“Yes,” Saleem agreed excitedly. He could hardly believe their good luck. Maybe Madar-
jan
had been right. Maybe last night’s rain had brought
roshanee
after all. Roksana handed him a scrap of paper with the hotel’s address on it.
“Don’t thank me. You can thank them. Good luck, Saleem. I know it’s not easy, especially with the entire family. I really hope the rest of Europe treats you well.” She looked at her watch. “I need to get back home, but I’ll be here Friday morning before you leave. I want to make sure you all get on the train. And I’ll write for you which ferry you’ll need to take from Patras. You know, in Patras there is a large camp of refugees. More Afghans are there than in Attiki and the situation is not good. Do not end up there, Saleem. From what I hear, it is a dead end.”
He nodded, then watched her slide her backpack over her shoulder and cross the street. He would have one more chance to see her. He hadn’t been ready to say good-bye to her today.
Their looming departure made him more anxious. He did not know what would be available to them once they got on the train or even in Patras. He stopped by a few markets on his way back and snuck away with what he could. He pushed aside thoughts of Roksana and reminded himself of the dwindling funds he’d counted out with Madar-
jan
. It was almost dark by the time he got back to his family. Madar-
jan
looked relieved to see him.
He understood a little better how she felt every time he left but only slightly. He could not possibly know everything that ran through her mind any more than she could his. There were things they said out loud to each other, things they whispered with a twitch of the face, and things that were stoically hidden. Mother and son were divided by age and role and by the desire to protect each other. But, though they could never admit it, their secrets were also designed to protect themselves and their relationship. Some things neither would want to know about the other even if they could. Some secrets saved them.
Saleem unloaded his bag and Madar-
jan
carefully rationed out what they could eat that night and what they needed to conserve for the journey. He gave her the tickets and passport, which she tucked into the drawstring pouch that hung around her neck, under her blouse.
“Aziz had another episode today,” she told him quietly.
Indeed, Aziz’s color was more sallow than yesterday. He lay on the bed, a pillow propped behind him. He’d gained a bit of weight since he’d started the medication they’d purchased in Turkey. He’d started walking, speaking a few words, and even giggling from time to time. Saleem did not see him much, and when he did, he kept a distance. Things were different with Samira. He liked having her near, her head against his shoulder as he talked about his day. But Aziz was a child who stared at him expectantly and needed so much. Saleem could not manage it. He turned away, ashamed of his own resentment.
“We need to get him to a doctor in England. The medicine is not doing what it used to. His color is not good, and again he is looking so tired.” Madar-
jan
looked defeated. Saleem wondered how his brother would fare on the journey ahead. “I’ll call your aunt tomorrow and tell her of our plans. Maybe things are better for them now.” She paused, choosing her next words carefully. “Saleem-
jan,
we cannot depend on them. It’s important to remember that.”
“Why? She’s been telling us to come to London. Didn’t she promise to help once we got there?”
“It’s just that sometimes people want to help . . . but something
gets in the way. I want us to be ready to rely on ourselves alone since it may come to that even once we get there.”
“Never mind with that, Madar-
jan
. We’ve got a room for tonight. The girl from the aid organization found it for us. Let’s go now before it gets late. All that rain last night, maybe it was
roshanee,
just like you always say.”
Madar-
jan
’s face twinkled like embers stoked by a breeze.
She quickly gathered their few belongings and they set off to find the Hotel Kitrino, the Yellow Hotel. The owners were a gray-haired couple, kind enough to touch Aziz’s cheek softly and to show them to a room. When Madar-
jan
tried to ask what they needed done so she could begin right away, they gestured for her to sleep the night and begin tomorrow.
