Authors: Dee Winter
When I get back to the flat I hear Benny talking loud on
his phone. I listen in as I pack stuff away in the kitchen and wash up a few
cups and bowls in the sink. I think it must be Tobes. Then Benny starts
talking all koochi-coo. He must be talking to Demi. I don’t get jealous. I
don’t care. I would never tell Benny this, but I don’t really
Love
him.
I love him, sort of, for company, for sex, but if I found out he was cheating,
I wouldn’t really care. A part of me would be hurt but I would be more worried
what I might catch. I would never ever tell him some of the things I get up
to, Jon, for example. I think Benny wouldn’t tell me everything he’s up to. Maybe
we’re making fools of each other but somehow it works. I think there must be a
lot of couples like us. I don’t know. I’ve never truly felt what being in
Love is like, because I think I’d know if I was, and I think I’d be afraid.
He appears. Plans are changed. He was talking to
Tobes who’s now at Demi’s house. She lives at home. Her parents like Tobes. He’s
the same age as Benny. I don’t think my mum likes Benny. He doesn’t say he
likes her. Benny and Tobes are different. When together they act kind of the
same but when they’re apart I know that Tobes can be soft as a teddy bear. Demi
has told me this. The rude boy act never falls away with Benny. It’s part of who
he is. He was born with his hood up.
We’re going to meet them outside the cinema. I ask if
they have booked tickets, he says no. I say it’s a long way to go and not get
in. He says we will get in, sneak in the fire door if we have to. Typical. He
was probably planning on doing that anyway. Cinema is not cheap what with
ticket, popcorn, drink. You’re looking at a tenner at least. And then I will probably
want a bag of chocolates or nachos or a chilli-dog. The last time I went to
the cinema I dropped my whole popcorn bucket. It just fell out of my hand and
rolled on the floor. I had to buy another one. They were having none of it
when I said they should give me another for free. I said it was their dodgy
floor I tripped on in the dark. They said cinemas are dark. I was annoyed and
Benny was nowhere to be seen so I ended up paying again. Tonight I will make
Benny hold the popcorn so if it gets dropped he can pay.
Meanwhile, Benny is rolling spliffs to take in with
us. “You can’t smoke going in the cinema!” I say.
“Yeah obviously, I ain’t gonna smoke going in there… Maybe
when we’re inside though...” He cackles like a witch. I don’t think he’s
funny but I smile at him and give him a playful shove. I take one of the
joints he’s already rolled from behind his ear and spark up. It tastes like dirt.
Nowhere near as fresh as what we were smoking last night. I don’t tell Benny
this. It’ll do. So with our jackets on and hoods up we head out in the misty
rain to catch a train into the city. I buy a ticket. Benny will jump the
barrier. I can’t be bothered to have a go at him anymore. It’s his deal if
the ticket inspectors get him. He never pays the fine, says he forgot his
wallet, gives a false address. When I’m there too, they look at me. I stare
up into to the air. I don’t know him. I used to moan but my breath would get
wasted. I resigned myself just not to care. That was ages ago, maybe a few
months after we first got together.
Benny smokes a cigarette on the train, trying to go unnoticed
with a window open, but when more people get on I make him put it out. He then
pulls out a can of beer from his pocket. I can’t really disapprove of his drinking.
I drink as much as him. I still feel a bit ropey. I haven’t quite shaken off
the last cobwebs of my comedown. I will probably have a drink later. The rest
of the train ride is uneventful. Benny tells me about someone who owes him
money who he might go round to and knock on their door later tonight. I say I
won’t be coming with him. He says if Tobes and Demi go, then I would have to
come. I say I doubt very much Demi would want to go and do that and if she
won’t then Tobes won’t.
When we come out of the station Benny immediately
lights up a spliff. He seems in a generous mood as he takes two tokes and
gives it to me. I take several before giving it back and say that he can
finish it. When we get outside the cinema there are a lot of people. Tobes and
Demi are nowhere to be seen. It’s quite cold now and that definite winter
chill is everywhere in the air. I want to be inside now. “I hope they hurry
up.” I say. Benny huffs whilst shrugging his shoulders, his hands deep in his
pockets. My silent prayer to be inside is soon answered as I see them approach
smiling broadly, arm-in-arm. A spark ignites in Benny that makes him slap
handshake Tobes and kiss Demi on the lips as he puts his arm round her. This
gets on my nerves. Demi just giggles. I give Tobes a big hug and kiss him on
the cheek, close to his lips, but not quite hitting the mark. The plan works. Benny
says, “Easy!” looking bothered. I hug and kiss Demi too, the same way just to
make a point that Benny made a fuss about nothing.
