Zombie Lover (37 page)

"Sorry," Bink said, when she allowed him to speak. The rest of him felt as if it were floating up to rejoin his lips. "I'm not marrying you,"

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"Not even if I let you do this?" she inquired, taking his hand and bringing it to her bare breast.

"Objection!" a voice cried. "She's not allowed to make him do that! He has to do it for himself."

Claire's eyes fired out tiny sparks, but she let go of his hand. "So do it for yourself," she suggested, inhaling.

Somehow he managed to resist her charms, though it was teasingly difficult. She left him quivering with frustrated longing, but did not break his resolve. It had been shaken and dented and battered and kissed, but not actually broken.

Then she was gone, and Nefra was with him. He took some solace in the realization that this meant that neither Claire nor Nefra had prevailed against Dor or Dolph either. But the two other kings were surely weakening. There had to be a better way out!

"I'm sorry I had to deceive you," Nefra murmured as she lay beside him without clothing. "But we had to get that Black Wave girl out of the way; she was interfering."

That reminded him of Breanna. "What happened to her?" he asked.

"Prince Xeth Zombie arrived. None of us high on the list wanted him, so we guided him immediately to the house so that he could win

Breanna."

"But she was trying to escape him!" he exclaimed. "That's why

she came here!"

"Well, she let him into the house, and they have not emerged, so perhaps she changed her mind."

"You betrayed her too!" he accused her.

"I love it when you show emotion," she said, and planted a fierce kiss on him.

"It's negative emotion."

"That's all right, I'll take that for now. Would you like to rape me? That counts the same as a seduction. I promise not to resist effectively."

"Just get out of here!" he gritted.

In time she did. She was replaced by a more ordinary girl, fully and decorously clothed. "I am Loni," she said. "What color do you

think my hair is?"

Surprised by this approach, he sat up and studied her hair. "Brown.

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No. red. No, green. No—" he was confused. "I can't decide what color it is."

"That's my talent: folk can't agree what color my hair is. I admit it's not much of a talent, but by the same token I am no threat to you. If you marry me I will obey you in all things, and do my very best to please you always. I would just love to be a princess." "I'm sorry. I'm not free to marry anyone."

Her face clouded up, and so did her hair. "But—but this is my only chance! It may be months before another prince comes to the Isle!"

Bink realized that she was young. He put his arm around her heaving shoulders, trying to cheer her. She turned into him and gave him a wet kiss. And he realized that whatever her age, she was just as determined and artful as the others. So he steeled himself and resisted her blandishments of whatever nature.

The next woman was small and elfin, "I'm one of the Brown Knees," she said. "See?" She spread her knees as she sat on the chair. Sure enough, they were nice and brown. But in the process, she showed him well up under her short skirt, and he knew that she, too, was doing her best to seduce him in a hurry. He managed to blink his eyes closed just before they reached the freakout region.

The next was Molly Coddle. "I just love children!" she said brightly. "I hope to get a dozen delivered."

There had to be some way out of this! But the women were addressing him continuously, using every kind of artifice, and he couldn't concentrate.

"I am Lasha Lamia. I can create cloudstones." She demonstrated, forming a stone so light that it floated, yet was hard enough to use for construction. "I could help you build a nice, light castle, that you could pick up and move when you wanted a change of scenery." She leaned forward, showing the scenery inside her loose blouse.

It was neverending1 He was holding out, but how long could Dor or Dolph survive? Especially Dolph. who really was as young as he looked.

"Woof! I'm a real bitch."

He looked startled. It was a dog—a talking female dog. "How did you get in here?" he asked.

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The dog became a cat. "I told them you might like a pet feline. How do you like me? I am Catrana. I'll purr if you stroke me."

He stroked her, and she purred.

Then she became a teakettle dragon. "1 can be any creature you like," she hissed. "Marry me, and be perpetually entertained."

Oh—another demoness. "Sorry, I don't need to marry a talking pet."

"Oh, phooey," she swore. "It worked for my friend Vera Similitude, with her two dogs Disa Pointer and Up Setter." She started unlacing her bodice. "I'll never disa point or up set you."

The next was tall, thin, and ugly. "I am Tipsy Troll. 1 know you won't like me, so I'll shut up for my time and give you a chance to rest."

"Bless you!" he exclaimed, and kissed her.

She was so surprised she fell backwards onto the bed. This wasn't artifice, because she lay absolutely still and silent, letting him rest.

Now that he had a chance to think, a good thought came: what these women wanted were princes or kings. But there weren't enough in all Xanth to accommodate them all. But there were enough in another realm: Ida's moons. Because every person who ever existed, or would exist, or might exist was there. There should be hundreds of perfectly good princes who would love to have experience with women of real Xanth. If there were just some way to make contact.

