I was surprised to see from down the hallway that my door was opened a crack. As I got closer I became uneasy. Someone had most certainly been in my room, though they were nowhere to be seen. If it was one of the staff, they would have closed the door behind them, it was something that drove Celia mad, so they all knew that the bedroom doors must be closed, always.
I pushed the door the rest of the way open from the hallway and peered in. The Eckhardt family Bible lay open on my pillow. Someone left it this way so that I would see it. I slowly walked over to it and saw that it was open to the family tree. I looked across the room to see that my window was open. It did not make any sense. My room was at the top of the house, it would be nearly impossible to get in or out through that window. Walking over to close the window, I saw that the other black book with the names of the Eckhardt’s illegitimate children lay open on the ground below, the pages blowing in the wind. Someone had dropped it from my window.
The room spun around me, and I remember the tiny bumps rising on my arms and my breathing becoming quick and heavy. I don’t know how long I lay unconscious on the floor before the open window. The images in my mind were sharp and the first thing I saw was Eckhardt’s face, his head back laughing wildly. There was blood dripping from his wound and down his neck and shoulders.
He suddenly stopped laughing and looked hard into my face, grabbing me by my hair as he did the night that he was killed. I screamed, but there was no sound, my voice was gone. He dragged me over to the mirror and turned me to face it, forcing me to look upon my mother on the other side of the mirror. She stood engulfed in flames, reaching out to me until the flames enveloped her.
Eckhardt began to laugh again and dragged me to the window, holding me so I leaned far over, looking down... until he let me go.
I opened my eyes to see Bernadine and Fleur trying to lift me. When she realized I was awake, Fleur threw her arms around me. I was surprised at the show of emotion, it was not at all like her.
“Oh! I was so worried for you, Miss! I mean Lady Tamsin! I came into the room and saw the window open and you, fainted on the floor! I rang the bell and came to your side! We must get you to the bed!” she said and let me go, looking embarrassed.
“Someone was here, in my room. Did you see anyone, either of you?” I asked trying to get up.
They both shook their heads and took my hands to help me up. Fleur put her arm through mine and walked with me to the bed. Julian and Celia came running breathlessly into the room, Julian holding the book that had been lying on the grass below my window. He knelt before me.
“What has happened? Are you alright?” Then, before anyone could answer, “What’s happened?” He was intense with worry for me. I put my hands on his shoulders.
“I came into my room and found the Eckhardt family Bible open and on my pillow, where it sits, now. The window was open and I went to investigate and saw the book you hold in your hands was thrown from the window.”
“We were out taking the air and found--” Said Celia, but Julian cut her off.
“Someone was here? Did anyone see anything?” he asked getting up and looking from Bernadine to Fleur, who did not answer.
“Speak up! Did you see anything?” He yelled and Fleur backed up behind her Aunt.
“No sir,” Bernadine finally spoke. “Fleur were the one that found Lady Rhineholt on the floor, she’d fainted. Fleur rang for me and I come right up!” Fleur seemed to have lost her ability to speak.
“Who knew about the books? Besides those standing in this room?” Julian asked.
“Only the family,” I said.
“And Mrs. Eckhardt...” Celia said and then placed a hand over her mouth.
“That does it, I am moving to Li’s old room. She’ll be moving to Leo’s room now, anyhow,” Julian said.
“Julian, it’s simply inadmissible, and I cannot allow it!” Celia said sternly. She placed her hands on her hips.
“Then we shall marry tomorrow morning so that he might be in the room with me,” I said giving her a stern look. She would not allow me to take away the modest ceremony.
She huffed.
“Fine! Do as you will! Move to the room across the hall, but as long as you are there, Reginald will have to do without me because I will stay in
this
room with Tamsin!” She was shouting.
“That’s enough,” Julian said.
“If we keep fighting like this Tam will never be able to relax. She has had a shock. I think it’s time you see the doctor again for something to help you sleep.” I nodded because I knew that he was right.
“Bernadine, please go and ask one of the stable boys to fetch the doctor from the village.” She nodded and quickly left the room.
