Your Exception (26 page)

“Everything would be different.”

“I meant with me. I’m not such a quiet girl. I’m not going to be walking on egg shells around you anymore. I am going to be myself for once.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be anything else. And I’m going to be myself. I’m not a dick. It’s not who I am.”

“I guess we’ll just have to get to know each other all over again.”

*****

“Pros and cons
list!” Cassidy exclaims as she runs into the kitchen, grabbing a pen and notepad.

I drop my head into my hands and sigh. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

“Write down everything you like about him, and everything you don’t like about him. I can help with the cons if you’d like,” she offers.

“I think I have plenty of my own, but thanks.”

“Just thought I’d offer.” She shrugs. “I do this all the time. It really helps.”

I stare at the empty piece of paper sitting on my lap. I reach for the pen and draw a line down the center, labeling each row at the top. The first thing that comes to mind for the pros is his blue eyes. Then the cons start creeping up on me
, and I fill that side of the paper in no time. I go back to the pros and keep writing down all the good things. I get about halfway down when I can’t think of much else.

“You done?” Cassidy asks me.

“I think so.”

She looks at my list. “That all sounds about right.”

“So now what do you do with the list?”

“You compare. The cons outweigh the pros, so it’s not looking good for him.”

“But look at the pros. Those are really good things.”

“Right, but most of these are all recent things he’s done. Who knows when he’ll decide to change again.”

“I have to agree with that, but I do think it’s different somehow. So is that all? I made this list, and it doesn’t give me shit for an answer?” I drop the notepad and pen onto the floor. “That was dumb.”

“It’s not dumb! It’s supposed to help you see. Instead of thinking about it, you wrote them down so you had a visual on your feelings.”

“But nothing came out of it. I feel exactly the same as I did before. Confused!” I put my hands into my hair. “Why is this so difficult?”

“Because you don’t want to end up where you were before.”

She’s right.

“Just tell me one thing,” she says.

“What’s that?”

“What’s the number one reason you want him back?”

“Because it feels right with him. It always has.”

“What happens if you take him back and it doesn’t work out?”

“Then shame on me.”

“I don’t want you to get fooled twice.”

“That’s why I’m trying to think this through. It was so hard not to throw my arms around him and tell him I forgave him for everything. He told me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. He offered me what I’ve only dreamed about. A lifetime of happiness. I just don’t know if I can trust him.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but what does your heart tell you?”

“That I can trust him. That everything will be okay.”

“I think you’ll take him back. A part of me is wondering why you’re even hesitating.”

I scowl at her. “You know why. I can’t just forget everything that’s happened. That was possibly the worst thing I’ve ever been through.”

“Did you tell him about Alec?”

“No. And I’m not going to. Not for a while anyway. Let’s see how things pan out first.”

“I was just curious. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

“It’s fine. It happened, and I’m okay. And he’s getting the help he needs from what I’ve heard. All I need to know is that he isn’t going to be around for a looong time, and I’ll be able to sleep at night. I don’t care to know much else.”

Cassidy looks at the clock. “I hear you. Well,” she says, patting the back of my hand, “I’m headed over to Jack’s soon. You going to be okay?”

“Yeah I’m good. Just lots to think about.”

“Like what, exactly?”

“Like maybe giving him another chance. At least seeing how things go for a little bit before giving him back my trust.”

“I think that’s a good plan. Ride things out and see if they get better. That way, you don’t have anything to break up. It’ll just die out.”

“But what if it doesn’t die out?”

“Then it will ignite.”

“Did you want to go out tonight?” Logan asks me over the phone.

“I suppose we could do that. Zach’s playing. Even though he’s mad at me, I’d still like to support him.”

“I’m sure he’ll come around.”

With how much Logan and I have been talking lately, I ended up telling him a little bit about Zach and the reason we’re not the best of friends at the moment.

“I’ll just meet you there?”

“How about I come pick you up?”

I’ve been avoiding seeing Logan. We talk on the phone or text every day, but I’m trying to take baby steps in the right direction, and I can’t think straight when I see him. He’s been keeping the distance I had requested, but uses every opportunity to take advantage of what he can, when he can
, which I love.

“You’re not going to drink tonight?”

“Not tonight. I’ll see you about eight-thirty?”

“All right, see you then.”

When we get there, Logan and I run through the parking lot, careful not to slip and fall. We walk through the front doors, round the corner and are immediately engulfed in people. We don’t grab a table, instead, we head up to the front, joining a hundred other people. I look over to see Holly approaching us with Kate trailing behind her. Can’t I go one night at the bar without seeing them? I’m instantly annoyed.

Holly reaches her arm out and greets Logan with a hug, pulling him away from me. He gives her a slight hug and lets go, but she doesn’t. She smiles and says hi to me as I look away up at the band. I watch her hanging on Logan and talking into his ear
, and I’m pissed. I can see he’s not comfortable getting out of the situation, but that’s just it; he’s not doing anything about it. After I’ve had as much as I can take, I turn and walk away. I go to the restroom and stand there for a minute, trying to cool down.

When I walk back out, Logan is waiting for me. “Where did you run off to?”

