After the Sky Fell Down (43 page)

“Mmm.  What was that for?”

“I’m just really happy to see you,” she said kissing his cheek again.

He closed the door behind them and she looked around.  It wasn’t a mess like he’d said.  There were a few dishes in the sink and some clothes were draped over the couch, but other than that it was picked up.  The apartment was small, but perfect for one person.  The little kitchen was separated from the living room by a tiny counter and a short hallway led to the bedroom and bathroom. 

“Did I wake you?” she asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

“Honestly…yes, but I don’t mind.  I fell asleep watching TV.  I’m not usually lazy like this, but since I didn’t think I’d see you today, I had nothing else to do.”

“I’m sorry.  I should’ve called first.”

“Really Kathryn, it’s okay,” he said smiling at her and she felt her heart melt a little when he gently touched her arm in reassurance. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I don’t suppose you could make me one of your famous milkshakes?” she said with a grin.

“Actually, I always keep ice cream and Oreos on hand, so yes, I can.”

She followed him into the kitchen and sat down on one of the pair of barstools by the counter.  She couldn’t help but watch him as he walked around the small kitchen and smiled at what she saw.

Jace searched through the cupboards and freezer for a moment and then began blending the milkshakes.

“You really should learn how to make these yourself,” he shouted over the grind of the blender.

“Nah, that’s what I have you for.”

“True.  If you learn how to make them, you’ll have no need to keep me around,” he laughed as he poured them each a glass. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” she said taking a drink. “Just as good as I remember.”

They walked back to the living room and sat down on the brown leather loveseat.  He flicked the TV off and they sat facing each other.  Her mind felt completely at ease as she sat with Jace and she almost forgot about Luke. 

Ben had been her only real boyfriend, so she wasn’t quite sure how to read Jace.  Her instincts told her he was special and that he seemed to like her as much as she liked him, perhaps even more so. 

“I’m glad you stopped by.  To tell you the truth, I was really bummed when I realized I wouldn’t see you today,” he told her and then paused. “Especially after last night.  You seemed…well, you didn’t really seem like yourself.”

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Hey, it’s fine.  Don’t apologize.  Just as long as you’re okay.”

“I am,” she said hoping he’d believe her.

“What about Luke though?”

“What about him?” she asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“He just seemed different is all and you seemed annoyed with him.”

She shifted again as her mind raced to figure out how she was going to address this.

“I think he was just showing off for that Jessica girl,” she said. “And he’s been kind of a jerk lately.”

“A jerk?” he asked.

“Yeah,” was all she said and the room was quiet. 

“You are okay now, aren’t you?  I mean, you seemed…upset last night when you were trying to get Sarah back to sleep,” he asked taking her hand.

“Yes, yeah, I’m good.  Just had a bit of a setback last night, but I’m good now.”

He smiled at her and gently squeezed her hand.

“Hey, would you mind if I go take a shower. I feel like my smell’s offending you,” he said with a laugh a moment later.

“Go ahead, but for the record, you don’t stink.”

“You’re just being nice, but I don’t believe you so I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said handing her the remote control.  He walked down the hallway and into the bathroom.  She heard the water turn on and the slide of the shower curtain rings against the metal rod.  She flicked on the TV and began flipping through the channels.  Nothing was on though and she turned it off and began to look around the apartment even more. 

It was always strange being in Jace’s apartment, as if being there made him more real.  Sometimes when they weren’t together or even when they were together at her place, he still seemed a bit like a dream, like if she made the wrong move, she’d wake up and he’d be gone. But here, on his turf, away from her reality, he was solid.  He was real.

Looking around, his apartment reminded her of Ben’s old place in a way.  It didn’t matter who they were, boys were so alike and Ben and his roommate had been typical boys like Jace.  As long as they had a TV and gaming system, they were happy. 

She closed her eyes, remembering those times in Ben’s apartment and she suddenly missed him so much, the crippling pain creeping its way back into her heart.  Her mind was flooded with their times together and all she had lost and it was worse with everything going on in her life with Jace and especially Luke.  She had been certain she would marry Ben.  Never in a million years would she have guessed he’d be gone after only three years of being in her life and she
would now be sitting in this new apartment with a new guy and the attachment to Ben’s brother growing stronger every day.  Her mind became overwhelmed with the grief, and she clutched her stomach, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea from everything that had been taken away, another painful reminder of what she would never have with Ben.

You have to stop this!
Kathryn said in her mind pounding her forehead. 
Stop! Stop! Stop!
She continued to say to herself.  Here she was in the home of an incredible guy and all she could think about was Ben and what could never be.  She felt her eyes brim with tears, but she forced them to go away.  Jace could not see her as a blubbering fool all the time.  He was going to get fed up with it quickly.  She was amazed he had put up with it this long.

“I’m back,” Jace’s voice said cutting through her thoughts a few moments later. She looked up at him and smiled as he stood in a navy blue t-shirt and jeans that hung a little too long past his feet and were frayed some on the bottom. 

“That was fast.”

“I didn’t want to leave you hangin’ too long,” he said and then looked up and met her eyes. “Hey…are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said as he sat down beside her.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” he said putting his hand on her knee.

“No, I’m good,” she said and then stared at him, becoming overwhelmed with her thoughts of Ben from earlier. “Actually…I should go,” she said standing up.

“What do you mean?  You just got here.”

