A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens (25 page)

Read A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens Online

Authors: Kate Williams

Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Teenagers, #Self-Help, #Depression, #test

 
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Becoming Empowered to Take Action
The word
empowerment
suggests that as we feel more powerful within our own world, we will be able to channel our anger in positive ways. People who see their actions having an effect on the world have a strong sense that anger can sometimes create change for the better. So we need to look for ways to empower our children. I have noticed that adolescents' anger decreases when they find a way to channel some of it into working for something worthwhile. During adolescence the great surge in hormones is accompanied by a growing awareness of all the injustices in the world. Why not find a channel for this energy? Rachel has become interested in animal rights. I hope she becomes more involved on a political level because she has the energy for it.
You might do some thinking about available activities that could give your child a chance to grow, develop potential strengths, and become empowered. Often having the responsibility for a task that no one else is going to do will give kids a sense of empowerment. Find out if someone needs to have a pet looked after. Is there someone in your neighborhood who needs help one morning a week? Rachel helps a blind woman who lives in our apartment building. She also has "big-sister"
 
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responsibility for two young children she baby-sits. These two little kids say there's nobody like Rachel. Nobody could take her place.
Programs like Outward Bound and other special camps offer challenges to young people that give them great self-esteem. They also provide a release of pent-up negative feelings. The young people become empowered by becoming stronger and discovering they can do more than they thought they could.
Consider as many of the choices as possible for your child.
 
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19
Depression: The Heavy Cloud
There is either a ''vacuum'' where feeling should be, or there may be a feeling of heavy, pressing depression (the "horse's hoof") on chest or abdomen....
DR. CLAIRE WEEKES
Many of us are depressed at some time in our lives, but when adolescents become depressed, many also become suicidal. It is important for them to work their way out of depression because it is a life-threatening condition.
Feelings Associated with Depression
Sometimes depression takes a person by surprise. The person is suddenly incapacitated without knowing how or why. William Styron has written a book,
Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness,
about his experience with depression that can help us as
 
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outsiders understand this condition. He says that the illness is like a physical pain that becomes so unbearable that death seems to be the only way out. "It doesn't have the exquisiteness of a broken limb but it does have a suffocating quality, the feeling of being trapped in an overheated room."
1
Some say depression is anger turned inward. This may not be the whole story, but any discussion of depression has to include anger and shame and guilt. One of Rachel's primary tasks was learning to move from depression to anger. The next step was from anger to assertiveness.
Sometimes anger may be a reaction to feeling overwhelmed, an inability to see choices. And life is all about choices. When we're depressed we feel helpless. The first thing we need to do is make one choice, do one thing, ask for help. This is true for us at any age.
Learn to Express Many Feelings
Many adolescents end up being depressed because they feel unable to articulate their feelings of anger, sorrow over loss, shame, longings, hopes, and dreams. Depression becomes the world of no-feeling. Many kinds of classes, workshops, and therapies can help them learn to express their feelings more directly. Rachel said she didn't feel she understood the relationship of anger to her
 
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depression when she got out of treatment, even though it had been discussed. On her own, she looked for a class and signed up for it. It was called "Shame, Guilt, and Anger: An Introduction for Women." It was a beginning class in identifying feelings and learning some assertiveness skills. It wasn't therapy, it was a
class,
with slow explanations and handouts and role-playing. Rachel seemed more able to learn from this class than from group therapy. Looking back, it seems to me that her learning disabilities have interfered with her ability to process information in discussion group settings. She does better one-to-one with a therapist or with a basic class. If your child is having trouble understanding all the relationships between these feelings, consider whether the information can be given in a more understandable way. Research all the resources in your community to find those that best meet your child's needs.
Create a Structured Life
Learning about feelings is one of the necessary steps in dealing with depression. It's equally important for the child to make a commitment to self-care: a structure, a routine, a list of acceptable behaviors. Certain behaviors are
mandatory,
as Barbara, Rachel's therapist, said, "So you don't go down so fast."
 
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Adolescents have to learn their own warning signs; nobody can do it for them. It's important to do the routine things that keep us sane:
·
Exercise
·
Good food
·
Contact with a friend we can be honest with
·
Appropriate therapy/learning about feelings
·
Adequate sleep
Helpful Hints along the Way
Many of the remedies for dealing with depression are also the remedies for anger and stress. Creating a structured life, having a program of self-care, and regularly exercising are crucial for mental health no matter how our negative symptoms are expressed. I've come to believe that for adolescents, many different symptoms are different aspects of the same pain. I see these negative feelings as a big knot. When we loosen and let one feeling out, the other feelings are loosened up and need to be expressed and released.
The pain of adolescence is connected to a growing awareness of the human condition, the consciousness of injustice, and the expression of the losses experienced in life. It is also the expression of the fear of growing up, and anxiety about change. As adults, we must continue to talk to them, affirm them, and listen to them.
 
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On the other side of pain is the discovery of self-worth. As our children work through their depression and deal with difficult, sometimes negative, feelings, we need to give them credit for the good qualities they have. One item on Rachel's list is "Notice what you do well and praise yourself." This is very difficult for any depressed person to do, but a friend can help. Giving praise to each other can become part of family communication.

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