“Oh, you noticed? You looked pretty busy,” I say sarcastically.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with Holly.”

“Because I talked to her?”

“No, I don’t care if you talk to her. Well, I do a little, but that’s not the problem. You let her hang on you and whisper into your ear. You remember me telling you what a problem I had with you two “dancing”? Well, if you want to be with me, that shit isn’t going to fly.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“How about push her the fuck off of you! She doesn’t need to be hanging on you. When a guy comes up to me and asks me if I want to dance, I say no. And when they ask why not, I tell them because I don’t WANT to. I don’t use an excuse. And if they hang around, I tell them to get the fuck away from me. I know what I want. Are you sure you know what you want?”

“Yes, I know what I want,” he submits.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you not to let her do those things. You shouldn’t want her to do that, and it pisses me off.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you,” I say, feeling a little satisfied. I don’t want to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with, but I can’t stand watching her act as if she owns him. If he doesn’t ask her to quit, I’m done.

“Can we go back now?”

“Yes.”

When we get back to our spot, I try to forget what
just happened and just enjoy myself. I’m still a little worked up, but I’m getting over it. I have lots to get over.

I’m a work in progress.

Eventually, Holly sneaks back over towards us, and again she puts her arm around Logan as if they’re the best of pals. I step aside, getting fired up. Logan takes her hand from around his shoulders and removes it, placing it down at her side. You can see the surprise on her face, but she tries to hide it with a smile. Logan steps away from her, puts his arm around my waist, and continues watching the band. Holly stands there for a good minute or two before she takes the hint and stalks off.

At the end of the night while I’m talking to Jen, Holly approaches Logan outside of the men’s restroom for a hug goodbye. I can tell by the look on Logan’s face that’s he’s not happy. I see them exchange a few words as Jen and I try to listen intently.

“Holly, just stop. It’s never going to happen.” He gives her an irritated look and walks away. The look of surprise on Holly’s face is priceless!

Logan comes to my side and kisses me. Looking down at me, he smiles. “Is that better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“I won’t let her do anything like that anymore. I’m sorry it bothered you. I just have this thing about wanting people to like me.”

“Really? Well, I hate to break it to you, but I know a lot of people who don’t like you.”

“Everyone likes me,” he says with all seriousness.

“No, Logan, they don’t. You were a jerk for a long time. I’ve gotten a lot of crap from family and friends for still talking to you. They’re not happy about it. It’s going to take some time and some proof. You seem to have changed drastically, but people still remember. And besides, you shouldn’t care about people liking you. People kind of suck sometimes.”

“I do want people to like me, but the only one who really matters is you. As long as you like me, I’ll be the happiest man in the world.”

“I like you a little,” I tease.

“Just a little?”

“For right now, yes. But maybe you should pick and choose who you care about liking you so much. I don’t think Holly should be high up on that list.”

“You’re right. I don’t really care if she likes me or not. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For explaining it to me. And for liking me,” he teases.

“It’s just nice to know you’re not as perfect as I thought you were,” I joke.

“I’m pretty damn close though, aren’t I?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, I suppose you are.”

He starts laughing
.
“I am completely infatuated with you.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“You really tell guys to fuck off if they ask you to dance?” he asks, still laughing.

“That’s what you remember out of everything I told you tonight? And you’re damn right I do. Well, if they don’t go away after I tell them no.”

“That’s awesome.”

“Well, sometimes they just stand there and don’t understand why I’m turning them down. That’s why I make it very clear that it’s not because I have a boyfriend, it’s because I’m not interested. I don’t do bullshit. I’m pretty blunt.”

“That’s one way to put it. You’re something else.”

I blush a little at his compliment. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

*****

Logan calls me right away in the morning. “Come over, I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise? For what?”

“Because I felt like it.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m intrigued. I drive slightly over the speed limit to get to his house. I have a feeling it’s more than just chocolate chip cookies this time.

He greets me in the doorway with a big hug and a smile, then holds my hand as he brings me into his room. In the corner is a brand new purple and blue snowboard with a new pair of black boots sitting right beside it.

“Are those for me?” I squeak.

“They’re all yours. The board should fit you perfectly, and I remembered your shoe size from last time. Now all you need is some new snow gear that will fit you
, and we’re all set.”

I look down at my beautiful new board. It’s white with dark purple and light blue swirls and flowers. It’s perfect. “Why did you do this?”

“Because I wanted to. I want to take you to do things. I want to teach you things. You say you’ve never been places, so I want to take you to see those too. I’ve traveled all over. I’ve seen and done so much, and now I want to share all that with you.”

“Oh, Logan! I’m speechless. Thank you so much, but you know I can’t accept this, right? It really is too much.”

“It’s not too much. I get everything at a discount through my work. I wanted to do this for you. Take them, please. They’re yours.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you like the board. It was the shortest one I could find,” he says, winking.

I smile at him. “Maybe now I won’t crash so much.”

“Only one way to find out. Wanna go?”

“Now? Today?”

“Why not?”

“Because I wasn’t planning on it. I don’t even have my long-johns.”

“Hey, I thought that’s what you liked about me.”