One of these days near the end of April, we sat giggling hysterically over an impression of one of the nuns that Li was over-animatedly performing. In only a month, we would leave the
kloster
for good. When the laughing finally ceased we leaned against each other back to back to watch for authority figures, as we often did.
“I don’t want to have a season,” Li said, suddenly.
“I don’t believe that the season appeals to either one of us,” I replied.
“Yes, Tam, but it’s not that I don’t want the balls or gowns or even to be married...”
“Hm?” I said looking up into the tree branches above waving with the wind.
“I do want to be married, someday.” She paused for a long time and said, “Mother says my waist is too large and that I’ll be lucky to take any hand that is offered.”
“Sigi!” I blurted out with a grunt. “I despise that woman. What does she know about men, anyway?”
“She probably thinks I’ll bite any hand that is offered before accepting it.” She laughed, but I turned and looked her in the eye.
“Li, your waist is much smaller than it was two years ago, and anyway, you are lovely. One of those empire waist gowns will look marvelous on you, in a very light blue, I think! It will hide whatever thickness your mother seems to find so unbecoming, though I don’t see it at all,” I said with a smile.
She sighed and responded, “My waist is smaller, I suppose... but my hair...” She held out a frizzy curl to me. I twirled the curl around my finger.
“Then we shall find you a fashionable hat, my dear!” I pulled her to her feet and we waltzed together, beneath the trees.
Chapter 8
Li and I were waiting for Celia to come to
Anbetung
and whisk us away to Paris for the shopping and many gown fittings that awaited us there. We would begin planning our coming out balls for when we arrived in London, where my Aunt and Uncle would be waiting for us.
Li’s parents would join us a few weeks after our own arrival in London, and Sigi was trusting Celia to have her properly dressed when we left Paris. We were beyond relieved that Li’s mother knew her sense of fashion would not be proper for a young lady’s debut. Sigi dressed in muted tones and sensible garments, but sensible was not fashionable. If Li was worried about finding a husband, her mother’s fashion sense would’ve left her a spinster, for sure.
Post-Napoleonic Paris was a strange place, indeed. It reminded me of the fairy tales I read in the schoolroom at Rhineholt. Celia warned that we must be wary of the people on the streets, and she called on a seamstress to come to us at her cousin’s home, where we were staying. When the woman arrived, Li looked sideways at me in fear. She was plump, short woman with small eyes who always seemed to be waving a needle in one hand. She cooed over my orange hair.
“
Verte!”
she exclaimed, holding up a light green fabric. She spoke quickly so I had a difficult time keeping up with her, and Li seemed especially uncomfortable when the woman began to look her over.
“
Bleu clair...
Non non! Juane!
” She clapped her hands together and held out Li’s hand. We both smiled at the eccentric old woman.
By the time we finished in Paris, Li and I both owned an entirely different wardrobe than when we first arrived.
“We shall buy gloves in London,” Celia said, “and I know where there are the most divine hats, my darlings!” Our time in Paris was done before we truly had time to enjoy it.
* * *
It was surreal to be back in the busy streets of London. Li had never been to England before, and I delighted in showing her all of my favorite things as we passed them by on our way home. When we arrived, my Aunt and Uncle met us at the door asking after our stay in Paris and our coach from Dover to London. We were all exhausted and declined the offered tea to wash up and nap before dinner.
As I mounted the stairs with Li behind me, I heard my Aunt say to Celia, “Your sons arrived yesterday, and they have agreed to join us for dinner.” Li heard it too and ran into me when I stopped on the stairs above her. We would both be happy to be sharing the company of Leo, but I was not looking forward to seeing Julian, who I had not seen since our encounter at
Anbetung
. I never even told Li of the incident.
When I left Li in the room across the hall from mine, I collapsed onto the bed and almost immediately fell asleep. I napped until I heard a soft knock on my door, and my Aunt came in. She sat down on the edge of the bed and touched my hair, which I had loosed from my hat. She had not changed much since the last time I saw her, nearly a year ago on my summer break, except I saw that her hair was beginning to turn white here and there.
