Wrestling With Desire (7 page)

Suddenly, Derek saw the quality he hadn't been able to place.

It was desire, wrestling beneath the surface, but clearly there. There was something in those eyes that let Derek know that Scott wanted something more from him than casual 56

Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

friendship. What that was, Derek wasn't sure, but he was determined to find out. Scott was someone he wanted to get to know better.

As suddenly as their eyes locked, they faltered and separated. Scott jumped up and offered Derek his hand, helping him to his feet. As connected as they had been just seconds earlier, now Derek felt a distance between them, as if Scott had put up a wall. "Thanks for the run. I'll see you tomorrow in school." And with no further comment, he turned and started jogging home.

"Sounds good," Derek said to his retreating back. Derek put his hands on his knees and tried to calm the rising adrenaline he felt coursing through his veins.
What was that?

I swear if we held that stare for another minute I would have
jumped him right here.
He stood up, still winded, but feeling more stable on his feet.

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57

Wrestling With Desire

by D.H. Starr

Chapter 4

Dinner was a blur as Derek responded mindlessly to his parents questions about school. His thoughts were focused on Scott. The whole day had actually turned out completely different than he had expected it to. Wrestling was the only thing that had caused him to feel the charge of excitement and nervousness that he had felt all day. But that was because he loved wrestling. He cared about it more than anything else. When he got on the mat, he felt like he was stepping into a world designed just for him. And when the season ended, he felt a sense of loss.
Just like I did when I
wasn't around Scott today.

A piece of the puzzle clicked into place inside Derek's head and he suddenly needed to be alone. Excusing himself, he went to his room and turned on his stereo, playing Gavin DeGraw's
Chariot
, the acoustic version. The combination of the vocals and the guitar penetrated Derek's whirring thoughts and slowly eased his mind. As his tension began to subside, he fell back onto his bed. The same phrase was repeating itself in his head and he had to fight to cut himself off before finishing it.
The only thing I have loved, that has
made me feel like this, is wrestling. But now...

He wouldn't allow himself to finish the thought. Heat rushed up and down his spine, and he wasn't sure whether it was caused by nerves or excitement. He had spent years protecting himself from getting hurt. He had become an expert at blending into the background, keeping secrets, and 58

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not being noticed. He had come to depend on his guard, but now it was crumbling before his eyes. Scott was breaking past every barrier he had ever built as if passing through air.

And Derek wasn't trying to prevent it. Digging deep, Derek had to admit that he wanted Scott to succeed.

It was too much. Rather than continuing to think, he allowed the music and Gavin's voice to override any other thoughts. Thinking, admitting things to himself, it was all too scary. Music was a constant that he could count on. As he lay in bed, Gavin sang to him, lulling him, until at some point, he drifted to sleep.

It was dark and he was walking along the Charles River.

Arriving at the Foot Bridge, he decided to stand and watch the
moon reflect and dance over the soft movement of the water.

The night was dark and warm and he was alone. Looking
around he realized how still the evening was and that none of
the street lamps were lit. The only light was coming from the
nearly full moon, careening off the water's surface. He looked
over the edge of the bridge and could see his shadow
reflected on the water and illuminated by the moonlight.

"Derek." The sound was airy, almost sounding like the
blowing of a breeze. "Derek." It was a bit stronger this time.

He turned and was facing Scott. Although he was initially
startled, his nerves immediately subsided and a feeling of
warmth and calm overtook him as he stared into piercing
blue-green eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Scott took a step closer to him so that they were standing
with their faces almost touching. "Derek" he said, his breath
brushing against Derek's cheek, causing the hairs on his neck
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to rise. Scott reached his hand up and cupped Derek's cheek,
gently curving his fingers around the back of his head.

Derek closed his eyes and took in a deep breath through
his nose. "Mmm, you smell so good." He felt Scott's other
hand, warm and strong, caress his neck as Scott's thumb
gently brushed across his lips. Derek leaned into Scott,
allowing himself to press against Scott's chest and tilting his
head up so that their mouths were merely inches apart. Scott
pulled Derek closer and soft lips brushed against his own.

Their lips remained connected for sweet, sensual seconds and
then Derek felt Scott pull him closer and the kiss became
intense. Scott opened his mouth, inviting Derek to lose
himself in his scent and touch. Derek explored his mouth with
his tongue, basking in the silky, delicious warmth. Scott's
desire became more urgent as he pressed his mouth hungrily
onto Derek's, wrapping his arms around Derek's shoulders
and waist, squeezing him tightly against his muscled body.

Derek submitted completely, resting his hands on Scott's hips
and surrendering himself to Scott's commanding desire and
the secure, powerful feel of his strong embrace.

Derek woke up with a start, sweat beading his neck and forehead. Getting out of bed, he felt something wet and sticky in his boxer briefs.
Holy crap! I haven't had a wet dream in...I
don't even remember the last time.
He glanced at the clock which read 5:45. Knowing he would never fall back to sleep and shaken from the intensity of his dream, Derek decided to take a long shower before going to school.

As the water washed over him, he remembered the rushing water of the Charles from his dream; Scott's hands, 60

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his lips, his mouth, their kiss. Looking down, Derek was surprised to find that his hand was gripping his member which was quickly filling out and expanding. Leaning against the shower wall, he allowed his mind to replay the dream over and over as he increased the pressure of his hand on his dick.

