleps while Ginny and Lillie played
with dolls on the floor.  The wind moved roughly through the trees, and I
heard occasional branches break off.  I prayed none would hit the
manor.  The rain beat hard against the windows.  It was actually
rather scary, but we kept talking to take our minds off of it. 

“I miss you playing the piano,” Ethan said suddenly.  “What a
shame you don’t have one here, for you could entertain us with some music.”

“That’s right, I remember you used to play the piano wonderfully,
Madeline,” Catherine said. 

“No one plays it at Wellington.  Would you like me to have it
brought over here?” Ethan asked.

“What a wonderful idea,” Catherine exclaimed.  “You could
teach Ginny and Lillie to play.”

“That does sound nice, but that piano has been in your family a
long time, Ethan.”

“And yet it does no one any good just sitting there collecting
dust.  At least think about it, and I’ll ask mother, as well.”

The rain let up a little by the time it got dark as pitch
outside.  Ethan contemplated heading out on Blackfoot alone, leaving
Lillie here.  She and Ginny had fallen asleep on the couch.  I pulled
Ethan off to the side, out of everyone else’s listening ears, and said, “Don’t
go, Ethan.  It’s still raining.  You’ll catch pneumonia. 
Besides, I want you here with me.”

His eyes took on a loving look.  “Why?  Are you
frightened?”

“No,” I said simply, and just stared into his eyes, hoping to
convey that I really, really just wanted to be with him a little while longer,
despite knowing that him being in such close proximity was dangerous for both
of us.  My heart began to pound.

His eyes turned passionate, a burning look I recognized well, but
he blinked and kissed me on the forehead.  “All right, I’ll stay.”

Jonas picked up a book called “Great Expectations” by Charles
Dickens and began to read it to us.  I sat on the sofa next to the
sleeping girls; Ethan sat close by in a high-back wing chair.  Catherine
sat on another high-back chair close to the girls, while William, Sambo and
Jonas sat on the floor.  The wind kept howling and curling around the
house, sending shivers up and down my spine.  Ethan must have seen me shiver,
for he reached for my hand and held it tight against the arm of the sofa.

After a while, Catherine decided to retire up to her
bedchambers.  She woke Ginny, who carefully eased off the sofa while
laying Lillie down all the way, and the two headed upstairs.  The rain had
started beating again furiously, and so Jonas took William upstairs to find a
room he could sleep in for the night, rather than trudge out in the rain to the
bachelor’s quarters.  Sambo insisted he didn’t mind running over there to
sleep.  He didn’t want to be any trouble or put anyone out, and said he
would strip off his wet clothes so he wouldn’t catch cold.

Ethan and I were left in the parlor alone with our sleeping
child.  Knowing that he was going to have to sleep in the house was both
frightening and exciting at the same time.  I had no idea where he would
sleep, as all the rooms upstairs would be taken, except for maybe on the third
floor.  He was still holding my hand, and he picked it up and kissed it.

“I suppose I’ll have to find a room to sleep in, as well, or else
run over to the bachelor’s quarters like Sambo.”

“Don’t do that, Ethan.  I don’t want you to get soaked
again.”

“Perhaps I’ll sleep here on this sofa then.  Do you have a
place for Lillie to sleep?  Did you ever find a baby bed?”

“No, I didn’t.  Jonas promised to make one but hasn’t started
it yet.  She sleeps on my bed when she takes her naps.  I’ll be happy
to take her up with me.”

“All right.”  Neither one of us moved.  I didn’t want to
part from Ethan just yet, and I got the feeling he felt the same.  The
wind rattled the windows again, and I shuddered.  He moved over on the
sofa next to me, between me and Lillie, careful not to awaken her, and put his
arm around my back.  I shuddered again, though not from being uneasy about
the storm but rather from feeling the warmth of his body so close to
mine.  “Are you cold?” he asked.

“No, not cold,” I said quietly, looking at the window across the
room…looking but not really seeing.  His presence close beside me was all
I could think about.  “I’m glad you’re here,” I whispered, still looking
at the window.

I felt his rough hand gently touch my chin, and he turned my face
towards him.  My heart began to beat in earnest, my breathing
arduous.  I looked into his eyes, his beautiful amber eyes, and swallowed,
unable to speak, unable to stop the kiss he placed softly on my lips.  I
closed my eyes in ecstasy and enjoyed the taste of him for a brief
moment.  I opened my eyes to his burning into mine, and then he kissed me
again, more passion erupting this time.  Oh, God, how I wanted him! 
I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t want him to stop.  I put my arms around
his neck and kissed him feverishly.  All the holding back that I had been
doing all this time, I released and let myself go.  His arm went around my
back, and he pressed me harder against him and with his other hand, he took the
pins out of my pent-up hair and began running his fingers through it.  I
heard the pins hit the wooden floor.

