Authors: Megan McKenney
I fell to my back, allowing him to climb on top of me in the sand. He pushed my shirt up just slightly so only my stomach was showing. He kept kissing me, letting me taste his sweet flavors. He finally pulled away, our eyes never seizing to move away from each other’s.
“I’ve loved you,” he responded. “I’ve loved you since day one.” He kissed me again, making another sound of pleasure.
“Then show me,” I whispered into his ear. He stopped kissing me, staring me deep into the eyes. I knew that he was trying to decide if it was a good idea or not. I tried to reassure him but I knew it was his choice in the end.
He took my hand, brushing the sand off me. Together we walked back towards his house. I had to keep looking up at him, just to make sure this was real. That Keiffer was truly holding my hand, walking back home with me. Luckily, every time I looked up, I was reassured that this was in fact reality, even though I’ve only pictured this moment in my dreams.
Once we got into his room, he shut the door behind him, then walked over to the window and closed the blinds. I kicked off my boots, waiting for him to finally come back to me. He placed his hand hands on my hips, slowly pushing me down on the bed. This was it. I was about to have sex for the first time. He climbed on top of me, letting our tongues meet perfectly.
Laying completely naked in a bed with a man is the most vulnerable feeling that I had ever experienced in my life. I realized that nothing could ever top this…not even standing in front of the whole school and giving my speech at graduation.
He started to take off his own clothes. I helped him get his shirt over his head. Next was his pants. He reached over to his nightstand to grab a condom, and I suddenly began to grow nervous. He fidgeted with the wrapper, finally figuring out how to open it. After a few tries, and about five minutes, he couldn’t seem to get it on. His face started to turn red with embarrassment.
“I’m so sorry,” Keiffer said, attempting to get a new condom on. I waited patiently under him, not sure how I could help with it. “This is clearly my first time. Never had to use one of these things before.”
After another few minutes, I finally grew restless. “Don’t worry about the condom.” I reached for his hand and tossed the condom on the floor. He looked at me with wide eyes, waiting for an explanation. “It’s our first time. Hardly anyone gets pregnant the first time and we’re both virgins so we won’t have to worry about diseases. We just need to make sure we practice applying a condom so we are ready the next time.”
“Next time?” Keiffer asked, eyeing me excitedly. I bit my lip nervously, laughing off his comment. “Are you sure that you want to take the chance right now?”
I nodded my head in agreement. “I want this. I want my first experience to be real, to be really real. I want all of you…in me.”
He put his pelvis a little closer to mine, and I spread my legs a little wider so he could get himself in. Suddenly, thoughts started running through my head. My heart pumped wildly as I laid there, waiting for him to slip into me. Was it going to hurt? Lacey said that the first time she had sex with Alex, she couldn’t sit for almost a week. Was I going to bleed? I read somewhere that I every girl who had sex or the first time always bled. That’s when I started to get nervous. Would he think it was gross? Would he make fun of me because he just popped my cherry? Would he make fun of me at school? Then, during the middle of my thoughts, all of my questions were answered.
It was great!
Great was an understatement. I had never felt so close to another person as I did with him. We had become one person. I laid there in bed with him after we were finished, the only fabric between us was…well, nothing. He kept falling in and out of sleep, only waking up long enough to kiss my forehead. I was absolutely, and utterly in love with Keiffer Lee Lawrence.
Chapter 10
The next morning I completely forgot where I was. I shot straight up in bed, holding the sheets against my bare chest. Keiffer had already gotten out of bed, leaving me by myself. I threw on my clothes, not even bothering to lace up my boots. My dad was going to be so pissed that I didn’t come home last night. I ran over to my house, hoping to not run into Keiffer on the way out.
I hopped through the front door, trying not to make a sound, and quietly congratulated myself once the front door was shut without a noise hardly being heard. Maybe dad had already left for work and wouldn’t even notice my absence. I started running up the stairs. The faster I got up there, the less he would hear me, right? Wrong. Dad was already sitting in my room, reading through my notebooks that I carried in my backpack.
