Since her conversation with Margaret she had gone over, numerous times, her relationship with Jess and it was full of extremes. She had never experienced such joy and pleasure in another woman’s arms and fun when they weren’t trying to be lovers. The summer months they had spent together had been the most wonderful of her life. The depth of the heartache though, was too great. Even Michelle had never caused the level of turmoil she had experienced recently. Or had she? Rachel didn’t know anymore. The best way forward she had decided was for Jess and her to remain as friends. She had worked hard the last six years to put this kind of emotional stress behind her and couldn’t go through it all again. Woodland Lodges and Jack had been a part of her healing and she was grateful for that. She remembered her first short visit here after she had left Michelle and the stormy two days when Michelle had come after her. Even then, Jack had made it clear during those days that if she required any assistance that she just had to ask. No one asked questions and no one intruded. Again, the following year when she booked herself in for five months with stipulations of how she wanted the same lodge kitted out, no one grilled her, or made her feel uncomfortable. That summer she got to know the residents of Woodland Lodges.
She sighed. She did love this place and its people. It was a total contrast to the hustle and bustle of her city life, a place to recharge her batteries. No distractions, other than the scenery and her art. Even her sketching came second to her painting here and that hadn’t been a bad thing, they’d improved in the last few years, along with commissions. This place had been good for her, yet coming back for another summer was not an option anymore. And if Jack was now unsettled by her presence, she would leave sooner rather than later, despite her promise to help as much as she was able. This, she really did need to discuss with Jess.
She sighed and muttered, “It won’t be the same anyway. The people won’t be the same.” Her thoughts then betrayed her. The place would stay the same. Jess had always been here.
Jess turned around at the sound of her name and looked expectantly at Rachel, who took a deep breath as if she were going to deliver a sermon. “Jack has explained that his cancer has spread further and that’s what’s impeding his walking. I would like to be of help if I can, but I don’t want to be in the way, or make things awkward for him or the people closest to him.” Jess watched Rachel’s shoulders slump as she continued. “This is a very difficult time for everyone and it shouldn’t be made more so by anyone.”
Jess was touched by the unguarded honesty; it reminded her of the days they had spent together, when talking seemed to be so easy. She sighed and then smiled unreservedly. “Shall we sit?”
They perched side by side on a log. “Rachel, all any of us probably want at this moment is what’s best for Uncle Jack.” She turned to Rachel for confirmation. “He wants you here, he’s just a little unhappy with…with the problems we appear to be having.”
“Then we need to try and put his needs before our own,” Rachel said, a little more forcefully than she meant.
Jess frowned. It wasn’t quite what she hoping for, but then again, she wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting. “Yes, it would seem so.”
Rachel stood. “That’s settled then. Good.”
“Wait. What happened yesterday, I mean, what went wrong?”
The confusion in those deep blue eyes was so evident. Rachel could easily believe Jess had no idea what she had done. “Do you really not know?”
Jess suddenly felt physically sick.
I’ve done something and forgotten again. This is a blinking nightmare.
“No. Please Rachel, you have to tell me, I honestly don’t. I never wanted to hurt you.” She sighed. “Again.”
Rachel was confused at the sincerity. “Jess, if you don’t have any idea, maybe it’s me that has the problem.”
“Then why don’t you just tell me? I’m sure we could sort it out.” She was going to repeat that she loved her, but look where it got her the last time. She didn’t intend making a fool of herself again.
“I don’t know, Jess, I can’t think at the moment. Let’s just see how things go and think of Jack.”
Jess swallowed and croaked, “Okay.” She knew a brush-off when she heard one. She’d done it enough times herself. Maybe there was a glimmer of hope. Rachel was right, Uncle Jack came first. She potentially had all the time in the world to sort out her problems with Rachel. Her uncle’s time was limited.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jess watched as the flames began to ebb. The last week had seen some changes. Uncle Jack had experienced two bad days before they had managed to stabilize his pain relief. Since then he’d rallied and his mobility had improved. To Jess though, his condition appeared to deteriorate daily, although he and Tom would disagree with her as usual. The times she had spent with Rachel hadn’t been many, but they had been reasonably relaxed and friendly. The only conversation they’d had though, had been over Uncle Jack, both were concerned regarding the trip down to London. Jess couldn’t understand it, but she refused to argue with him if he wanted to attempt it. She picked up a couple of logs and tossed them onto the fire to bring it back to life.
