“You will be old enough to marry on your return from Germany and there will be the season in London. I’m sure that Mr. Eckhardt will plan to attend some of our balls at the London house.” The realization swept over me that she was already trying to marry me off. She was strapping me into a wedding dress and pushing me toward the altar.
“I am tired,” I said as I stood up, hoping she would take the hint.
“Of course, dear. Do not sleep too late, you’ll miss your ride with Lady Hilbourne. She would be disappointed.” She stood in the doorway and I nodded.
Lying in bed, I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time until I drifted off to sleep, forgetting to blow out my candle. My dreams were of my Mother that night. She was brushing my hair beneath a tree with white blossoms all over it. She kissed the palm of my hand and the blossoms began to fall from the branches above. I woke up to the sound of footsteps in the hallway and a faint light flickering beneath the door. My own candle had gone out on its own. There were voices whispering in German near my room. One was a man's voice that I could not place and the other was Hilda’s. Then there was a clicking sound, like a key turning. I crept slowly to the door and clasped the handle. It was locked. Why was Hilda locking me into my room? I could unlock it and open it from my side, so she was trying to keep someone out. All the men who were guests at Rhineholt that night spoke German. So who was that man in the hall?
I tiptoed back to the bed and got under the covers again, but it was a sleepless night.
Chapter 2
I was out of bed early after weaving in and out of sleep. Giving up on any kind of rest, I got up and put on a lilac colored morning dress with tiny embroidered flowers on the puffed sleeves and skirt.
I tried to make something presentable of my hair but it was of no use, so I swept part of it to the back of my head and held it in place with a pearled comb leaving half of my hair down. I sighed as I looked in the mirror and thought, “
Well, I may not be up to Aunt Emmaline’s standards, but it will have to do for now.”
With that, I went downstairs.
It was earlier than I realized and Bernadine barely had breakfast set out on the side board. Buffet style, as it always was when there were guests. She took one look at me and shook her head.
"Miss, when yer Aunt sees you, ye'll be in a heap of trouble." It did not stop her from giggling. I could see that she found it amusing that I did not bother to put my hair up, as that was the current fashion. It seemed that Bernadine was not quite ready for me to grow up.
Sitting down with my breakfast, I sighed when Julian came into the conservatory, filled his plate, and took a seat next to me.
"So, my mother tells me that you'll be accompanying us to Germany?" he asked. I was dismayed at the prospect of being stuck with him for that long.
"You're coming, too?" I asked without disguising my chagrin.
"Don't sound so delighted!" he shot back, "I have business in Hamburg before I return to India."
I did not care for his presence, but I was surprised that he would be returning to India so quickly after his arrival home. I had heard what a long journey India could be from England. After all the stops at ports for supplies and trading, it could be five months.
"Don't be sad, my dear. I know you are heartbroken, but you will be away at school and won't even miss my teasing you," he said in a mock comforting tone. The corner of his lips turned upward, and I couldn't help smiling with a raised eyebrow.
"Do you really think I'd miss someone so uncivilized?" I asked defiantly, remembering our conversation the night before.
He laughed and then grabbed my hand. He was suddenly far too serious for my liking, and looked me straight in the eyes.
"I might miss you, now that I've seen you again, all grown up." I snatched my hand back, revolted, and we spoke little as we ate. Julian made several attempts at conversation, but I ignored them.
We finished our breakfast before anyone else even came in. My Uncle arrived just as I was getting up to leave, with Aunt Emmaline a moment behind him. She assessed my appearance and said nothing, but gave me a look that made me shiver that also made me laugh a little inside.
"Tamsin, I have asked Gerard to ready the horses for you and Lady Hilbourne," Aunt Emmaline said.
I knew that Hilda did not care to try to keep track of me on horseback since I got far ahead in almost no time, while she flopped around on the back of old Truffle. I smiled at the thought of a riding companion keeping up with me, for once.
"I think I'll join you!" Julian chimed in and my mood sank.
I couldn’t get rid of him. I greeted the Eckhardts half heartedly as they entered the conservatory. Celia swept into the room after them, like a breath of fresh air, kissed me on the cheek, and began to lightly fill a plate. I gave a hard look to Julian again. He got up, excusing himself, and shrugged at me as he left the room.