I stopped abruptly, not quite sure what my next plan of action was. My mind started scrambling for an excuse to not come home. I knew I couldn’t use my disease, I’mmaGonnaEatis, because he would ground me for weeks. Instead, I dropped my winter coat on the floor and stood waiting for my punishment.
“Where have you been?” Dad asked. His voice was serious…something that I feared about him.
“Um…” Trying to think of an excuse was harder than it seemed. “I was out with Lacey. We have a huge project coming up and –“
“And what?” Dad butted in. “And you got so busy that you had to skip school yesterday? Jenna, Coach Riva called…you got kicked off the squad?”
Oh no! Now I was in deep, deep trouble. “It’s not as bad as it seems…”
“Oh, not as bad?” He held up my notebooks. “Why isn’t there a single note written in this? All I see are drawn hearts. You stopped taking notes in class almost a month ago. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing, dad,” I whined.
“If it’s nothing then…is it Keiffer?” He finally asked, pointing outside the window. The telescope was still outside facing towards my room. The note was attached, blowing freely (and clearly) in the morning breeze.
“No, it’s not Keiffer. He’s just a friend.” I sat down on my bed. This was so annoying! Mom would never question me about anything. “Dad, you know I’m doing my best!”
“Well, maybe your best isn’t good anymore. I’ve been patient with you these past two months but –“
“But mom left two days ago!” I yelled. “How else do you expect me to act?”
Now dad stood to his feet, towering over me as I sat on my bed. “How do I expect you to act? Jenna, your mother was my wife! Do you see me getting fired from work? No! I know how you’re feeling! You don’t have to act like such a spoiled brat all the time!” He threw my notebook on the bed next to me, not budging an inch.
“I’ve just been really stressed,” I squeaked out.
“Then why don’t you talk to someone? Anyone. Lacey’s supposed to be your best friend, can’t you talk to her?”
“She
is
my best friend,” I corrected. “I just feel like…”
“Like what? Spoiled?” Dad asked.
I didn’t want to counter that one with an argument. This wasn’t like my dad to be angry with me. He was normally quite proud with all my achievements, but now he was actually acting like a father – which scared me to death.
“Listen, I’m calling the school right now to get your spot back on the squad. You need do your homework.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m telling you that.”
“You’re disappointed in me?” I asked quietly.
“No, Jenna, I could never be disappointed in you. I’m just really confused.” He looked down at me one more time before leaving the room. I had never disappointed my dad before, but now I knew the feeling.
Things didn’t get better during the weekend between dad and me. I was grounded to my room, which meant I couldn’t go next door to see Keiffer. Then again, Keiffer didn’t even open his window blinds the whole weekend. That wasn’t like him. He always had his blinds open or at least went stargazing at night. Instead, he stayed inside…just like me.
When Monday came along I was more than excited to get up in the morning. In fact, an hour before my alarm when off, I was in the bathroom curling my hair. Today was going to be the first day of many more to come with him. I was going to break it off with Brad completely and begin my life with Keiffer. I knew this was right. For the first time in my life, I was absolutely in love.
I stood awkwardly at my locker, receiving extra attention from my peers that morning. I knew I looked good in my skinny jeans and halter tank top, but I didn’t think I was going to get back to celebrity status in just day. However, judging by the stares and the
good mornings
, I had officially regained my spot as Queen Bee.
“Wow, Jenna…” Lacey’s voice trailed off as she came walking up to me. “What’s the special occasion?” She handed me my latte. “I mean, you’ve been dressing like a hobo…”
“Hey!” I laughed, slapping her in the arm. “I’ve just been preoccupied with other things.” I scanned the hallway for Keiffer but he still hadn’t arrived yet.
“Oh…I heard,” Lacey piped up. She gave me a gentle hug. “If you need anything, anything at all, I’m always here for you. Best friends forever.”
