When Gods Fail (3 page)

"What time is it? How long did I sleep?" The
room around me was the same; my heart filled with dread as I
remembered that the end of the world was still a fact.

"A couple hours. We figured it would be good
to let you gather some strength." He looked over to where Paul was
standing.

I rubbed my eyes. Something was different; I
could feel the wake of being talked about echoing through my ears.
Paul's eyes weren't angry; they were cold. I glanced at Bill's eyes
and his seemed to have the same demeanor. However, they darted off
me, and focused on his feet.

"Get ready, you're gonna show us where the
water is," Paul said, his voice wavering between hard and kind.

"Sure," I mumbled, stood up, and adjusted my
belt. "Let's go."

"You first," Bill said and pointed up the
door.

When we got out it was darker. The sky
looked a color I had never seen before. "Nuclear winter, eh? I had
always had faith that mankind would never come to this. That cooler
heads would prevail," I said and looked at Bill and Paul. They
didn't seem interested.

"No talking, just move," Paul muttered.

Bill shook his head. Both of them pulled out
a couple of reined sleds with empty containers strapped on
them.

"You mind doing some work?" Bill handed me
the reins.

I took his sled. It wasn't as easy as I
thought it would be. Within ten steps I was tired. "This is tough."
I cracked a grin, feeling peeved that I would act so weak. Neither
of them smiled. Paul only scowled some more.

"You're lucky we don't hitch both of them on
ya," Paul said and spat in my direction.

I wanted to say something smart, but alarms
were going off in my head. Perhaps I'd offended his sensibilities
earlier. If so, now was the time to make amends. I stared in front
of me and kept marching.

It took a few hours to
reach the cave. I was exhausted. When Bill had said we would
switch, he meant I would have one sled at all times. I had yet to
earn my keep, I reminded myself. These were, after all, men who had
been tested in the aftermath of a nuclear war. Of course they
wanted to see how much I could handle.
They
got to rest. I was going to say
something, but Paul's look told me to shut up. We trudged up the
side of the cave entrance.

"Here she is, my humble abode," I said and
pointed at the cave's small entrance. "The water is down
there."

"Show us," Paul said.

I led them down to the small hole I'd dug to
get out of the cave.

"Down there?" Paul asked.

"Yeah sure, listen." I cocked my head. They
fell silent. The sound of running water filled the air.

They smiled. I tried to smile at Bill, but
he stared at the ground.

"Can we make that hole bigger?" asked
Paul.

I shook my head. "But I can slide through;
you two pass me the smallest containers and I can fill them."

Before they could say anything, I grabbed a
flashlight and slid through. On the other end I waited. They pushed
through a couple containers. I scooped water and handed it back to
them. All the while I could hear them both talking. Bill sounded
whiney while Paul talked in short hisses. They probably hadn't seen
this much water since the nuclear war.

I slid out and as I pulled out my torso,
wiggling like a worm, I looked up to see Bill, solemn-faced.

"We got all the water we need right?" I
said.

Bill didn't reply. I looked at his hands. He
had the shotgun pointed at me.

"Bill, what... No." It hit me. "Please
don't. My wife. I have to see her."

"Shutup!" He used a tone I hadn't heard from
him yet. It seemed transplanted from Paul. It was devoid of
emotion.

I raised my hands. "Please don't."

"Your wife is dead. Everyone in Portland
died. Not a single survivor. And now, you're dead."

"Please, Bill. Just let me go, I have to
just see if she's alive, my house."

"You still don't get it. There's nothing. It
was a H-bomb, there's only a large crater there."

"Just let me see," I said as tears streamed
down my face. "I really don't care about dying, but if I could see
that she's gone. I would be happy."

Bill shuffled uncomfortably. "You promise
not to bother us? Not to come around here?"

"Yes, I just want to see Portland."

"You do him in yet?" Paul yelled.

Bill's face stiffened—emotionless again. He
raised the gun to my head. "Sorry," he said in a raised voice.
"Can't risk it."