I headed upstairs to change into my riding habit. I was about to round the corner into the hall where the stairs began when I heard our maid, Franny, giggling. Quietly, I leaned slightly around the archway and saw Franny with her back to me and Julian with his hand on her arm. The touch seemed remarkably familiar and Franny’s giggle and flattering pink cheeks seemed to be encouraging Julian. His hand moved to her waist to pull her close, and then I quickly stepped out and coughed.
They jumped back from each other, and Franny’s cheeks reddened even more.
"I'm sorry miss, we did not see you--"
"Franny was just reminding me where my room was, I get lost in these big old houses..." I stormed past them and up the stairs to my room.
Why was I so angry at him? He had no attachment to me, especially considering that I despised him so openly. I would be glad to see him leave Rhineholt.
* * *
When I met Celia in the stable, she was dressed in a dark red riding habit with a matching hat. It was notably becoming with her dark hair and eyes. My habit was a terribly plain gray, but it made me look older. Julian led a large, dark horse, which I did not recognize, from the stable. He must have noticed the look on my face.
"Not to worry, I am only riding with you until you get to the end of the property, then you ladies are on your own. I have to go into town to see if Leo’s arrived, so you shan’t see me anymore. A change that I believe will make you happy,” Julian said. Even after I climbed onto Perseus, who was certainly large for a young girl, Julian towered over me. Celia was on my Uncle's horse, Maximilian, a beauty, taller than Perseus and white all over.
"Shall we?" she asked, and we all flicked our horses into motion.
Celia told me about her own season in London, about the gowns, gloves and balls and I began to wonder if I'd enjoy something like that.
Julian said, "I'm sure that our little Tamsin will have all the dresses and suitors she can handle. There is a shortage of red hair in London, I hear." I blushed.
The thought of having to someday dance with him at my coming out ball nauseated me. He seemed to like the fact that I so obviously had a special sort of dislike for him.
As we approached the spot where Julian would part from us, we pulled up for a moment, and Julian's hand went up to signal us to stop.
"What is it?" Celia asked, and before Julian could answer, a deer leapt out before us and darted across the road. All the horses spooked, and Perseus took off, darting into the thickness of the woods. It was not at all like him. I pulled back on the reins trying to stop him, but also holding on for my life. I turned my head for a moment, calling back to Celia. I could not see her or Julian behind me, but I heard Julian's voice.
He was yelling to me, "Pull the reins tight! Pull them!" I pulled, but to no avail. Tears were on my cheeks and I could no longer hear the voices of my companions. I began to panic.
I tried my best to stop the horse, pleading with him. Perseus had taken me to a part of the woods I was not familiar with. He just kept going, farther and farther, deeper into the woods. Just when I realized we were coming out of the woods, finally, it became clear to me that we were headed straight for a cliff.
"Please Perseus! Please stop!" I cried, tears stinging my eyes.
He reared back, standing straight up on his hind legs. I was barely able to hold on, and just as he came back down, the reins snapped, and I slid from the saddle landing on my back. A moment longer and I might have landed on one of the rocks far below. Perseus scrambled at the edge of the cliff and a loud cracking noise echoed. He fell sideways and I shrieked. He landed a short distance from my knees. Any closer and I would've been crushed. Any closer to the edge and we’d have both gone over.
The horse let out a gut-wrenching noise, and I realized that his leg was broken. I tried to get up to move toward Perseus, to offer some kind of comfort, but I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. There was a large wound on my leg that had already spilled enough blood to turn an expanding area of my skirt wet. I heard one last grunt from Perseus as I fell backward into blackness.
There was a loud, high pitched hum and everything went yellow. A figure, a silhouette, loomed up before me. My mother. Her hair was down and blew all around her face and shoulders, her arms stretched out to me. She said my name and pulled me toward her. I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in, she smelled of spring flowers. There was no pain in my leg anymore. She held me out at arm’s length, and then took my right hand trying to walk with me. Something was holding me back. She kept moving away from me until I knew that I’d have to let go. I screamed for her, weeping, our arms stretched out toward one another. She kissed the palm of my hand before it went dark.
