After the Sky Fell Down (47 page)

He took her hand and led her down the hall to his bedroom.  They walked nervously towards the bed and stopped.  He stared down at her again, searching her eyes and smiling.  He slowly leaned in and kissed her cheek, his lips lingering so his warm breath danced across her face, causing goosebumps to explode on her neck.

“You’ve got chills,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” she said quietly, reaching up and rubbing his back. 

He leaned down and began showering her neck with k
isses.  He continued to slowly and methodically kiss her neck until his lips made their way to hers.  His kiss was soft and she felt every sense inside her heighten.  As he stroked her arm, it was as if his fingers contained an electric pulse. 

He stopped briefly to look into her eyes again.  She could feel his breath quicken and then she raised her hands to the bottom of his sweater, slowly pulling it up.  His hands lifted above his head as he helped her slide the sweater off and it carelessly fell to the floor.  She stood staring at his pale, smooth chest that seemed to glow in the dim light of the room.  She reached up and stroked his muscles softly, tracing each line with her fingertips and then began covering his chest with slow, delicate kisses.  His breathing raced even more and a low moan escaped his lips.  She
pulled back and stared up into his face, his eyes obvious with desire.  This was the farthest they had ever gone together and she wanted more. 

As if reading her mind, his hands slowly and hesitantly reached
for the top button of her cardigan and carefully undid it.  His fingers slowly moved down to the next button and the next and the next until the sweater was open.  He gently pulled the sweater off her shoulders and it gradually glided off her body.  His eyes carefully soaked in every bit of her before him and he had never wanted anyone more than he wanted her at that moment. 

Without thinking, they both sat on the bed.  He rested his hand behind her head and gently laid her down next to him.  He searched her face again, but her eyes were closed and a slight smi
le was spread across her face.  He bent down and pressed his lips deeply against hers, while his hands instinctively went to her jeans and undid them, pulling the zipper down slowly, folding the flaps back to reveal her soft peach skin.  He traced her bikini line, causing an energy to burst within her.  She lunged forward and pulled Jace to her aggressively, smashing her lips against his, while her hands wrestled with the button of his jeans, tugging them off until they joined her cardigan and his sweater in the pile on the floor.  He fervently returned, pulling carelessly at her jeans, practically ripping them from her body.  Their warm bodies seemed to meld into one as he stared down at her perfect face and blonde hair that seemed to have transformed into a wild mane around her.  He again began covering her neck with kisses, eventually making a trail from her collarbone, down the center of her chest, and to her bellybutton.  As she reached her hands behind her head, her arm grazed something cold and metallic around her neck and she instantly froze as she felt the crucifix against her skin causing an image of Ben to flash through her mind and she was transported back to the tender moments she’d shared with him.  They’d been each other’s first, and until that night with Luke, each other’s only.
“You’re all I want, you’re all I ever want”
, Ben had said to her and for a moment she closed her eyes and imagined him holding and caressing her and she suddenly felt as if she were about to commit the ultimate betrayal.  She was moving on, leaving all they’d shared behind her and Ben never could.  He could never move on.  He’d done all his living.  He’d experienced all he ever would and here she was experiencing more…without him.  Her eyes brimmed with tears and her body changed from a tremble to a shake and she threw her hands over her eyes as she began to sob.

“Kathryn!” Jace said urgently and was quickly at her side staring down at her covered face. “What’s wrong?”

She just continued to cry and he wrapped his arms around her as she soaked his chest with her tears.

“What’s wrong?  Did I do something?  Are you okay?” he whispered again in her ear.

“No, no.  You didn’t,” she quietly choked out.

“What is it then?  Are you alright?”

She continued to cry for a few more minutes before finally speaking again.

“I…I can’t.  I just can’t.”

She felt him sigh and then he buried his face in her chest, the frustration obvious. 

“Are you mad?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he replied softly, and then he looked up at her. “I don’t want you any less.  I just want to understand you,” he said searching her blue eyes that suddenly seemed so cloudy and confused, and she knew he would never understand her.

“Do you think maybe you could just hold me tonight?  Can I stay here with you?” she asked humbly. 

“Of course you can,” he said quietly as he continued to hold her protectively in his arms.

He carefully reached into the dresser by his bed and pulled out one of his white undershirts.  He slid it over her head till it covered her and then reached down and pulled the covers over them.  She clung to him and he wrapped his arms around her, where she remained for the rest of the night.

The light peeked in through the curtains, causing Kathryn’s eyes to open.  When she did, she realized she was still wrapped in Jace’s arms and she could tell he was still sleeping by his
long, deep breaths.  She carefully wiggled out of his embrace, doing her best not to wake him.  She laid his arms gently by his side and looked down at him.  Even when he was sleeping she was in awe of him, of his patience, his kindness, his acceptance of all of her faults.  She reached over and stroked his cheek, which was slightly rough.  His eyes flickered and then opened.  He stretched and smiled once he saw her looking down at him.

“Hey,” he said, his voice raspy from the morning.

She smiled at him, running her hands through his thick hair.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked her, propping himself up.

“Better than I have in a long time, thanks to you.”

“I’m glad to hear that.  You look pretty cute in my shirt, by the way,” he said grabbing the bottom of it, pulling her tow
ards him and kissing her on the lips.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she finally said.

“It’s okay,” he said reassuringly.

“I don’t know what came over me,” she said even though she knew exactly what had come over her and she was pretty sure Jace knew too.

“Let’s not even worry about it.  It still ended up being a pretty great night.”

“Yeah, it was,” she said with a shy smile, pushing her hair behind her ear.