“Dear, we have missed you. I do hope that you will not long for Germany too much. Celia said that you were content there.” I nodded my response.
“Well, now that you are home, you have a busy few months ahead of you.” I was waiting for her to continue but she stopped until I finally spoke.
“Is there something you are trying to tell me?” I asked bluntly, and she blushed.
“You will be mixing with many people from various places. Many of the men you will be meeting... introduced to... some will be extremely important people, I must warn you...” I looked at her, puzzled.
“Celia told me that she explained about your Grandmother. Who she was and where she came from?”
“Yes, but she said that you did not want me to know,” I said.
“Until you were old enough.” She paused. “We did not know of your mother’s family until after her death, and she took her family name to the grave. It is rather an unpleasant history, and we did not want you to be ashamed.”
“I could never...” I began, but faltered, and we sat in silence for a moment.
“Baron Eckhardt and his son are in London. You may see him soon, and I think a dinner party might be in order.”
“You will almost assuredly have a proposal from the Baron’s son.” she finally blurted out.
“How can you be so certain?” I asked. “Though he wrote to me in Germany, I hardly know the man...” I was shocked and I’ll admit, frightened at the prospect. My life was catapulting forward and it seemed that I had nothing to do with the path it led me on.
“They have been invited to your Uncle’s birthday celebration which is in two weeks’ time. Do not distress, Tamsin. When I married your Uncle Charles, well, we hardly knew one another, but there is a strong love between us, now. These things grow over time,” she finished, and she could see that I was displeased with her actions. I had so many mixed feelings screaming to come loose.
“Very well, then, I will leave you to dress,” she said as she got up and walked toward the door. She stopped and turned before leaving.
“Dear, Reginald and his sons will be joining us for dinner...” and with that she disappeared into the hallway.
I grumbled at the reminder and stood up to change my dress.
* * *
I chose a light purple gown with a thick, green ribbon that tied just below my bust. It had flowers along the bottom and the ribbon finished off into a lighter green. “
Verte,
” the French seamstress had said, and she cleverly found a way to work the green into almost every piece of my wardrobe. I owned only one pair of gloves as we had not yet been shopping in London, they were plain white and came up most of my arm. I let them fall across my lap while I brushed my hair. There was a knock at the door and a young woman I recognized as Fleur, all grown up, entered.
“Pardon me Miss, Lady Rhineholt says I’m to be your lady’s maid. She sent me up to see that you get any help you might need...”
Fleur grew up to be a surprisingly attractive young woman. Her hair was tucked under a bonnet, but it seemed lighter. The black and white maid’s habit was becoming on her trim figure and her eyes were blue-grey and just as large as I remembered them.
“Fleur, how glad I am to see you! Would you mind?” I was sitting at the vanity trying to achieve something with my hair, but I was not the artist Celia was. In almost one move, she swept my hair to the back of my head into a pile, curls escaping and framing my face, as was the style at that time. Looking in the mirror, I saw only a hint of the young girl who stood before the mirror at Rhineholt two years before.
Fleur helped me with my gloves, fastened a necklace on me, and I told her I would be fine on my own after dinner.
“Yes, Miss.” Then, before she left me alone, I just had to say something to her.
“Fleur.” She turned and stood just inside the door frame.
“Yes, Miss.” She was just as soft-spoken as I remembered.
“I hope that the past will not affect our relationship now. I only ever wanted to be your friend.” I said, holding her gaze.
“Of course, Miss. I am happy to serve you.” It felt wretchedly formal, and I hoped that she would be more amiable in the future. She was dismissed, and I crept across the hallway to Li’s room but I was surprised to find that she had already gone downstairs. I turned to find Celia at the top of the stairs. As I came toward her she reached out her hands and took mine.
