Authors: Christin Lovell
I felt my cheeks warm. Auggy wasn’t a mushy man, but I knew he was the right man to walk me down the aisle. “Thanks.” Tears welled again. I felt like a leaky faucet; the tears never seemed to leave.
“Awe. Don’t cry, Lex. I don’t do tears too well.” He let go of my hand and grabbed a tissue from the vanity.
I took it from his extended hand. “Sorry. I’m going to blame it on the hormones.”
He chuckled as I wiped the tears away, for now. “I’m glad I’m not a woman.”
“I don’t think the world could handle you as a woman. You’re moody enough without the PMS.”
“Do you want an escort or not, Jackson?”
I rolled my eyes. “You can’t fool me, Auggy. I know you love me.”
He pursed his lips, lifting his chin slightly as if to consider me. “Just this once, but only because you’re pregnant and I want you to stop crying, I’ll admit it. I love you like you were my own. Somehow you got around all my defenses and beat the grouch out of me.”
“Thanks, Auggy.” I hugged him, planting a kiss on his cheek.
Mel opened the door and nearly leapt into the room. “It’s time, Lex!” she squealed. Gabi and Aunt Claire were right behind her, bouquets in hand.
“Let’s go, honey.” Auggy held out his elbow for me to slip my arm around.
I picked up my bouquet and let them lead me towards the beach.
***
Kellan
Soft music played in the background. An intimate group of people we loved stood in the sand, waiting with me for her to walk down the aisle. Craig stood beside me, just as anxious as I was. Kalel rubbed his hands together beside Craig. It was hell waiting. I didn’t know how I was going to survive labor, and I wasn’t even the one who had to suffer through it.
My mother came over, pretending to fix my shirt. “You look so handsome, sweetie.” She patted the side of my face. Bloody tears reddened her eyes. “When did you grow up? It seems like just yesterday I was picking up after you.”
“Oh, Mom.” I kissed her cheek. “I’m not moving away. I’m just getting married.”
“Yes, but that’s a big step in life, Kellan.”
I met her gaze. “I know. I wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t ready.”
She smiled as she nodded. “I love you, sweetie. You’re going to be a good husband.” She gave me a hug and made me bend down so she could kiss my head. She quickly sauntered back to my dad’s side.
He smiled and nodded towards me. Al was a man of few words, but I never doubted his love for me. I knew he would do anything for me, and he would always be there to support Lexi and me.
Suddenly, the music changed. I saw Drexel escort Claire down to the makeshift front row on the right side. Gabi walked down next. Her tan skin looked beautiful next to the blue of her dress. I didn’t know much about women’s clothes, but it fit her shape well.
Then Mel came forward. I heard Craig’s breath catch as he watched her, mesmerized by her beauty. Mel winked at me as she passed to stand on the other side of the preacher.
I heard the waves crashing against the shore behind us. Everything slowed in the moment she stepped forward. Emotions splitting my chest; the Earth turned on its axis as she came into view. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful. She took my breath away. I knew in that moment what it was like to feel your soul dance, to feel a dead heart race as if it were human again. Her hair fell in curls around her face, framing her flawless luminescence. She radiated in white; silk fabric wrapped her up like a gift just for me.
I didn’t realize I’d forgotten to breathe until I gasped for air, reaching for the unattainable, feeling as if I was floating through air, as she smiled at me. This was what I’d been blessed with for all of eternity; it was an indescribable love with an indefinable woman that I was committing to today. She was my reason to keep breathing; her soul breathed life into me every day that I spent with her. Life would be hell without her I learned.
Auggy placed Lexi’s hand in mine. Her eyes shimmered as she gazed up at me. There was no one but us; we were alone in the world for this one moment in time. I caught movement along her dress, and smiled wide, recognizing the moves of our baby boy. Apparently, vamp babies were a bit stronger in the womb than human ones. Luckily, Lexi wasn’t as fragile as a human. She was tough and tender; vigilant and breathtaking.
The ceremony was a blur; I was lost in her…lost in the affirmations of our commitment.
“Do you Kellan Alejandro Phoenix Bancroft take Alexa Lorrayne Jackson to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
I smiled at her, feeling the weight of my words in my chest. “I do.”
“Do you Alexa Lorrayne Jackson take Kellan Alejandro Phoenix Bancroft to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
She smiled at me, her eyes watering. “I do.” A single tear fell down her cheek.
“By the power vested in me by the state of Hawaii, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kellan, you may kiss your bride.”
I yanked her to me, one arm cradling her back, the other caressing her face, as I crashed my lips down upon hers, craving that closeness. The planets aligned as our souls collided; every part of us seemed to stitch together in that second, proving that marriage was more than just a piece of paper. It was a commitment that signified our unity; that transcended our unity.
Her lips melted into mine; the taste of her, the essence of her, rolled over me. She was soft, pliable; strength at its gentlest. I felt her heart beat against my chest; I felt our baby rolling around in her stomach against me. For the first time, it felt like we were fully connected. She was officially more than the love of my life; she was my family.
I felt her energy flowing through me, surrounding me. She was a deep-rooted part of me; she was at the core of me. She and our baby were the center of my world.
I slowly lifted away from her becoming aware of gentle gasps and whispers around us. I opened my eyes, fear constricting my chest for a brief moment. Lexi and I were swathed in her electricity. When I caught the stricken look on her face, I panicked. I knew she didn’t mean to do it. “Thank God this is a private beach,” I chuckled lightly. I was grateful for the High Authorities insistence that they rent out the entire resort for the event.
“I’m not hurting you, am I? I mean…you…you’re not in pain, right?” Her brows drew together as she worried her bottom lip.
“The only thing that could hurt me would be you leaving me.”
She smiled, sighing as she threw her arms around me.