Opening my eyes, the sun hung directly overhead. I knew I had lain there for a long time. I heard my name being called nearby, but I could not speak. Slowly lifting myself up onto my elbows, I saw that my clothes were drenched. It was now impossible to tell if it was the horses blood, or my own, that darkened my skirt. My lips were dry and I longed for water, anything to cool my throat. A moment later, my eye lids felt so heavy, and I was alone in blackness again.
At some point, I recall hearing a loud, thunderous noise, but I could not be sure if I imagined it, or not.
When I opened my eyes again, I could see the ground, though it was growing dark. Everything was blurry. My eyes adjusted to dirt, moss, roots and trees moving by, and I realized that I was being carried on a horse. There was a man walking along side, his back to me, holding the reins. His hair was longer than was fashionable and lightly colored. He wore a soldier’s uniform.
"Who are you?" I asked, and my voice seemed quiet. He did not answer.
"Please, where are you taking me?" Again, my question was ignored.
"Who are you?" I asked again, and I was overcome with the pain in my leg and cried out. The man did not turn or acknowledge my speaking to him or the anguish in my voice. I slipped into darkness again.
Chapter 3
There was a bright, piercing light that stung my eyes. I was in a room I did not recognize and in a small bed with blankets to my chin. My body felt limp and it hurt to move the blankets away. There was a wrap around my leg. I remembered the dream of my mother kissing my hand and holding me. I felt such a pang of sadness at how real that vision was. I felt lost and gravely alone, but I was also overcome with anxiety. I did not know where I was or who the man was that had carried me away on his horse.
It only took me a moment to decide to get out of bed. I moved my feet and pain shot up my leg. There wasn't a chance I'd be able to walk on it. This made me more nervous. Looking around me, the room was small, decorated with pinks and yellows, and I could only see a bush and flowers through the open window. There was a closed door and there was no telling what might be on the other side. I thought how worried my Aunt and Uncle must have been. At that moment there was a knock at the door, and I slumped back down into the pillows as a large old woman came in with a tray.
"Oh, me dear! Ye’r awake, finally! Yeh came to me in such a sort, I weren't sure when ye'd come to! Yeh were ramblin' such nonsense, child!" She spoke with a thick and dramatic Cornish accent.
"Where am I? Why have I been brought here?" I asked a little more harshly than I meant to. She scowled at me.
"Well, ain't that the way to treat the hand that brings yeh food! Ne’er yeh mind, wee one, I see yer distraught at bein' in unknown territ’ry. Young Leo brung yeh to me late last night and me in me night dress!" she said with a big booming laugh that shook her large bosom.
She continued, "Well, I ne’er seen so much blood outside deliverin' of a babe! That's me callin’, Miss. The good Lard seen fit to have me bring little angels to this world."
"Did you say Leo?” I asked. “Do you mean Leonard Hilbourne?"
"That’s right, wee lady. Me boys, Leo an' Jules, I nursed them from wee angels. Young Leo were out in the party searchin’ fer yeh with Jules an’ brung yeh to me, then him went off to fetch the doctor. Middle of the night, but Leo insisted he come to Aven Cottage straight away.” Aven was just on the outskirts of town but it must have been closer to where Leo found me than Rhineholt was.
“He already been and gone! Doctor Haskins, that is. He wrapped ye'r leg up good an' left me a bottle of black stuff to have ye drink with tea. That Doctor, he be doing his rounds in town, but he'll be by to check ye’r wound, this afternoon. Master Leo went an' rode on up to Rhineholt to tell Lard Rhineholt that he left yeh at Aven Cottage! I bet me life they'm worried sick over their little one! Yer safe with ole Creeda, though.” She patted my hand and then threw her arms up as if the world around her had gone mad.
“Now see what I brung yeh before it cools! Some nice eggs me hens laid this very morn. Yeh look as pale as the aven flower bloomin’ out back, an' I daresay yer dyin' teh eat somethin’,'" she said and I nodded. She put the tray across my lap, and then swooped out of the room.