Jess was enjoying the quiet of the early evening as they strolled back toward home. Rachel had been like an excited kid all afternoon. She’d paid strict attention to any instructions, asked dozens of questions and soaked up every bit of information Jess provided. Jess looked over her shoulder to see Rachel with her head down. She stopped to ask her if she was all right. Rachel continued to walk, not noticing Jess had stopped in her path.
“Whoa,” Jess cried, as she quickly placed her hands either side of Rachel’s waist.
Rachel looked straight into those beautiful, blue, sparkling eyes, as hands burned an imprint on her waist. The eyes slowly started to dilate, boring deeply into hers. She was hypnotized by the sheer desire she saw.
Kiss me, Jess. Kiss me, please?
Eventually realizing that wasn’t going to happen, Rachel struggled to steady her breathing and huskily said without thinking, “The woman in Leven Lodge, who is she?”
Instantly she regretted her question. The face inches from her froze and the eyes contracted, blinking twice. Almost simultaneously the hands dropped from her waist.
Rachel gripped Jess’s arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I’m tired and my curiosity got the better of me.”
Jess glanced at Rachel’s hand before turning around and starting down the hill. “Come on, let’s go.”
Rachel quickly followed. It was evident Jess wasn’t going to answer her question, and Rachel wanted to know why the woman had such an effect on her. “I take it you were not expecting her to visit?”
Jess sighed and stopped. “I haven’t heard anything from her in sixteen years. Wouldn’t a normal person write, or even telephone first? Surely they wouldn’t just turn up, unless they meant trouble.”
Rachel looked cautiously at Jess. “It depends if the person they wanted to see was likely to hide, or disappear.”
Jess had to smile, but only slightly. “She did say to Uncle Jack that if I wished to speak to her, I knew where to find her. I actually have no desire to speak to her, so I don’t think that’s hiding.”
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.”
Jess continued to walk and silence fell once again.
Probing further, Rachel quietly asked, “Did she hurt you?”
A variety of expressions passed over Jess’s face, notably anguish. “Hurt me.” She took a deep breath. “No, we hurt someone else.”
Rachel suddenly sucked in a breath. “She had a partner and you had an affair with her, didn’t you! Was her partner such a lousy lover she had you on the side to satisfy that need?”
Jess thought she was actually going to throw up. Reaching out, she took Rachel’s hand. It was immediately pulled away, but Jess clung on. The hand didn’t fight back, only stiffened. A few moments passed without any words and then Jess reached over with her other hand to smooth back a strand of hair that had fallen across a stern and flushed face. The hand in hers ever so slightly relaxed. She looked deep into dark eyes, before caressing and cupping a cheek. “I never meant to hurt Gretchen and—I certainly never meant to hurt you.”
Rachel curled her thumb around the hand that held hers and lowered her gaze, leaning slightly into the hand touching her face. She sighed softly. “I think it’s my turn to apologize. I’m not entirely sure where that came from.” She tentatively looked up. “I really must be tired, I’m sorry.”
Jess drew her hand down the cheek again. “There’s no need to apologize, you’ve obviously been hurt and I reminded you of that.”
Rachel swallowed hard. “You are nothing like Michelle, and I learned a long time ago you can’t always blame the other woman. Easy though it is.”
Jess looked unconvinced. “Nevertheless…”
“No Jess.” Rachel clasped the hand that was in danger of moving away. “She had a number of affairs. I actually forgave her for one of them. The last one though…” She shook her head. “Well, we won’t go into the details there.” She sighed. “There were others I found out about after I had left her. Those I never forgave her for either.”
Jess was completely at a loss for words. How could anyone possibly do that to this woman and, to make matters worse, let her catch them in the act? Rachel didn’t need to voice that, it was obvious without the explanation. “I can’t believe she would do that to you. With you as a partner she had to be extremely desperate for sex, or a self-obsessed fool. In fact, she must have been both.”
Rachel was a little stung by the response. It was actually a compliment, a backhanded one, but a compliment all the same.
She squeezed the fingers twitching in hers. “Come on, we’ve gotten far too serious. I won’t have Michelle spoiling our day. She most certainly isn’t worth it.”