“Thanks, Lace. I think I’ll be okay now. I think everything will be in control. I had lost it a couple weeks ago but I’m pretty sure I’m back to my old self.”
“I heard your dad called Riva and you’re on the cheer team again?”
I rolled my eyes. “Does everyone know my personal life?”
“Since when did I become everyone? It’s my job to know your personal life…”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset,” I apologized deeply. Though I was annoyed at my dad for passing along my information, I didn’t mind Lacey knowing what was going on. In fact, I was almost ready to tell her about Keiffer and me.
We said our goodbyes and I started walking to class…right before Brad grabbed my hand. He pulled me in, placing his hands on my waist. This was what I was used to. I loved being wrapped in his arms. I loved kissing him. However, that didn’t feel right anymore.
“Brad,” I started. “I can’t do this anymore…”
“Do what?” He asked, going in for a kiss.
“This!” I responded quickly, dodging his kiss by only a second. “Us! I can’t do us anymore!” I watched his face grow long. He was obviously thinking about why I was saying this.
“What do you mean?” He asked quietly, glancing at our peers looking at us. It was true – we had celebrity status at the school. This was like their soap opera…or maybe their real life reality show. I felt my cheeks blush as everyone was listening.
“Do you guys mind?” I growled at the crowd. Suddenly, everyone started moving again. I turned to face Brad again. “I’ve fallen in love with someone else.”
“Someone else…who?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter, okay? I’ve just moved on…and, well, I think you should too.” With one last look, I slipped into the classroom while trying not to cave in and run back to him.
Much to my disappointment, Keiffer wasn’t in class again. Mr. Thomas sat at his desk, looking at his computer and sipping his coffee. I walked over to him, playing with my sweatshirt sleeves. He looked up at me curiously as I stood at his desk.
“Well, if it’s not Miss Horowitz herself? You haven’t said a word to me for the past two weeks. Where have you been?” Mr. Thomas asked, studying me closely.
“Here…”
“Yes, physically. But where have you been in here?” Mr. Thomas asked, tapping his index finger against the side of his head.
I felt myself start to stutter. “I’m sorry, Mr. Thomas. I promise I’ll work harder from now on. I mean that. Um, can you please tell me if Keiffer Lawrence dropped the class?” I knew that that sounded kind of suspicious but I just wanted to know. He had been gone for a whole week straight and now he was gone again today.
“And why do you care if he has or if he hasn’t?” Mr. Thomas asked.
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. After careful consideration, I finally responded to his question. “He’s my partner in the project. I haven’t seen him in a while…”
“Oh, haven’t you?” Keiffer said from behind me. I jumped at his voice, turning around to see him sitting in his usual chair in the back. “I’m pretty sure I saw you a couple nights ago.”
“Um…thank you,” I said to Mr. Thomas, quickly hurrying across the room to where he was sitting. Several students snickered at Keiffer’s response. He kicked his legs up on the table, leaning back smoothly in his chair. He made eye contact with me only swiftly.
“What’s up, neighbor?” He finally said after a while. I sat down in the chair next to him, trying to figure out why he was practically ignoring me. He wasn’t even looking at me, but only staring straight ahead.
“Why didn’t you come over yesterday?” I asked. This was the guy I had given my virginity too. This was the guy who said that he loved me. Yet, he was acting like I was just some regular ordinary girl.
“Didn’t know I was supposed to,” he responded, popping a mint in his mouth.
“Well, we didn’t plan anything,-“I started.
“Then why would I come over?” He interrupted. I felt myself at a complete loss of words. How was I supposed to argue against that? I had nothing besides the fact that we had made love a couple nights ago.
“I guess you didn’t have to…”
His eyes flicked over at me for just a brief second. He took a deep breath, taking his feet off the desk, and putting his face close to mine. I stared into his blue eyes…the ones that had seduced me a couple nights ago. I felt my lips tingle…I wanted him to kiss me.