I put both my hands on his cheeks, loving the feel of his rough
beard and skin, while still we kissed.  I touched his thick dark eyebrows
and brushed my fingers across his forehead to his silky hair.  This
ignited more passion in him, and his hands began to caress me all over my upper
back, up and down my arms, and then one of his hands lightly brushed against
the side of my breast.  I caught my breath, and he put his whole hand on
my breast, and I moaned and shuddered. 

“Ethan,” I whispered between kisses.  “We shouldn’t…”  I
couldn’t finish.  We shouldn’t be kissing, but I wanted him so badly.

He continued kissing me, our tongues touching and teasing, and
then between kisses he said, “Oh, God, Maddie.  I can’t do this anymore.”

I stopped kissing him abruptly, breathing heavily, and looked him
in the eyes.  “Can’t…what?” I whispered.

“Can’t live without you.”  He caressed my face and looked at
me as we gathered our ragged breaths.

“Oh, Ethan.  I love you so.”  I couldn’t help saying
it.  My heart ached for him incessantly.  He kissed me again, his arm
around my back pulling me closer against him. 

“How am I supposed to live without you, when you’re all I think
about?” he asked between more kisses.

“I honestly don’t know,” I said, kissing him again, slower this
time.  “I feel the same.”  I knew we needed to stop.  My heart
was disappointed, but my foggy mind began to clear somewhat.  “But I think
we have to try…for your baby’s sake.”  Tears developed in my eyes and
spilled out onto my cheeks. 

My words stilled him for a moment as he regained his own
composure.  He leaned his forehead against mine.  “You’re right, of
course.”  He wiped the tears off my face and then put his arms around me
for a long hug.  I rested my head against his chest, feeling our hearts beating
together, eventually slowing down their rhythms.  I took a deep breath and
then sighed, letting it all out slowly.  It felt wonderful to be in his
arms again.

“The last two months have been unbearable without you, Maddie,” he
said.  “I thought it would be easier this time than when you were gone
before because at least I knew where you were and that you were safe, and I
could see you from time to time.  But to tell you the truth, it’s been
worse…being so close and yet not being able to hold you like this.  I
understand why you didn’t want me coming around very often because it is
torturous.” 

Before I could respond, I was suddenly hit with queasiness, and I
knew I needed to get out of that room before I expelled my supper all over
him.  I quickly pulled away from Ethan and ran out of the room holding my
mouth, down the hall into the master study, where I pulled out a chamber pot
tucked away inside a padded wooden stool.  I barely got it out before
spewing both watery and solid contents into it.  I didn’t know if I’d ever
be able to eat flounder again.  Once I got it all out, I heard footsteps
coming down the hall towards me.

“Madeline?”  Ethan had followed me.  I quickly put the
chamber pot back in its hiding place to clean up later, wiped my mouth, and
turned to face Ethan.  He looked at me with a concerned and confused
face.  “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I—” What could I tell him?  That my queasiness and
heaving were getting worse instead of better?  That it had been going on
for over a month now?  And then it dawned on me suddenly, like a lightning
bolt.  I was with child.  My eyes widened in shock.  Oh,
no.  Could I really be in confinement?  It was a possibility. 
Ethan and I had relations…twice…back in June.  Oh, yes, it was definitely
a possibility.  I had missed my cycle twice now, and my queasiness and
heaving began in July – that would have been a month into it.  Now it was
two months, and the heaving was worse, came at all times during the day, not
just in the morning anymore.  Could I be?  I couldn’t tell Ethan my
suspicions…not yet.

“I…I’m fine,” I managed to say. 

“It sounded like you were disgorging your supper.  Are you
ill?”

“I must have caught a germ or something.  I’m feeling a
little better already,” I lied. 

“Come, I’ll take you and Lillie upstairs and you can get some
sleep. 

He went back and picked up Lillie, then held my arm all the way
upstairs to the next floor to my bedchambers.  He pulled back the bedding
to reveal that we still didn’t have any sheets but only a bedspread for the
top.  “Why don’t you have any sheets?”

“We used them in the war for bandages.  I’ve just been lying
on top.  It’s fine.”

“It won’t be, once it gets cold.  I will send a set over for
you, Madeline.  We have plenty, remember?”  I nodded, pulling the
bedding back up.  He lay Lillie down on top of it gently and then turned
back to me.  “Shall I help you undress?”