ON THURSDAY, MADAR-
JAN
REMOVED THE GOLD BANGLES HER
father had given her before her wedding and gave them to Saleem with a heavy heart. They had been placed on her mother’s wrists when her parents wed. Her father had hidden them away until it was Fereiba’s time to marry. It was all she had of her mother. She’d loved to hear them clink together softly every time she reached into a drawer, while she washed the dishes, and as she turned the page of a book. She would look at her wrist, coils of gold dancing with her every movement, five perfectly round embraces from the mother she’d never seen. Her father had undone the velvet drawstring pouch and put the bangles in the palm of her hand, closing his fingers over hers in a single, quiet moment. Had his eyes grown moist or had she imagined it? He was with his bride again, the woman who would never be replaced and whose absence had fractured their lives. Fereiba understood in that moment that while her father mourned his wife still, he’d never understood how his daughter mourned her mother. It was his loss and his alone. She did not hate him for this flaw, but she was able to see him more clearly. KokoGul had been right about him all along. Her
father was content to contain himself in his orchard; his myopic love failed them all, not just Fereiba. No wonder KokoGul had picked up and moved on with her daughters.
And though it had been her father to put the bangles in her hand, it had felt as if her mother had drifted in while Fereiba slept, slipped them over her daughter’s fingers, and slid them onto her arm. It was the gentle touch of a mother, a touch Fereiba had never known until she’d held Saleem in her arms for the first time, pressed her lips to his forehead, and realized she had much to give him, much that she’d never received.
Saleem knew none of this when he took the bangles from his mother. He could see only that she looked uneasy.
“My mind is restless today. I wish you would leave the pawnshop for tomorrow. We can stop by on the way to the train station. We could all go together.”
“It’s not far and we don’t have much cash left, Madar-
jan
. Who knows what will happen in Patras. We’ll need money for food and the ferry or else we’ll be stranded.”
“But today . . .”
“I’m going, Madar-
jan
. If we hide in a room every time we are nervous, we will never make it to England.”
Fereiba bit her tongue. She began to dress Aziz and asked Samira to wash some of their clothes. She was going to see to what needs the hotel owners had. She turned away as Saleem put the bangles into his pocket and buttoned it to make sure they would not fall out.
Fereiba did not see the hesitation on her son’s face—that second where he considered his mother’s warning and chose to ignore it because he wanted to be braver than her.
“I’m going to the pawnshop now and then I’ll be back in two hours,” Saleem promised.
It was a promise he would not keep.
AN ENTIRE LIFETIME CAN CHANGE IN ONE AFTERNOON. THE
rest of the world can continue on, unaware of a quiet, solitary cataclysm occurring a few feet away. A police officer stood to Saleem’s left, twirling a set of keys on his finger. A second officer rested his outstretched palm on the concrete wall above Saleem’s right shoulder. He could feel the officer’s breath on his cheek.
“Where do you stay?” The smell of garlic on his breath made Saleem’s stomach turn. He dared not look away. He stared at the caricature of himself in the officer’s sunglasses—his eyes wide and fearful. His adolescent face hadn’t taken on the angles of manhood yet. A shadow lined his upper lip but nothing more.
“Again, please?” Saleem felt his voice quaver. In the few weeks he’d been in Greece, Saleem had picked up a few phrases but not enough to sound convincing. He tensed his shoulders, hoping to steady his words.
“Where do you sleep? Where is your home?”
The officers huffed and shook their heads at his blank stare. They
were lighter in complexion than Saleem’s deep olive skin, his color deepened by the months he’d spent working under the sun. The officer with the keys gave in and spoke in English.
“Where do you stay here?” he said, angrily.
Saleem’s mind raced to come up with a plausible story. He couldn’t lead these officers back to his family.
“I not stay. I am visitor. I come for shops,” he explained meekly, pointing in the direction of the stores down the street. The officers both snickered.
“Shops? What did you buy?”
“Ehh, nothing. Today, nothing.” Saleem willed them to lose interest.
“Nothing? Okay. Where is your passport? Papers?”
Saleem’s stomach reeled. He tasted bile. “Passport? I do not have my passport.” The owner of the pawnshop opened the door, saw the two officers on either side of his last customer, and quickly retreated into his shop.
“No passport?” The officers exchanged a glance that Saleem could not interpret.
“My friend . . . he has my passport.”
“What is your name?”
“Saleem.”
“Where are you from?”
