Zombie Lover (39 page)

"I don't think you want to sit on that," Dor told her.

Bink kept his mouth shut, though he was curious what would have happened. It might have made jokes about getting to the bottom of things. Or bad smelling puns might have erupted beneath her.

The far side of the comic strip was close. They lunged for it, but a nasty little canine creature growled and menaced them. "Pay no attention to it," Dolph said. "That's a pet peeve. My sister Ivy used to have them all the time."

They charged by the peeve and burst out of the strip. They were in sad shape, with their clothing stinking wet and torn. The three girls had their hair straggling in assorted tangles, and their faces were smudged.

"We need to get cleaned up," Fiona said. "I see a pool over

there."

"Why clean up?" Dor asked. "This is only a dream."

The girls circled a glance that said "Men!" Then Fiona spoke again. ' 'All the same, we want to be clean—in and out of the dream."

"That's a cess pool," Dolph said innocently.

Fiona looked as if she had gotten another wart. But Tipsy spied a better prospect. "There's a well."

They considered the well. "What kind of well are you?" Dor asked it.

"Midas well," it replied.

"Might as well," Dolph agreed, and started lowering its bucket so as to haul up some water.

But Dor was more cautious. "What does your water do?"

"If you touch it, it turns you to gold."

Suddenly the girls lost interest in the well. "But we still must clean up," Fiona said desperately.

Then Bink saw a big bow. It had huge pretty colorful loops of ribbon, and several big arrows. "I believe that's a rain bow," he said. "That should do it."

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He picked up the bow, and fitted a white arrow to it. "I forget which color does what," he said, "But we can try them all." He looked at the girls. "You'll need an enclosure."

"Why?" Davina asked.

"So you won't freak us out as you strip to wash."

She nodded. "Point made. If you freaked out, we might be stuck here with no escape. But what is there to make an enclosure?"

"What is there?" Dor asked the surroundings.

"Ahem." It was an oval sign:

"Content ahead?"

"Go find out," the sign said.

So they walked in that direction, and found a huge tent made of corn. It had a number of sections, and it was possible to draw on the corn silk strands to open the top to the sky. "This will do," Davina said. "It's corny, but sufficient."

"But there's no water," Fiona protested.

"The rain bow arrows will make rain," Bink explained. "I'll fire them over the tent. Just say when."

The three entered the tent. In a moment items of their clothing were strung up over the edge of the enclosure. "When!" Davina called.

Bink fired the white arrow. As it passed over the tent, a sprinkle of rain came from it.

"Is that the best you can do?" Fiona called.

Bink fired the blue arrow. A mild shower descended.

"That's better," Davina said. "But we could use more."

So he fired the red arrow. A wild torrent poured from it. "Eeeeek!" the three cried. "It's cold!" One of them jumped so high that enough of her showed to put a temporary freak on Bink's left eye. Dor and Dolph were watching too, but neither complained. Bink wondered which one they had seen. It wasn't the kind of thing he felt free to inquire about.

P'w

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Soon they were done. Their clothing remained wet, but it was clean.

"Now it's your turn." Fiona said. "We'll fire the arrows."

So the three kings had to go in and strip, and soon they were drenched by the rain arrows. But they got clean. They put the wet clothing back on and emerged.

Tipsy looked at them. "That's better. Now we can meet the princes."

Davina turned to Dor. "The next comic strip we come to—fly over

it!" she said severely.

The men smiled. The point had been made.

They got their direction and resumed travel. When they came to the next comic strip boundary, they made sure of their direction and then Dolph changed form and carried them all over it.

Finally they came to Prince Town. This was protected by thickly tangled ivy vines, some of them leagues long. Dolph flew them over, and they landed in a nicely laid out pattern of streets, buildings, and parks.

"Girls ahoy!" someone shouted.

Immediately they were surrounded by princes. They ignored the kings and focused on the women. But soon that focus narrowed to Davina and Fiona; dull Tipsy had been tuned out.

She rejoined Bink. "Even in a dream, I can't get the attention of a prince," she said with resignation.

"But you're a fine person."

"I think we've already been over that."

"A problem has occurred to me," Dor said. "How can living Xanth women marry dream princes? The two realms don't overlap in

reality."

