Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (39 page)

Hannah Carter, my friend I hadn’t seen since getting my memory
back, greeted me with a surprised look on her face.  “Madeline!  It’s
been so long since I’ve seen you,” she drawled, with her lovely thick Southern
accent.  “What have you been doing with yourself for the last year?” 
I began to fill her in on what had happened to me for the past year, leaving
out the romantic details, of course.  We talked about old times growing
up, and about our party we had at her house when we turned 16, when we were
introduced to society.  It had been common knowledge that Ethan and I
would eventually marry, as it was rumored that our families wanted us together
to keep the wealth in both of our families.  Ethan and I had been more
than fine with that since we’d fallen in love already.  At the time,
Hannah had yet to find a beau, and of course flirted with Ethan herself from
time to time, so I asked her if she’d found one yet.

“Why, yes, I did.  I married Henry Adams.  Do you
remember him?  He lived across the water in City Point.  We’ve been
married about six months now.”

“That’s wonderful, Hannah.  I’m so happy for you.” 

“Thank you.  I was awful sorry to hear about your accident
and then Ethan marrying that Elizabeth girl.”  She lowered her voice to a
whisper.  “Just between you and me, I don’t like her too much.  She
comes from white trash, I hear.  Why, she was the housemaid before she and
Ethan got married.  I really wish you were still with him.”  She
always had been quite snobbish, but at least she was on my side when it came to
Ethan.

“Me, too, Hannah.”

I glanced at Ethan, who ate on the other side of the room in the
corner of the dining room close to the hallway.  He chatted with other men
from time to time but not engaging in any long conversations.  Elizabeth
stood close by him, talking with her friends.  While talking with Hannah,
I kept glancing over at him, and I caught him looking at me every time I
glanced his way.  Every time.  Elizabeth had apparently not observed
this, for she kept chattering away and laughing lightly.

Hannah introduced me to her husband when he walked up to us. 
His family was into cotton and cotton gins, Hannah bragged.  She then
lured him out to the hall for some dancing.  “Come join us, Madeline,” she
motioned to me to follow her.

“Maybe in a bit,” I replied.  I would have loved to dance
with Ethan, but that was not possible.

I looked over at him; he was still staring at me.  Honestly,
he shouldn’t stare so, he would make people talk.  He normally was very
conversant with his own friends and fellow plantation owners, and yet tonight,
he was quiet for the most part, not mingling around.  Perhaps he was
fatigued.  Or perhaps he was in shock, seeing me and suspecting my
condition.  I wondered if he was mulling over in his head all the things
I’d been going through, and counting back to when we had relations in
June.  If so, he was bound to corner me someplace and ask me about
it.  I was not ready to talk to him about it, so I found William and asked
him to dance with me.

We passed Ethan on the way out of the dining room, and he nodded
at us, but continued to look at me longingly and curiously.

The dance hall was crowded, but William and I danced an
appropriate waltz as best we could.  It didn’t feel right dancing with
him, in this house, though he did seem to know what he was doing.

“You’re doing some fine dancing, Mr. Brown,” I observed.

“Thank you, ma’am.”  He leaned his head close to mine to
speak softly into my ear discreetly, “Ethan can’t keep his eyes off of you.”

“You noticed,” I said, realizing others were bound to have
noticed, as well.  I supposed it could be sort of expected, since we had
been married before.  “That’s one of the reasons why I coaxed you onto the
dance floor, to keep the murmuring down.”

“Do you think he knows your condition?”

“If you guessed it easy enough, he’s bound to,” I said. 

“He’s not been around you as much as I have.”

“No, but he knows me better than you do, and he has seen me go
through this before.  He also saw me heaving the night of the big storm
when he had to stay over.”  I looked at Ethan then, thinking of that night
when we’d kissed and he declared he couldn’t stand living without me
anymore. 

“What will you tell him if he asks you about it?” William
asked.  I looked back at William.  His eyes were on mine,
penetrating, seeking an answer.

“I honestly don’t know yet,” I said, and looked away. 