“Want some breakfast?” he asked, climbing out of the bed, picking his jeans up off the floor and sliding them on. 

“Sure,” she
replied.

She followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the counter while he got to work making breakfast.

“I hope you like French toast,” he said.

“Love it,” she said and couldn’t take her eyes off him as he maneuvered ar
ound the kitchen shirtless, wearing only his jeans.  She felt a little strange sitting around just wearing Jace’s white t-shirt, even though it hung down to her thighs.  She kind of liked it though.  This is what couple’s did on a casual Sunday morning. 

When he was done cooking, he
set a plate of French toast in front of her, along with a bottle of syrup and a small bowl of powdered sugar.  He made a plate for himself and joined her at the counter. 

“Thanks for breakfast.  It’s really good,” she said taking a gooey bite. 

“No problem,” he said and then smiled over to her. “I like this.”

“What?”

“This.  Waking up with you.  Having breakfast together.”

She felt herself blush as she swallowed her latest bite.

“Me too,” she replied.

“The only thing missing is Sarah,” he said, which made her smile.  He really did like her daughter.

“Yeah.  Maybe next time we have breakfast together she can join us,” she said.

When they were done, he cleared the plates and put them in the sink, and then turned to look at her.  He smiled again and then walked over to her.

“You’re adorable in the morning,” he said brushing her hair back and she blushed. “There you go again.  Blushing every time I compliment you.”

“Because I know you’re full of it,” she laughed.

“No, I’m not,” he said, swooping in quickly for a kiss.

“And then you go and kiss me with morning breath,” she said turning her head.

“I don’t care,” he said kissing her again. “Your morning breath tastes sweet like the syrup.”

“Good thing,” she laughed and then stood up and walked back to his room.  He followed a few moments later.  She quickly changed back into the clothes she’d lost last night and he slid a white t-shirt on.

“I should probably get going,” she said looking over to the clock, which read 10:00. “I need to pick up Sarah from my parent’s house.”

She couldn’t help but notice the look of disappointment on his face.

“I wish you could stay,” he said walking to her and sliding his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him.

“Me too,” she said, but she knew she needed to get home.

“I’ll take you home though,” he said reluctantly, letting go of her and grabbing his keys from the nightstand. 

She followed him outside into the chilly air.  There was a thin layer of frost on the windshield, which Jace quickly scraped off while Kathryn waited in the car as it warmed up and a few minutes later, they were heading back to her apartment.  As they drove, he reached over and linked his fingers with hers, holding her hand the rest of the way. 

“I’ll call you later,” she said when he pulled into the parking lot of her complex.

“Okay.  I’ll see you later,” he said with a smile and then leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek.  She closed her eyes, savoring the tingle it left and then finally got out of the car.  She walked to the door and turned around and waved to Jace before she opened it.  He waved back and drove away once she was inside.

She still hated coming home to an empty apartment. She still expected to see Luke, but of course, he wasn’t there.  She needed to get cleaned up and go get Sarah so she went straight to the shower.  She turned it on and stepped inside.  She’d been cold from the chill outside and the hot water warmed her.  She let it pour over her, never wanting to get out.  She closed her eyes and thought back to the night before with Jace.  The way he held her and touched her had awakened a part of her that had been dormant since Ben died and she was certain she had wanted to be with him.  In actuality as she stood in the shower thinking back, she did want to be with him.  She wanted to share that with Jace, but he…Ben…still held onto her and she couldn’t let go.  She couldn’t give that part of herself to anyone but him, no matter how much she wanted to.  It had just happened with Luke.  She didn’t think twice about it, but she had been even more messed up then than she was now and Luke had been familiar and she had been lonely and he had seemed so much like Ben.  But last night, as Jace had touched and kissed her, Kathryn’s thoughts had been focused wholly on Jace, but once the image of Ben penetrated her thoughts, she knew she couldn’t go through with it.  It hurt too badly.  Everything had been going so well with Jace. She thought she had reconciled her feelings, knowing she would always love Ben, but that she had to keep living, but after last night she was afraid she was wrong.

Once she dried off, she went to her bedroom and put on a pair of sweatpants and a URI hoodie.  She pulled her hair back and sat on her bed, staring around the room.  Everywhere she looked were reminders of Ben.  The pictures, the stuffed animals he’d given her and the jewelry she’d received from him were all glaring reminders of her life with him.They brought her comfort when she was alone and missing him.  Her eyes would glance over to an object and she’d think of a happy memory with him and it was like he was with her again.  She got up from the bed and
walked over to her jewelry box where she took out the engagement ring he’d given her.  She held it in her hands, staring at the beautiful diamond.  She slipped it on her finger and looked down at it, wondering about what could have been.  But then she shook her head and took it off and shut it away in the jewelry box again.  As she closed the lid, she heard the front door open and she froze in fear.  She was alone in the apartment.  Had she forgotten to lock the door?  No.  She never forgot to lock the door.  There were only two possible scenarios.  Either she was about to be murdered by an intruder or Luke had finally come home.  As she heard the familiar sound of his feet shuffling down the hall, she knew she wasn’t going to die today.  She turned from the dresser and walked to the doorway just as he was passing her room.  He stopped for a moment when he saw her.

“Hey,” he said briefly before continuing onto his room. 

She stood there for a moment, not really able to move.  Hey.  Was this all she got from him?  Not a word for so long and he suddenly returns and all he says is hey?

She could hear him fiddling around in his room and she decided to go to him.

He was sitting at his desk, staring at his computer.  He looked relaxed in a pair of faded jeans and a flannel shirt.  His dusty hair was its usual organized mess.