She thought of her uncle and then of Rachel again. Despite their apparent ease the distance between them was growing. Jess ached for more. She attempted a smile to stop the sadness that was threatening to engulf her.
A gentle hand rested on her shoulder. “A penny for your thoughts?”
She looked up at her uncle. “There are too many of them. A penny is too cheap.”
He wandered to the sofa and made himself comfortable. He then watched as his niece settled herself close to the hearth. “It’s good to see you relaxing and thinking about something that brings a smile to that lovely face of yours.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Do I normally look miserable then?” She realized her uncle was being serious when he shook his head.
“Oh Jess, I don’t want to leave this world knowing that you are unhappy.”
She took a deep breath, guilty for the pain she was causing. How had her life become so complicated? She shook her head, knowing she was just feeling sorry for herself. She smiled warmly. “I’m not really unhappy. I’m just confused.”
“About Rachel?” She nodded reluctantly. “I want you to answer me honestly. Do you want Rachel in your life?”
She sighed. “Yes. Oh I don’t know. Maybe what’s happening is for the best.”
“You do know that once Rachel leaves here that will be that, she won’t be back.”
Jess pounced. “Has she said something?”
“No, not exactly.” He grinned. “I’m not manipulating you this time. I think I can guarantee it though, she won’t be back next summer.”
“I know she won’t.”
“Jess, it seems to me that Rachel is expecting you to take all the responsibility for what has gone wrong. She thinks that you should take the blame, and you’re allowing her. She is either not the person I think she is, or she’s expecting you to behave as Michelle Whitely did and can’t see past that.”
Jess sat up and looked at her uncle, surprised. Why hadn’t she thought of that? She chuckled. “You’re a wily old devil.” Yes, she thought it natural Rachel would be sensitive, given her history, but to think she was Michelle all over again—it didn’t please her, didn’t please her at all. She frowned. “So what’s my next move?”
He smiled happily. “You confront her. She has to know you are not fully to blame, and you have to find out why she walked away the last time.”
“I’ve tried all that.”
“No, Jess, I don’t believe you have.” Jess went to say something and her uncle stopped her. “You have to insist that she tell you exactly what has happened to make her act the way she has since your lunch.”
“I can’t do that. She may never speak to me again.”
“And your point is? It may make her leave sooner rather than later, but you have absolutely nothing to lose. You are going to lose her anyway if you do nothing.”
Jess sat back and closed her eyes. Moments passed before she said with determination, “I’ll speak to her tomorrow.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“How did you find Rachel this morning?” Margaret attempted to brush the rain from her face. It was no use, she was soaked through.
Jess quickly finished wiping and packing away the tools, the rain hadn’t stopped since the evening before. “Fine, why?” She lied.
“Oh, no reason, I just wondered.” Jess looked at her questioningly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Can we get in the truck?”
Jess smiled. “Good idea.”
They sat dripping in their seats with the rain hammering hard on the roof. “Is it worth trying to get these off?”
“No, one more stop I’m afraid. I bet you’re glad you came along today.”
Margaret chuckled. “When Rachel has work to do and is expecting phone calls, it’s best to stay well out of the way, especially if that someone demands a lot of attention.”
Jess grinned as she started up the engine. “Well, I’m glad I arranged to see her later then.”
Margaret frowned. “Is everything all right?” She squeezed Jess’s arm. “Don’t answer that, I’m being nosy.”
“It’s okay. Is there something wrong? She did seem a little preoccupied. I put it down to the fact she was busy. That’s why I’m seeing her later.” She didn’t add Rachel wasn’t keen. But that didn’t matter, Jess was determined.
“Oh, I think it’s just me. She’s just been a little subdued.”
Jess thought there was more to it, but Margaret didn’t add anything. She pulled up outside Broom Lodge. “Just logs to unload here, you stay out of the rain.”