“This room is freezing from that window being open, will you come to the drawing room to warm up?” Julian asked, taking my hands.
I was glad that someone was taking charge of things who knew what I wanted. Celia, Aunt Emmaline, Hilda, and even the nuns controlled me for so long. When Julian took control of any situation, he spoke with authority, but he still always seemed to look to me before making a decision, always involving me. He was trying to make it clear that he would not have me caged, we would be a team.
When we got to the drawing room, Celia was gone, looking for Reginald to tell him what happened. Fleur followed us, and Julian asked her to go and get tea. She did not want to leave me, but she obeyed, and I thought how different our relationship was since she saved my life that ghastly night in the library. I truly hoped that my Uncle was her father, because I wanted to be Fleur’s family.
That night, Reginald insisted that two of the valets take turns standing watch. We would move to the rooms at the opposite end of the hall so that if the intruder had any plans or was still in the house, it might throw them off. He also asked that one of the stable boys sit in the hallway between my room and the one that Julian would be staying in. This did not calm Celia’s worries, but I was glad to have her stay with me that night, because I knew that I would not sleep, and if I did, there would most assuredly be nightmares.
The doctor would almost definitely not make it to Hilbourne until morning, so I was forced to get by playing cards with Celia and Julian until late that night. Reginald was offered a seat at the card table, but he refused, saying that Celia already won from him all he could have gambled away and cards just weren’t the same without a wager. He dozed in a nearby chair with a book in his hands.
I was much calmer, and Celia was looking desperately tired, though she protested when I said she could go on up to our room. Julian did not seem tired at all and knew that it was because he was ready to defend me in whatever situation. I imagined him as a knight in shining armor protecting the helpless damsel... then I giggled at the thought. He was no knight, that was for certain, but he would do.
I finally told everyone that I was ready to try to sleep, and they were all glad to be headed for bed. Celia and I said goodnight first, leaving Julian in the drawing room to wake his sleeping father. When we got to the room, there was a tray with a glass of warm milk on it. When I finished changing, I drank the milk and began to feel sleepy right away.
Celia climbed into the bed next to me and blew out her candle, and she was almost immediately inert. I was staring at the ceiling when the room felt like it was moving slowly in a downward motion. The shadows seemed to trail along as I looked around me. I stood up from the bed when I saw a shadow walking through the room.
I was so dazed that I staggered toward the figure and hugged one of the broad, velvet curtains that blew in the cold autumn wind. There was a voice whispering my name, I thought it was my mother calling to me. As I staggered toward the voice, my eyes would not adjust and there was only dark blue. I felt the wind cool against my face and suddenly realized that I was not sleeping, though I felt dizzy as I did the night I drank too much wine. I looked down and saw the ground swirling far below me and my toes sticking out above it. My body seemed to move without me, leaning forward, farther and farther...
There was a pull on my night dress, and I went tumbling backward, landing on someone. It was too dark and though there was a voice, I could not place it. I was on the floor, and the room kept rocking and swaying side to side and the realization swept over me that I was poisoned.
The milk
, I thought... and all went black.
* * *
There were dark figures dancing around the room, which still seemed to sway and spin. Someone spoke to me, but I could not make out their words, which seemed jumbled and meaningless. It was just noise, and the voices sounded like they were far away, coming from a different room. Then there was nothing.
Dr. Haskins leaned over me so closely I could smell that he had recently been smoking a pipe. His white mustache, which was browned around his lips, seemed giant with him so near. He was muttering something, but the words didn’t seem to make sense. I saw that light was coming in from the
closed
window. Celia was on the other side of me, holding my hand in hers and weeping.
“She’s coming round,” the old man said.
“Shall I bring water, Doctor?” I heard Bernadine’s voice.
“Yes, I think so.” He stared down at me, “Just lean back and stay calm.”
“The milk...” I began.
“Yes, that’s good...” Then to Celia, “She remembers the milk, that’s very good.”
“...and the window...” I murmured.
“She remembers standing in the window,” the doctor repeated. “What else?”
