Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (37 page)

They had a small engagement party at the plantation, inviting a
few close friends, including, of course, the Wellingtons, who all came except
for Elizabeth.  Everyone brought something to eat, and I made sure there
were enough libations to go around.  Ethan and I were polite to each
other, but we kept our distance from each other in the company of others. 
It was hard to be social around him and remain aloof towards him when actually
I had the opposite feelings.  I tried hard not to look at him longingly
across the crowded room, tried hard to not think about our own engagement party
just after the war, anticipating our own wedding.  I knew what Jonas must
be feeling at this moment – the same feelings I had had around him just before
I married Ethan.  Only he had seen how giddy I was, anticipating my
wedding day.  If he was half as giddy as I had been, he’d be hard to live
with till the next summer.

By October, I finally got over my queasiness and heaving and was
able to enjoy my confinement more.  I was four months along, and I started
feeling the baby move around.  It was joyous.  I had forgotten how
wonderful that felt.  I was sad, however, that I could not share it with
Ethan.  I began to wonder when I would tell him about it.  He would
no doubt be angry with me for keeping it a secret, but how could I justify
telling him when he had another woman also in confinement that he was caring
for?  So I decided not to tell him just yet. 

We had no more intimate moments, no more kissing, and had been trying
to keep our conversations light as much as possible.  I sensed that he was
trying to keep his distance because of his arguments with Elizabeth.  I
had to admire him for trying to keep both of us happy, by continuing to see me
every day, for me, and by keeping a certain amount of distance, for her; but
his distance made me sad.

Jonas and William took turns going out hunting or fishing with
Ethan so that the ladies at Magnolia Grove would not be left at the plantation
alone – Ethan insisted, and Jonas heartily agreed, for mine and Catherine’s
sake.  Ethan still worried about Jefferson showing up again, yet I had not
seen him since the day he was at the stables at Wellington Cross.  I
thought about him very little, but still had hope of retrieving my ring someday,
if I ever did see him again.  When I did think about him, it made me angry
to think that if Jefferson had been completely honest with me when we’d met,
instead of telling me lies and trying to court me, he could have told me who I
really was and brought me to Wellington Cross.  Ethan would never have
married Elizabeth, and we would have been happily together.  If I ever did
see Jefferson again, I might kill him.  He’d tried to kill me, after
all.  It could be considered self-defense.

Wellington Cross had its hands full during October as they
harvested their cotton.  Ethan could not visit as much, as a result, and
Clarissa and Hetty returned in the afternoons again to pick up Lillie.  I
missed Ethan terribly.  The crops from both their vegetable gardens and
ours were also harvested, and we stored what we could for the winter. 
There was going to be a Harvest Ball at Wellington around the end of the month
to celebrate the harvest, after all the cotton had been bailed and sent by rail
to Northern states.  The ball wouldn’t be too fancy, since we didn’t have
much, but we would each bring our own dishes to share and celebrate the end of
our hard work. 

During the time of the Hunter’s Moon in the middle of October,
Ethan and Jonas along with Sambo went out hunting all night when the moon was
big, full, and bright.  Catherine took a carriage over with Ginny to spend
the night with her sister at Wellington Cross for a visit.  That left
William and me alone at Magnolia Grove.

We ate a light supper of leftovers together in the dining room,
talking mostly about household mundane things, the hunting trip, and the nice
cool weather we were having.  We also discussed the upcoming ball and
whether or not we would attend.  We were all invited, and I wanted to go,
of course, to see Ethan and Clarissa, and to enjoy eating again.  Since I
had finally gotten my appetite back and was able to finish a meal without
heaving it back up afterwards, I was looking forward to it.  Everything I
ate now tasted wonderful. 

There was only one problem…I did not want to see Elizabeth. 
We were still not on speaking terms, and I dared not think we ever would
be.  It would be difficult for me to see her dancing the night away with
Ethan, his baby bulging in her abdomen.