“A little late for that!”
Just as they closed up the log store, a ring from a Jess’s mobile phone stopped them. She scrambled to retrieve it from her pocket. “Hi, Uncle Jack.” Jess smiled at Margaret, relief evident on her face that it was her uncle on the other end. “We’re just heading down for a hot drink and a dry out.” She winked at Margaret. “Sorry, hang on, let me get in the truck, I can’t hear you properly.” It wasn’t much better, but Jess concentrated on the call. “Yes, she’s here.” She turned to look at Margaret. “What!” The color instantly drained from her face.
Jess closed the phone and shoved it shakily into a pocket, then paused to calm herself. “Uncle Jack doesn’t have any details at the moment, but Rachel has been involved in a car accident.”
Margaret sucked in a horrified breath.
***
“Jess, be careful. Remember you have a passenger,” Jack said through the open window of the truck.
“I will. Now please go inside, out of this rain.”
Margaret leaned across Jess. “Yes, please Jack. We’ll be all right, go inside.”
Jack hadn’t had any more information other than Rachel had been in a collision with another vehicle and had been run off the road.
Jess attempted to reassure Margaret and herself as she took off in the truck. “There are only ditches and fields on the way back from the village. The only drop is at Jock’s Bridge and you can’t go over it at any speed. I’m sure she’s fine.”
They sat in silence as Jess drove faster than either of them thought was probably best, though neither really cared. It felt like an eternity until Jess rounded a corner and muttered, “Please no.”
Margaret could see the commotion at the end of the road. “That’s the bridge isn’t it?”
Bile burned the back of Jess’s throat. She snatched a quick glance at Margaret while shifting up a gear. The look confirmed the question.
***
Rachel had been trapped, unhurt, in her Suzuki, between the embankment and a tree for nearly an hour. By the time she was freed and reached safety, she was wet, cold, relieved, but very angry. All she wanted to do was throttle the man who had been going far too fast to negotiate a bend in these conditions.
When Margaret and Jess pulled up, there was a police car, along with a fire engine, tractor and just ahead of that, an ambulance. The road was completely blocked.
Margaret instantly spotted Rachel. “Oh, thank God,” she gasped and rushed over toward her, Jess following close behind. She grasped both Rachel’s arms and quickly looked her up and down. “Are you all right?”
Rachel let out a breath, trying to calm her ragged nerves. “Yes, I’m okay.”
“You gave us an awful scare.” She stepped aside as Jess approached.
Rachel spotted the idiot in the other car and started to move in his direction. Another hand caught her arm. “Are you sure you’re all right? Have you seen Tom or a medic?”
Rachel looked at the hand on her arm and then at Jess, trying not to look as angry as she felt. “Of course I’m sure. It was just a minor accident.”
The hand kept a hold. “Minor in these conditions, it could have been…never mind, why aren’t they checking you over, anyway?”
Rachel saw the man being helped into the back of a police car. Thanks to Jess she had missed the opportunity to give him a piece of her mind. “For heaven’s sake, Jess, I’m fine. It’s a country lane, not a damn motorway where idiots like him…” She looked in the direction of the police car. “Can reach speeds high enough to kill anyone.”
Rachel felt the hand whip away, as if it had been scorched, just before Jess turned and walked briskly away. What she had said dawned on her. Horrified she cried, “Oh no, Jess, please. Please wait?”
A paramedic stepped in front of her, blocking her line of vision. “Ms. Cummings, could we please get you out of the rain?” She tried to get past him, only to see Jess break into a jog in the direction of her truck. “We really must check you over properly.”
Suddenly exhausted and ashamed, she sighed and let herself be guided toward the waiting ambulance.
***
Julie jumped into the passenger seat and quietly said, “I thought you would have gone by now.”
Through gritted teeth Jess said, “I brought Margaret here, I don’t know if she needs a lift back.”
Julie placed a hand on Jess’s thigh. “I don’t think she meant it, Jess.”
“What the hell have I done to that woman? She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you, Jess. There’s no way she hates you. Jess, I honestly don’t think she meant it.”