I hugged her, waiting for her emotions to settle, waiting for the blue to fade. Abruptly, I felt a sharp jab. Air escaped her in a groan.
“He’s not even here yet and he already knows how to kill the mood.” I frowned, waiting for her to look up at me so I could make sure she was okay.
“Maybe some food would make him happy.” She smiled up at me.
“Then let’s go eat.” I kissed her lips, laced our fingers and led us into the swarm of well-wishers.
***
Lexi
My belly was full and my baby had calmed. Kellan stood and extended his hand towards me. “May I have this dance, Mrs. Bancroft?”
“Always.” I beamed.
I stood and let him lead me to the middle of the dance floor. As if sensing that this song was just for us, the others watched from the sidelines.
“I picked this song just for you,” he said, pressing a kiss to my lips as he pulled me into his embrace.
Our eyes locked as the music flowed around us; the lyrics embracing us in a moment of assurance, a rebirth of our vows strung together in a beautiful melody.
I have never been so sure of anything before,
Like I am in this moment here with you
Now for better or for worse are so much more than only words
And I pray everyday will be the proof
That I mean what I say when I say 'I do'
Yeah I mean what I say when I say ‘I do’
Every girl dreams of finding Prince Charming, though her definition of him may vary. I felt like a princess, living the dream Disney sold. With my arms stretched up and my fingers firmly gripping Kellan’s neck, I was in a perfect position to get lost in his beauty. His arms wrapped around my upper waist, ensconcing me and our baby together. Our bodies swayed; our souls swirled together as our hearts intertwined.
No words were needed; just the feel of him against me, just the unbarred look into his soul through his emerald eyes was enough. Love was perfect, but lovers weren’t. We were the ones that marred love's purity with discrimination, with politics, with insecurities. I felt it deep down, I saw it reflected in his eyes; assurance rocked me. I didn’t love Kellan; I was
in
love with Kellan. I was one with Kellan. There was little perfection in our world today, but one thing I knew for sure was that Kellan is perfect for me. I couldn’t wait to spend every day of forever with him, allowing every day to be the proof of our commitment.
Love isn’t just a word; it’s a series of feelings, a series of actions that define your use of the word and a level of existence that embodies your commitment to the word.
“I love you.” I leaned up to kiss his lips.
“I mean every word. I love you.” He cupped my face; I felt the tremble of his emotions through his limbs.
Marrying Kellan was nothing short of magical. I felt so lucky to have him. We didn’t have a perfect past, but I knew without a doubt that we were committed to a better future.
Chapter 40
We laughed and partied with the company of guests. Everyone danced and celebrated with us, even Laurence and Felipe. They celebrated us in a way they never had before. Everyone ought to have this experience. Everyone is
entitled
to experience this.
Shortly after midnight, we all went outside. It seemed like the stars were dancing in the sky above us now as we stood beneath them. I’d saved the orchids, candles and jars of sand Kai had left. I’d given every wedding attendee one. In unison we lit the candles and illuminated the shoreline. One by one, we laid the orchids in the water, allowing the tide to sweep them out to sea. We scattered the sand along the beach, representing the spreading his ashes, symbolizing us bringing a part of Kai and his life back in Charleston home to Hawaii for him.
Tears stung my eyes as I reached out and squeezed Kalel’s hand before releasing it. Francesca was tucked into his other side, much like I was in Kellan’s. He smiled pensively and turned back to the ocean. I knew this was a bittersweet moment. It was my way of honoring Kai, of validating his contribution to our lives, to my relationship with Kellan.
The salty tears rolled down my face as I looked out at the floating orchids. They say that for every life taken, another is given. Mother Earth is all about balance; our lives are cyclical with a beginning and an end that brings us fully around, that gives us the chance to reflect on our journey starting at the beginning.
Kalel was there from beginning to end. I was selfish to have stolen his chance to properly grieve his brother. I glanced over at him. He’d been so strong, a solid rock for me when I should have been that for him.
I let go of Kellan and grabbed Kalel’s hand again. I met Francesca’s gaze, asking her permission. She glanced at Kalel before looking back at me. She nodded her head once and released him.
I led Kalel into the ocean. We waded out until we caught up with the orchids. I turned our bodies so we faced the shore. It was even more breathtaking from the new vantage point.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Kalel. I’m sorry that you lost your brother, your best friend and the last of your family.”
I chanced a hurried look at him. He was clenching his teeth, flexing his jaw as he surveyed the shore. While his eyes pointed at the shore and his ears were listening to my words, I knew his mind was wandering. I saw the emptiness in his eyes despite what was in front of him; the tension in his body despite what was surrounding him.
I jerked him towards me, grabbing his other hand so both of ours were connected. “Close your eyes.” He hesitated, but complied. I closed my eyes. “Take a deep breath; inhale the scent of the salty ocean. Catch the hint of coconut that will quickly follow it. Kai always smelled woodsy and earthy, but it was this smell that defined him for me.”
I took another breath. “Listen to the palm trees rustling in the wind and the waves crashing on the shore. Every day I went to the lake house I heard these sounds coming from his bedroom; these were the sounds of home to him. They were his comfort.”
I opened my eyes. Silent tears were streaming down Kalel’s face. “He’s all around us, Kalel. And do you know what we’re all leaving in the sand right now? Footprints. He took a part of us with him, Kalel, but he made sure to leave a part of himself behind for us whenever we need him, whenever we miss him. We can never replace him; we’ll never forget him. But that's exactly his point. The ocean isn’t going to disappear, but hopefully, the hole in our hearts will slowly be filled. New footprints are made in this sand every day. Every day we need to take new strides, and we’ll do it together.”
Kalel’s eyes flickered open and immediately met mine. “You’re never truly prepared.” His voice was weak, the weight of his pain crushing him.