“I could escort you, if you like,” William offered.  “Maybe
that would keep Miss Elizabeth from making a scene.”

“That’s a possibility,” I said.  “Thank you for offering.”

“You know, it’s highly improper for us to be alone in this manor
together, being unmarried and unchaperoned, but Ethan insisted that I stay and
make sure you were safe.  He said he tried to talk you into going to
Wellington Cross with Catherine and Ginny, but you refused.”

“Yes, for the same reason I am hesitant about going to the
ball…Elizabeth.”

“He still worries about Jeff finding you.”  I looked at him
across the table from me.  “Yes, he told me all about Jeff.  I didn’t
know him myself.  Ethan cares about you a great deal.”  I
nodded.  “However, he is married to Elizabeth, and you are…with child,
aren’t you?  Is it his?”

“William!” I exclaimed, dropping my fork noisily down on the
table, and nearly tipping over my glass of water.  I was shocked and gaped
at him across the table, holding the glass steady.  How could he know I
was in confinement?

“Madeline, it’s all right.  I haven’t told anyone.  I
will keep your secret for as long you want me to.”

“Mr. Brown,” I said, using his more proper name, trying to
distance myself a bit.  “I can assure you this is none of your
concern.”  I stood to leave, but he stood up, too, and reached across the
table to grasp my elbow. 

“Now, don’t go running off.  I mean you no harm.  Come
now, you can be honest with me.  I’m your ally.”

How could he know I was with child? I wondered again.  Could
I really trust him?  “Why should I tell you anything?  This is my
concern, not yours.”  I realized he must have suspected earlier, when he’d
given me that ginger tea after I’d been heaving. 

“Because I understand.  I had a wife, before the war. 
She and I had a child, and so I recognized your condition.  The retching
every day, losing weight, and now you’re beginning to…grow.”  He motioned
with his hands like he was holding a parcel in front of him.

I would never get used to his boldness.  “I…” I couldn’t say
anything.  I looked down at my belly, which I’d been trying hard to
conceal.  Of course that was difficult when I wasn’t wearing a crinoline
around the manor.  He was right; I was starting to show a little.  My
breasts were getting fuller, my dresses tighter.  I had gained my weight
back from all that I’d lost from the retching plus a little more.  Ethan
himself had mentioned to me just that morning that I was looking better than I
had in a long while.  Of course, I was wearing the crinoline when he came
here to go hunting with Jonas and Sambo.

“I apologize if I seem rude or too forward.  I never was one
to beat around the bush about anything.  Am I right about it being
Ethan’s?  Didn’t you or Ethan tell me that you lived at Wellington until
you got your memory back from your accident?  I haven’t seen you with any
other men.”

I knew I might as well ‘fess up, as it didn’t seem he was going to
cease talking about it.  I sighed.  “Yes, I am with child, and yes,
it’s Ethan’s,” I said, looking down at the table, ashamed.  I sat back
down to regain my composure.

“I thought as much.”  He sat down, as well, and began
scooping more potatoes onto his plate.  “I’m sorry for you both. 
Sorry that you can’t be together when you so clearly love each other. 
Anyone can see that, to see the two of you together.  Especially the way
you look at each other.  I’m sure that’s why Elizabeth gets so
upset.  She knows Ethan loves you.”

“Thank you for saying all that, I appreciate it.  It’s true,
we love each other very much, but circumstances have driven us apart, and I
can’t tell him the baby is his, I just can’t.  He has Elizabeth and her
own child to worry about.  It would destroy his reputation.  He would
be called a philanderer.” 

“You see, that’s what I’m talking about.  Most women in your
situation would go straight to the baby’s father and tell him outright that the
baby is his and make him do something about it, at least give you some sort of
compensation.  But not you.  You love him enough to worry about how
information like that could harm him, and so you do nothing, in order to
protect him while doing nothing to help yourself.  That’s very noble of
you, and I admire you for that.”