“I know.  I’m sorry, but I should go.  I just barged in on you and it was rude of me.  I’m sorry.”

“Hey, please don’t go,” he said standing up in front of her. “Please,” he said again taking her hand.

“I’m not being fair to you,” she finally said. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you and me…I’m not being fair to you,” she said again.

“I don’t understand,” he said staring at her and she looked away and then he began to comprehend. “Does this have anything to do with Ben?”

She nodded.

“I told you
I understand about you and him.”

“I know you said that, but it’s still not right. I can’t expect you to understand.”

“But I do, at least I think I do…as best as I can anyway.  I get that you miss him and that you’ll always love him.  I wouldn’t ever ask you to stop that, but I hate seeing you so sad all the time.”

“But that’s who I am Jace.  I wish you could’ve known me before Ben died.  I wasn’t always like this.  I was happy.  I was fun,” she said as the tears streamed slowly down her face.

Jace stood almost frozen.  He reached his hand out nervously, and then it dropped to his side, almost as if he was afraid to touch her.  She looked up into his dark eyes and she knew he wanted to come to her, but she’d put up a barrier that scared him.  He’d been trying to get close to her and every time he made an inch of progress, she’d go running back a mile. 

“I don’t want to know the you before Ben died because I happen to like the you I know now and I doubt they’d be the same person,” he said softly, still keeping the space between them.

“I’m a mess and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be a mess.  I’ll probably always be a mess and you don’t deserve this.  You deserve someone who won’t start crying at the drop of a hat.  You can’t be the only one giving and I can’t keep taking from you.”

“You do give to me.  You share your strength with me.  Every time I’m with you and I see how much you love Sarah and how much you’ve overcome and every
day you get up and you go on when you could so easily give up.  But you don’t,” he said intensely, finally stepping towards her and taking her hand. “And I do deserve you because you are who I want to be with.”

She stared at him for a moment before drawing her eyes to the floor, wiping away the tears and shaking her head, unable to accept his words.  He couldn’t mean it.  There was no way he could mean it, but then she felt his arms around her and she realized he did mean it.  He meant every word he said.  She started sobbing.  It was the first time she’d really broken down in front of him, but she didn’t care.  She needed too.  She needed to at that moment.  She needed his support and she had it.  She knew undoubtedly she had it. 

“When Ben died,” she sobbed quietly, her head still buried in his chest. “I thought my world was over, but then when I found out I was pregnant, it was like I had another chance with him.  When Sarah was born it was like I had him back, and it’s been amazing, but it hurts to look at her sometimes because I know she’ll never know him. She’ll never meet her father and it’s just been so much harder to deal with than I thought because I wonder what could’ve been.” He was stroking her hair now as she began to calm down. “And now…and now since I’ve found you,” she said softly, stepping back from his embrace and taking his hands. “Well, it’s the first time since everything happened that I feel like…well, that there’s hope again.  I know we haven’t known each other that long, but…I want to give in to everything I’m feeling for you, but whenever I think I can, I become overwhelmed with...with everything.”

He stared hard at her with a look of caring, concern, and if she wasn’t mistaken, a slight look of fear as well.

“I’m sorry Jace,” she said making another attempt to leave.

“No, Kathryn.  I…I just really don’t know what to say.  Please sit down,” he said pulling her gently back beside him as he led them to the couch. “I just wonder if you’re really ready to move on.  I can’t understand everything you’ve been through, but I’m trying to understand and
I want to help you through it.  I just don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.”

“I want to be ready,” she said quietly.

“Believe me,” he said smiling at her, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I want you to be ready too.  I think you know I like you, and you’re right, we haven’t known each other that long, but I know that I really like spending time with you.”

“I don’t understand how you can be so patient with me,” she said looking up at him and his smile brought comfort to her whole body.  He reached over and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her like he’d always been there.  She couldn’t explain it, but there was something about Jace that just felt right.  She pulled back from him and looked up at him, pulling herself towards him.  She stared into his eyes and he held her closer before she leaned in and kissed him softly.  She pulled back, making sure it was okay.

“Why’d you stop?” he smiled, and then leaned in and kissed her, sending shivers throughout her entire body.

Chapter 42

She felt such a relief now that everything, well, almost everything, was out in the open.  Jace didn’t need to know anything about Luke because it wasn’
t an issue. 

She and Jace
had spent the afternoon watching TV and talking.  He’d made them grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, to commemorate the first meal they’d shared together.  She had joked with him that he should keep his day job as a mechanic.  He’d punched her playfully and then hugged her. 

As she drove back to her apartment she felt content at how the day had turned around.  It seemed as if it had been a lifetime ago that Luke was in her bedroom holding her
after her epic meltdown, although it had just been last night.  But now, her thoughts were only on Jace and how he made her feel.

Sarah was asleep in her arms after a fun day with her grandmother and Kathryn was smiling when she walked inside the apartment.  The lights were on, which meant Luke should be home, but the apartment seemed empty.  She walked Sarah into her room and after changing her into her pajamas, she laid her in her crib and then went back out to the living room to try and catch up on some homework. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the back door opened and Luke walked in.

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed grabbing her chest trying to calm her pounding heart. “You scared the crap out of me!”

“Sorry,” he said. “I thought you knew I was outside.”

“No, I didn’t.  I had no clue where you were.  I haven’t seen you all day.”

“Yeah, I had some stuff to take care of this morning so I needed to get an early start,” he said elusively.