Fleur became an asset to me. She sat with me when Celia and Li were out and made sure that I made use of the liquid in the vial from the doctor. I eventually became comfortable enough with her that I could nap with her present. Fleur and I were becoming close, and I was glad to finally have her friendship.
Since Li was engaged to Leo, she too was ready to leave London, and the Hilbournes were happy to return to the countryside, as well. Li’s parents wrote to her saying that they were too ill to travel and would not be able to make it for a while. Julian had business in London, but he insisted on accompanying us, more specifically me, on the journey home. Uncle Charles and Aunt Emmaline left for Rhineholt to prepare the house for our return while I would finish gathering what wardrobe I could in London with the assistance of Celia and Li. Once our shopping was done, we would take a coach together with the Hilbournes.
It was the morning of the last day before the journey home to Rhineholt. There were dark circles below my eyes from restless nights filled with nightmares that I could not discern from reality until I awoke. It was also obvious that I was losing weight. Julian came to see me and we sat in silence in the library.
“Tam,” he began, “please, give me the opportunity to take care of you. I need to be able to protect you.”
I shook my head and stared toward the window. He was hinting toward marriage, again. It was a subject he brought up often since my Uncle’s party. I always declined and he was so patient with me, believing that I might change my mind when I recovered from what Eckhardt did to me.
“Why won’t you have me?” he asked. He threw his fist down on the table and it startled me.
“Because you exasperate me,” I said gesturing to where his anger landed on the table. I laughed, and I meant it half as a joke, smiling to show him I did, but part of me still saw him as that ill-tempered rake who constantly sought out to pester me. He was not amused.
“You don’t think I find
you
infuriating?” he asked.
“I think you can thank yourself for that,” I said with a raised eyebrow.
He took my hand and held it softly. His voice was gentle.
“Tam. I cannot take care of you if you won’t let me.” I stared at the window again and we sat in silence for a long time.
“I will be needed at Punam again in the new year. I have asked your Aunt and Uncle, and they have given their consent for me to ask for your hand. We could wed at Christmas, the journey to India would be a holiday. You would love it, you are adventurous... like me.” He was pleading with me now but I remained silent, though I did not say no and did not push away his hand which still held mine.
“Tam, please think it over. You will love India. Li will be there, too. She and Leo...” He trailed off realizing that Li did not tell me they would be going to India, probably because of the state I was lingering in since the fire. That would mean Li and I would be separated for a year at least.
“I need time,” I muttered.
“Of course. Take all the time you need.” He was frustrated but he left me in silence when Celia came in for tea. They exchanged a look.
Celia talked for a long time about how a season would be different in the English countryside than it was in London, and I knew that she was just humoring me because everyone was pushing me toward Julian. I politely nodded now and then, though I was not listening to her. I was deep in thought about what Julian said to me when she interrupted my thoughts.
“Tamsin, your Aunt Emmaline, she left something for me to give to you. She thought it might not be a good time, but I think that it might be something to take your mind off...” She paused and I knew that she meant Eckhardt.
“You must come to grips with this, Tamsin.” She was looking at me seriously.
“He cannot get away with this. It is only a matter of time before he is found. I had a letter from Mr. Eckhardt’s family just this morning. His parents, they have disowned him and wanted us to know that if they could afford it, they would have paid for all the damages he caused to this house. As far as they are concerned, he is no longer their son.” I was still silent, and she continued.
“I know that it is unpleasant to speak of...”
“Celia,” I finally cut her off and I grabbed her hand, “I am alright.” I smiled then, too, to show her that I meant it.
“I know that I have not been myself since the fire, but I am getting past this.”
She replied, simply, “I just want you to be you, again.” I nodded.
“I’ll be right back, I am going to bring you something that will make your day,” she said.