I was becoming increasingly aware, and saw Fleur sitting nearby, her eyes were red with recent tears.
“The room, it was spinning and I didn’t know where I was going. Someone was calling to me. I thought that the window was the door to the corridor...” I said.
“Hallucinations. I daresay I was correct in assuming opium extract... It can be a devastating experience. Dangerous if not properly monitored.” He was talking to Celia, then he looked back at me.
“How do you feel, now?” he asked.
“My head is sore,” I said.
“Mmhm, mmhm, that is also an effect of a high dose of opiates. I think it is best if she rests for the day, though I wouldn’t leave her by herself. Can one of your girls stay with her?”
“Where is Julian?” I asked and was ignored, so I said it again.
“Where is Julian?”
“Dear, he was up all night, and I insisted he finally go to bed after the Doctor arrived...” Celia spoke soothingly and then asked the doctor into the hall.
“Fleur?” I said, and she rushed right over to me.
“Can you please help me dress?” I was removing the covers as Celia came back into the room.
“Tam, dear, you heard what the doctor said, you must rest!” she said.
“I cannot lie here all day. I will go down and have breakfast and if I feel like resting after, I shall do so. Fleur, will you join me in the conservatory?” I said. She didn’t know how to answer, and Celia seemed unhappy at the prospect of a servant breakfasting in the conservatory, but she did not protest.
“Please close the door, Fleur.” She did and then helped me dress. Bernadine came into the room with the water.
“I have an idea.” I said to Fleur and then turned to face Bernadine.
“Bernadine, will you arrange for breakfast to be brought up to the room?”
“Yes, of course, Lady Rhineholt...” I could see that she was shocked that I was out of bed and dressed, too.
“Miss, I worry fer ya. Will yeh not get back into bed like the Doctor told yeh?” Bernadine asked, I ignored this.
“Could you please bring enough food for yourself and Fleur, as well?” I asked. She looked like she saw a ghost.
“Yes, Ma’am...” Then she was off again.
Fleur giggled.
“I’m sorry, Lady Tamsin, this is just so... eccentric!”
“Is it?” I asked, brushing my hair. She looked down at her feet.
Celia came back into the room with Bernadine and asked if she could join us.
“Suit yourself, though I only asked Bernadine for enough for three.”
Celia sat on the bed while Bernadine, Fleur and I sat at a small table that Fleur brought in.
“I trust that if anything or anyone was seen with that milk last night, I would be told?” There were nods after I said it.
“Oh, we’d ne’er let anything awful come to yeh, m’lady. It’s terrible the things that’ve happened to yeh and yer so young, yet.” Bernadine shook her head and dabbed at her eye with a handkerchief.
“Thank you, Bernadine.” I said and paused while she gained her composure back.
“Bernadine, there is something I have wanted to ask you for some time. I did not because I thought it would be improper, but as you can see, I am an unconventional woman.” She nodded, looking up from her tea.
“I have recently read a journal that my mother wrote. You remember that it was taken from me?” She looked frightened, and I think she knew what I was going to ask.
“My mother spoke of you fondly.” She relaxed a little. I could see that Celia was obsessively interested in the conversation.
“Thank you, Lady Rhineholt, I were fond of ‘er, as well.” she said bashfully.
“She also spoke of Camilla...” She nodded and put her teacup down.
“Fleur’s mother tended to my mother, and I was wondering if you might have any insight into who Fleur’s father was?” She was alarmed at the question.
“No Ma’am. Camilla, she were a wicked woman with blue stockin’s, of sorts. She were kind to many men. She took after me brazen mother that way. No tellin’ who it were that fathered that child.” She said with wide eyes.
Fleur was shocked.
“I apologize if this conversation makes you ladies uncomfortable, but I needed to know after reading what was in my mother’s journal. I’ve had an awful lot on my mind, recently, as you know,” they nodded, “and I thought that Fleur might be thankful to know who her father was, as well.” Fleur and Bernadine exchanged a glance. I had hoped that Bernadine would blurt out that the father was my uncle so that I would have confirmation.