Jess nodded. “And neither is Alison.”
As they reached Lomond Lodge, Rachel stepped forward and pulled Jess into a hug. “Thank you, I have had a super day and I don’t want to have spoiled it with my stupid musings.”
The feel of Rachel’s arms around her and the warm breath tickling her neck as she spoke, felt wonderful. Jess responded by wrapping her arms around Rachel’s waist to pull her closer. She could feel her heart start to race, but before she could even contemplate what was going on or decide what she was going to do next, the mobile radio crackled into life. “Jess, come in Jess.”
She grappled to release the thing from her hip. “Jess here.”
As soon as she answered Rachel knew there was a problem. She riffled in her backpack for the Jeep’s keys.
“We’ve just arrived at Rachel’s lodge; we can be there in less than five,” Jess said.
She ran around to the passenger side and hopped in, dropping her bag and binoculars at her feet.
Rachel asked as she started the engine, “What’s going on?”
“An accident out on Forcan Ridge. A father and son have fallen. The mother’s stayed with them, the older son came down to get help. Mark’s on his way to pick me up.”
“Why?”
“I’m a mountain rescue volunteer. Sorry, didn’t you know? I usually do the winter months. I told them I’d help out if they were stretched.” She shrugged. “They must be stretched.”
As they turned into the yard, Mark’s Land Rover appeared and so did a welcoming party. Jess immediately got out, popped her head back in the door and beamed at Rachel. “Thanks for a great day. I didn’t mean to spoil it either. Quits I hope?” Don, Jean and Jack threw equipment into the back of Mark’s vehicle, Jess jumped in and they were gone.
***
It was three thirty when Jess arrived home exhausted. The rescue had been a tricky one. The father had sustained a complicated fracture to the thigh, lost a good deal of blood and was in a state of shock. The boy had an obvious concussion and the difficulty lay in his assessment. Whether his hysteria was due to a possible brain injury, or the situation and tiredness it was initially difficult to tell. Jess believed it was the latter as time passed and the boy became increasingly clingy. She’d ended up having to go to the hospital when he wouldn’t let go. Eventually she left a grateful mother and son, with a father in surgery and a sleeping younger sibling.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, in the dark, she stripped, leaving her clothes in a heap on the floor. Lying down, she looked up to see the moon lighting a painting Rachel had given her. Jess fell asleep thinking it was beyond her comprehension how Michelle could have affairs when she had Rachel waiting at home.
Chapter Thirteen
Jess groaned and flopped back onto her pillow. It was only seven and she wanted more sleep, yet her mind wouldn’t let her. She was due to take her uncle Jack to see the consultant again this morning, to discuss his prognosis and what options were available in palliative treatments and care. She sighed.
She lay there as thoughts tumbled around in her head. She hadn’t really talked to her uncle about what she saw as his death sentence. Then there was Rachel. Images of yesterday when she could quite easily have taken Rachel where she stood. It would relieve the building pressure cooker inside her, if she could just have sex with her and be done with it. Her problem, though, was that she wanted more than just sex with Rachel, but couldn’t really work out what. The thought scared her. One thing she was sure of: she couldn’t fall in love with her. That would be a disaster. Panic started to set in and she sat up quickly.
She is just so goddamn beautiful, that’s all it is. Get a grip.
She thought of the times they’d spent together.
No one is that easy to be with.
The way she moves, the way she laughs, the way she does everything!
It could only end in Rachel being hurt and the last person she wanted to harm was Rachel. The woman had already been badly treated by someone who’d supposedly loved her, reducing her sexual self-esteem to virtually zero. She needed a person who could commit wholly and take the time in coaxing her to enjoy the physical side of a relationship. Not someone who could only offer a quick roll in the hay. Jess smiled. Well, she could extend it to a few rolls in the hay. She sighed, defeated. Rachel deserved better than that, a better person than her.
Another problem suddenly threw itself into the cauldron of her mind. Alison. Why was she here? Well, if she went and spoke to her she would find out. Sex, that’s all they had. Could she relieve some sexual frustration?
What on earth are you thinking? She doesn’t deserve the time of day. Not yours anyway.