“Thank you.  I have been worrying about it over the past two
months since I found out I was carrying his child, about how I would tell him,
if I should tell him, or how to save his reputation, to say nothing of my own.”

“I would like to propose a solution to your dilemma,” he
said.  I looked over at him curiously.  He laid his utensils down and
looked straight at me seriously.  “Marry me.  You could say the baby
is mine.  I’d keep your secret.”

Once again, I was shocked.  My mouth fell open.  “Marry
you?  But I don’t love you.  How could you marry someone you knew was
in love with someone else and who had not one but two babies?” 

“I am aware of the situation and the fact that you’re in love with
Ethan.  I have already stated that I’ve observed as much.  I am
willing to live with that.”

“Why would you do that?  Why would you want to raise another
man’s child?”

“Because I care about you, and I care about Ethan.  He’s a
good man, and I want to help him out.  He need not ever know about this,
Madeline.  He would not take it well.  He would be distraught knowing
that he had created yet another problem that he couldn’t solve.  He
couldn’t marry you when he’s married to Elizabeth.  He would not be able
to live with the guilt of you raising a child without a husband.  He would
feel a responsibility to take care of both the baby and you, even more than he
already does with you.  How could he take care of you both when he’s not
married to you?  How do you think that would make him feel?”

Tears came to my eyes, thinking about Ethan.  I knew
everything he said was true.  “I know all of that.  I have already
thought about it.  But I don’t love you.  What kind of marriage would
that be?

“One of convenience.  I’m here, unmarried, unattached. 
I told you earlier that I’d had a wife and child before the war.  They
were both dead when I came back home, died of consumption.  You and I have
both lost the ones we love, though in different ways.  We could help
console each other, or at the very least, keep each other company.  You
need someone to help you raise this baby, Madeline.  It will need a
father.  Besides all of that, you need protection…from Jefferson or anyone
or anything else.  Ethan can’t continue protecting you from afar. 
He’s living a double life of sorts, and it’s wearing him down.”

That was something I had not thought about.  Was Ethan living
a double life?  I hated the thought that I was a burden to him. 
Telling him about this baby would be even more of a burden.  What William
said made a lot of sense.  His offer was certainly surprising. 
Perhaps it was just concern or maybe it was because of his concern, it seemed
like he cared about me and Ethan a great deal.  It was a very noble thing
he was volunteering to do.

“What about your reputation?  If we got married now, by the
time the baby came, everyone would know it’s too soon, that I came into
confinement before we got married.  They would think we had relations
while we were unmarried.”

“Yes, I’m aware of the ramifications and the insinuations that
would result.  I am willing to bear it, or I wouldn’t have offered.”

I was quiet for some time, mulling it over.  It did seem like
an agreeable plan, but I didn’t think I could bear to raise Ethan’s child with
another man, let alone be married to that other person and him have certain
expectations in our marriage.  I could not have marital relations with
him, not ever.  “What else would you…expect…of me?” I asked, articulating
slowly, hoping he knew what I meant without going into details.

“Nothing, Madeline.  I promise not to touch you if you didn’t
want me to.  I have no expectations for the marriage other than to save
your reputation, Ethan’s sanity, and to give the baby a father.”

“William,” I said softly.  “I…I don’t know.  I shall
have to think about it.  Please don’t take offense…it’s a very noble
offer.  I just need time to think about all of this.”

“I understand completely.”  He reached across the table and
picked up my hand and squeezed it.  “Take your time.”

I thought about it all that night, retiring to my room
early.  On the one hand, he was a handsome gentleman who had always
treated me with respect and wouldn’t be too unpleasant to live with, even
though he could be too forward sometimes.  He was great with Lillie, had
made her that cornhusk doll and helped her when the bee stung her arm, so it
seemed he did like children.  He was also already living here on the plantation,
so if we married, he would either move over to the manor house, into my
bedchambers, or else we would have to live in the tenant farm house he was
planning to build in the future.