We continued to dance, and I looked around, observing the other
dancing couples.  The music switched to a slower, more romantic tune, one
that I’d played on the piano before for Ethan, and I could no longer dance with
William.  I pulled away from him, almost colliding with Ethan in the
process, who was on his way out the river-front door to the courtyard. 

“I’m sorry, please excuse me, Mr. Wellington,” I said
formally.  I just stood there looking at him.  I couldn’t move and
didn’t know where I wanted to go.  There seemed to be no escape. 
Ethan was blocking the door to go outside, William was behind me near the
dancers, wondering at my abrupt departure, and Elizabeth was in the dining room
still chattering.  I felt trapped.

Ethan looked behind me at William, and then pulled my arm towards
the parlor.  “Could I speak with you for a moment?” he asked me.

I looked back at William and motioned for him to stay put while I
talked with Ethan.  My heart started pounding as I followed Ethan into the
parlor.  It was somewhat crowded in this room, as well, but he led me over
to an empty corner of the room near a window. 

“Madeline, I…” his voice trailed off.  I waited for him to
ask what I’d been dreading for him to ask since I found out I was carrying his
child.  “You look…you’ve put on more weight…”  He looked down at my
bosom, then up at me; I knew what he was thinking.

“Yes,” I agreed, waiting for more.

“Why…how…” he was stuttering; he was obviously flustered and
unsure how to approach the conversation, especially in a room full of
people.  He lowered his voice a little.  “You were heaving the night
of the storm when I spent the night, and you’d lost a lot of weight.  I
thought you just had a germ or something, but then you convinced me it was a…a
“woman thing”.  I let it go at that and thought nothing more about it,
till I saw you had lost even more weight, and you told me it was my
fault.  I was perplexed about that for quite some time.  Then the
last time I saw you, you had gained your weight back, and you looked like your
normal self again.  Yet I see you tonight, with your…your bosom is larger
and your waist expanded…”  He ran his fingers through his hair. 
“Madeline, are you with child?” he whispered.

Those were the words I’d been dreading to hear.  What would I
tell him?  The moment of truth had arrived.  “Yes,” I whispered back,
closing my eyes briefly.

“Is it mine?” he asked quietly, though not quietly enough. 
Elizabeth turned me around at that moment and slapped me hard across the
cheek.  I heard audible gasps and exclamations in the room.  I had no
idea she was even in the room, and Ethan must have been too distracted to see
her, as well.

“Well?” she asked me.  I looked around at all the faces
staring at me.  My heart picked up an even faster beat; it felt like a
galloping horse.  I looked over at Ethan, whose eyes were
questioning.  I looked at Elizabeth, whose face was flushed with
anger.  Then I saw William at the doorway.  He had apparently
followed Elizabeth into the room.  What would I say?  I had to choose
my words carefully. 

Still looking at William, I made my decision.  I couldn’t
tell Ethan the truth here in front of everyone.  I knew I had to save him
from social embarrassment in his own home.  I would turn all the attention
and embarrassment onto me and William – who had, after all, volunteered for
this.  And so I lied.  “Yes, I am with child,” I said, looking at
Elizabeth again.  Her jaw dropped and her eyes bulged.  I looked over
at Ethan, who looked panicked, and he rubbed his face with his hands. 
Looking back at William for strength and courage, I said, “It’s
William’s.”  I heard more audible gasps, one of them being Ethan’s. 
I swallowed hard before continuing.  “As a matter of fact, he and I are
betrothed,” I barely managed to say, struggling over that last word. 

William came over and linked his arm with mine, and I felt some
comfort in that; I needed him to steady me.  I forced a smile. 
Elizabeth’s look of shock turned to amusement.  She smiled.  “Well,
well.  Isn’t that a surprise?”  She turned and looked at Ethan
pointedly before leaving the room.  Some of the people in the room, who
had been listening attentively, began to congratulate me and William. 
Finally I turned to face Ethan.  He was devastated, speechless.  I
regretted my decision immediately.  What had I done?  I held back
tears as Ethan turned and swiftly left the parlor and thrust the river-front
door open to go outside. 