"Please." I closed my eyes and felt urine
rush down the side of my leg. It felt comfortably warm. I always
thought I would face death with more honor than that. But I didn't,
I was scared that I would die and be a nothing in the lineage of
mankind, and I was scared to see the flash of the gun barrel.

The left side of my head opened to a searing
pain, and as I fell to the ground I heard a loud shot. Everything
went black.

I woke up to the sound of rocks sliding. It
took all my energy to open my eyes. On the left side of my head was
a pulsating pain. I thought I saw shadows. But I was in a corner.
The amount of light leaking in through the cave entrance seemed
about the same as when I came with Bill and Paul. My stomach
rumbled. I felt light headed. I needed food.

I heard some voices. Shadows at the mouth of
the cave moved. Was it Bill and Paul?

I reached and felt my head.

Dried blood.

"What do you think they did in here?" a
voice said.

"Probably buried someone, you heard the
shot. And only two came out."

It wasn't Paul or Bill. I looked around for
a place to hide. The last thing I wanted to see was another person
who would try to kill me. Bill. Oh, Bill. How could he have been
willing to kill me?

I saw a pile of large boulders and got up,
making certain I didn't make any noise. The accents of the shadows
above were tainted with twangs. I had to hide. By the time I wedged
myself between two boulders a couple of flickering flames came
down. My eyes adjusted, but all I saw was two dark figures holding
torches. In their other hands were rifles.

"You see anything?"

"Nope."

Both voices were gruff. The figures were
large. I stopped breathing.

I wondered how I'd survive on my own. There
was no way around it. I had to ask for help. Where was food to be
had in this world? How much longer could I survive without any
energy? One month was the accepted science, but I would be
worthless by the end of it.

"Nothing here." One of the figures started
to trudge back out of the cave.

"It had to be something. You saw what I saw.
They were in here for a long time. And who was the third fella with
them?"

"Beats me. They probably buried him."

They seemed to know Paul and Bill. Yet they
were talking as if there was some animosity between them. Perhaps
my enemy's enemy was my friend.

I touched my head. It didn't seem to add up
that Bill would have missed me from so close. What was my head
injury from? Would these men show me mercy? They had to. Perhaps
they'd be open to newcomers.

"Fuck this," said the one who was still in
the cave. He walked up and out of the cave.

My heart beat like a frightened mouse. There
was no getting around the fact that if I didn't get help I would
die here. No food. No way to get food or know how to get it. I
moved out of the wedge. The smell of my blood was strong, sweet and
I wondered if the two men, used to the barren wasteland, could have
smelled it. I stopped to listen. Feet crunched over rock and
retreated into the distance. I would be alone if I didn't say
anything.

As I got out of the cave, the sun was
hitting the horizon. Red solar rays lit up the entire sky from west
to east. I looked up in awe.

Click.

"Well, well. What do we have here?"

I felt the barrel of a gun slam into the
small of my back, and I went flying into the ground. I turned to
look. A large man, at least six and a half feet tall and four feet
wide stared down at me. The angle of the sun magnified the lines on
his face like facture from a painting. He wasn't young, perhaps in
his thirties, but he was mean. He made Paul look like kind.

"Hi, I... I come in peace," I blurted the
first non-hostile phrase that came to my mouth.

The man burst out laughing. "Johnny come
look at this weak fella," he said and stepped near me with his hand
out as if he was going to help me up. I reached out my hand and
felt his power as he picked me up.

"Thanks, I—"

With a surprising amount of speed, he swept
my legs and sent me flying to the ground.

"Easy Big Lee," said a skinnier, even older
man who looked a spry fifty as he walked over to me. "You weren't
trying to get the jump on us were you?"

"No, not me. I don't want to hurt anyone.
See?" I showed him my hands. "I don't have anything. I just need
help." Their eyes reminded me of how Paul and Bill looked before
they tried to put me down in the cave. "My wife, she's in Portland,
I need to find out if she's alive. I was in the cave, just came
out."

"Easy, easy little man." Johnny rested on
his haunches next to me. I noticed that even in this relaxed state,
one hand was on his trigger, and the barrel was pointed at me.