She rubbed her face. She was tired, that’s all it was. Out on the landing her uncle passed her door and headed down the stairs. Silent tears instantly began to run down her face.
It was a few minutes before she wiped her eyes and picked up the telephone. “Hi Julie, it’s Jess. I’m sorry to ring so early, I need to see you—yes, tomorrow night will be fine.”
***
The day proved to be long and Jess was exhausted from the lack of sleep. The consultant had been positive in his options for Uncle Jack’s palliative treatment. Yet she couldn’t get past the three to four months prognosis. He had again refused any invasive treatment and in her heart she understood why. It would only prolong the inevitable and not necessarily improve the quality of the time he had left. Pain relief had been covered in greater depth—this was going to be his major problem. She paid particular attention to this part to ensure Tom was fully informed of what lay ahead and may be required. She and Marie could hopefully manage with any care until the latter stages, when a nurse would be employed. It was her uncle’s wish to stay at home, unless it proved impossible or too difficult for those around him.
After the consultant they had visited the mountain-rescued family, finding them all looking a hundred percent better. Even the father after surgery, leg pinned and immobilized, looked the picture of health. A far cry from how Jess felt, but it cheered her to see them.
The afternoon she’d spent with Mark and Lewis, one of the volunteer coordinators, writing up a report of the night’s events and why Jess had been involved. She ended the session grateful for being purely a winter volunteer, where the job and not the politics were more important.
Quietly entering the house, she stepped into the kitchen and glanced at the clock: nine thirty. Completely drained of any physical or emotional energy she leaned against the door frame. Marie was busy at the stove and hadn’t heard her come in. “That smells good.”
Marie turned around. She gave a sad smile and pulled out a chair at the table. “Hi, come and take a seat. It’s a chicken casserole and you can be my taster.”
Jess attempted a smile and slumped down in the offered chair. “Uncle Jack gone up to bed?”
“Yes, he was a little tired.”
Jess let out a heavy sigh. “Oh Marie, I’m so selfish. I don’t want Uncle Jack to die, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Marie placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I know. This isn’t easy for anyone. Things will get better though.”
Jess turned quickly in her chair and looked at Marie with disbelieving eyes. “Better, how on earth can it get better?”
Marie sat down and took her hand. “I’ve been through all that Jess, and we have to be strong for your uncle.”
“I’m trying.”
She sighed. “Oh Jess, he knows you’re suffering. He wants to leave everything in order, but above all else, he wants to leave knowing we will all be happy. He can’t know that without speaking about it.”
“But…Happy, how the hell can I be happy?”
“Not in the short term, in the long term. You have a life ahead of you. He just wants to know you will be all right.” Tears began to well in Marie’s eyes. “He doesn’t want to think of you spending the rest of your life alone.”
Confused and irritated that everyone appeared to be worrying about her being alone, she snapped at Marie. “That’s not what’s bothering me. You will still be here, and I have friends. I won’t be alone. Why does everyone think that?” She sighed, knowing she was being childish. “I won’t have him. That’s what’s bothering me.”
The reception area bell interrupted them.
Marie quickly rose to her feet. “I’ll go.”
Jess caught Marie’s hand. “No, I’m sorry. I’ll go.”
Marie gave her a quick hug. “We’ll talk when you get back.”
Jess looked at the pan on the stove. “Could I please have plate of that too and some crusty bread as well?”
Jess walked into the reception area and frowned at the person standing in front of her. “Bloody hell, it’s you, isn’t it?”
“Well, that’s a welcome if ever I heard one.”
Jess quickly tried to rein in her temper and the urge to throw her out. “Alison.” Taking a very deep breath she positioned herself behind the desk. “Did you want something? It’s late and I’m tired.”
Alison smirked then replied, “I hope you don’t greet all your guests in this manner? I was about to say, you haven’t changed a bit, you still look absolutely fantastic.”
Jess looked Alison up and down.
Well you have and not for the better I might add
. The thought relaxed her a little. “Thank you, but what can I do for you?”
“I was hoping we could talk?”
Jess raised an eyebrow. “I thought you told my uncle if I wished to talk to you, I would know where to find you?”