Saleem felt his heart pounding in his ears. Could he make a run for it? Unlikely. He was pinned against the wall in a busy market. Tourists walked in and out of shops, door chimes dancing in their wake. A dark-skinned street peddler kept his eyes averted as he packed his dancing stick figures into a sack. People walking by looked over with vague interest barely enough to slow their steps. Only the gray-haired man grilling corncobs seemed sympathetic. He wiped his hands on his half apron and nudged the fallen husks into a pile with the toe of his shoe.
It was hot enough to sweat even in the shade. Saleem was thirsty
and hadn’t eaten since last night. If he ran, they would overtake him quickly. The officers wore blue uniforms, felt berets, and button-down shirts tucked crisply into navy slacks. He stared at their thick belts weighed down with radios, handcuffs . . . pistols. Running was not an option. Neither was refusing to answer their questions.
“I am . . . I am from Turkey.” Saleem had rehearsed this part with his mother at least a hundred times and even more on his own. Other refugees had warned him about the chain of questions. He hoped they’d advised him wisely.
“Turkey?” The officer seemed repulsed. He shot the key jangler a knowing glance. “And how did you come here?”
Saleem nodded. “Airplane.”
“Who came with you?”
Saleem shook his head. “I came alone.” He prayed nothing in his voice or his eyes gave him away. He kept his hands glued to his sides.
“Alone? You are how old?”
“I am fifteen.”
“Fifteen? And where is Mama? Papa?”
Saleem shrugged his shoulders.
“They are not here?” The older officer was losing patience, his thumbs hooked on his ominous belt. Saleem shook his head. They exchanged a few words in Greek, their angry expressions needing no translation. Saleem knew international law entitled minors to asylum, but he’d also learned that on the streets, those laws offered as much protection as a broken umbrella in a hurricane.
The officers looked him over, head to toe. Saleem shifted his weight, feeling their eyes on his black polo shirt, the collar and shoulders outlined in a white stripe. His jeans were frayed and faded, washed repeatedly in a sink with cheap soap. His clothes had fit him snugly back home but now, months later, they hung on his frame. The thinned rubber soles and blackened laces of his sneakers attested to his brutal journey. The English-speaking officer looped his keys onto a ring on his belt and nudged Saleem’s shoulder to spin him around.
He patted Saleem’s waist briefly before mumbling something to his partner.
“Turn around.” Saleem did as he was instructed, his eyes glued to the ground. “No passport? No papers?”
Saleem shook his head again. His three-hundred-dollar Belgian passport was in his rucksack, back at the hotel. He’d left it there, fearful he would lose it before the next leg of their journey.
“Come.” The instruction was simple. Saleem thought his chest might burst. He could not go with them! What about his mother? Saleem looked at the officers and stole a quick glance at the cobblestoned path busy with souvenir hunters and locals. Was there something he could say to dissuade them? Could he buy his way out? If he followed, he’d surely be whisked away to jail, probably even shipped back home.
He was fast. He had always been fast, but in the last few months he had probably become even faster. He was unmistakably lighter on his feet and felt stronger, having carried his siblings and their modest baggage. The more he thought about it, the more convinced Saleem became. He could do it. He
should
do it. If he went with the officers, there would be no one to take care of his mother, sister, and brother.
Saleem’s feet sprang to life, almost without his consent. He ducked under the officer’s arm and ran furiously. He raced past the pawnshop, past the corn seller, his shoulders bumping against startled tourists. He heard yelling behind him. Off the main pedestrian way was a hopeful maze of side streets. Saleem ran down an alley on his left with smaller shops and fewer people. Just a few meters and it ended. He could go right or left. With nothing promising in either direction, he went left. He needed to put distance between himself and the officers, but he couldn’t head back to his hotel.
Saleem turned another corner. A resting stray dog lifted his head curiously as Saleem panted and surveyed his options. Which way? This part of Athens was disorienting; there were no guiding landmarks but Saleem knew a main road was just a few blocks away. He
rounded a corner and ran directly into a couple, their arms encircling each other’s waists. They stumbled, cursing as Saleem steadied himself and raised an apologetic hand. The alley opened into a plaza with an old church in the center, a relic surrounded by posh modern shops. His eyes scouted the intersection, looking for the next twist in this labyrinth. He felt conspicuous, wild eyed and exposed.