"It's not that I don't want to believe you,
I do. But I," he said and looked over at the big man. "We can't
afford to trust you. Got it?"

"No trust?" I asked. It was simple
statement, but my head was spinning. I felt like vomiting. It was
as if my body couldn't take any more shocks. Perhaps I wasn't made
for this new world.

"None, bud. You come out of the cave after
us, all quiet like. What would you think?"

"But I have nothing. I need some food. Just
a little food so I can go to Portland, see my wife." I hoped that
somehow I could beg enough to get some help. I needed to see a kind
soul. I needed to see some empathy in their eyes. That was all I
really cared about.

"Your wife was in Portland?" A hint of
kindness crossed Johnny's eyes.

"Yes, I was in the cave. Spelunking."

"Oh, you one of them hiker fellas?"

"I was, yes."

"Never liked those hiking hippies, always
too condescending. Never let us hunt where we liked," barked the
big one.

"Not me," I said and raised my hands in
innocence.

"Of course you would say that now bud,"
Johnny said. It was getting dark so I couldn't see whether he was
talking with sympathy or disdain.

"Just some food... Portland," I said,
feeling the urge to piss again.

"Not enough food to go around fella. Can't
give you any. Besides, if I did it wouldn't be for something as
stupid as going to Portland. Your wife's dead. No one made it out
of the cities. The few that did. Well." Johnny glanced at the large
man who grinned sheepishly.

"Okay, okay. Sorry to have disturbed you.
I'll be on my way. I'll make it somehow," I said and propped myself
up on my elbows, slowly, to make it seem as if I couldn't move.

Somewhere in the back of my head a voice was
getting louder and louder. It was a voice that I hadn't listened to
in my entire life, that had given up speaking and was only now
finding its volume again. It told me not to be so trusting with
what I was doing. It told me to conceal everything. It told me to
position myself so my body had leverage to move.

The look on their faces as they exchanged
glances when I spoke, reminded me of how Paul looked at me before I
entered the cave.

"Can't do that either, I'm afraid," Johnny
said and seemed genuinely sad. "Can't have scavengers in these
hills. You'll just come back for us."

Big Lee smiled; he didn't seem so sad.

"It's the way of the world now. Nothing
against you personally."

"Of course not. Totally understandable," I
said. The voice in the back of my head was speaking up for me.
Cover your intentions. Dawn and dusk are the best times to attack
because people's eyes are still adjusting to the light. You're next
to a steep incline of the hill.

My hand clasped around a rock.

The old man looked at me suspiciously as he
straightened his legs out.

I threw the rock at his face. I spun as fast
as I could towards the edge of the steep incline. In a second I was
hurtling down the scree. I slid. I rolled. I couldn't control
myself. The crack of a rifle echoed. A forest of rock formations
came at me. Dark, in the crepuscule, they looked like they could
hurt. A bullet whistled past me. I was sliding in too straight a
line.

"Git that bastard!" Johnny's yelled.

I slid over scree, the sound like a freeway
of trucks. My throat was tight. My heart pounded.

With one hand dug into the scree, I turned
to my left. A bullet landed on my right. The first big rock went
by. I dug in both hands, slowed down, then grabbed the next boulder
that jutted out from the side of this hill. As soon as I had
grabbed the rock, and pulled myself behind it, I saw the scree
where my ass had just been, burst into pieces. The sound of a shot
followed.

"Shoot him!"

The rock tore off the skin on my fingers,
but I didn't feel any pain. Why couldn't they just let me be? If I
stayed here, they'd find a way to approach my crop of rocks and
finish me off. And in the end I knew that I had to get some food.
They were right about scavengers. I was going to have to come and
get them.

The sound of both of them skiing down the
scree jumped my heart and stopped my thoughts.

This group of boulders was the only place I
could stand a chance of fighting. I grabbed a large stone. I
grabbed a sharp one. I ran to some closely spaced boulders. Before
I jumped on one, I glanced behind me to see the two men only a few
yards from where I'd been.