"That bothers me too," Bink said. "I was hoping we would figure

out a way."

"I can think of something that might work," Tipsy said.

They turned to her. "If you can do that, we'll be in your debt," Bink said.

She smiled sadly. "But you can't marry me, even if you wanted to. So forget it. Here is my notion: maybe we don't need to have the realms overlap. All we need is to have plenty of that dreaming potion, so the women of the Isles can visit Prince Town whenever they want. They can marry princes here, and do whatever they want with them, and when they want to rest, they can simply wake up and be where

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no man can bother them. Most of them would appreciate that, though they wouldn't say so in mixed company."

Dor nodded. "That sounds good, for the women. But wouldn't the princes object?"

"I think they would be glad to see the women any time the women appeared. Apparently they are a long way from Princess Town. And they probably need time for their studies. So they might like half time too, especially since the women would be coming with romance in mind. I understand that men do have other interests, like jousting and gambling and watching nymphs run, that they don't necessarily care to share with women."

Bink nodded. "Astute assessment. Let's put it to the princes. Would they like part-time marriages to lovely women?"

They discussed it with the princes, and it turned out that the princes were indeed interested, provided they got to pick the women themselves. Davina and Fiona already had commitments from suitable princes. In fact they were not yet ready to wake; they had hot dates in mind.

So Tipsy Troll returned with the three kings. They simply went outside of Prince Town, held hands, and concentrated on waking up.

They woke in the retention pool. Davina and Fiona remained asleep. But Tipsy was able to make the report. "In short," she concluded, "every woman can have a prince in a dream marriage, without leaving the Isle. The princes are eager to meet all of you. All you need is the sleep potion and a place to lie down."

The others were not convinced. But they released the three kings to roam the Isle while the matter was being settled. When Davina and Fiona woke, they would compare notes.

But Bink hesitated as they departed the pool. "What of you. Tipsy?" he asked. "There doesn't seem to be much for you in Prince Town."

"There's not much for me anywhere," she said sadly.

An idea had been simmering in the background, and now it moved hesitantly forward. "Would you consider marrying a non-prince?"

"I'd marry anyone who wanted me. But no one does."

"How about a man who molds things into other things?"

"Sure." It was significant that she didn't qualify her agreement, or ask whether the man was handsome or nice.

"I know a man who wants a wife. In fact he agreed to tell us

p

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something we want to know, if we bring him a wife from the Isle of Women. His name is Phil Istine. He's not a prince."

"But he wasn't thinking of a troll.1'

"But I think he might settle for one, with a bit of management."

"All right."

"Then stay with us. We must find Breanna and make sure she's all right. Then, when the women are satisfied with the dream princes, we can leave the Isle, and take you along."

They set off on the path toward the house Breanna had entered. But before they had taken many steps, there was Breanna herself coming toward them.

"Are you all right?'1 Bink and Breanna called together. Then they

laughed, together.

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i

came out of the house, and you were gone," Breanna told the three kings. "I was afraid something had happened to you."

"Something did," King Dor agreed. "But we worked it out. What of you?"

"Something happened to me too, but now it's all right. King Xeth has found a good zombie woman to marry, and they are addressing the stork now. So I don't have to stay here after all."

"We'll be glad to take you home when we leave," Prince Dolph said. "Which should be soon."

"Thanks! I'm glad things are okay." Then she noticed that there was another person with them. "Hello. I'm Breanna of the Black Wave."

"I'm Tipsy Troll. I'm going with them too."

Breanna was surprised. "Not—?"

Tipsy laughed. "Not married, no. But they think there's a man there who will marry me."

"Oh. Okay." And of course she had known that none of the kings would have married any woman of the Isle.

"Indeed they would not," Justin Tree said, "But I suspect that they have quite a story to tell, if they care to tell it,"

Breanna made a mental note to be sure to ask for that story, when the occasion seemed propitious. Then she thought of something else. "Justin, I guess my adventure is just about over, now that I've es-

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caped marriage to the Zombie King, thanks to your help. So I guess that means we'll be purling company soon."

"/ confess that is a sad occasion for me You have been fascinating

company "

"And you have been great. 1 really needed your guidance."

'But of course you have your own life to live now, and do not need any further intrusions "