When she returned, she held a large, polished wooden box in her hands. It was larger than my jewelry box and there were carved flowers on the top that framed the scene of a woman gathering flowers in a field. It was exactly the image from a dream I used to have of my mother, sitting in a field of flowers beneath a blossoming tree. I ran my hand across the top of the box. When I lifted the lid, I saw that there were some small trinkets inside. A rosary that I assumed was given to my mother by the nuns and a ring with what looked to be an opal, which I wondered if my father had given to her. There was also another bracelet, this one was also silver in the shape of a peacock with jewels for the eyes and tail feathers. I held up the bracelet not realizing that the box was slipping down my lap. There was a loud thud as it hit the floor and the lid slammed shut.
“Oh dear,” Celia said, “let me.” As she stooped to pick it up, the bottom fell off. A small book slid out from a hollow that was beneath the panel on the bottom.
“Look, Tamsin!” I was certain that Celia did not know about the secret compartment. She handed the book to me and gathered the rosary and the opal ring into the box before sitting back down next to me.
“It’s a journal!” I said, and I was delighted because I knew that it was my mother’s and that this book would give me a glimpse into her life. Celia put her hand on the cover and pushed the book down, looking me in the eyes.
“Tam, I do not know what to expect from this book. I did not even know that Annaliese kept a diary. Are you sure that in your current state? It may lead to a shock, but it is yours to read, and I hope that it will give you insight, a window into her life.” Then, she let go of the book.
Torrence stepped into the room.
“Madame Hilbourne, an urgent message.” He held it out to her on a tray, and she immediately opened the envelope. Her face fell.
“What is it?” I asked, and then after no response, “Celia?”
“There’s been another fire... at Rhineholt.” She dropped the note, and I grabbed her hand. My heart sank.
“Your Aunt and Uncle... they are dead.”
Chapter 10
Celia was so strong, taking charge of everything, while Reginald insisted on making arrangements for the funeral and for my future, which was now so uncertain that I tried not to think of it. Li sat with me until I fell asleep each night, and Fleur packed what little I had to bring back to the countryside with me. There were arrangements made to have a man from Leo’s regiment travel with us to ensure everyone’s safety. Lord Hilbourne said that Li and I should stay with them, and they would not accept any protests I made. It was far enough away from where Rhineholt once stood that I would not be burdened with a view of it, but it was away from London, and I knew I would feel safer there.
Julian was so gentle with me. He spent every day at my side and he made a conscious effort to not upset me with the usual banter. He did not push the subject of his question to me.
Celia had black dresses made. I found myself in tears every morning as I dressed. The black fabric was always the first part of my day, so I was constantly reminded that my family was completely gone. I felt alone even though Li was with me constantly, and Julian dropped everything to be with me. It seemed strange that so recently Aunt Emmaline fastened my mother’s silver leaf bracelet around my wrist, and I danced with Uncle Charles at his birthday celebration. Now, here I was, the final Rhineholt and not even able to carry on the family name.
Lord Hilbourne offered a large sum of money to anyone who could provide any information on Otto Eckhardt’s whereabouts. It was eventually discovered that Eckhardt had stayed at the inn in the small village between Hilbourne and the Rhineholt land. He left all of his belongings behind, and they were discovered only a short time after the fire. These items were given to a constable who was responsible for handling the search for my Aunt and Uncle’s murderer. Eckhardt would be long gone by now, I was sure.
We arrived at Hilbourne Abbey in the afternoon, after a night at Aven Cottage with Creeda. She told me to come and visit her often and kept calling me, ‘
a dear angel
.’ I supposed that I was too big to be called a ‘
wee angel
’ anymore. Creeda made me smile even in the midst of all that was happening to me. Something as simple as a smile meant a lot, and it saddened me when we had to move on to Hilbourne.
I saw the Abbey only from a distance when I was a young girl. As we got close to it, I could see that the building was incredibly old, possibly more so than any other house I had slept in, apart from the convent. It was definitely much older than Rhineholt was, but now that was gone. Li was enthralled with Hilbourne and said that the grey stone walls looked like a fortress. Julian began to tell us about how the house was once a monastic settlement and this was the reason it was given the name
Abbey
. It was obvious that his love for that house ran as deep as my love for Rhineholt.