I excused myself from William.  “Please, I have to talk to
him,” I said.  He nodded in agreement.

The courtyard was filled with more lit lanterns and scattered
pumpkins, making it look magical.  The sofa from the hall as well as the
dining room chairs had been brought outside and placed in groups for
conversations, and to allow more room on the inside for dancing and
eating.  There were also the wrought-iron benches in the gazebo where
couples were chatting and laughing.  The long garden walk down to the
river was also lit up with lanterns, placed on top of each brick column. 
I walked down the hill, seeing who I thought was Ethan off in the distance, and
followed.  When the figure turned into the wooded area towards our bench
by the river, I knew it had to be him.  I could see him somewhat with the
help of the lit torches on the dock.  I hurriedly made my way down there,
and sure enough, found him sitting on the bench, his head in his hands, hanging
between his knees, his dark hair hung over his face.  This was our
spot.  I dreaded that I’d have to lie to him in a place where we’d shared
joy before.

He started when I said his name softly.  “Ethan.”

“Madeline!” he said, looking at me suddenly, standing up quickly,
almost toppling the lantern that had been placed on the bench.

I stood still where I was, not wanting to get too close to him for
fear that I might break down and tell him the truth.  Since I had decided
to go this path and marry William, letting everyone think the baby was his, I
would have to continue the farce. 

“Is it really his?” he asked me.  “I thought…”  I knew
what he thought.  He had indeed been mulling my situation over, and he
traced it all back to that day in our bedchamber when we’d had relations.

Now was the moment of truth.  Should I continue to lie, or
tell him that he was the baby’s father?  He would be hurt either way, I
had decided, and if I continued the lie, he could at least move on with his
life with Elizabeth and be happy.  He’d never be happy if he thought I was
going to have another child of his and that he would not be able to take care
of us properly.  I’d rather him be mad at me and find happiness with
Elizabeth, than to be miserable the rest of his life with not being able to
take care of one of his children.  Wasn’t that the reason he had chosen
Elizabeth over me, for the sake of a child?  I would be doing the same
thing by choosing William over Ethan, for the sake of my child.

So I continued to lie.  I turned my eyes away from him,
looking down at the lantern on the bench.  I could lie to him, but I
didn’t have to look him in the eyes while doing so.  “Yes.  I’m so
sorry, Ethan.  So sorry things worked out the way they have.  It
wasn’t planned, it just…happened.”  That was the truth, though not the way
I was implying.

He looked at the river for a moment, and I followed his gaze,
listening to the water lap against the small rocks and sand in quick short
waves.  “Do you love him?” he asked.

What could I say?  Would I lie about this, as well? 
Make him think, as Catherine had pointed out, that I had fallen into William’s
arms so soon after leaving Wellington Cross?  No, I had to at least tell
him the truth about this.  I didn’t want him to think I had been lying
when I told him I loved him or when I kissed him the night of the storm. 
So I had to tell the truth about this.  “No more than you love
Elizabeth.  But what else could I do?  I want this baby to have a
mother and a father that live in the same house…the way it should be.”

He looked at me, and I could tell my words had hurt him.  “Of
course, it should be that way.  I understand that.”

He was taking it too well.  I expected him to yell at me and
accuse me of being a harlot.  Instead, he was visibly upset but quiet,
holding back his anger, showing restraint.  He wouldn’t look at me. 
I just wanted him to hold me, but I feared that he never would again.  It
almost made me cry, but I held back my tears.  Now that I’d agreed to
marry William, I had to act the part of being a happy bride-to-be, and it would
not be proper to be seen in the arms of my former husband.  I had to
constantly remind myself that I was doing all of this for him. 

“When will you wed?” he asked, looking back at the water.

“The date has not yet been decided,” I said.  I certainly had
no idea when we would get married, seeing as how I had just announced it to
everyone, William included.  It was all on the spur of the moment…all
because of Elizabeth.  Nothing was planned beyond that.  I had no
idea how I would proceed with any of it.  I had no real desire to marry
William; it would be simply out of convenience, as he had said.