“You look so much like your mother. Even more so than you did a few years ago.” She smiled as she moved a red curl behind my ear.
I took a deep breath, then we entered the drawing room together. The room hushed as we stopped just inside the archway. My Uncle came over to me and took my arm, Reginald took Celia’s, and they led us to where Emmaline stood. Unfortunately she was right next to Julian, whose eyes I refused to meet. I turned my gaze and saw that Leo and Li were talking intently across the room. I started at the sound of someone saying my name.
“Tamsin, my how you look like Annaliese in those colors.” It was Reginald, and he smiled at me, but I was distracted with seeing Li looking so comfortable with her step-cousin Leo. Once I was free from my Uncle’s arm, I excused myself. I brushed passed Julian and met his eyes for the first time since we last saw one another. He grinned oddly as he grabbed my arm.
“Shall we go and check on my poor, helpless step-cousin?” I did not hide my revulsion at his touch and I saw that my Aunt was giving me that old look of consternation. Julian led me away.
“Now there’s a look you must have missed horribly while you were away.” I rolled my eyes.
“What? Not even a smile for your dear old friend?” he asked in mock surprise. I remained silent and walked faster, leading him over to where Li stood.
“Li, I came to your room. You did not wait for me...” She was taken aback.
“Is something wrong? I did not mean to upset you. It has been such a long time since I last saw Leo...” She stumbled on the words. I realized then that Leo was looking at me. I shook my head.
“No, Li, I was just worried that you might feel out of place.” Leo took my hand and kissed it. Li looked stricken as he did so and I knew that my initial thoughts were correct. She was already in love with him. I remembered that last summer while we were separated, I had no letters from her except for when she wrote to tell me of her step-grandmother’s death. Leo was there all that time, and they must have shared their grief.
Dinner was announced. Julian grabbed my arm and hung back while everyone made their way toward the dining hall.
“Let me go!” I said angrily.
“Wasn’t that the last thing you said to me in Stuttgart? How long ago was that, two years? Don’t you think I ‘
let you go’
long enough?” I freed my arm and left him to catch up to everyone else. I arrived in the room to discover that I was sitting next to Li which left an empty seat on my other side which was, sadly, the only place left for Julian.
I sighed.
I tried to hear what was being said to my right, but with Julian on my left it was not long before he stole my attention away from the other side.
“So that’s it? You’ve decided to ignore me completely?” He paused while I took a sip of a red wine that I was not able to enjoy.
“Not a word?” I was still silent.
“Not even an insult?” A faint smile crossed my lips before I could stifle it.
“There!” he said, “You can’t take that back now, I saw it.” I shook my head and released a sigh.
“Really, I thought they sent you to that convent to teach you manners. Did they tell you how rude it is to ignore your dinner partner?” he asked in a mournful tone that reminded me of my Aunt. I turned my head to look at him full on.
“How is your meal?” I asked, and faced forward again.
“Why it is delicious, thank you for asking, though I wouldn’t mind some more talkative company.” He waited, expecting a laugh and received a cool look from me.
“I’ve not amused the queen, then?”
“Must I throw myself on the mercy of the court?” Cool silence, again.
“You would make me beg for forgiveness, then? Plead my innocence?” He got close to me and grabbed my hand until I looked him in the eye. While I knew that the way we spoke to one another was terribly unrefined, I could not help enjoying it a little.
“Tamsin, I made a mistake... what do you want me to say? I was younger, rash, and far less charming!” He dropped my hand and finally got a giggle from me.
“There! Was that so hard?”
“If you truly believe you were less charming then, I think you have it backwards! Don’t think for a second that this means we are friends!” I said a little too strongly.
“At least you are speaking to me again. I promise to stay in your good graces, this time. God forbid I have to spend another two years in exile. I don’t know how
Monsieur Bonaparte
did it on Elba for so long!” he said it with an obnoxious imitation of a French accent and that got another laugh from me. He smiled.
“I knew you couldn’t resist me for long...”