And there was! Dor had saved that jar of sleep potion. They could go to those dream worlds and find princes, and—and what? The princes would not be able to leave their dream realm, and the women would not be able to go permanently to Ida's moons. Unless the Zombie Master found a way for his zombies to go, and—no, because the zombies' bodies would remain buried in Xanth. Real folk couldn't be buried like that. They would have to sleep on beds, and wake every so often to eat and exercise.

Tipsy got up. "My time is done," she said sadly. "I hope you enjoyed your respite."

She was a decent woman. Suddenly he wanted to do something for her. He couldn't marry her, but maybe he could help her. "Don't go," he said.

"Oh, but I have to. My time is up, and the Vine cousins are next." "Vine cousins?"

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"Clinging and Bo Vine. They—"

"Stay," he said firmly. "I can't marry you, but maybe I can find a prince for you. And the others. I want you to stay and help me work this out."

"But I can't. My turn—"

Bink faced the door, and saw the line of women waiting there. "Tipsy Troll is staying with me, for now. We're looking for a way to find princes for all of you. Now back off, or 1 won't do it."

Surprised, they backed off. Bink turned back to Tipsy. "Here's the thing: 1 know where there are hundreds of princes, and I know how you can meet them. But I don't know how you can marry them."

"Oh, we'll make them marry us, if we catch them. At least those of us with formidable figures will." She glanced disparagingly down at herself. "Where are they?"

"On Ida's moons."

She looked blank. "Where?"

"Princess Ida has—" He paused, realizing that this could get complicated, and they might not believe it. "I'll show you. Then you can tell the others. Go to King Dor and ask him for the jar of sleep potion."

She nodded. She left the chamber, and returned soon with Dor himself, and his woman of the moment: Davina. She looked, reasonably enough, like the neighbor woman. Then came Dolph, with his woman: Fiona. She looked like the girl next door. But surely she was old enough, or she wouldn't be here.

"I realized what you were up to the moment she asked for the sleep potion," Dor said. "And I knew we had to come with you, so as to be together and stay out of mischief. But the women won't let us go alone."

Bink nodded. "We can do it with six people. I don't think there's a limit on the size of dream parties. Then the women can report on what we find."

Dor looked at the bed. "We'll need more space to sleep."

"Exactly what is happening here?" Davina inquired suspiciously.

"He's got an idea," Tipsy said eagerly. "To find hundreds of princes. I believe him."

Fiona shrugged. "I can live with an idea like that."

With that reassurance, the others soon dragged three beds out into

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the mam area ot the pool and put them together Then the three men lay down on them, and the three women insisted on lying beside each of them

Dor handed the jar to Voracia Gi\e each of us a good sniff of this, then close the jar And leave us alone until we wake This may take a tew hours, but may be worth it "

Except for the problem ot the impermanence of contact, Bmk thought He would have to discuss that with the others while they traveled But right now they had to handle the practical aspects ot the visit "You three women—hold our hands when you see us in the dream This will be a wild trip for you '

Voracia unscrewed the lid and gave them sniffs Each in turn sank immediately to sleep Bmk was the last

When he slept, he found himself floating above the pool The others were waiting tor him They all linked hands, and floated rapidly toward Castle Roogna On the way Bmk started to explain "We are going to visit some very small worlds But each is as big as Xanth when we get there They are very strange Stay close to us, and don't get alarmed Remember, we are all dreaming "

The three women nodded, already impressed "It was never our intention to let you out of our sight," Fiona said

The ghost at Castle Roogna spied them and summoned Princess Ida, as before She smiled and went to sleep, and they homed in on

Dream Ptero

"Oooo1 ' Fiona exclaimed as they fell toward the rapidly swelling

globe
 
"It's growing1"

"Magic is difterent on this planet," Dor warned them "Don't accept any favors from the natives, or you'll be diminished

"No, that's Planet Pyramid," Dolph reminded him "On Ptero they exchange favors '

"Nobody wants to exchange tavors with me anyway," Tipsy mut tered
 
Bmk was to the right ot the others
 
and she was holding his right hand, so was at the end of the line

' You don't seem that ugly," Bmk said Tm sure that by troll standards you are beautitul "

"Not so I m only half troll, actually, my lather was human He caught my mother in a net and trussed her up and signaled the stork \\ith her and then departed She was tunous, but by the time she got

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free of the net there was nothing to do but go hide under a bridge The stork found her anyway, to her chagrin I'm homely by both troll and human standards and not welcome among the trolls because ot my polluted ancestry So I thought I would marry a human man, but discovered that they didn't want me either So I figured no one would notice on the Isle of Women, because there are so few men seen there anyway ''