“So what are we seeing?” says Demi quietly. The boys
have already agreed over the phone on some fast car, gun fighting, action racket
that’ll make my ears hurt. Demi I think is a bit perplexed. She tells me she
had her heart set on seeing Brad Pitt. I join the snaking queue to buy
tickets. The line is slow. I watch over intently at the people who have
reached the windows. Some are taking ages. Maybe they’re the sort of people
who do their deciding when they get to the front of the queue. Like the people
at the supermarket checkout, who don’t reach for their wallet until the lady
tells them the total, like it’s a surprise they have to pay.
Benny and Tobes wait outside. Demi too but she
doesn’t even smoke. This gets on my nerves a bit too as it means I stand on my
own. I don’t let the little bubbles of resentment bite. They are not going to
spoil my night. If she were standing here with me we’d probably just be
talking about Tobes. It makes me think I like being independent. I become
next in line as the two ladies in front of me move forward together. I can
hardly believe my eyes as some middle-aged bald man wearing glasses has
appeared from out of nowhere and pushed in in front of me. “Excuse me!” I say
loudly and quite a few people turn to look. He looks back at me blankly, then
turns his back to me. Rage rapidly spawns from my toes to my cheeks in a split
second. I know I’m going to cause a scene. I don’t care. Nothing starts hot
fire in my soul more than some crazy fool like this. He had his chance to step
back and queue, but no.
The next window becomes free and I run in front of
him, pushing him back with my hand on his shoulder, adrenalin pumping. I turn back
and stare at him, “You know I was next,” and he huffs, looking disrespected. I
shoot him one of my wildest glares and almost shout, “This is a queue, in case
you didn’t notice.” My heart is racing and I don’t look back again. I get to
the window first and I sense people are looking still, eyes burning into my
back. I say sweetly, nodding to the girl at the desk, “I was next.”
I buy tickets for everyone. I will have to send Rob
round as debt collector if I don’t get my money back. I’m not expecting Benny
to give me any money but I have a plan. I’m going to make him pay for the
food. We get a huge tub of sweet popcorn and the biggest size cola drink they
do. Benny makes a big noise about it costing so much and acts like he’s taking
it personally when the girl serving him asks for the best part of ten pounds. She’s
a timid little thing and looks a little frightened as Benny hums and haws about
whether he’s even going to pay at all. I butt in, “Don’t listen to him…” and
after he eventually gives up his tenner, I pull him away. He’s struggling now
to carry the bin and the bucket.
“Whoa, watch it… Watch it!” he says to me, as I tug
his arm, popcorn spilling on the floor. Demi and Tobes are waiting nearby. They’re
not getting food. Demi is on the phone and Tobes is looking vexed. Tobes is
usually always smiling when he’s with Demi.
“Who’s she on the phone to?” I ask.
“How should I know?” He pitches.
“Oh. We’re going to get seats,” I say. I give them their
tickets as Tobes gives me the money they owe me. Benny and I go in first as
they hang back. I think Demi has gone to the toilet. The seats we get are
actually spot on. A few rows from the back and right in the centre. It isn’t
too busy inside yet and we’re in the middle so we don’t have to keep getting up
to let people past. I cosy up to Benny and say thank you for the drink and popcorn.
He hasn’t said thanks to me for buying the tickets. Still, he’s being nice
and I suppose we’re having fun and he’s now stroking the back of my neck in the
way he knows I just love.
When the film starts up, he stops and he’s stuck into
the action of it all. This also coincided with Demi and Tobes coming to sit
down next to Benny. I’m kind of glad that’s where they are sat because they’re
snogging before too long making sucking noises. Someone in front turns round
and shouts, “Oi! Get a room.” This makes me smile. The film otherwise starts badly
and I can tell it’s going to be pretty lame. I’m bored already. Bits of it
make me laugh, though not when it’s supposed to be funny, like when it’s all going
wrong for the hero and when the men get hurt in painful places, that makes me
giggle. I laugh out loud at one of the car stunts which if it happened in real
life they would all be dead but no, they all get up and out and stagger about
with a few cuts and bruises. The boys are taking it very seriously. They
shush me when I hoot too loudly. Someone’s phone rings and a load of people
tut and all go
Shhhh
! together. It makes me realise I haven’t switched
my phone off. It could’ve been me. Quickly I reach in my pocket and switch it
off. Benny looks at me briefly then goes back to watching the film. I’m bored
now but on it goes.