The monks were Premonstratensians who were called the White Canons, and the main part of the abbey was from the original monastery built about 1200 AD. It housed the White Canons until most of them were killed by the Black Plague and the rest fled from the illness. The monastery stood empty until it came into the possession of a wealthy Hilbourne when the land was bestowed on him as part of his Earldom. Julian explained that as we got closer we would see a difference in the stonework and we could tell which parts of the building were added on by the style. There was a Tudor wing that an Uncle added on in the late sixteenth century, but the newest part of the abbey was Elizabethan and it was added sometime during the seventeenth century. The additions created an open-ended square shape with a garden in the middle. The open end of the abbey faced east so the garden received plenty of sunlight.
Many of the staff at Rhineholt did not make it out of the fire, so it seemed that everyone around me, even Fleur and Bernadine, were in mourning. The ones who survived were offered jobs in the London house, which was now my property, along with the land on which Rhineholt once stood. Fleur and Bernadine stayed with me and their presence in my life became more than essential. I did not know what I would have done without Li and Celia, either, and I was glad that they would all be with me at Hilbourne Abbey.
Days, weeks, and months passed without an incident from Eckhardt, but my nightmares continued. Li began planning her wedding when the time became suitable for her to come out of mourning, and even though it was considered terribly improper, I stopped wearing black when she did. No one told me otherwise, but I imagined that Aunt Emmaline would be shocked at my behavior.
As Julian put it, “I don’t see how you wearing those drab black gowns makes mourning the dead any easier. If anything, it just reminds you constantly that they are gone.” He was right, and that was when Li and I began to wear color again.
* * *
Several months passed and Celia insisted that a ball be held before the season was complete. Li and I had long shed our black dresses, but it would’ve still been considered disrespectful for me to continue my season with a string of dinner parties and balls. So Celia suggested that a small garden party be held in celebration of Li’s engagement.
After some coaxing, Lord Hilbourne finally agreed and Julian thought that it might brighten my spirits, which had slowly been rising in the calmness of the country atmosphere. It was early September and before long the weather would turn too cold and wet to hold any sort of festivities out of doors. I found that I was looking forward to the party and was glad to finally have something else to think about. I longed for a day when I might forget all that I’d lost and all the fears that seemed to take over my dreams.
I began to spend small bits of time on my own and walk in the garden, which was certainly magnificent. It was much bigger than the gardens were even at
Anbetung.
There was a fountain with a marble statue of a mermaid in the center, which was sheltered by several trees. I would often sit in this spot and read a book from Hilbourne Abbey’s extensive library. This is where I was when Celia came to find me one warm afternoon.
“Tamsin, dear, I have held onto your mother’s journal for you.” She handed it to me.
“I hope you are not cross with me, but I thought that considering the distress of everything that has happened, I was afraid that it might cause you pain.” I realized that I had completely forgotten about the journal.
“It was probably for the best,” I said, and after a pause I asked, “Did you read it?” She sat next to me.
“I did. I hope you will not hold it against me. Your mother and I... Well, you know she was like my sister. I see the two of us when I look at you and Li together.” She caught a loose curl and swept it from my brow, a gesture that I recalled Aunt Emmaline doing the night I met Eckhardt.
“I don’t mind... it is all in the past now, right?” I said. She was silent for a moment before speaking.
“There are things in this journal that you will find... shocking. It is why I have waited so long to give it back to you. There is also something else which I believe you will find interesting...” She opened the book to a letter which was pressed between the middle pages of the book. It was folded in half and the wax seal was mostly gone, but I could see that it was one that I recognized as belonging to Baron Eckhardt. The paper was browned and frail. When I took it from her hands and opened it up, I saw that it was addressed to Damask Eckhardt, who was my grandmother. I looked at Celia questioningly.