He pictured Scott lowering his head to his neck and gently nibbling at the sensitive skin, grazing it lightly with a hint of stubble. First, Derek thought it, then could actually feel it, the ticklish sensation sending shivers through his body. He imagined Scott lifting his head and nuzzling Derek's ear.
I
want you so bad.
The combination of the hot water pouring over his body and the image of Scott whispering his name, pulling him into a sweet, lingering kiss, made the work short and easy. A few more strokes and his member throbbed in orgasm, sending waves of pleasure pulsing throughout his body.

Before leaving for school, he grabbed his shorts, shirt, and running shoes and stuffed them into his bag.
Maybe Scott will
want to go for a run again today.
Derek felt a rush of excitement at the thought, but the thrill also frightened him.

He had to figure out how to control his feelings until he knew more about Scott. Until he knew whether or not Scott could possibly return his feelings.

Derek had to admit that it was highly unlikely that all of a sudden, out of the blue, this perfect, gorgeous, friendly, wrestling, Adonis would materialize to sweep him off his feet in his senior year. A voice whispered in the back of Derek's mind.
Fuck being reasonable.
Derek felt himself agreeing with 61

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the voice, and then smacked himself. He had to be reasonable. He had too much to lose. The voice called out again.
You have too much to lose if you
don't
give it a
chance.
Derek had to admit, the voice made a good point. But he still wanted some form of security. Something that would help him keep his nerves and his self-control intact.

He decided to introduce Scott to the guys on the team at lunch. Watching people in groups was his strong point, his comfort zone. He could spend time with Scott and figure out whether he was someone he could open up to, but he would also have the safety of numbers to control his tendency to babble when around him. Nodding his head, Derek approved of the plan and his nerves settled as he drove into the school parking lot.

* * * *

When Derek arrived at English class, Scott and Beck were already in their seats chatting away. For a moment, Derek recalled the way Scott had practically run away from him the day before.
What if he's already decided that he doesn't like
me?
As soon as Scott looked up, all of Derek's fears melted away. Scott's face spread into the same crooked grin he had noticed at lunch the day before. It almost seemed as if Scott's face actually lit up. Derek took his seat and began writing the date on the top of a new page of his English notebook.

Scott leaned back in his chair and stretched. He was wearing a Nike shirt and it rode high as he lifted his arms, revealing his bronzed skin and that wispy trail of blonde hair leading from his navel towards...

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Derek snapped his head back to his notebook.
Get it
together.
Once his breathing returned to normal, he looked up to face Scott. "My legs are killing me after yesterday."

At the mention of sore legs, Scott reflexively reached down and began to rub his thighs. That drew Derek's eyes right back to the place he had been trying to avoid. "Oh, yeah?

Mine are a little sore too, but you know how that goes. After a week the pain goes away."

For a moment, their eyes locked, as they had on the grassy bank by the bridge. Peering into those eyes, sea-blue, sparkling with enthusiasm, completely welcoming, Derek felt an invisible rope pulling at him, drawing him closer. It wasn't until Beck broke the momentary spell that Derek realized he had actually begun to lean in towards Scott. The odd thing was, Scott seemed to have leaned in towards him as well.

Beck's voice was shrill, speaking loud enough for the class to hear. "Well, my
ass
is sore from that pain Malinda."

Derek quickly looked around to see whether she was in the room. Although Malinda wasn't, several of her friends were.

"Beck, you might want to tone it down. Malinda will hear about this. Do really want an enemy on the second day of school?"

Beck threw her shoulders back, her jaw set and hands clenched. "Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass. This morning she came up to me all sweet saying that she never knew how friendly and cute Bryce and George were and what a good time they had together at lunch yesterday..."

Scott gave him a knowing glance and winked, then leaned over to listen to Beck's rampage. Derek was surprised when 63

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he felt his cock begin to lengthen in his pants.
Can a simple
wink from Scott really do this to me? And was I about to
kiss
him in the middle of class?

They were several minutes into class when Derek felt his phone vibrate. Reaching into his pocket, he stealthily pulled it out and placed it on his leg. There was a message from Beck.

You've been awfully quiet today. Everything alright?

Derek considered her question. Honestly, he wasn't sure whether things were unbelievably right or terribly wrong.

After a minute he texted back.
I can't stop thinking bout S.

Who? U mean Scott? We talked about this.

B, don't need shit right now.

But you need to be careful.

B, really don't need shit right now.

But...fine, but we R talking l8r.

After English, Derek stopped Scott in the hallway.

Normally, he would have walked to class with Beck, but he didn't want to face her right now. "I was wondering if you wanted to do lunch again today. I made plans to eat with the guys on the wrestling team and thought you might like to meet them."

Scott's eyes lit up. "Really? That would be awesome.

Thanks." He placed his hand on Derek's shoulder. "I really appreciate how cool you're being to me. It's made things a lot easier than I expected."

Derek felt his muscles tremble as the heat from Scott's hand bore through his shirt and into his shoulder. For the third time in just a few hours, he felt his prick shift in his pants, but this time he was standing and there was no way to 64

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adjust without being obvious about it. "I told you I would introduce you to the guys."

"I know. But I still appreciate it. It would have been a lot easier for you to just show me around yesterday and then go back to your normal routine. Not many people would go out of their way to make a new senior feel welcome." His hand was still on Derek's shoulder and the warmth from the touch was radiating throughout Derek's body.

Derek tilted his head toward the math wing of the building.

"I really don't mind at all." Scott released Derek's shoulder and it left him feeling cold where the hand had been. They got to Derek's class first. "I'll see you at lunch." He then entered his class and was immediately met by Beck's piercing glare. Steeling himself, he walked to the seat next to her in the back of the class.