Eventually, when it is all over, we all make our way
through the crowds, up the stairs and out into the cold air. Cigarettes and phones
come out. It’s only mine that beeps in the quiet hush of expectation. “Who’s
that?” Benny says. “Not your stupid brother?”
“Err…” I say a little surprised and annoyed. It’s
not. He must still be making me wait. It’s a text from Etienne: HELLO
REMEMBER ME it says in potent capitals. I get a rush of excitement and my body
tingles. I had not given him a thought. I almost forget the expectant gaze of
Benny and Tobes and even Demi. I tell them what they expect.
It’s just my stupid
brother checking on me.
“That’s sweet.” Demi says her voice sugary, her face sour.
Benny and Tobes look at each other for a second, doubtful. I think I should just
tell the truth and let Benny know it’s my enigmatic lush I met last night who
gives me the shivers just thinking of him.
Instead, I just say, “Yeah yeah... and don’t call him
stupid.”
“Shut up. Don’t tell me what to say,” Benny says in a
nasty way that makes Demi and Tobes’ eyebrows raise in unison. I don’t want another
scene. Not now he’s turned into Mr. Nasty. I know it’s the text that has
triggered it. He would be even more angry if he knew who it really was. I think
change the mood. I put my phone away and say brightly.
“So where are we going to go now?” To be fair, I
can’t think of anywhere I would like to go near here. The places I do know I
would rather avoid. Tourist-filled sweat pots. Garage and R n’ B dens. Sweat-drenched
bars selling colourful cocktails, playing duff music with toilets that smell of
vomit. Tobes doesn’t mind where we go. Benny just shrugs in silence and
moodily puffs on a joint. Demi suggests a lively R n’ B bar I’ve heard of that’s
not too far away. Let’s hope they don’t ask for ID. She says we might get in
free if we hurry up and get there before eleven. We haven’t got long. Demi
says she is not sure exactly where it is. She says all of London looks the
same. I think I know the way.
“Let’s go this way.” I say and I start walking. Benny
looks like he might say something but doesn’t. He doesn’t like me bossing him about
or being rushed into anything but this isn’t my idea. He looks at me sharply but
persuades the other two to follow and on we go.
When we get there we have to line up again. It’s
pretty hectic and really it’s not a queue but more a bustling throng around the
entrance. I feel I want to try my luck, “Come with me Demi.” I say nicely. “Follow
us,” I hiss at the boys. We nudge our way through to one of the doormen near
the front. I look at him until he looks back at me. I smile wide and don’t
break eye contact.
“Is it just you two?” he says, looking at me and Demi
and moves like he’s going to let us by. I hold back from saying
Hell Yeah
and just smile and move steadily forward as he moves to one side, letting us
through.
I let Demi go past first and then say quickly, “Oh…
There’s just two more coming,” and I’m hopefully too far past him for him to stop
us now. I shoot Benny and Tobes urgent looks and they come over fast and in
they go. He doesn’t stop them. I follow in quick-smart thinking the big
slow-mo hasn’t even realised what happened.
“Nice one Ella,” Tobes enthuses and even Benny looks
slightly upbeat, but we still have to queue inside again. A girl with a
clipboard through the doorway stops us and asks if we are on the guest list. When
we shake our heads she directs us towards the queue by the till. It’s gone 11.
“I am just happy to be in,” Demi says. I’m not sure I
agree. I don’t like it already. It smells of spilt beer, stale cigarettes and
attitude. The music is dreadful. Jumpy two step beats. Stuttering voices. Incomprehensible
words. We put our coats up on a ledge as no-one wants to pay the rip-off
cloakroom fee. I suggest we get drinks. Demi follows me. We wait absolutely
ages trying to get served. The bar is so busy, heaving at least three deep
with people pushing in from all directions. Tobes and Benny leave us waiting
at the bar. They show us where they want to go and stand. I say ok, we’ll
find them. I’m astonished when Demi then leaves me at the bar alone. Benny
doesn’t even come back to wait with me.